Husband lied about chewing over the years, Sorry it's a little long

[Thumblewort]

I echo everyone here, you can't quit unless it is for yourself.

[SuccessThisTime]

Hello Everyone,

I met my husband 7 years ago and at the time he was a chewer. I didn't like the fact but I figured it was his choice not mine. I just asked he not do it around me. After dating for some months he called me one day and said he was going to try to quit. I was shocked, yet happy. I let him know I would be there to support him. Following that he was very mean to me when I seen him and told me "that if he just had a can we would be fine". He acted like it was my fault he was quitting and I didn't make that decision he did. But I figured he was probably going through hell so just ride it out and try to be supportive.

Fast forward another year, we got engaged and were planning our wedding, I was so proud of him and thought all was going well. But then that summer I started seeing stuff in his teeth so finally I asked him (not being confrontational at all) because I was hoping I was wrong. He admitted he had started again. I was so hurt  a bit mad. But I dealt with it and just thought once again it's his choice not mine.

He continued chewing for another year maybe and for whatever reason decided to quit. I again was happy but leary. So I just went with it and took it one day at a time. Fast forward another 2 years and chewing wasn't a topic at all anymore besides him continually saying how glad he was to have quit and never wanted to go through that again, so I'm thinking all is well, until one day I go with him to his work because he needed to get somethings being he was changing jobs and here in his work area sits a can of chew. I calmly asked him, he told me it was old and had been there forever. I thought it was B.S. but it had been so long I wanted to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt, so I did.

Fast forward to yesterday, I had thought I was seeing stuff again in his teeth for awhile but I didn't want to ask by chance I was wrong, so I waited to have proof and actually see a can. We were out by his truck yesterday and I looked inside and here he had 2 cans hiding behind his seat. So again not being confrontational I asked "Are you doing something again"? He knew immediately what I meant and he lied right to my face and said NO, I don't think he thought I had seen the cans and by then he had positioned himself so they would be out of my view but I had the proof right there so I pointed to them and said "yes you are, don't lie to me". He than said yes he had started doing it again but not all the time. He kind of acted like it was peer pressure, please, spare me!!! I was sooooo hurt and mad. I this time I barked at him a little, I just couldn't help it.

It's not about the chewing as much as it's the lying to me, yes I don't like the chewing either but it's his continually being dishonest with me. I have a hard time trusting as it is and he keeps doing this. Now I'm questioning everything that he has told me, did he ever quit at all??

What hurts more is it didn't matter to him at all that he hurt me. He came home last night and didn't say a word about it, no I'm sorry, no nothing, he acted as if nothing ever happend. This has become the way he deals with things pertaining to us. He started a new job three years ago and has become a completely different person. He doesn't communicate with me anymore, he's cold, distant and acts like I am a bother for the most part, he is so wrapped up in this job, he has completely neglected his marriage. I have questioned him on more than one occasion if he is cheating on me, it's always NO, but after lying to me so much how can I believe that is true anymore? I never dreamed this man would treat me this way, he used to be so caring, connected, he used to call me all the time. No it's like I don't exist. Prior to taking this job he would have been heartbroken and just sick if he hurt me and would have done everything in his power to fix it ASAP. And now he just doesn't care at all. (and I know it's not the job's fault, I just find it crazy someone could change so much).

I am no angel at all, but for the most part I am good to this man, I feel like I'm to good to this man. I have become cold since he started this job do to the way he treats me now. I just feel sad and lost to who he has become. I can't help but feel duped wondering if this was always how he was but was just able to hide it for almost 4 years.

I don't even recognize him anymore for how much he has changed "attitude wise". I can't talk to him because he does no wrong and he seems to just have washed his hands of the marriage. He acts like he is a cut above since changing jobs 3 years ago, he acts like he's better than me now and can act and do anything he chooses. He went from acting like he won the lottery and didn't deserve me, to basically not caring where I am, what I'm doing, how I feel, and like it wouldn't matter if I was here or left him. I catch rare glimpses of the man he used to be, but as the years pass he just acts worse.

Sorry this got so long, I mentioned his job and attitude change because it adds too the pain I feel. I don't even know what to say to him anymore alot of the time but especially now after yesterday. I feel like I can't talk to him anymore, he doesn't listen to a word I say. And I don't want to talk to him because he will just act like it's nothing or I'm the cause of all our issues. I have a hard time even looking at him.

I don't know what to do, could you please offer me some advice on how to proceed with the chewing issue.

