you think you love the poison. i used to think that way too.
the only thing you really love about tobacco is that using it relieves your micro-withdraw symptoms. the thing is that using tobacco is what created the symptoms in the first place... you're essentially digging a hole to get dirt to fill in another hole. soon, you'll need to dig another hole to fill the hole you just dug. and so on. ad infinitum. ad nauseam. ad mortem.
those saddled with addiction are living life in a prison of their own making. they create the walls and bars and guards with their choice to use, and willingly throw away their ability to live life as a rational, healthy, and free individual. you have given control over your life to a ground up plant. i know you plan your day around it, think of new ways to isolate yourself, get cranky when you can't have it, and go out of your way to make sure it is available to you. i know because i was you about 2.5 years ago. even if it wasn't a carcinogen and shortening the time that you have to spend with your wife and kids (not sure if you have any, but i do), you are willfully allowing something to control you- like a prison warden, guard, or your dominant-top roommate.
you know what you'll love more than this mirage of amorous tobacco use? freedom. you make one decision a day to post roll and then honor your word, and you're free. you can do what you want when you want which whom you want without fear or worry about squeezing in some dip time. no more teeth checks before you walk in the house. no more hidden spitters for your wife to find. no more gum and mints to cover up the smell (and let's be honest, even mint tobacco has a special extra little smell that your wife can pick up on). no more emergency late night runs to the c-store. no more pointless 2am infomercials as you crank in your last fix. no more emergency vacuuming of your car when you spill a tin. think of all the shit you can now do- all because you make one decision and have the quality of character to honor your word.
it is easy to say, but hard to do, especially for the first couple of days. the good news is that it gets easier and life gets better. i could try to tell you how much better, but you wouldn't believe me... yet. all i can say is, take the plunge. make the journey one day at a time, and remember how bad it is so that you'll never want to do it again.
good to be quit with you.
