UST25 - I'm in the exact same spot you are bro. I also think Dean summed it up to a tee. Part of this addiction, at least for me, was a means to enhance things in my life that were dull and uninteresting. How do I say it??? Well maybe,,,,Work fucking blows!!!!!!!!! It sucked before I quit, but I could get a little relief at times because I could get away with hiding a chew in my upper lip. But on the flip side of that relief, I had to constantly watch over my back to make sure I wasn't caught spitting in a can, I would smash the chew in my face with my palm so it would be flat - so no one would see the bulge, I was popping breathsavers and drinking coffee like a pig to mask my breath, and the whole time the battle was going on in my brain,,"You got to quit idiot - - Sunday will be my last day",,,,etc...I own a business with my wife (which adds pressure at times not to think of murder,,,on top of the boredom). I'm not as productive at work now in the past 35 days, but I've been a gym rat since Feb, lifting weights, running, losing fat....why? because I love exercising and never needed dip to do it. Without dip, I'm so much more motivated to go to the gym. It's funny, one of my earliest memories of one of my grandfathers was him telling my Dad he didn't know anyone who loved their job. My Dad was trying to get him to retire after working in a slaughterhouse well into his 70's - but gp was telling my Dad "It's who I am" For whatever reason, "No one likes their job" always stuck and in reality I would have to say I've known probably no more than 10 people who truly love their job in my working career. How many people would stay at their job if they won a million bucks? It's a fact of life but I believe getting over the burden of chewing will someday make work slightly better and it will ensure that I'll cherish those fun times like going to the gym, fishing, imprinting my hand in my wife's ass...EVEN MORE because my conscious will be clear and I'm now comfortable not spinning the barrel of the cancer gun.
