No looking back

[luby]

56 days.... Nothing special at 56, the hall ain't close, the drama of struggling with first days is gone, just another day. I just wanted to write, because while it was just another day, it was another day quit!
I could not say that, without Kill the Can. I have quit on my own so many times and it was days like today that would ruin my half-ass, alone quits.
I read this site when I got up after 2 hours of sleep. I made my promise for today. I struggled thru my morning and texted an additional promise to a quit brother that has helped me so much over the past 56 days that I could never begin to thank him enough. I got back to my hotel room and got on line with you knuckleheads and read some truly inspiring shit on here. I stayed quit.
I am man enough to admit I cannot do this alone, I need support and I get it here. So thank you brothers of Kill the Can, today could have been a horrible day, but because of what I have learned here and all of you it was simply a great day to be quit.

[rocketman]

Wow, what a day! I came home after a 20 day work road trip, shoulda been a breeze but it wasn't. Golfed in the am with dad and brothers and not getting into personal info, something fun that i looked forward to wasn't what i'd hoped for. Then time for 4 hour drive home, alone, grumpy.... A quick text or two to some tough ass quitters from this site made that way easier than it was shaping up to be. Got home, grilled some steaks and had a pleasant evening with my wife.
However we started talking about lots of things and I finally came clean. I have so much to say about this, hopefully tomorrow I can express myself better, but i had to share this news. It was the toughest conversation i've ever had and it confirmed that i married an incredible person that i don't deserve.
My quit is healthier now, my wife is amazing, the advice i received here is incredible.
I am emotionally spent, but I wanted to shout from the rooftops I am not a ninja anymore! I am an honest husband! I have a wife I don't deserve, but she's mine anyway!

nice work, luby. and smart move.

my wife and kids are my real life KTC support groups. it's funny to see them checking in on me when i'm doing stuff that used to involve dipping... i wasn't quite as good of a ninja as i thought i was.

lean on us. lean on your wife. we're all a part of your quit arsenal now. as always, thank your wife for her help and support. it's okay to be selfish right now, but take some steps back now and again and recognize how she's made your quit stronger.

you da man, luby.

Outstanding! Congratulations on conquering the most difficult step in your quit so far, Luby. I'm proud of your wife too, isn't it amazing what our family is capable of if we'd just let them? Well done, my friend. I'm proud to be an X- :ph43r: with you today.

Well done, indeed! Just freaking awesome! This time, I don't mind saying "I told you so!".

Couldn't be happier for you telling her and that she reacted in a positive way. Life is good when you're quit and everybody knows it.

Are you posting roll with November? Didn't see you on the list. Maybe you got bumped.

'clap' 'clap' 'clap' Congrats on a job well done!!!

This gave me chills. I'm proud of you. You did the hard thing and it proved to be the right thing in the end.

This development will make your quit infinitely stronger. This is outstanding. Simply outstanding. Thank you for sharing this. 'Cheers'

Outstanding man! Way to come clean. I too was ninja :ph43r: or at least I thought I was. Came clean with my wife somewhere in the mid 50s. The hardest part was coming clean with my 19  20 year old kids on day 91. Without the support of people on this site, I'm not sure I would have come clean with either wife or kids.

Your quit will be much stronger now that you have more accountability beyond this site. Keep up the great work....it's worth it!

[luby]

Quick update. Nothing new, just continued to be overwhelmed by the advice and support I receive here. Thank you all so much, I hope someday you all know how much this place has meant to me.
One quick thought since telling my wife, and lots of you told/and or implied it: I just burned my last boat. Not telling my wife gave me an "out" I never even saw, but you guys did, you called me on it and now I see it. My quit is more real now. It was before but now I've asked the most important person in my life to go all in on my quit too. It has not added pressure and stress it has just demonstrated what I have known all along, for me to be the person I want to be I have to be honest with myself and others.
Thanks for helping me get this far.

