Just Getting Started

[per034]

87 days in.

I feel good. I just wish the cravings would stop. I get them all time. When I get those cravings, I really want a dip. I was thinking about a very brief conversation I had with Cronk yesterday on my way to work this morning. And I thought about why it is that we Quitheads still want to dip, despite the consequences that we all know. Then I started thinking about those consequences and the consequences of other things I'd want. I want to rob a bank because it would be nice to be obscenely wealthy. But IÂ’m not willing to pay the consequences (jail time). I want to bang Asian waitresses three at a time. But IÂ’m not willing to pay the consequences (disease, divorce). And sometimesÂ… well, yes. I want a dip. But IÂ’m not willing to pay the consequences which are undeniable. If I keep dipping, it will kill me.

If I had to rank those consequences I just listed, death is clearly the worst one. So – I guess I’m saying I’m more likely to rob a bank than to put another pinch of dip in my mouth. Every decision I make has a consequence – positive or negative. I might not even realize it. Staying up late… consequence is less sleep. Buying my son a Mets jersey at the game last night? Consequence is less money in my pocket. Playing tea party with my daughter? Consequence is that the lawn didn't get mowed Monday.

Putting a dip in my mouth? Consequence is death. Perhaps not immediate, but certainly sooner than it should come. Consequence is that my children have to watch their father die – not as the man they know today, but as a shriveled, withering mess because of what Cancer will do to him. Consequence is that my wife will suffer for the rest of her life because of my own selfishness.

No. IÂ’m not willing to pay the consequences. I will never again be willing to pay those consequences.

[KUmarcus01]

Per,

Thanks for that. Simple and timely. Outstanding.

Marcus

In the meantime let's continue to collectively take the buzz-saw of free floating aggression to the NB today!

[LLCope]

Per,

Thanks for this inspiring post----KTC has given me a personal mission also: #1 to establish my own daily quit #2 to help others quit--through this site and off this site.

You and I will become HOF on the same day--I am proud to quit with you. However, day 78--today is the most important day of our quit

LL

[dchogs]

Day 78.

My brother called me today. I was planning on calling him but he called me before I could. Said "I was just about to call you." He said Bullshit and I said "no, I was going to get a cup of coffee and then call you."

Then he asked how much coffee do I drink and I said well, since I quit dipping, about 17 cups a day. He didn't know I quit. It wasn't a secret. He lives in Maine, I live in Jersey. it never came up. He asked me how long I've been quit for. I told him 78 days. He said "like, exactly 78 days? You know the exact number of days?" I told him yes - it was part of my quit plan.

And then -- almost as if stunned -- he said to me "wow, you really are an addict!" This is my oldest brother. Probably the man I admire most in my life. And my first reaction - which I didn't say out loud - was "you fucking dope. I've been dipping since I was 12. Of course I'm an addict."

Instead I explained to him this site. And it wasn't until 10 minutes later that I realized I was talking about KTC like it was the child I was so proud of. I was bragging about how great the people were and how important this whole experience was to me and how this site will always be a part of my life.

I'm proud to be a Quithead today.

not sure how i missed this per, but great post.

this place has saved my life by showing me the way. i've done the work (and i had that capability in me the whole fucking time), but it was the combination of time, place, people, and well placed kicks in the ass that got me started down this road.

also, your big bro may not have said it, but i'm sure he didn't like you dipping. i'd wager he's also happy as hell that you're quit.

keep up the good quit!

[Cancrusher]

Day 78.

My brother called me today. I was planning on calling him but he called me before I could. Said "I was just about to call you." He said Bullshit and I said "no, I was going to get a cup of coffee and then call you."

Then he asked how much coffee do I drink and I said well, since I quit dipping, about 17 cups a day. He didn't know I quit. It wasn't a secret. He lives in Maine, I live in Jersey. it never came up. He asked me how long I've been quit for. I told him 78 days. He said "like, exactly 78 days? You know the exact number of days?" I told him yes - it was part of my quit plan.

And then -- almost as if stunned -- he said to me "wow, you really are an addict!" This is my oldest brother. Probably the man I admire most in my life. And my first reaction - which I didn't say out loud - was "you fucking dope. I've been dipping since I was 12. Of course I'm an addict."

Instead I explained to him this site. And it wasn't until 10 minutes later that I realized I was talking about KTC like it was the child I was so proud of. I was bragging about how great the people were and how important this whole experience was to me and how this site will always be a part of my life.

I'm proud to be a Quithead today.