Thanks!

I'm sorry that you are going through this Ace. For some of us, we were deeply embarrassed by our dip addiction, so we would go to great lengths to hide it or lie about it. Not making excuses for your husband, but addiction to drugs does not necessarily mean that he is lying about other parts of his life. I didn't cheat on my wife, but I hid nicotine from her. I needed that fix and jumped through hoops to get it. It affected my life, my relationship and my family. I hope your husband ends up here on KTC. I hope he reads your posts and our responses. Good luck.

[JMckay]

Like eveyone else said he needs to quit for himself the addiction is to strong to quit for others. You really need to let him know the lie is what is upseting you the most. Marriage counseling to help with the other stuff. Could help with quitting tobacco also. I've also lied about quitting to my wife. Its hard to let your wife know that you failed to quit thats when the lie starts.

[Stranger999]

Thank you all so much for the advice.
I really appreciate it. I'm sorry I didn't realize I wasn't supposed to post in this area.

It's ok, and we want to help with your situation, but this has to be about him and his desire to Quit for himself. I hope you can understand that.

Let him know we're here and we'll do everything we can to help, as soon as he is ready.

No need to apologize. Your post might help some other husband jump into actually quitting. :)

[Frazzled]

Thank you all so much for the advice.
I really appreciate it. I'm sorry I didn't realize I wasn't supposed to post in this area.

It's ok, and we want to help with your situation, but this has to be about him and his desire to Quit for himself. I hope you can understand that.

Let him know we're here and we'll do everything we can to help, as soon as he is ready.

[Ace2125]

Thank you all so much for the advice.
I really appreciate it. I'm sorry I didn't realize I wasn't supposed to post in this area.

[Frazzled]

Hello Everyone,

I met my husband 7 years ago and at the time he was a chewer. I didn't like the fact but I figured it was his choice not mine. I just asked he not do it around me. After dating for some months he called me one day and said he was going to try to quit. I was shocked, yet happy. I let him know I would be there to support him. Following that he was very mean to me when I seen him and told me "that if he just had a can we would be fine". He acted like it was my fault he was quitting and I didn't make that decision he did. But I figured he was probably going through hell so just ride it out and try to be supportive.

Fast forward another year, we got engaged and were planning our wedding, I was so proud of him and thought all was going well. But then that summer I started seeing stuff in his teeth so finally I asked him (not being confrontational at all) because I was hoping I was wrong. He admitted he had started again. I was so hurt  a bit mad. But I dealt with it and just thought once again it's his choice not mine.

He continued chewing for another year maybe and for whatever reason decided to quit. I again was happy but leary. So I just went with it and took it one day at a time. Fast forward another 2 years and chewing wasn't a topic at all anymore besides him continually saying how glad he was to have quit and never wanted to go through that again, so I'm thinking all is well, until one day I go with him to his work because he needed to get somethings being he was changing jobs and here in his work area sits a can of chew. I calmly asked him, he told me it was old and had been there forever. I thought it was B.S. but it had been so long I wanted to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt, so I did.

Fast forward to yesterday, I had thought I was seeing stuff again in his teeth for awhile but I didn't want to ask by chance I was wrong, so I waited to have proof and actually see a can. We were out by his truck yesterday and I looked inside and here he had 2 cans hiding behind his seat. So again not being confrontational I asked "Are you doing something again"? He knew immediately what I meant and he lied right to my face and said NO, I don't think he thought I had seen the cans and by then he had positioned himself so they would be out of my view but I had the proof right there so I pointed to them and said "yes you are, don't lie to me". He than said yes he had started doing it again but not all the time. He kind of acted like it was peer pressure, please, spare me!!! I was sooooo hurt and mad. I this time I barked at him a little, I just couldn't help it.

It's not about the chewing as much as it's the lying to me, yes I don't like the chewing either but it's his continually being dishonest with me. I have a hard time trusting as it is and he keeps doing this. Now I'm questioning everything that he has told me, did he ever quit at all??

What hurts more is it didn't matter to him at all that he hurt me. He came home last night and didn't say a word about it, no I'm sorry, no nothing, he acted as if nothing ever happend. This has become the way he deals with things pertaining to us. He started a new job three years ago and has become a completely different person. He doesn't communicate with me anymore, he's cold, distant and acts like I am a bother for the most part, he is so wrapped up in this job, he has completely neglected his marriage. I have questioned him on more than one occasion if he is cheating on me, it's always NO, but after lying to me so much how can I believe that is true anymore? I never dreamed this man would treat me this way, he used to be so caring, connected, he used to call me all the time. No it's like I don't exist. Prior to taking this job he would have been heartbroken and just sick if he hurt me and would have done everything in his power to fix it ASAP. And now he just doesn't care at all. (and I know it's not the job's fault, I just find it crazy someone could change so much).

