Not too late

[ninereasons]

the good feelings come in cycles.

i think it was around day 24 or so that sucked balls.  then again around day 50ish.

I believe that. Emotions come and go. In a certain range, ups and downs are normal.

But, every time I started chewing again after giving my body a rest between beatings, it was because I told myself that it would make me feel a little better; and nicotine does have its payoff. But what it gives to you by the penny, it takes from you by the pound. After a while you forget what it feels like to feel good.

Today I have one of those days that would be frankly impossible while I'm using. I feel joy. Tomorrow will be different; and that's why it's a matter of one day at a time.

like a bad penny I'm back again!!!

I just gotta ask what nicotines payoff is. I would disagree with you on this, and venture to say that any percieved payoff is just illusion.

I'm digging your thought process as you weave your way thru the mental games, keep at it.

sM

I wish I could agree that it has literally zero payoff. But I agree completely that it's illusion.

Nicotine is like any grifter, pusher, or pimp. Everything it gives you is wrapped around a hook. It plays on your pride, your illusions of control, until it owns you.

Nic: I'll give you all the buzz I've got, for just one dip - you throw the can away.

Sucker: I give you two percent of my day and I keep 98% control?

Nic: Does that sound unfair? I can recount ... Sucker: DONE!

--- 2 weeks later

Nic: You give me one more day, and you can quit tomorrow.

Sucker: I chew one more day, and you'll promise tomorrow will come? Done!

--- 2 months later

Sucker: I feel like crap this morning, Nic.

Nic: You're not dipping enough, moron.

--- 6 months later

Sucker: I feel like I'm going to die, Nic. I need a break

Nic: Shut the fck up and suck on this, bitch.


Ninereasons - Day 14
(I apologize for the vulgarity. It was in the interest of art.)

[Greg5280]

The mental games for me were by far the worst. I have it plastered around the site in many places. Keep working through this !! It really does get better.

Around day 250 I had a real shift in my quit and started having more good days than bad. There are countless benefits you have not even dreamed of yet.

IT IS WORTH IT

Stay quit
Greg

[Skoal Monster]

the good feelings come in cycles.

i think it was around day 24 or so that sucked balls.  then again around day 50ish.

I believe that. Emotions come and go. In a certain range, ups and downs are normal.

But, every time I started chewing again after giving my body a rest between beatings, it was because I told myself that it would make me feel a little better; and nicotine does have its payoff. But what it gives to you by the penny, it takes from you by the pound. After a while you forget what it feels like to feel good.

Today I have one of those days that would be frankly impossible while I'm using. I feel joy. Tomorrow will be different; and that's why it's a matter of one day at a time.

like a bad penny I'm back again!!!

I just gotta ask what nicotines payoff is. I would disagree with you on this, and venture to say that any percieved payoff is just illusion.

I'm digging your thought process as you weave your way thru the mental games, keep at it.

sM

[ninereasons]

the good feelings come in cycles.

i think it was around day 24 or so that sucked balls.  then again around day 50ish.

I believe that. Emotions come and go. In a certain range, ups and downs are normal.

But, every time I started chewing again after giving my body a rest between beatings, it was because I told myself that it would make me feel a little better; and nicotine does have its payoff. But what it gives to you by the penny, it takes from you by the pound. After a while you forget what it feels like to feel good.

Today I have one of those days that would be frankly impossible while I'm using. I feel joy. Tomorrow will be different; and that's why it's a matter of one day at a time.

[30yraddict]

It gets better

I'm still a jerk from time to time. It's becoming daily more obvious that this is not tobacco's fault. What a disappointment. I'm not patient, as I ought to be. If only quitting would clear up my character issues as well. But alas, that's another, even more difficult project, and it requires a different kind of support group.

Ninereasons - Day 13

'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'

I resemble those statements!

[sts]

the good feelings come in cycles.

i think it was around day 24 or so that sucked balls. then again around day 50ish.

[ninereasons]

It gets better

This is the second "day 6" for me. I have more stamina to run and work out. I wake up feeling more refreshed. I'm more ready to laugh, to sing, to spend time with other people. My head is clearer, my thoughts are quicker: I'm solving problems and fixing things that are broken more easily and more cheerfully. All that's been happening gradually since about day 7 and it looks like it might continue for a while longer.

People here say "it gets better". This note is here to remind myself that "better" means better than when you are USING, bonehead, not just better than your first days of quitting.

