Well, for me it all started about 13 years ago. It was my first year of college and I used to car pool with my RA to share gas expense and for some company. He always had a tin of Kodiak with him and one fateful night I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life, I asked him If I could try some. I'm in no way blaming him as like I said, I asked him. He maybe should've said no, trust me, you don't want to get hooked on this crap. But, on the other hand he didn't push it on me, I asked. Well, the next thing you know I had some wierd stuff in my mouth that tasted like candy and gave me a killer buzz. I'm sure like most of you it started off slow. I'd have "a" dip at the end of the day to relax / unwind before I went to bed. Fast forward and about a year later I was hooked, doing it all day every day. I don't know what it was about that one time. I managed to get all the way through highschool without getting hooked on ciggerettes or anything. I even remember one drunken highschool party where I tried a dip of cherry skoal, I didn't wake up the next day with an urge to get more. And a mere months before that fateful drive back up to college I had tired a bandit, but it burned so bad I had to take it out right away. Anywhoo, fast forward 12 years later and like many of you I've tried to quit umpteen times. I can't tell you how many tins I've tossed out the window, dumped down the toilet etc... When you're in your early 20s your body can handle about anything you throw at it. Now that I'm in my early 30s unfortunately it's not the same story. Everything affects me more, including tobacco. I'm not only worried about cancer but it's getting to the point that between my weight and the nicotine I'm worried about having a fricken heart attack. After several years of quiting temporarily and training before a ride I finally sold my KTM (dirt bike) . It's even affecting my main hobby / passion in life (snowmobiling). It's getting to the point where I'm too out of shape to load / unload the machines and heaven for bid If I get stuck I really gotta pace myself digging it out or risk cardiac arrest. I know my weight has something to do with it but I think the major culprit is the nicotine cuz I feel night and day better physically when I'm off the stuff. Not only does my cardio improve dramatically but it's so nice not being all dehydrated and having cotton mouth. It's also nice not having to go to the bathroom constantly for both reasons. My throat and voice definitely improve as well. Not only do I feel night and day better physically but also mentally / emotionally. There's hope and reason to look forward to the future when I'm off the stuff. But, like many of you, for some reason I keep going back to it. Usually it's a stressful situation, but sometimes I just get a wierd craving out of left field when there's been no stress. And once I start thinking about it it's all over, I might as well just go get one. I've gone days, weeks, even months without it before. Once I went 3 mo.s and once I went 5 mo.s but I always went back to it. This addiction thing really makes no sense, If I feel so much better when I'm not doing it, why do I go back??? I'm currently engaged and plan on starting a family soon and I want to be around a while and I want to enjoy my hobbies and not be sidelined by tobacco. I'm really glad I found this site and I'm hoping that it will be what makes the difference this time.
