Greetings all. I stumbled across this site this morning(while having my morning fix)and read the 100 reasons list which had me laughing out loud because about 85% rang true for me. Then I read the 3 sad stories and got that painful sad lump in the throat you get when trying to suppress tears. Randy's story made me get up, chuck my Sun Drop spittoon into the trash, loogie launch that morning Cope fix off my backyard deck, and scatter my just purchased can into the grass.
Unfortunately, I've done that exact same thing many times in the past. You know you're an addict(first time I've ever referred to myself as an addict) when realizing you dumped a can in the trash, you later carefully try to scrounge one dip's worth from the various settling points in the trash bag just to get one more lip full. And if that fails, and I'm lucky, I may be able to recycle a mushy lump of Cope that landed in one glob on top of an egg carton or dry piece of mail trash. Pathetic.
I want to stop, but I'm scared to let go. Copenhagen has been with me for 30+ years. Ive known all that time that it could possibly kill me. I've lied to my mom every time she's asked me if I still use it. I sold plasma twice a week for 4 years in college to fund my Copenhagen addiction. For the past few years, I derive no pleasure from it other than just having it between cheek and gum. Can't really taste it anymore, doesn't smell like it did when I started(was processing changed?), get a lot of heartburn, you guys all know this stuff...
Scared to look at my gums. Scared to go to dentist because I'm too weak to "fake quit" for long enough hoping dentist won't notice. Top number in BP is usually in 130-140 range the one or two times a year I check it. Ad infinitum...Pathetic.
I don't want to ween off. I don't want to plan. I just want to finally be able to man up and find the will power to resist. It is hard to believe I've been too weak to attempt to quit. I know it's a powerful addiction, but still, I feel like a Pajama-Boy wuss when it comes to taking a stand to quit.
I pledge to all of you guys(gals?...just in case there's a feminist in the group; pardon my ignorance, just hard to fathom a female dipper)that I am going to be fighting myself these first 24 hours just so I can return tomorrow to at least be able too post making it through the first day.
Dang, already can feel the urge... Gonna be a tough day, but I'm ready for the fight, and I'm going to win this first 24-hour round.