:)

Literally made me smile. I needed that this morning. What you just said is something that I'd forgotten for some time now. Great refresher brother! Kick some nic_Biaaaatch ass today!

[Souliman]

i think you have a few more brothers now...you stinkin' addict 'archer'

Cheers bro

[CORNWALLACE]

Day 78.

My brother called me today. I was planning on calling him but he called me before I could. Said "I was just about to call you." He said Bullshit and I said "no, I was going to get a cup of coffee and then call you."

Then he asked how much coffee do I drink and I said well, since I quit dipping, about 17 cups a day. He didn't know I quit. It wasn't a secret. He lives in Maine, I live in Jersey. it never came up. He asked me how long I've been quit for. I told him 78 days. He said "like, exactly 78 days? You know the exact number of days?" I told him yes - it was part of my quit plan.

And then -- almost as if stunned -- he said to me "wow, you really are an addict!" This is my oldest brother. Probably the man I admire most in my life. And my first reaction - which I didn't say out loud - was "you fucking dope. I've been dipping since I was 12. Of course I'm an addict."

Instead I explained to him this site. And it wasn't until 10 minutes later that I realized I was talking about KTC like it was the child I was so proud of. I was bragging about how great the people were and how important this whole experience was to me and how this site will always be a part of my life.

I'm proud to be a Quithead today.

Great stuff, per - I am one proud dude to be quit with you daily!

[Scowick65]

Day 78.

My brother called me today. I was planning on calling him but he called me before I could. Said "I was just about to call you." He said Bullshit and I said "no, I was going to get a cup of coffee and then call you."

Then he asked how much coffee do I drink and I said well, since I quit dipping, about 17 cups a day. He didn't know I quit. It wasn't a secret. He lives in Maine, I live in Jersey. it never came up. He asked me how long I've been quit for. I told him 78 days. He said "like, exactly 78 days? You know the exact number of days?" I told him yes - it was part of my quit plan.

And then -- almost as if stunned -- he said to me "wow, you really are an addict!" This is my oldest brother. Probably the man I admire most in my life. And my first reaction - which I didn't say out loud - was "you fucking dope. I've been dipping since I was 12. Of course I'm an addict."

Instead I explained to him this site. And it wasn't until 10 minutes later that I realized I was talking about KTC like it was the child I was so proud of. I was bragging about how great the people were and how important this whole experience was to me and how this site will always be a part of my life.

I'm proud to be a Quithead today.

:)

[per034]

Day 78.

My brother called me today. I was planning on calling him but he called me before I could. Said "I was just about to call you." He said Bullshit and I said "no, I was going to get a cup of coffee and then call you."

Then he asked how much coffee do I drink and I said well, since I quit dipping, about 17 cups a day. He didn't know I quit. It wasn't a secret. He lives in Maine, I live in Jersey. it never came up. He asked me how long I've been quit for. I told him 78 days. He said "like, exactly 78 days? You know the exact number of days?" I told him yes - it was part of my quit plan.

And then -- almost as if stunned -- he said to me "wow, you really are an addict!" This is my oldest brother. Probably the man I admire most in my life. And my first reaction - which I didn't say out loud - was "you fucking dope. I've been dipping since I was 12. Of course I'm an addict."

Instead I explained to him this site. And it wasn't until 10 minutes later that I realized I was talking about KTC like it was the child I was so proud of. I was bragging about how great the people were and how important this whole experience was to me and how this site will always be a part of my life.

I'm proud to be a Quithead today.

[Scowick65]

I know what you mean. 70s sucked for me. Really sucked. Just keep bringing the quit. You are wearing her ass out. She is about to give up full assaults and will have to resort to small little craves and small other bullshit. Keep bringing the quit.

[dante]

Per,

You are doing great bro...I'm proud to be here alongside you!

Tight...I get it. Awesome.

[bnlelliott]

Day 73, hour 1.

This is much harder than it used to be. When I started this it seemed pretty easy. The first three days were much easier than I thought they would be. Then before I knew it I had a month under my belt. I was rock-solid. I was quit. Full-on, badass motherfucker quit. Hit a rough patch at day 56. Got through it.... back to full on badass motherfucker quit.

When I posted last, someone said the "70's fog hit you early" - or something like that. It didn't hit me early. That was just the 50's fog. I'm now in the 70's fog and this shit is like pea soup.

