Hello everyone. I have been struggling with nicotine addiction for the last 10 years. Started when I was 16 and in September I will be 26. I grew up a good kid in Denver Colorado, in a loving family, and a house with no nicotine. I have been reading KTC now for 1 year but never made an intro because I was too afraid I was not committed. JUNE 3RD 2013 I quit nicotine. I have been 100% nicotine free. I have read these forums for many hours and am using the techniques. I canÂ’t believe how much I have in common with the people on this site. Some stories have nearly brought me to tears because they are so similar. My chewing journey has been similar to many.
I was 16 years old when I first tried tobacco. I was on a roadtrip with the high school varsity baseball team, after a long day of playing ball one of the older guys offered me and another young player (one of my long time friends) our first chew of Copenhagen snuff. I had no idea that nicotine could make you so dizzy and “high”. I felt like I was completely hammered after about 3 minutes and wobbled over to the sink to get that shit out of my mouth. After this, I would be addicted for the next 10 years (my friend quit 1.5 years ago). First year I started off slow, only chewing at baseball events once or twice a month. After 1 year I was chewing every weekend at baseball games, high school parties, and also began to chew daily during the week by having one chew before bed. I used to drive 30minutes to a gas station that would sell to minors and was going through ~1 can per week. By the time I was 18 I was a full blown addict and I knew it. I chewed every day at baseball practice. The thought of even going to the field without one seemed impossible. I loved going to parties and chewing because I could still enjoy a buzz and still drive home. I liked snuff because it gave the biggest high. My parents found out because i had so many damn spitters hidden all over the fucking place I couldn’t keep track of them all. My dad was once getting down some old camping gear and an old forgotten spitter came down and spilled all over his face. My younger sisters also found my old spitters all over. Embarrassing to say the least. I chew heavily for the rest of high school. By the end I no longer could stuff enough shit in my face to give me a buzz but I still needed to chew every day. Chewing cost me my high school sweetheart. I planned to quit once I get to college.
I got to college and stopped 5 fucking days. College flew by and my chewing escalated to the highest levels ~2 cans every 3 days. I switched to Grizzly mint since it was cheaper. Would mix in copenhagen or skoal once every other week. I chewed every morning on the way to class, chewed while studying, partying, baseball, sporting events, etc, etc, EVERYTHING. Everything I did now would involve chewing. I remember thinking that there was no way I could quit while in college. I never even really tried. I was in love with this shit. I felt like it gave me an edge on everyone else since I could work harder, longer, and put myself through anything as long as I had dip. These would be the last days where I was chewing with enjoyment.
Now today, I am 3 years out of college, have started working my career in petroleum engineering and live in West Texas. I make good money, am in decent shape, have good friends, everything is NOT OK. I live in a small town so chewing passes the time. I switched back to copenhagen longcut and rarly deviate. I have been hating myself for chewing since I left college. It has been making me depressed as shit and my anxiety it at all-time highs. I truly feel like I am killing myself with this shit! It controls my life and all my decisions. I wonÂ’t go see my family because I canÂ’t chew around them, I wonÂ’t hang out with good Christian girls because I canÂ’t chew around them, I ninja chew at work, I now have become so embarrassed of chewing that I even ninja chew at bars! For the last year I have been trying to quit chewing. I have stopped/started about every single week this year and most times only making it 1 or 2 days even with the help of Nicorette gum. The longest I made it without chewing was 31 days at but the whole time I was using gum and also smoking cigarettes and cigars.
I need to get this off my chest to, I am sorry to all people that I have influenced with tobacco. To my family who loves me and who I have caused much fear/worry I am sorry. To my best damn friends who got addicted to nicotine and I was the one who first exposed them. I am Sorry. I am sorry to myself and god for disrespecting my life you have given to me.
Now to recap my quitting experience so far:
Days 1-7: After a long weekend of drinking, smoking cigs, chewing my ass off I came home on Sunday feeling like ass. I popped some Nicorette gum and didnÂ’t chew all day. On Monday JUNE 3rd I didnÂ’t use any nicotine. I was still really hungover and didnÂ’t really want any. I made it to Wednesday without any nicotine and thought HEY I can do this 100% nicotine free. I threw away the gum, cigars, cigs, chew, everything. Mon-Thur was very easy but Friday Saturday were hella rough. I was about to cave on Saturday at a pool party where people were smoking cigs. My body was shaking and the only reason I didnÂ’t cave was the people left who had the cigs. THANK GOD I MADE IT THROUGH.
Days 7-14: Doing very good. I am on an adrenaline high about how good IÂ’m doing. Never have made it this long without nicotine and it feels great! I am not sleeping very well but I have so much energy now it doesnÂ’t matter. I think the energy came from the excitement of not chewing anymore. I am also eating like a crazy man. Wait, have I even pooped this week?
Days 14-21: Adrenaline still kicking. Still not sleeping very much and canÂ’t seem to take a solid shit. I visited the family back in Colorado and was a huge test to my quit since I was also hanging with all my old friends who I always used tobacco with. I would just tell them I quit and nobody could really believe me. Spent a day out on the lake with my Dad and was the best fishing trip ever because I just enjoyed my time with my Dad and wasnÂ’t thinking about how bad I wanted to chew (fishing and chew was a huge trigger)
Days 21-28: Adrenaline has started to wear off. Work is busy and stressfull. I seriously feel like I want to punch everybody in the face. I realized that I am having some anger issues. I always used chew to suppress my anger and have always been known as an easy going guy. I am now snapping on my co-workers, I even snapped at my Boss! Shit I hope I donÂ’t get fired over this. I am having now the largest craves of my quit. I almost caved on day 25 over nothing. I have to keep thinking to myself that every crave is a chance to make my quit stronger.
Days 28-present: I am doing good again. My body seems to be back to normal. I am sleeping, eating, and shitting like normal. I still am having some anger issues but not nearly as bad. I am really starting to believe in myself and this quit. I will not go back and never want to go through the emotions, heartache, depression, shame, anxiety, etc, etc, etc, that chew brought in my life. I need to join KTC so that I will continue to fight this WAR and not give in to craves ever again.
Sorry so long but I wanted to have this in my forum history because this is the most important change in my life that I have ever made. I am looking forward to starting this life long journey.
-Alan