I'm still a jerk from time to time. It's becoming daily more obvious that this is not tobacco's fault. What a disappointment. I'm not patient, as I ought to be. If only quitting would clear up my character issues as well. But alas, that's another, even more difficult project, and it requires a different kind of support group.

Ninereasons - Day 13

[ninereasons]

Larry, I agree with ncgolfer.  Your search for the fake is probably doing many of the same things for you that finding the fake would do - redirecting a craving.  But now that you're looking for it, it would be helpful to find it. 

Back when you were being stupid, did it ever happen to you that you went into a convenience store to satisfy your jones for a candy bar or whatever, but they don't sell that in this chain, so you walked out with snuff in your pocket?  You and I are not going to do that of course, because we don't make excuses for ourselves anymore, but the point is that cravings don't like to be frustrated, and like an itch they are flammable in the presence of thought: if you notice that you have a craving, it will flare up until you can think of something else.  That's why the fake works, obviously: it scratches many of the same itches.   So, I think you should track it down, now that you've started looking.

I went to this page: http://www.smokeysnuff.com/consumers.cfm
Just because a chain is listed doesn't mean that your store is going to carry it.  I drove from store to store at first, which took me out of town, and it was not good for my quit.  Then I used the telephone and was pleased to find that as far as I know the only store that sells the stuff for miles around is right down the street from me. 

Once you find it, I'd guess you'll be like me and be amazed at how something that feels so much the same, smells so much the same and tastes so much the same, can be so completely lacking in the same satisfaction.   But that's good to find out too.  The thought popped into my  head, "Uh oh! No buzz.  Withdrawal is going to start soon."  The realization that this is not going to happen choked me up a bit. Yes, indeed it did.

Day 12 - Nicotine is the real fake

I can agree that the failed searches from store to store has helped calm my cravings. By the time I'm done explaining to the store owner what 'hooch' or 'smokey mountain' is (as if I'm an expert) I lose interest, and walk back out to my car feeling stupid. I just want to try it to satisfy my curiosity of what if feels like. And I believe you when you say I can expect to be dissapointed with the absence of the buzz.
I've tried sucking on a piece of beef jerkey as if I were 'dipping' it and it gets nasty after a while as my mind realizes that I'm sucking on some swine intestines, and who knows what else...
I will not leave the store with a nicotine product, because I promised you, me and everybody else first thing when I woke up that I'm quit!

I like Dutch salt-licorice - Dubbel Zout. It tastes nasty - a little like your tires would taste after driving behind the de-icer truck. But it tastes good at the same time, so there's a kind of macho thing going on there that can't but appeal to a dare-devil, ex-poison-swallowing hard-case like yourself. It's so salty that it actually gives you a bit of a buzz - if you can call slight nausea a buzz - and it lasts a long time. Erg goed! But, it's hard to find.

Whatever it takes to stay quit with you all.

Day 12 - Hup, hup Oranje!

[Larry Drummer]

Larry, I agree with ncgolfer. Your search for the fake is probably doing many of the same things for you that finding the fake would do - redirecting a craving. But now that you're looking for it, it would be helpful to find it.

Back when you were being stupid, did it ever happen to you that you went into a convenience store to satisfy your jones for a candy bar or whatever, but they don't sell that in this chain, so you walked out with snuff in your pocket? You and I are not going to do that of course, because we don't make excuses for ourselves anymore, but the point is that cravings don't like to be frustrated, and like an itch they are flammable in the presence of thought: if you notice that you have a craving, it will flare up until you can think of something else. That's why the fake works, obviously: it scratches many of the same itches. So, I think you should track it down, now that you've started looking.

I went to this page: http://www.smokeysnuff.com/consumers.cfm
Just because a chain is listed doesn't mean that your store is going to carry it. I drove from store to store at first, which took me out of town, and it was not good for my quit. Then I used the telephone and was pleased to find that as far as I know the only store that sells the stuff for miles around is right down the street from me.

Once you find it, I'd guess you'll be like me and be amazed at how something that feels so much the same, smells so much the same and tastes so much the same, can be so completely lacking in the same satisfaction. But that's good to find out too. The thought popped into my head, "Uh oh! No buzz. Withdrawal is going to start soon." The realization that this is not going to happen choked me up a bit. Yes, indeed it did.

Day 12 - Nicotine is the real fake

I can agree that the failed searches from store to store has helped calm my cravings. By the time I'm done explaining to the store owner what 'hooch' or 'smokey mountain' is (as if I'm an expert) I lose interest, and walk back out to my car feeling stupid. I just want to try it to satisfy my curiosity of what if feels like. And I believe you when you say I can expect to be dissapointed with the absence of the buzz.
I've tried sucking on a piece of beef jerkey as if I were 'dipping' it and it gets nasty after a while as my mind realizes that I'm sucking on some swine intestines, and who knows what else...
I will not leave the store with a nicotine product, because I promised you, me and everybody else first thing when I woke up that I'm quit!