I am no angel at all, but for the most part I am good to this man, I feel like I'm to good to this man. I have become cold since he started this job do to the way he treats me now. I just feel sad and lost to who he has become. I can't help but feel duped wondering if this was always how he was but was just able to hide it for almost 4 years.

I don't even recognize him anymore for how much he has changed "attitude wise". I can't talk to him because he does no wrong and he seems to just have washed his hands of the marriage. He acts like he is a cut above since changing jobs 3 years ago, he acts like he's better than me now and can act and do anything he chooses. He went from acting like he won the lottery and didn't deserve me, to basically not caring where I am, what I'm doing, how I feel, and like it wouldn't matter if I was here or left him. I catch rare glimpses of the man he used to be, but as the years pass he just acts worse.

Sorry this got so long, I mentioned his job and attitude change because it adds too the pain I feel. I don't even know what to say to him anymore alot of the time but especially now after yesterday. I feel like I can't talk to him anymore, he doesn't listen to a word I say. And I don't want to talk to him because he will just act like it's nothing or I'm the cause of all our issues. I have a hard time even looking at him.

I don't know what to do, could you please offer me some advice on how to proceed with the chewing issue.

Thanks!

Advice on how to proceed with the chewing issue....

Tell him you love him and if he ever wants to talk about it, wants help or support, or wants to keep chewing... you are there for him. But that you won't bring it up again going forward unless he does.

That is my advice.

Agree. Quitting is super hard. HE has to want it. Perhaps tell him whether he quits or not is up to him, but ask him to do you a favor and do some reading on here and then decide what he wants to do. It could change his mind. But, if he reads and chooses not to quit, then you have to stand by that decision. It's a risky move but if he reads and decides I to quit.

I lied to my wife and hid dip at times. I'm not proud of that. She wanted me to quit and I wanted to quit for her but it never worked. When I decided I wanted to quit for me, I did it without her. I've made it further than any other quit. There have been no celebrations along the way. I am still an addict and I need this place. But I keep my family out of it and make this simply about me. In the long run, it being about me benefits them with my being around longer. But I had to do this.

Your husband needs to do this for him. You can certainly help get him to that realization. But that's what it will take. No matter how important you are to him, he has to do it for him. Just my $0.02. Good luck. Happy to help further if you need it. PM if you like.

Agreed with everyone before me on this thread. Your husband is the one who has to decide to do this, and you need to let him come to the conclusion that he wants to do it for him - not for you, not for your marriage, not for anything else under the sun.

And then you will support him. No matter what he chooses to do. Unless this is a deal-breaker for you, but I can't make that call for you, nor can anyone on this site. That is your decision to make.

And one thing is for sure - addicts will lie right to your face even when confronted with evidence to the contrary. That's what addicts do the keep on using. Your husband is an addict. Sorry if that is difficult to accept, but it is true.

Also, this site is for those who are Quit, not for the wives of Quitters, so my advice would be if your husband does decide to Quit, then he needs to create his own account, and you will need to not post here in support of him. He will need to build a brotherhood with his Quit group, and others on this site, as his support. I would however, suggest you read this article on spousal support, and it will help make clear what we're telling you and why.

That's my advice to you.

[ndrugby]

Hello Everyone,

I met my husband 7 years ago and at the time he was a chewer. I didn't like the fact but I figured it was his choice not mine. I just asked he not do it around me. After dating for some months he called me one day and said he was going to try to quit. I was shocked, yet happy. I let him know I would be there to support him. Following that he was very mean to me when I seen him and told me "that if he just had a can we would be fine". He acted like it was my fault he was quitting and I didn't make that decision he did. But I figured he was probably going through hell so just ride it out and try to be supportive.

Fast forward another year, we got engaged and were planning our wedding, I was so proud of him and thought all was going well. But then that summer I started seeing stuff in his teeth so finally I asked him (not being confrontational at all) because I was hoping I was wrong. He admitted he had started again. I was so hurt  a bit mad. But I dealt with it and just thought once again it's his choice not mine.

