Decided that the comments are getting too scattered around, so, due to popular request, I am going to archive all of my reality show like comments about the never ending April '11 quit group drama in here. Hopefully, this can be of epic lengths by the time we reach the HOF!!
For those of you unfamiliar and are wondering what exactly the fuck this is, I've started to respond to the drama in my own personal style. You could compare it to how LOOT responds to everything in third person. Instead, I make a reality show out of the endless bitching and turn it into..comedy. These comments can be found over in the April '11 Roll thread, I'm just archiving them here for anyone that wants to read them all at once.
Note-I only started doing this as of yesterday, but I am working on a prologue so that day 1 shit till the present can be included in some way.
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2/2/11 #1
*Reference-The very first comment made in this style. The usual drama slinging was occuring, and it was decided that it looked very much like a reality show. Due to popularity..the bulk of my comments have been made in this style since the incident*
*Imitates TV Commercial man voice* Tensions are rising in the April quit group house once more, as one of the members explains his past conquests of various addictions, a helping hand is extended..only to be..shit..all..over-find out what happens tonight, 6pm central, on QUITTERS!
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2/2/11 #2
*Reference-XrMatt had proclaimed that he was in his own quit group, which is where the bulk of this "episode" stems from, and that he didn't need the April quit group, however he appeared to continue to "live" in the April thread.*
Suddenly, a microphone buzzes. The announcers voice returns.
"Ladies and Gentleman, Xrmatt has just walked outside of the ravaged April house, screams still echoing in the background. About fifteen feet from the house, he pulls out a small coleman tent and pitches it near the doorway, within yelling distance. He sits in his tent, contemplating his quit alone, and every once in a while, comes out to pound his fists angrily on Aprils door before running back to his tent, diving inside. How long will this go on for until April organizes a task force to strike back? Find out tomorrow morning, only on, QUITTERS!"
The microphone buzzes once again, back from the brief commercial break advertising various brands of sunflower seeds, fake dip, and food products.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, it looks as though Mr. Xrmatt has once again left his tent. We observed as he walked up to the front door of April, slammed his hand against the door, and once again made a critical remark. Without even waiting for a reply, he turned around and headed back to his tent. He unstaked it, moving it approximately another 20 feet away from the house, but is still within yelling distance. Various members of the April group peeked curiously from the windows as Mr. XrMatt was observed raising a small flag above his one man tent, before he retreated inside. The flag was hard to read, significantly smaller in size then the dramatic "April Drama Queens" flag that billows in the wind above the April house.
"Faint grumblings can be heard all the way over at the April house for a few moments, until they taper off. The April members would occasionally peek outside their blinds, curious as to when Mr. Xrmatt was going to make his next assault on their already broken home, but for now, it appears as though the evening will commence in a somewhat normal fashion, for April anyways, for now. At least. Until Mr. XrMatt returns to beat his fists angrily upon April's door once more, perhaps even barraging inside once again to knock the lamp off the damn table again and take a giant shit on the floor, like he did last time. Please don't change that channel, as we break shortly for a commercial!"
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2/2/11 #3
"Welcome back, a brief thank you to our sponsors, Spitz seeds. A most curious incident has happened-yet another individual was observed fleeing April's house. a Mr. Chaos was seen strolling out the front door, in a slightly more dignified manner then Mr XrMatt. Although dusk has long since arrived, you could hear the flag rattling as he lowered it, pausing to sign his name alongside matts, before raising the tiny flag once more over the tent. Interestingly enough, he disappears inside, joining XrMatt inside. One has to wonder if a sort of brokeback mountain situation is occurring here. An April member, who happened to be outside taking a piss near the tent, heard sobs coming from inside-and this was after Mr Chaos had entered to join Mr. XrMatt. Very curious indeed.
*Scene flash back to April house*
"Suprisingly, it appears to be a rather peaceful evening in the April house. A N2everything is scouring a list, pen in hand, as he checks off the members that are accounted for. An eyebrow raises as he sighs, scratching his head and looking around for Teach. Another set of quitters were missing, and he told us he likened the job to herding cats, as it was near impossible to keep track of them all."
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2/2/11 #4
"It looks as thought the April house is about to get torn up once again tonight. Mr. Chaos, having finished doing whatever he was doing inside the tent with a Mr. Matt, just screamed outside the tent flap at N2. Apparently, visiting over at May's house, and signing their sheet, is the same as living inside of Aprils house, and signing their roll call sheet. Mr Chaos just informed N2 that it is HIS responsibility to traverse the Quitters vast nicotine free desert and track him down from every individual quit home for his signature. Ladies and gentlemen-please take cover, as N2 was just seen boiling over, headed over to one of the open windows on the April home to bellow back at Chaos. Unsurprisingly, the silence has been broken for the April house, and it won't be long before other residents are awakened by the noise"
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2/2/11 #5
*Reference-this was the summary statement tied into the Roll Call for 2/2/11*
RECAP
"Febuary 2nd's episode of QUITTERS proved to be exciting indeed. Our fabulous members Chaos and Matt have stormed out of the already broken home of April, and were last observed inside their own little tent pitched just outside of the House of April, a short distance off, but not so far away that they couldn't occasionally scream at the occupants of the House of April before quickly turning tail and diving inside the tent once more. A small flag was raised over this 2 man tent, on it, a April house member, under the cover of night, tagged "April Double Douchin Dildos". It remains to be seen what exactly this action will provoke.