I've been on vacation since day 67. I've been on a short vacation before since my quit, so I thought nothing of it. But this time it seems to be different. It's just harder. And I can't explain it. What's weird is that the triggers are gone. I don't want a dip when I'm in the car. I don't want a dip when I'm catching up on e-mails. I want it when I'm washing the dishes. When I'm watching Phineas and Ferb with the kids. These were never triggers. Why are they triggers now?

I think it has everything to do with this stupid fucking spreadsheet (and I mean that in the most loving way possible). I volunteered to take this over when Cancrusher was away for a few days and I wanted to keep it. I loved that spreadsheet. I checked it every day. When the opportunity arose, I took it. I'm grateful to cancrusher for starting it, but it wasn't his responsibility. It was something we should be doing. And I take great personal pride in managing it.

But I think it's taken the place of Roll for me. I find that the days when I skip the spreadsheet, my quit is weaker. I never miss roll. I refuse to miss roll. But at this point, roll is just something I do. It's my promise and I intend to keep it. But when I do that spreadsheet - that's my roll. That's the moment in time when I see all 42 names and feel the connection and realize that my quit is not just for me. It's for them. It's for you. It's for Parry and dchogs, and dante and closer and ktk and Albert (who for some reason stopped posting lyrics) and ed and BTM and rude and marj and sarah and all the other Quitheads who's names are embedded in my brain but space prevents me from mentioning.

I didn't realize that this week. I took a week off from the spreadsheet. This has been my weekest moment in my quit. It's not like I hit the counter at 7-11 looking for a tin of Cope. But this is the time when my quit was weakest. If someone came to me earlier today and said "want a dip?" or "care for a cigar?" - I might have caved. Now that I updated that stupid fucking spreadsheet, my quit is .... not stronger, necessarily. It's tighter.

That's wierd. I just typed that and it feels right. I don't think my quit was ever weak. It might have been loose, but not weak. Stupid, I know. But my quit is tighter today. Becuase of that stupid fucking spreadsheet.

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's important to have something else other than roll to keep you honest. Roll is critical, and I'm not trying to diminish that in any way. But I think after a while, roll becomes a habit and doesn't have the impact it did in week 1 or week 3 or week 8. I'll never stop posting roll. My promise to Cancrusher was to see Wardamneagle through his HOF day and I might give up the spreadsheet then. I think that would be a mistake for me. I need something more than Roll to keep my quit tight.

--------------------------

Sorry if my introduction posts are stream of consciousness. I write these for me to look back on. If they help you, great. If they don't, then I'm sorry - this might sound like I'm being a dick, and I'm not trying to, but at this point, you're not my audience. I am.

Per - I know exactly where you are coming from. My May 11 brothers have offered to take over the sheet for a week or so to help out, and I appreciate the hell out of them for it, but the whole time something felt "off."

I think you nailed how I felt about it in your post, especially this

I don't think my quit was ever weak. It might have been loose, but not weak. Stupid, I know. But my quit is tighter today. Becuase of that stupid fucking spreadsheet.

Right on brother. Thanks for this.

per,

You know....that I know....exactly where you're coming from. 1st of all, I fuckin' hated the 'late' fogs, 50-70 etc. Bullshit man, they hit me like a rouge wave. I never felt more grounded in my Quit then when I emerged from those late hits. So fuck it, they were a blessing in disguise. A little 'send-me-off' from the nic-bitch before I reached the HOF.

Secondly, there are a group of people much like you and I who are what I like to call "all or nothing" people. Post roll everyday? Ok, done, did that, now what?! I need more! What else can I do? I want to feeeeel it. I want to live it. I want to breath it. That is what the spreadsheet was for me too. I think everyone should keep their own copy on their computers. It's just so gratifying to fill in those little days. And I'll tell you this, you would be hard pressed to find someone more invested in each of your Quit brother's Quits than you are my friend. And that is why you are a cornerstone in this community.

Leave, and we will notice :)

Keep up the great work brother.

P.s. is it sad that I enjoy watching Phineas and Ferb by myself?

per...i know from watching at a distance that you are one of the most involved people on here...the spreadsheet sounds like a great way to keep you focused, but let me make another suggestion as well...

Pick a newbie...any newbie...and make his or her quit your business. When I say that I don't mean just posting something on their intro...but really get personally involved with them. 2 or 3 PM's a day, make them directly accountable...hit them with your number before they ask. You may already do all of that, but I'll tell you it has saved my quit more than once.

I went through an incredible fog from about 68-76 or 77, just mind numbing...but then I found a couple of guys and really got involved with them and it went away...and I get the feeling of "tighter" because thats exactly the feeling I got.

