Hello all, my name is Kyle. I am 21 years old and currently in college. I was born and raised in the best state in the great US of A, Colorado. I'm sure that all of us have very similar stories that have lead us to all meet here on this website. this is mine;
A little back ground history. I've always been around smoking tobacco through my grandfather. He was a smoker for 40 years, which he has since quit, Praise the lord. I have always known the risks and what others think, specially my other family members. There would always be some sort of talk when ever he would leave the room to go outside. I know that we all love him just the habit that he was controlled by. But with this background information it will make sense later in my story, hopefully.
I was in high school on a trip to Virginia Beach for a wrestling tournament my sophomore year when I was first introduced to chewing tobacco. I was 16 and at the time I was too scared to put that black, life ruining shit into my mouth, due to the fear of what my family members would be whispering about me if they had only known what I was doing. But due to always being around it I kept thinking about chew ever since that trip and counted down the days until my 18th birthday to try it out for the first time. When my 18th birthday finally came and I knew what that would mean I would be able to try out what I have wondered about for so long but what I didn't know is that I would voluntarily destroy my mouth and choose death and a life of pain and suffering over the life God has given to me. This is also the day that I am giving up control over my actions to a chemical that I have seen others call the nic bitch.
I will always remember my first pinch, it was on a bright sunny day and I was going to mow a yard for an employer. On my way there I stopped by the grocery store and purchased a can of Copenhagen Wintergreen pouches, Yes I do know how all long cut dippers feel about pouches but chew is chew. Anyway, I was mowing the yard and put 1 in. It was the most glorious feeling that I had ever experienced, but we all know what that feels like. Sorry for that, but after that first pinch I was unable to put the can down. Going back to how my family feels about tobacco I was able to keep my habit a secret from my parents for about a year and a half. It wasn't until I was doing some sod removal at a neighbors house and thought I was safe and able to take a nice easy pinch to make my work day easier. My parents rolled up unexpected and found out the truth that I have been chewing since my 18th birthday. They were more accepting than what I was thinking when I imagined this situation going on over in my head.
Anyway enough of that. I will skip ahead to my return trip home my sophomore year. It was a 12 hour drive from college to my house in Colorado, and as someone who is controlled by the nic bitch I "had to" dip for that whole time. The next day I noticed a white spot where the chew had spent majority of the time during the trip. I had an appointment with the dentist the next day and was dreading yet another conversation. I walked in and after some small talk I told her that I was a dipper and have a white spot. turns out that it was just a sore from the tobacco aggravating my gums. That was the first time that I was "scared to quit" of course that didn't cause me to quit but she did point me towards this site. I looked through every available story that I could access while not being a member. I didn't want to quit at that point in my life but I vowed that I would be back when the day arose for me to quit.
Fast forward nearly 10 months. I am now in fall term of my junior year. I am needing to write an essay over behavioral change. I told my mom about the essay and she muttered "maybe you should do it over quitting tobacco" that instantly made me feel guilty for doing something that she did not approve of. I knew this ever since that day that she had rolled up and saw me try to dispose of the chew that was in my lower lip. Anyway her words made me think and I decided to go with it and write about how to change the behavior of a tobacco user. I first started looking through the research available to me via the school internet journal sources, but they just weren't giving me what I needed. I then remembered Killthecan.org. I decided to pull it back up and search for the information that I needed. I ended up reading more horror stories about those who thought they were untouchable and could dip without any consequences. This put made me reflect on myself and I signed up that Sunday night. I couldn't quite join a quit group yet, but I did set up a quit date 10/25/2015. I did follow along with that agreement that I made and I am here now, now for real. I skipped some other parts in my story where I think I have attempted to quit 5 major times and couldn't do it. Every time I would put the can down and say "never again" Well this time I am here, here with support, here with support from those who have been or are going through the exact same thing that I am. They know what it feels like and how to stay strong. This time I am saying "never again" and meaning every word!!!!!