Meanwhile, over at the House of April, the Drama Queen Deluxe flag continues to fly proudly as the heated bitching continues to fly, although the bulk of it these days is directed at the new rebel quit party. The second major source of frustration was witnessed as N2 and Teach struggled to herd the cats, a small group consisting of:
ASBO (3)
browniemanab (3)
colin_lea
MJS
MikeDubs
Mongu
One2ManyCans (2)
Wilco999(3)
is MIA. It can only be expected that when they come back dragging ass to April's front door, that its residents will pile out and promptly beat the shit out of them for missing their curfew and not signing role.
Thats all for today's recap, stay tuned for tomorrow!"
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2/3/11 #6
"Morning has arrived for the April '11 group, and once again, the usual slinging of drama is what kicks this morning off. As the sun rises over the horizon, the other residents of the April quit house gather to discuss exactly what the hell is going on-they had seen the second, smaller flag and the little tent in their front yard.
"The Veterans have arrived once again, from wherever they live in the desert. April's house was rapidly becoming their favorite place to spend their days in retirement. A few confused looks are again given towards the Double Douchin Dildo's flag and tent, but that answer would come later.
*scene jumps to the tent*
"We have yet to see or hear from Matt. Last time he was seen, he had beat his hands angrily upon April's front door, before hiding in his tent were he sobbed his way to sleep. However, Chaos is his new companion, and he started the morning out fresh by leaving his tent, and unsurprisingly, took a shit on April's door step. He then collected this shit, put it in a bag, and lit it on fire. Loot, one of the older Veterans, cracked the door open, jabbing him with a cane and informing him he had nothing to offer this community. Chaos proceeded to take a few steps back away from the door, pick up rocks, and throw them at April's windows. A diplomatic N2 attempted to dodge the rocks as he leaned out of a window. He somehow had it in him to forgive Chaos, something most of the other jeering residents of April did not, and begged him and Matt to pull down the Double Douchin Dildo's flag and come back home to April's house. So far, neither of the two members of the rebel quit party have yet to make a comment on the offer.
"As the rocks continued to fly from Chaos, Loot opened the door again, nostrils flaring momentarily from the prior shit burning smell and called out to Chaos, asking him a critical question in his typical third person style, before slamming the door to April's house once more and turning to head towards the living room, where the residents had gathered in their typical fashion, bitching about one topic or another. Today, that topic was the rebel quit group and what was to be done about it."
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2/3/11 #7
*Reference-the roll call list had been split, Drama Queen Quitters, with a recap, and the Double Douchin Dildos. This was promptly erased (but later restored, thanks teach) by teach*
"The bitching in the living room was interrupted momentarily as Teach emerged, the self proclaimed leader of the April house. His eyes wandered momentarily to the whiteboard hanging off the wall where the members scrawled their names each morning, pledging their quit. To the right of the names, was a short summary of the events that had happened the day before. His fists curled into anger as he seized the white board, ripping it off the wall. "What the fuck is this shit, this violation of my pure ROLL LIST!" he bellowed, as he swung it wildly around the room. "Noone..changes..the Roll list. It..is..sacred" he said, as he hung the now bent and battered board back upon the wall. The summary, MIA list, and the rebel's signatures, now gone and all integrated back into the rather bland and boring list."
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2/10/11 #8
*Reference-one of the group members had posted late to roll call, and a veteran promptly jumped in and bitched about how posting late is a no no until the event snowballed and there were multiple vets, mods and a few of Aprils members just completely bitching mostly all at the one member and a second that came to back him up. Typical April drama-condensed into a fine reality show episode
*And back from a short absence, everyones favorite reality show suddenly flashes on, taking over the previous snowy channel that had been disconnected from before*
"Thanks and welcome back toooo QUITTERS!!!! Today is a heated day in the house of April. A veteran, Jpine, happened to be lurking downstairs in the living room and observed one lospenguinos sneak downstairs and sign his name late to the whiteboard. Jpine shook his head, pulled out his phone and called his best buddies NOLAQ, and Loot. Soon, several veterans poured into the living room and ganked lospenguinos, tearing into him shark attack style about how late he signed his name onto the whiteboard. "Fuck you! I'll sign when I want to" lospenquinos cried out in agony, as the veterans descended on him, beating him with their walking canes. The loud noise woke up other members of the April house, who had been otherwise peaceful for the day, and they joined in on the drama as well, along with other veterans. Sadly, lospenguinos was turned upon by all the others for his late posting, until Chaos arrived, defending his fellow quitter and making a rather keen observation that there was little to no drama in the house until the Vets arrived and started beating the shit out of lospenguinos with their walking sticks. If we roll the tapes back here, watch"
*tapes roll back prior to lospenguinos signing, and continue all the way back to the start of the day*
"You can see Chaos *does* have a point. There was no bitching. However, do the veterans have a point with this suddenly brutal beating? Does it..tear..apart..the..very..fabric..of..this..group...to post late? Find out more on our next episode.."
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