I quit for 4 days ago, 12/9/11, as soon as I got out of the store. I was Christmas shopping with my wife for our kids. When I turned the corner I seen an older man who was shopping himself, he appeared to be missing part of his bottom jaw. I tried not stare, I had no idea if he had ever chewed in his life but I wasn't about to ask. Regardless of why he was missing part of his jaw, I knew at that moment that I was done. I couldn't wait to get out of the store to spit out the small chew I had in my mouth.
Now that wasn't really a spur of the moment thing, I had been agonizing about quitting since I turned 40, it's now a year, 2 months, and 6 days later. After a half ass attempt to quit a week after my 40th birthday I decided to give myself another year or two. As a matter a fact I started thinking I would just chance it. I was gonna be the guy that lived to be 90 and still chewed. I just loved it too much. Why quit?
After I decided I loved it too much to quit I felt great. I started chewing more often than I ever had. The chews got bigger and I was happy for awhile. But something inside me felt wrong. I never told anyone I wanted to quit at 40, or that I had tried to quit, but I knew inside that I did. The thought of cancer started to become a daily thought. It's horrible to die of cancer, but when it's your own damn fault then it is just sad. I would go a few weeks and not think about it, but something would always bring it back into my mind. Any little sore, a sore throat, an upset stomach, it was cancer. Then it would go away and I felt good again, no cancer.
About a month ago this battle in my head became non-stop. The only answer was to quit but I didn't want to, or was afraid to fail again. So I made a deal with myself to cut way back. Just a little pinch between the cheek and gum, and I would try and wait till I really wanted a chew. I had managed to get down to a can about every 5 days. Then I seen that man buying toys, missing part of his jaw. It was like a sign, or a look in to my future. You know it says it right on the can that it causes cancer, but seeing is believing.
Since it is now after midnight it is technically day 5. I worry because it has been easy so far. I have had some cravings but not bad. I am getting a little sore on my lip, which I have read is normal after quitting. Is it cancer? I hope not, but somehow I feel better knowing that I quit.
Thank you all for this site, I felt great after reading your posts and seeing I am not the only one. And thanks for letting me write my little story. I have not told my wife yet that I quit, it would be the final step of sealing the deal I guess. I will tell her I quit and she will be proud of me, but she will never know how weak I was and the battle I have had in my head.