He continued chewing for another year maybe and for whatever reason decided to quit. I again was happy but leary. So I just went with it and took it one day at a time. Fast forward another 2 years and chewing wasn't a topic at all anymore besides him continually saying how glad he was to have quit and never wanted to go through that again, so I'm thinking all is well, until one day I go with him to his work because he needed to get somethings being he was changing jobs and here in his work area sits a can of chew. I calmly asked him, he told me it was old and had been there forever. I thought it was B.S. but it had been so long I wanted to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt, so I did.

Fast forward to yesterday, I had thought I was seeing stuff again in his teeth for awhile but I didn't want to ask by chance I was wrong, so I waited to have proof and actually see a can. We were out by his truck yesterday and I looked inside and here he had 2 cans hiding behind his seat. So again not being confrontational I asked "Are you doing something again"? He knew immediately what I meant and he lied right to my face and said NO, I don't think he thought I had seen the cans and by then he had positioned himself so they would be out of my view but I had the proof right there so I pointed to them and said "yes you are, don't lie to me". He than said yes he had started doing it again but not all the time. He kind of acted like it was peer pressure, please, spare me!!! I was sooooo hurt and mad. I this time I barked at him a little, I just couldn't help it.

It's not about the chewing as much as it's the lying to me, yes I don't like the chewing either but it's his continually being dishonest with me. I have a hard time trusting as it is and he keeps doing this. Now I'm questioning everything that he has told me, did he ever quit at all??

What hurts more is it didn't matter to him at all that he hurt me. He came home last night and didn't say a word about it, no I'm sorry, no nothing, he acted as if nothing ever happend. This has become the way he deals with things pertaining to us. He started a new job three years ago and has become a completely different person. He doesn't communicate with me anymore, he's cold, distant and acts like I am a bother for the most part, he is so wrapped up in this job, he has completely neglected his marriage. I have questioned him on more than one occasion if he is cheating on me, it's always NO, but after lying to me so much how can I believe that is true anymore? I never dreamed this man would treat me this way, he used to be so caring, connected, he used to call me all the time. No it's like I don't exist. Prior to taking this job he would have been heartbroken and just sick if he hurt me and would have done everything in his power to fix it ASAP. And now he just doesn't care at all. (and I know it's not the job's fault, I just find it crazy someone could change so much).

I am no angel at all, but for the most part I am good to this man, I feel like I'm to good to this man. I have become cold since he started this job do to the way he treats me now. I just feel sad and lost to who he has become. I can't help but feel duped wondering if this was always how he was but was just able to hide it for almost 4 years.

I don't even recognize him anymore for how much he has changed "attitude wise". I can't talk to him because he does no wrong and he seems to just have washed his hands of the marriage. He acts like he is a cut above since changing jobs 3 years ago, he acts like he's better than me now and can act and do anything he chooses. He went from acting like he won the lottery and didn't deserve me, to basically not caring where I am, what I'm doing, how I feel, and like it wouldn't matter if I was here or left him. I catch rare glimpses of the man he used to be, but as the years pass he just acts worse.

Sorry this got so long, I mentioned his job and attitude change because it adds too the pain I feel. I don't even know what to say to him anymore alot of the time but especially now after yesterday. I feel like I can't talk to him anymore, he doesn't listen to a word I say. And I don't want to talk to him because he will just act like it's nothing or I'm the cause of all our issues. I have a hard time even looking at him.

I don't know what to do, could you please offer me some advice on how to proceed with the chewing issue.

Thanks!

Advice on how to proceed with the chewing issue....

Tell him you love him and if he ever wants to talk about it, wants help or support, or wants to keep chewing... you are there for him. But that you won't bring it up again going forward unless he does.

That is my advice.

Agree. Quitting is super hard. HE has to want it. Perhaps tell him whether he quits or not is up to him, but ask him to do you a favor and do some reading on here and then decide what he wants to do. It could change his mind. But, if he reads and chooses not to quit, then you have to stand by that decision. It's a risky move but if he reads and decides I to quit.

I lied to my wife and hid dip at times. I'm not proud of that. She wanted me to quit and I wanted to quit for her but it never worked. When I decided I wanted to quit for me, I did it without her. I've made it further than any other quit. There have been no celebrations along the way. I am still an addict and I need this place. But I keep my family out of it and make this simply about me. In the long run, it being about me benefits them with my being around longer. But I had to do this.

Your husband needs to do this for him. You can certainly help get him to that realization. But that's what it will take. No matter how important you are to him, he has to do it for him. Just my $0.02. Good luck. Happy to help further if you need it. PM if you like.