[per034]

Wow, what a day! I came home after a 20 day work road trip, shoulda been a breeze but it wasn't. Golfed in the am with dad and brothers and not getting into personal info, something fun that i looked forward to wasn't what i'd hoped for. Then time for 4 hour drive home, alone, grumpy.... A quick text or two to some tough ass quitters from this site made that way easier than it was shaping up to be. Got home, grilled some steaks and had a pleasant evening with my wife.
However we started talking about lots of things and I finally came clean. I have so much to say about this, hopefully tomorrow I can express myself better, but i had to share this news. It was the toughest conversation i've ever had and it confirmed that i married an incredible person that i don't deserve.
My quit is healthier now, my wife is amazing, the advice i received here is incredible.
I am emotionally spent, but I wanted to shout from the rooftops I am not a ninja anymore! I am an honest husband! I have a wife I don't deserve, but she's mine anyway!

nice work, luby. and smart move.

my wife and kids are my real life KTC support groups. it's funny to see them checking in on me when i'm doing stuff that used to involve dipping... i wasn't quite as good of a ninja as i thought i was.

lean on us. lean on your wife. we're all a part of your quit arsenal now. as always, thank your wife for her help and support. it's okay to be selfish right now, but take some steps back now and again and recognize how she's made your quit stronger.

you da man, luby.

Outstanding! Congratulations on conquering the most difficult step in your quit so far, Luby. I'm proud of your wife too, isn't it amazing what our family is capable of if we'd just let them? Well done, my friend. I'm proud to be an X- :ph43r: with you today.

Well done, indeed! Just freaking awesome! This time, I don't mind saying "I told you so!".

Couldn't be happier for you telling her and that she reacted in a positive way. Life is good when you're quit and everybody knows it.

Are you posting roll with November? Didn't see you on the list. Maybe you got bumped.

'clap' 'clap' 'clap' Congrats on a job well done!!!

This gave me chills. I'm proud of you. You did the hard thing and it proved to be the right thing in the end.

This development will make your quit infinitely stronger. This is outstanding. Simply outstanding. Thank you for sharing this. 'Cheers'

[Kdip]

Wow, what a day! I came home after a 20 day work road trip, shoulda been a breeze but it wasn't. Golfed in the am with dad and brothers and not getting into personal info, something fun that i looked forward to wasn't what i'd hoped for. Then time for 4 hour drive home, alone, grumpy.... A quick text or two to some tough ass quitters from this site made that way easier than it was shaping up to be. Got home, grilled some steaks and had a pleasant evening with my wife.
However we started talking about lots of things and I finally came clean. I have so much to say about this, hopefully tomorrow I can express myself better, but i had to share this news. It was the toughest conversation i've ever had and it confirmed that i married an incredible person that i don't deserve.
My quit is healthier now, my wife is amazing, the advice i received here is incredible.
I am emotionally spent, but I wanted to shout from the rooftops I am not a ninja anymore! I am an honest husband! I have a wife I don't deserve, but she's mine anyway!

nice work, luby. and smart move.

my wife and kids are my real life KTC support groups. it's funny to see them checking in on me when i'm doing stuff that used to involve dipping... i wasn't quite as good of a ninja as i thought i was.

lean on us. lean on your wife. we're all a part of your quit arsenal now. as always, thank your wife for her help and support. it's okay to be selfish right now, but take some steps back now and again and recognize how she's made your quit stronger.

you da man, luby.

Outstanding! Congratulations on conquering the most difficult step in your quit so far, Luby. I'm proud of your wife too, isn't it amazing what our family is capable of if we'd just let them? Well done, my friend. I'm proud to be an X- :ph43r: with you today.

Well done, indeed! Just freaking awesome! This time, I don't mind saying "I told you so!".

Couldn't be happier for you telling her and that she reacted in a positive way. Life is good when you're quit and everybody knows it.

Are you posting roll with November? Didn't see you on the list. Maybe you got bumped.

