For all of you that do not know, I am here to apologize for what I have done this past weekend which basically shattered everything I worked so hard for. On Saturday night I committed the greatest sin known to the KTC community and gave in to the nicotine bitch. I was drinking heavily that night and when I woke up the next morning a can of Copenhagen lay sitting on my kitchen table plain as day. I prayed to god that this was a dip dream and I was going to wake up from it, but it wasn't. I stared at the open can and sure enough it sealed my fate that I had done the deed some time on Saturday night. I called a buddy of mine afterwards and he said just before coming home late Saturday night he said I purchased the can, and like a dumbass put the shit in my mouth. He just remembers me getting out of the truck and saying “Fuck this” and going into the store. And just like that 140 days down the shitter.
Not only did I break my promise on Saturday but I also broke another cardinal rule and posted roll this morning out of fear. Driving to work I knew first and foremost that this is not the type of person I was raised to be and especially after being in the Army for ten years, I knew better. It was my duty to tell those who supported me the most of my quit that I had done wrong. I am here now to say again that I am sorry for disappointing all of you but that doesn't mean I am leaving this site. I am still here and will start over again this time with the necessary tools to stay quit, and remain quit. I am not asking for anyoneÂ’s forgiveness because it was a mistake I clearly made, however, we are all human and none of us are invincible to the can so to speak, because will always be addicts. All it would have taken was a quick call to my brothers and I wouldn't be in this situation right now. I will begin posting in the March 2013 group from here on out. If you would like to support me I definitely will not take it for granted but if not, I understand your feelings. If you feel the need to talk shit to me or call me out in any shape or form, thatÂ’s fine, I am a grown ass man and can handle it. Let this be a lesson that it can happen to anyone regardless of how many days, months or years you have. All it takes is one.
"Fuck this"...that cuts deep bro, I'm not gonna lie. It's almost like saying, " fuck ktc and everyone on it, I'm giving in and could give fuck about anybody else."
I'm not one to kick someone when they're down though. You wanna start back at day 1, that sucks balls for you, but I'm not gonna turn my back on you, I'll support you, assuming you're serious.
Perhaps you ought to think twice about getting totally shit faced though, or surround yourself with people who would throw your ass back in the truck and not let you buy that can.
I had a buddy who had quit smoking for 2 yrs. We got shnokered one night and stopped at 7-11 at 3AM to load up on junk food. While in line he said "fuck it" and asked for a pack of marlboro reds after I had bought a tin of kodiak. I begged the clerk not to sell them to him, but the bitch did. When we got out to the car I took the pack, crumpled it up and threw it on the roof of the 7-11...with a dip in, talk about a hypocrit. My buddy was livid and tried beating my ass in the car the entire way home. He eventually passed out when we got home and could not thank me enough in the morning.
I'm not saying I'm some kind of hero, but I knew how hard he worked to stay quit and wasn't gonna let him blow it. You may not have had that kind of support from the guys you were with that night, but Ill bet my last dollar you had that kind of support in your phone. You just chose not to use it.
This is my 2 cents on the matter, for whatever its worth...
Just damn man. I have to say I am shocked that you would be one to cave. I am disappointed that you did not reach out to any of us. That tells me you really weren't using the tools, you were getting by because you were not being tempted. You let your guard down and did not let any of your brothers in arms know you were doing it.
I am pissed as well. Dammit Kstamp, you fucking know better. You've read these over and over in here. To think they didn't resonate and leave you more accountable after reading, that just sucks.
You know the drill. Answer the trinity in detail, take your beatings, and get your ass back on the quit wagon. I will support you but I cannot say that I can trust you right away. That my friend, you are going to have to earn back.
GOD DAMN IT! I wrote about this in my thread on September 15. There is no fucking excuse. You engaged in behavior that you know is not healthy for your quit. You made a very stupid decision, and you made a choice. The consequence? Now we ALL have to live with your choice. That's pretty fucked up.
We will not abandon you, but you have a very long road to travel Brother. Now, gather your thoughts, and answer the three questions. The rest of this is horse shit. You have only given us an excuse why you caved, it's time for accountability. We do not want an apology or an excuse. We want a FUCKING PLAN....
Fuck
I hate booze... (well, actually I love it, that's why I hate it)
If you read my post in Oct or March skip this kstamp - it says the same fuckin thing here...
Fuck! kstamp - I'm with sirD on this one, I never thought the actions of someone in this group could hit so hard - fuck. I'll be posting in March, I hope you will be too. I'm going to call bullshit on not just giving an honest answer to the 3 questions here and in March, fuck your intro, that's you - the support you get has been with US and will be with March 13 now - get over it and answer up...
Yesterday brought on a whole new meaning to staying quit. If having an already awesome family didn't give me enough reason, finding out we were having another boy was the icing on the cake. I can't tell you how excited I am, to soon be the father of TWO boys! There is no reason to turn back now and go back to the way things used to be. I have started a new chapter and its already way better than the last. I look forward to hitting the hall with all you guys in October and leaving my mark on the KTC community. Quitting is what I do from now on, its not just a job its a way of life. (Kstamp)
What happened to that guy?
nicotine alcohol = death...
very disappointing...
I don't usually bomb this place with my thoughts, but I honestly think you need to see this and want to make sure it crosses your radar somehow...
What are you doing differently this time?
My goal is to stick closer with my quit group and be better prepared for obstacles as they come. They can be anywhere but with anything there are ways around them. I will for sure take accountability more seriously as we are all in this together. One Team One Fight.
Sorry, brother, that don't fly.
A goal is a hope. A wish. A fucking prayer.
My goal isn't to not dip, to be tighter with my group, or to be a badass quitter. I am quit and I don't have to hope for it. I understand that this shook your faith in yourself, but you are either quit or not. No goals. Quit today, keep your word. It ain't a goal... It's a promise.
Be better prepared? What does that even mean? Did you not have phone numbers? Did you not read countless stories of HOF members coming back here blaming a moment's weakness? Have you seen Words of Wisdom? Pictures of Outdoortexan? The words of Jenny Kern? How could you be unprepared?
Here's a plan... If you're in a place where you could black out and dip, you don't drink. For 200 days, for a year, forever. What is important? Your buddies might bust your balls for drinking odouls, but at least you'll have a face to drink it with.
You really need to take a look in the mirror and think about what you have to do differently because the weak sauce below ain't going to do it. One team? You crapped on your team and didn't even give them a chance to talk you down. You want accountability... You didn't make the call to get it. I call bull shit.
More soul searching is needed here.
Redemption is close at hand, but you're miles away.