[worktowin]

Hello Everyone,

I met my husband 7 years ago and at the time he was a chewer. I didn't like the fact but I figured it was his choice not mine. I just asked he not do it around me. After dating for some months he called me one day and said he was going to try to quit. I was shocked, yet happy. I let him know I would be there to support him. Following that he was very mean to me when I seen him and told me "that if he just had a can we would be fine". He acted like it was my fault he was quitting and I didn't make that decision he did. But I figured he was probably going through hell so just ride it out and try to be supportive.

Fast forward another year, we got engaged and were planning our wedding, I was so proud of him and thought all was going well. But then that summer I started seeing stuff in his teeth so finally I asked him (not being confrontational at all) because I was hoping I was wrong. He admitted he had started again. I was so hurt  a bit mad. But I dealt with it and just thought once again it's his choice not mine.

He continued chewing for another year maybe and for whatever reason decided to quit. I again was happy but leary. So I just went with it and took it one day at a time. Fast forward another 2 years and chewing wasn't a topic at all anymore besides him continually saying how glad he was to have quit and never wanted to go through that again, so I'm thinking all is well, until one day I go with him to his work because he needed to get somethings being he was changing jobs and here in his work area sits a can of chew. I calmly asked him, he told me it was old and had been there forever. I thought it was B.S. but it had been so long I wanted to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt, so I did.

Fast forward to yesterday, I had thought I was seeing stuff again in his teeth for awhile but I didn't want to ask by chance I was wrong, so I waited to have proof and actually see a can. We were out by his truck yesterday and I looked inside and here he had 2 cans hiding behind his seat. So again not being confrontational I asked "Are you doing something again"? He knew immediately what I meant and he lied right to my face and said NO, I don't think he thought I had seen the cans and by then he had positioned himself so they would be out of my view but I had the proof right there so I pointed to them and said "yes you are, don't lie to me". He than said yes he had started doing it again but not all the time. He kind of acted like it was peer pressure, please, spare me!!! I was sooooo hurt and mad. I this time I barked at him a little, I just couldn't help it.

It's not about the chewing as much as it's the lying to me, yes I don't like the chewing either but it's his continually being dishonest with me. I have a hard time trusting as it is and he keeps doing this. Now I'm questioning everything that he has told me, did he ever quit at all??

What hurts more is it didn't matter to him at all that he hurt me. He came home last night and didn't say a word about it, no I'm sorry, no nothing, he acted as if nothing ever happend. This has become the way he deals with things pertaining to us. He started a new job three years ago and has become a completely different person. He doesn't communicate with me anymore, he's cold, distant and acts like I am a bother for the most part, he is so wrapped up in this job, he has completely neglected his marriage. I have questioned him on more than one occasion if he is cheating on me, it's always NO, but after lying to me so much how can I believe that is true anymore? I never dreamed this man would treat me this way, he used to be so caring, connected, he used to call me all the time. No it's like I don't exist. Prior to taking this job he would have been heartbroken and just sick if he hurt me and would have done everything in his power to fix it ASAP. And now he just doesn't care at all. (and I know it's not the job's fault, I just find it crazy someone could change so much).

I am no angel at all, but for the most part I am good to this man, I feel like I'm to good to this man. I have become cold since he started this job do to the way he treats me now. I just feel sad and lost to who he has become. I can't help but feel duped wondering if this was always how he was but was just able to hide it for almost 4 years.

I don't even recognize him anymore for how much he has changed "attitude wise". I can't talk to him because he does no wrong and he seems to just have washed his hands of the marriage. He acts like he is a cut above since changing jobs 3 years ago, he acts like he's better than me now and can act and do anything he chooses. He went from acting like he won the lottery and didn't deserve me, to basically not caring where I am, what I'm doing, how I feel, and like it wouldn't matter if I was here or left him. I catch rare glimpses of the man he used to be, but as the years pass he just acts worse.

Sorry this got so long, I mentioned his job and attitude change because it adds too the pain I feel. I don't even know what to say to him anymore alot of the time but especially now after yesterday. I feel like I can't talk to him anymore, he doesn't listen to a word I say. And I don't want to talk to him because he will just act like it's nothing or I'm the cause of all our issues. I have a hard time even looking at him.

I don't know what to do, could you please offer me some advice on how to proceed with the chewing issue.

Thanks!

Advice on how to proceed with the chewing issue....