'clap' 'clap' 'clap' Congrats on a job well done!!!

[Radman]

Wow, what a day! I came home after a 20 day work road trip, shoulda been a breeze but it wasn't. Golfed in the am with dad and brothers and not getting into personal info, something fun that i looked forward to wasn't what i'd hoped for. Then time for 4 hour drive home, alone, grumpy.... A quick text or two to some tough ass quitters from this site made that way easier than it was shaping up to be. Got home, grilled some steaks and had a pleasant evening with my wife.
However we started talking about lots of things and I finally came clean. I have so much to say about this, hopefully tomorrow I can express myself better, but i had to share this news. It was the toughest conversation i've ever had and it confirmed that i married an incredible person that i don't deserve.
My quit is healthier now, my wife is amazing, the advice i received here is incredible.
I am emotionally spent, but I wanted to shout from the rooftops I am not a ninja anymore! I am an honest husband! I have a wife I don't deserve, but she's mine anyway!

nice work, luby. and smart move.

my wife and kids are my real life KTC support groups. it's funny to see them checking in on me when i'm doing stuff that used to involve dipping... i wasn't quite as good of a ninja as i thought i was.

lean on us. lean on your wife. we're all a part of your quit arsenal now. as always, thank your wife for her help and support. it's okay to be selfish right now, but take some steps back now and again and recognize how she's made your quit stronger.

you da man, luby.

Outstanding! Congratulations on conquering the most difficult step in your quit so far, Luby. I'm proud of your wife too, isn't it amazing what our family is capable of if we'd just let them? Well done, my friend. I'm proud to be an X- :ph43r: with you today.

Well done, indeed! Just freaking awesome! This time, I don't mind saying "I told you so!".

Couldn't be happier for you telling her and that she reacted in a positive way. Life is good when you're quit and everybody knows it.

Are you posting roll with November? Didn't see you on the list. Maybe you got bumped.

[DennyX]

Wow, what a day! I came home after a 20 day work road trip, shoulda been a breeze but it wasn't. Golfed in the am with dad and brothers and not getting into personal info, something fun that i looked forward to wasn't what i'd hoped for. Then time for 4 hour drive home, alone, grumpy.... A quick text or two to some tough ass quitters from this site made that way easier than it was shaping up to be. Got home, grilled some steaks and had a pleasant evening with my wife.
However we started talking about lots of things and I finally came clean. I have so much to say about this, hopefully tomorrow I can express myself better, but i had to share this news. It was the toughest conversation i've ever had and it confirmed that i married an incredible person that i don't deserve.
My quit is healthier now, my wife is amazing, the advice i received here is incredible.
I am emotionally spent, but I wanted to shout from the rooftops I am not a ninja anymore! I am an honest husband! I have a wife I don't deserve, but she's mine anyway!

nice work, luby. and smart move.

my wife and kids are my real life KTC support groups. it's funny to see them checking in on me when i'm doing stuff that used to involve dipping... i wasn't quite as good of a ninja as i thought i was.

lean on us. lean on your wife. we're all a part of your quit arsenal now. as always, thank your wife for her help and support. it's okay to be selfish right now, but take some steps back now and again and recognize how she's made your quit stronger.

you da man, luby.

Outstanding! Congratulations on conquering the most difficult step in your quit so far, Luby. I'm proud of your wife too, isn't it amazing what our family is capable of if we'd just let them? Well done, my friend. I'm proud to be an X- :ph43r: with you today.