[ninereasons]

Larry, I agree with ncgolfer. Your search for the fake is probably doing many of the same things for you that finding the fake would do - redirecting a craving. But now that you're looking for it, it would be helpful to find it.

Back when you were being stupid, did it ever happen to you that you went into a convenience store to satisfy your jones for a candy bar or whatever, but they don't sell that in this chain, so you walked out with snuff in your pocket? You and I are not going to do that of course, because we don't make excuses for ourselves anymore, but the point is that cravings don't like to be frustrated, and like an itch they are flammable in the presence of thought: if you notice that you have a craving, it will flare up until you can think of something else. That's why the fake works, obviously: it scratches many of the same itches. So, I think you should track it down, now that you've started looking.

I went to this page: http://www.smokeysnuff.com/consumers.cfm
Just because a chain is listed doesn't mean that your store is going to carry it. I drove from store to store at first, which took me out of town, and it was not good for my quit. Then I used the telephone and was pleased to find that as far as I know the only store that sells the stuff for miles around is right down the street from me.

Once you find it, I'd guess you'll be like me and be amazed at how something that feels so much the same, smells so much the same and tastes so much the same, can be so completely lacking in the same satisfaction. But that's good to find out too. The thought popped into my head, "Uh oh! No buzz. Withdrawal is going to start soon." The realization that this is not going to happen choked me up a bit. Yes, indeed it did.

Day 12 - Nicotine is the real fake

[ninereasons]

I heard once that at the atomic level, any solid material is mostly space.

That certainly describes my tobacco use. At the level of the building-blocks of my addiction, it consists mostly of periods of not chewing. I didn't chew in my sleep. I didn't chew when I was eating. I didn't chew when someone might kiss me or when someone who cares about me might catch me. If I added up the days that I spent not chewing - which are numerous - it might look like I didn't have a problem because zoomed in like that it looks like I was in control for most of the time. But once back out to get perspective on the whole, and it's obvious - I'd been chewing for a solid 34 years, and the penalties to my health were there to prove it.

That shows why, as PackerFan68 said, you can control your quit, but you can't control your addiction.

Day 12

[livin]

Larry-My use of the fake varies. I'll have a day where I'm golfing, fishing, stressing a lot and use it quite a bit. Other days I don't even think about it. I do think it helps cut down on those bad crave days, and that is why I'll always keep some close by. The difference is that I do not need the fake like an addict needs nicotine. I can go hours and days without fake. As an addict I could not go barely an hour without nicotine. The key thing here is to remain quit, if your search keeps your mind moving away from your addiction, it is just as effective as finding the fake stuff.

One suggestion I could give you is to call smokey mtn or hooch and ask them who their distributor in your area is. I'm pretty sure they are also distributing real tobacco in my area too. Then just call the distributor and find out who they sell to. Good luck and stay quit!

Dittos for me. I started using fake shit early on and could not leave the house without the can in my pocket. Then I progressed to having to carrying it with me and never using it for days at a time. Now, I still have some in the house and I really only carry it when I know I am going to be around people dipping. If I forget and I get a notion its no big deal, don't really need it. There is a crowd of people on here that do not like the fake stuff, I can understand why. However, it has helped me make that transition to nic free life.

[ncgolfer]

Ninereasons,
I have been searching high and low trying to find some fake.  Yeah, I know I can get it on-line, but I'm hesitant to order that way.
I'm jealous that you have been able to find it so easily.  I've been to a handful of wal-mart's, 5 different tobbaco shops, grocery-stores, cigar shops, etc...
I hate how much time I've spent looking...  Like some desparate crack-head...
I've left with something different each time (from the wal-mart's and grocery stores) to satisfy my 'oral fixation' for the day.  Gum, beef jerkey, fire-balls, candy...sometimes when I'm driving I just feel like it would be nice to spit into a bottle.  How lame is that?  Writing this up re-affirms that I am an addict.  At one store, I was explaining to the store owner that "It's a fake dip without nicotine and tobacco...because I've quit dipping"....he was nice to OFFER me his only 2 sleaves of dip for 8 bucks.  How is that for supporting my quit?  Tobbaco and Nicotine are these guys livlihood.  I think I insulted him suggesting that it has been known to be found at tobbaco shops.  I'm not going to buy the real-deal cancer-causing killer!  But I'm sure I am not done with looking past them on my search for this so called 'hooch' or 'smokey mountain'.  I will find it someday.  It will let me down I'm sure and may help me in my quit like JCOOK says, but until then...
I'll be looking for you on a daily basis to stay strong and remain quit!  It's great to have you here!