Anyway...at about a year I left the boards and "almost" caved several times...fortunately for me nmc shot me an email one day out of the blue...and I came back. Ever since then I have picked one or two newbies every month and get real personally involved in their quit and it has kept me "tight" to the boards and "tighter" to my own quit ever since.

Keep it up bro, you sir are a great quitter and I'm proud to be here with you!

[Cancrusher]

Day 73, hour 1.

This is much harder than it used to be. When I started this it seemed pretty easy. The first three days were much easier than I thought they would be. Then before I knew it I had a month under my belt. I was rock-solid. I was quit. Full-on, badass motherfucker quit. Hit a rough patch at day 56. Got through it.... back to full on badass motherfucker quit.

When I posted last, someone said the "70's fog hit you early" - or something like that. It didn't hit me early. That was just the 50's fog. I'm now in the 70's fog and this shit is like pea soup.

I've been on vacation since day 67. I've been on a short vacation before since my quit, so I thought nothing of it. But this time it seems to be different. It's just harder. And I can't explain it. What's weird is that the triggers are gone. I don't want a dip when I'm in the car. I don't want a dip when I'm catching up on e-mails. I want it when I'm washing the dishes. When I'm watching Phineas and Ferb with the kids. These were never triggers. Why are they triggers now?

I think it has everything to do with this stupid fucking spreadsheet (and I mean that in the most loving way possible). I volunteered to take this over when Cancrusher was away for a few days and I wanted to keep it. I loved that spreadsheet. I checked it every day. When the opportunity arose, I took it. I'm grateful to cancrusher for starting it, but it wasn't his responsibility. It was something we should be doing. And I take great personal pride in managing it.

But I think it's taken the place of Roll for me. I find that the days when I skip the spreadsheet, my quit is weaker. I never miss roll. I refuse to miss roll. But at this point, roll is just something I do. It's my promise and I intend to keep it. But when I do that spreadsheet - that's my roll. That's the moment in time when I see all 42 names and feel the connection and realize that my quit is not just for me. It's for them. It's for you. It's for Parry and dchogs, and dante and closer and ktk and Albert (who for some reason stopped posting lyrics) and ed and BTM and rude and marj and sarah and all the other Quitheads who's names are embedded in my brain but space prevents me from mentioning.

I didn't realize that this week. I took a week off from the spreadsheet. This has been my weekest moment in my quit. It's not like I hit the counter at 7-11 looking for a tin of Cope. But this is the time when my quit was weakest. If someone came to me earlier today and said "want a dip?" or "care for a cigar?" - I might have caved. Now that I updated that stupid fucking spreadsheet, my quit is .... not stronger, necessarily. It's tighter.

That's wierd. I just typed that and it feels right. I don't think my quit was ever weak. It might have been loose, but not weak. Stupid, I know. But my quit is tighter today. Becuase of that stupid fucking spreadsheet.

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's important to have something else other than roll to keep you honest. Roll is critical, and I'm not trying to diminish that in any way. But I think after a while, roll becomes a habit and doesn't have the impact it did in week 1 or week 3 or week 8. I'll never stop posting roll. My promise to Cancrusher was to see Wardamneagle through his HOF day and I might give up the spreadsheet then. I think that would be a mistake for me. I need something more than Roll to keep my quit tight.

--------------------------

Sorry if my introduction posts are stream of consciousness. I write these for me to look back on. If they help you, great. If they don't, then I'm sorry - this might sound like I'm being a dick, and I'm not trying to, but at this point, you're not my audience. I am.

Per - I know exactly where you are coming from. My May 11 brothers have offered to take over the sheet for a week or so to help out, and I appreciate the hell out of them for it, but the whole time something felt "off."

I think you nailed how I felt about it in your post, especially this

I don't think my quit was ever weak. It might have been loose, but not weak. Stupid, I know. But my quit is tighter today. Becuase of that stupid fucking spreadsheet.

Right on brother. Thanks for this.

per,

You know....that I know....exactly where you're coming from. 1st of all, I fuckin' hated the 'late' fogs, 50-70 etc. Bullshit man, they hit me like a rouge wave. I never felt more grounded in my Quit then when I emerged from those late hits. So fuck it, they were a blessing in disguise. A little 'send-me-off' from the nic-bitch before I reached the HOF.