[dchogs]

Wow, what a day! I came home after a 20 day work road trip, shoulda been a breeze but it wasn't. Golfed in the am with dad and brothers and not getting into personal info, something fun that i looked forward to wasn't what i'd hoped for. Then time for 4 hour drive home, alone, grumpy.... A quick text or two to some tough ass quitters from this site made that way easier than it was shaping up to be. Got home, grilled some steaks and had a pleasant evening with my wife.
However we started talking about lots of things and I finally came clean. I have so much to say about this, hopefully tomorrow I can express myself better, but i had to share this news. It was the toughest conversation i've ever had and it confirmed that i married an incredible person that i don't deserve.
My quit is healthier now, my wife is amazing, the advice i received here is incredible.
I am emotionally spent, but I wanted to shout from the rooftops I am not a ninja anymore! I am an honest husband! I have a wife I don't deserve, but she's mine anyway!

nice work, luby. and smart move.

my wife and kids are my real life KTC support groups. it's funny to see them checking in on me when i'm doing stuff that used to involve dipping... i wasn't quite as good of a ninja as i thought i was.

lean on us. lean on your wife. we're all a part of your quit arsenal now. as always, thank your wife for her help and support. it's okay to be selfish right now, but take some steps back now and again and recognize how she's made your quit stronger.

you da man, luby.

[luby]

Wow, what a day! I came home after a 20 day work road trip, shoulda been a breeze but it wasn't. Golfed in the am with dad and brothers and not getting into personal info, something fun that i looked forward to wasn't what i'd hoped for. Then time for 4 hour drive home, alone, grumpy.... A quick text or two to some tough ass quitters from this site made that way easier than it was shaping up to be. Got home, grilled some steaks and had a pleasant evening with my wife.
However we started talking about lots of things and I finally came clean. I have so much to say about this, hopefully tomorrow I can express myself better, but i had to share this news. It was the toughest conversation i've ever had and it confirmed that i married an incredible person that i don't deserve.
My quit is healthier now, my wife is amazing, the advice i received here is incredible.
I am emotionally spent, but I wanted to shout from the rooftops I am not a ninja anymore! I am an honest husband! I have a wife I don't deserve, but she's mine anyway!

[tazmed]

Had to share my good day yesterday so here's my bundle of suck today.
Got to bed at 1:00 am got up at 4:00 and off to work. Posted thru jmiah (thanks bud, I'll be posting via phone tomorrow too but I'll spread it around) work was an unorganized cluster fuck with a bunch of tired people. Long story short I never wanted to cave, but working with obnoxiously tired people all day with everyone but me dipping just sucked. Old me woulda had some raw gums by the end of a day like this.
I quit today, I stuck to it, I'm very happy with that, the day just sucked so bad I did end up with some fake dip in my lip, I was trying to avoid that but I am glad I did it because it really enforced how stupid paying to put poison in your body really is.
Kind of realize that I am using my "intro" thread as a blog, I hope that is ok.

I've been doing pretty much the same thing. Never though to see if anyone had an issue with it. Strong work on using your tools today.

[luby]

Had to share my good day yesterday so here's my bundle of suck today.
Got to bed at 1:00 am got up at 4:00 and off to work. Posted thru jmiah (thanks bud, I'll be posting via phone tomorrow too but I'll spread it around) work was an unorganized cluster fuck with a bunch of tired people. Long story short I never wanted to cave, but working with obnoxiously tired people all day with everyone but me dipping just sucked. Old me woulda had some raw gums by the end of a day like this.
I quit today, I stuck to it, I'm very happy with that, the day just sucked so bad I did end up with some fake dip in my lip, I was trying to avoid that but I am glad I did it because it really enforced how stupid paying to put poison in your body really is.
Kind of realize that I am using my "intro" thread as a blog, I hope that is ok.