Larry-My use of the fake varies. I'll have a day where I'm golfing, fishing, stressing a lot and use it quite a bit. Other days I don't even think about it. I do think it helps cut down on those bad crave days, and that is why I'll always keep some close by. The difference is that I do not need the fake like an addict needs nicotine. I can go hours and days without fake. As an addict I could not go barely an hour without nicotine. The key thing here is to remain quit, if your search keeps your mind moving away from your addiction, it is just as effective as finding the fake stuff.

One suggestion I could give you is to call smokey mtn or hooch and ask them who their distributor in your area is. I'm pretty sure they are also distributing real tobacco in my area too. Then just call the distributor and find out who they sell to. Good luck and stay quit!

[Larry Drummer]

Ninereasons,
I have been searching high and low trying to find some fake. Yeah, I know I can get it on-line, but I'm hesitant to order that way.
I'm jealous that you have been able to find it so easily. I've been to a handful of wal-mart's, 5 different tobbaco shops, grocery-stores, cigar shops, etc...
I hate how much time I've spent looking... Like some desparate crack-head...
I've left with something different each time (from the wal-mart's and grocery stores) to satisfy my 'oral fixation' for the day. Gum, beef jerkey, fire-balls, candy...sometimes when I'm driving I just feel like it would be nice to spit into a bottle. How lame is that? Writing this up re-affirms that I am an addict. At one store, I was explaining to the store owner that "It's a fake dip without nicotine and tobacco...because I've quit dipping"....he was nice to OFFER me his only 2 sleaves of dip for 8 bucks. How is that for supporting my quit? Tobbaco and Nicotine are these guys livlihood. I think I insulted him suggesting that it has been known to be found at tobbaco shops. I'm not going to buy the real-deal cancer-causing killer! But I'm sure I am not done with looking past them on my search for this so called 'hooch' or 'smokey mountain'. I will find it someday. It will let me down I'm sure and may help me in my quit like JCOOK says, but until then...
I'll be looking for you on a daily basis to stay strong and remain quit! It's great to have you here!

[jaygib]

I don't know how many more days I'm going to need to post something here just to take the edge off. I don't like being the yakkety one in the room, but this is therapy. In the real world people think that I'm a great listener (well - not counting my family), when the fact is, I'm just thick and it takes me a long time to think of anything to say.


Today I had a strange experience. I woke up with a sharp craving for something at the tobacco counter of the convenience store. I drove to a Plaid Pantry near my house in a familiar sort of fog. My brain was in cave-in mode: on automatic, trying not to think. "Get there, get what you came for, get out." I put down my money and pointed to a can, a round tin which I walked out with and peeled on the way to the car. I had the vague sense of compulsively doing something horribly wrong, because every motion was in an old pattern, every thought was directed down a well-trodden path, and even the smells were enticingly the same.

So, I don't know what to think about Smokey Mountain. Is this a quitter's weapon (it redirected a craving very effectively - I had no interest in the real tobacco behind that counter)? Or is this a gateway product?

I sucked on that stuff waiting for the relief to come - not consciously, but impulsively - and of course, it never did, which to my conscious mind was truly satisfying. But I worry. I walked into that store, not tied to a mast. I went through all the motions of listening to the siren-song, and feel like I escaped with my freedom and dignity only because I planned a way to fool myself - and it just accidentally worked. What do you think?

Ninereasons - 11 days of outsmarting myself

You just keep talking as much as you want or need because most of it is trying to encourage others which is awesome when the demons are at your gates.

I love the taste of smokey mtn! I wish grizz, kodiak, skoal or any of the others ever tasted that good because I would've really enjoyed dipping. But damn it's a letdown without nicotine and yep that can and the smell and not having the the cheap thrill just down the counter that could saftisy the nic craving...I get it. So I dip coffee or tea when I need my pacifier. It doesn't taste good, maybe it gives a slight caffine jump but it ain't tobacco and it ain't sold as a tobacco replacement. It's just me being an idiot with coffee grounds in his lip.

Ah, long day and I don't know if any of that was helpful and rather than edit it I'll just say you aren't alone. Great work winning the battle today!