Secondly, there are a group of people much like you and I who are what I like to call "all or nothing" people. Post roll everyday? Ok, done, did that, now what?! I need more! What else can I do? I want to feeeeel it. I want to live it. I want to breath it. That is what the spreadsheet was for me too. I think everyone should keep their own copy on their computers. It's just so gratifying to fill in those little days. And I'll tell you this, you would be hard pressed to find someone more invested in each of your Quit brother's Quits than you are my friend. And that is why you are a cornerstone in this community.

Leave, and we will notice :)

Keep up the great work brother.

P.s. is it sad that I enjoy watching Phineas and Ferb by myself?

[J2b]

Day 73, hour 1.

This is much harder than it used to be. When I started this it seemed pretty easy. The first three days were much easier than I thought they would be. Then before I knew it I had a month under my belt. I was rock-solid. I was quit. Full-on, badass motherfucker quit. Hit a rough patch at day 56. Got through it.... back to full on badass motherfucker quit.

When I posted last, someone said the "70's fog hit you early" - or something like that. It didn't hit me early. That was just the 50's fog. I'm now in the 70's fog and this shit is like pea soup.

I've been on vacation since day 67. I've been on a short vacation before since my quit, so I thought nothing of it. But this time it seems to be different. It's just harder. And I can't explain it. What's weird is that the triggers are gone. I don't want a dip when I'm in the car. I don't want a dip when I'm catching up on e-mails. I want it when I'm washing the dishes. When I'm watching Phineas and Ferb with the kids. These were never triggers. Why are they triggers now?

I think it has everything to do with this stupid fucking spreadsheet (and I mean that in the most loving way possible). I volunteered to take this over when Cancrusher was away for a few days and I wanted to keep it. I loved that spreadsheet. I checked it every day. When the opportunity arose, I took it. I'm grateful to cancrusher for starting it, but it wasn't his responsibility. It was something we should be doing. And I take great personal pride in managing it.

But I think it's taken the place of Roll for me. I find that the days when I skip the spreadsheet, my quit is weaker. I never miss roll. I refuse to miss roll. But at this point, roll is just something I do. It's my promise and I intend to keep it. But when I do that spreadsheet - that's my roll. That's the moment in time when I see all 42 names and feel the connection and realize that my quit is not just for me. It's for them. It's for you. It's for Parry and dchogs, and dante and closer and ktk and Albert (who for some reason stopped posting lyrics) and ed and BTM and rude and marj and sarah and all the other Quitheads who's names are embedded in my brain but space prevents me from mentioning.

I didn't realize that this week. I took a week off from the spreadsheet. This has been my weekest moment in my quit. It's not like I hit the counter at 7-11 looking for a tin of Cope. But this is the time when my quit was weakest. If someone came to me earlier today and said "want a dip?" or "care for a cigar?" - I might have caved. Now that I updated that stupid fucking spreadsheet, my quit is .... not stronger, necessarily. It's tighter.

That's wierd. I just typed that and it feels right. I don't think my quit was ever weak. It might have been loose, but not weak. Stupid, I know. But my quit is tighter today. Becuase of that stupid fucking spreadsheet.

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's important to have something else other than roll to keep you honest. Roll is critical, and I'm not trying to diminish that in any way. But I think after a while, roll becomes a habit and doesn't have the impact it did in week 1 or week 3 or week 8. I'll never stop posting roll. My promise to Cancrusher was to see Wardamneagle through his HOF day and I might give up the spreadsheet then. I think that would be a mistake for me. I need something more than Roll to keep my quit tight.

--------------------------

Sorry if my introduction posts are stream of consciousness. I write these for me to look back on. If they help you, great. If they don't, then I'm sorry - this might sound like I'm being a dick, and I'm not trying to, but at this point, you're not my audience. I am.

Per - I know exactly where you are coming from. My May 11 brothers have offered to take over the sheet for a week or so to help out, and I appreciate the hell out of them for it, but the whole time something felt "off."

I think you nailed how I felt about it in your post, especially this

I don't think my quit was ever weak. It might have been loose, but not weak. Stupid, I know. But my quit is tighter today. Becuase of that stupid fucking spreadsheet.

Right on brother. Thanks for this.

[LLCope]

Per,

I am on day 71 and I know exactly what you are talking about. A few days ago I needed to talk to a vet---so I PM'ed TCope. My quit is a little tougher now than over the past couple weeks. I am having cravings at wierd times. I am wondering if it will ever change and be normal. When I spoke with TCope he reminded me that this is a time where feeling this way is normal---it is The BLAHS. It is a time for all of us August brothers to circle the wagons and stay in touch with each other--we must dig in our heals---and stay involved on the site even more.




LL