Tell him you love him and if he ever wants to talk about it, wants help or support, or wants to keep chewing... you are there for him. But that you won't bring it up again going forward unless he does.

That is my advice.

[Ace2125]

Hello Everyone,

I met my husband 7 years ago and at the time he was a chewer. I didn't like the fact but I figured it was his choice not mine. I just asked he not do it around me. After dating for some months he called me one day and said he was going to try to quit. I was shocked, yet happy. I let him know I would be there to support him. Following that he was very mean to me when I seen him and told me "that if he just had a can we would be fine". He acted like it was my fault he was quitting and I didn't make that decision he did. But I figured he was probably going through hell so just ride it out and try to be supportive.

Fast forward another year, we got engaged and were planning our wedding, I was so proud of him and thought all was going well. But then that summer I started seeing stuff in his teeth so finally I asked him (not being confrontational at all) because I was hoping I was wrong. He admitted he had started again. I was so hurt  a bit mad. But I dealt with it and just thought once again it's his choice not mine.

He continued chewing for another year maybe and for whatever reason decided to quit. I again was happy but leary. So I just went with it and took it one day at a time. Fast forward another 2 years and chewing wasn't a topic at all anymore besides him continually saying how glad he was to have quit and never wanted to go through that again, so I'm thinking all is well, until one day I go with him to his work because he needed to get somethings being he was changing jobs and here in his work area sits a can of chew. I calmly asked him, he told me it was old and had been there forever. I thought it was B.S. but it had been so long I wanted to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt, so I did.

Fast forward to yesterday, I had thought I was seeing stuff again in his teeth for awhile but I didn't want to ask by chance I was wrong, so I waited to have proof and actually see a can. We were out by his truck yesterday and I looked inside and here he had 2 cans hiding behind his seat. So again not being confrontational I asked "Are you doing something again"? He knew immediately what I meant and he lied right to my face and said NO, I don't think he thought I had seen the cans and by then he had positioned himself so they would be out of my view but I had the proof right there so I pointed to them and said "yes you are, don't lie to me". He than said yes he had started doing it again but not all the time. He kind of acted like it was peer pressure, please, spare me!!! I was sooooo hurt and mad. I this time I barked at him a little, I just couldn't help it.

It's not about the chewing as much as it's the lying to me, yes I don't like the chewing either but it's his continually being dishonest with me. I have a hard time trusting as it is and he keeps doing this. Now I'm questioning everything that he has told me, did he ever quit at all??

What hurts more is it didn't matter to him at all that he hurt me. He came home last night and didn't say a word about it, no I'm sorry, no nothing, he acted as if nothing ever happend. This has become the way he deals with things pertaining to us. He started a new job three years ago and has become a completely different person. He doesn't communicate with me anymore, he's cold, distant and acts like I am a bother for the most part, he is so wrapped up in this job, he has completely neglected his marriage. I have questioned him on more than one occasion if he is cheating on me, it's always NO, but after lying to me so much how can I believe that is true anymore? I never dreamed this man would treat me this way, he used to be so caring, connected, he used to call me all the time. No it's like I don't exist. Prior to taking this job he would have been heartbroken and just sick if he hurt me and would have done everything in his power to fix it ASAP. And now he just doesn't care at all. (and I know it's not the job's fault, I just find it crazy someone could change so much).

I am no angel at all, but for the most part I am good to this man, I feel like I'm to good to this man. I have become cold since he started this job do to the way he treats me now. I just feel sad and lost to who he has become. I can't help but feel duped wondering if this was always how he was but was just able to hide it for almost 4 years.

I don't even recognize him anymore for how much he has changed "attitude wise". I can't talk to him because he does no wrong and he seems to just have washed his hands of the marriage. He acts like he is a cut above since changing jobs 3 years ago, he acts like he's better than me now and can act and do anything he chooses. He went from acting like he won the lottery and didn't deserve me, to basically not caring where I am, what I'm doing, how I feel, and like it wouldn't matter if I was here or left him. I catch rare glimpses of the man he used to be, but as the years pass he just acts worse.

Sorry this got so long, I mentioned his job and attitude change because it adds too the pain I feel. I don't even know what to say to him anymore alot of the time but especially now after yesterday. I feel like I can't talk to him anymore, he doesn't listen to a word I say. And I don't want to talk to him because he will just act like it's nothing or I'm the cause of all our issues. I have a hard time even looking at him.

I don't know what to do, could you please offer me some advice on how to proceed with the chewing issue.

Thanks!