[jmiah]

Ok new subject, just for now. I had a good day today. I am a freelancer and work and dip have always gone hand in hand for me. So it was no accident that I chose to face my addiction when I was away from work for awhile. I have 14 days quit and I never had to work, I count myself very lucky to have had that luxury. That all changed today. My day started (after posting roll call of course) with a 5 hour drive by myself. I don't have to tell anyone in this community what a 5 hour drive by yourself means..... Huge trigger! I had a huge diet coke, a huge water, some jerky and some hard candy, for defense. Between enjoying those things, talking on the phone to some friends ( hands free of course) and singing along with Springsteen at the top of my lungs I had an enjoyable drive. Felt so free it was great.
At the end of that drive I got to work for 7 hours side by side with good friends who all dip. I told them all I was an addict and quit, but they can fell free to dip around me because this is my problem not theirs. I then told them that if they even think they see me ever coming close to caving they are are to immediately punch me in the face. They all seem quite excited to help me now! I also saw a little glimmer of curiosity and hope in their eyes, seeing me quit has em thinking. I pray I can be the example that gets them thinking about joining us here.
After that it was just 4 hours in a major league baseball dugout. Dipper city. I had some seeds some gum and some more water and just enjoyed my quit.
Now I sit here with a nice martini, I just wanted to share. I had to face a lot of triggers today. The tools I've learned here helped me face them and stay quit today.
Today was a good day.

Fucking fantastic, Luby. Use my # if you need it.

[luby]

Ok new subject, just for now. I had a good day today. I am a freelancer and work and dip have always gone hand in hand for me. So it was no accident that I chose to face my addiction when I was away from work for awhile. I have 14 days quit and I never had to work, I count myself very lucky to have had that luxury. That all changed today. My day started (after posting roll call of course) with a 5 hour drive by myself. I don't have to tell anyone in this community what a 5 hour drive by yourself means..... Huge trigger! I had a huge diet coke, a huge water, some jerky and some hard candy, for defense. Between enjoying those things, talking on the phone to some friends ( hands free of course) and singing along with Springsteen at the top of my lungs I had an enjoyable drive. Felt so free it was great.
At the end of that drive I got to work for 7 hours side by side with good friends who all dip. I told them all I was an addict and quit, but they can fell free to dip around me because this is my problem not theirs. I then told them that if they even think they see me ever coming close to caving they are are to immediately punch me in the face. They all seem quite excited to help me now! I also saw a little glimmer of curiosity and hope in their eyes, seeing me quit has em thinking. I pray I can be the example that gets them thinking about joining us here.
After that it was just 4 hours in a major league baseball dugout. Dipper city. I had some seeds some gum and some more water and just enjoyed my quit.
Now I sit here with a nice martini, I just wanted to share. I had to face a lot of triggers today. The tools I've learned here helped me face them and stay quit today.
Today was a good day.

[Radman]

If your wife loves you she will forgive you. Don't start with "I've been lying and here's why"

Start with "I'm an addict and I need your help." Once you say those words, if she truly loves you, she will put every other emotion aside and focus solely on helping you. I've lied to my wife so many times about my tobacco use. But now she's on my side. She's forgiven me those failings becuase she knows that it wasn't out of disrespect for her. It was because of my addiction. I was trying to serve two women. My wife, who I love and respect; and the nic-bitch, who is a lying, thieving, heartless C. I could always aplogize to my wife and she would ultiamtely accept it.

The nic-bitch would never accept my apology and I needer her in my life just as much - until now. Until I admitted to myself that I had an addiction.

My wife will give up anything for me to be free of nicotine. Tell her you're an addict and you need her help - and that you need her to hear you out before she reacts. Explain why you lied. You lied because you didn't want to disappoint her. You lied because you thought you could quit - that you did quit and the can of tobacco in your pocket is the last one. You lied because you never truly realized the hold nicotine had on you and thought "I'm lying today, but tomorrow it won't be a lie anymore." Unfortunately, tomorrow never came. until now.

Tell her how much her support will mean to you to get through this.

Or - the other possibility is, you don't want to get caught lying to her again and you're not yet convinced that you're completely quit.

Very well said. All of it.

[radar]

You might be surprised. I was able to talk to my s.o. about this, finally a few days ago, and things went over so much better than I ever expected they would.

Just be open and honest. Tell her that you love her, and that beating this addiction and keeping it beat is so important to you, and so on and so fifth.

We all here for you!