New Quitter

[luby]

Everyday cr4 posts "I am an addict" so he doesn't forget, today he posted "I'm a hall of fame addict"!!! I am damn proud to quit with him every day. Congrats on the HOF! I'll see ya tomorrow on roll.

[ERDVM]

Day 48.  I haven't been quit this long since some time in high school.  I had been doing pretty well lately, no major craves to speak of, even when I was driving.  However, Monday and today I was in the car for several hours each day and was craving big time.  On Monday I used Smokey Mountain but was out today and just had to work through it.  I hadn't had that issue before I started using the fake.  I think I am going to have to quit the fake too as I find myself relying on it too much. 

Overall, most days are pretty easy now.  It is just overcoming the occassional whisper that makes my quit even stronger.

A continued thanks to everyone here on the KTC for helping me along the way.  Reading your posts and the brother and sisterhood here keeps me going.

I put down the fake in my 40's cr4. It was pretty easy to tell you the truth. I drive for a living, so at first I thought it was going to be difficult,, but I found it wasn't. I started using toothpicks and gum when I'm driving. The toothpicks seem to work just fine. While your driving for long periods the craves come, but beating them down is what we are getting use to. Eventually I hope the nic bitch just gives up. Glad to be quit with you brother.

That's the day we die I'm afraid srans... keep your guard up guys.

"A cucumber can become a pickle.....but a pickle can never go back to being a cucumber"

L00t 7:13
Thanks be to 'loot04'

[mich 34]

Day 48.  I haven't been quit this long since some time in high school.  I had been doing pretty well lately, no major craves to speak of, even when I was driving.  However, Monday and today I was in the car for several hours each day and was craving big time.  On Monday I used Smokey Mountain but was out today and just had to work through it.  I hadn't had that issue before I started using the fake.  I think I am going to have to quit the fake too as I find myself relying on it too much. 

Overall, most days are pretty easy now.  It is just overcoming the occassional whisper that makes my quit even stronger.

A continued thanks to everyone here on the KTC for helping me along the way.  Reading your posts and the brother and sisterhood here keeps me going.

I put down the fake in my 40's cr4. It was pretty easy to tell you the truth. I drive for a living, so at first I thought it was going to be difficult,, but I found it wasn't. I started using toothpicks and gum when I'm driving. The toothpicks seem to work just fine. While your driving for long periods the craves come, but beating them down is what we are getting use to. Eventually I hope the nic bitch just gives up. Glad to be quit with you brother.

That's the day we die I'm afraid srans... keep your guard up guys.

[srans]

Day 48. I haven't been quit this long since some time in high school. I had been doing pretty well lately, no major craves to speak of, even when I was driving. However, Monday and today I was in the car for several hours each day and was craving big time. On Monday I used Smokey Mountain but was out today and just had to work through it. I hadn't had that issue before I started using the fake. I think I am going to have to quit the fake too as I find myself relying on it too much.

Overall, most days are pretty easy now. It is just overcoming the occassional whisper that makes my quit even stronger.

A continued thanks to everyone here on the KTC for helping me along the way. Reading your posts and the brother and sisterhood here keeps me going.

I put down the fake in my 40's cr4. It was pretty easy to tell you the truth. I drive for a living, so at first I thought it was going to be difficult,, but I found it wasn't. I started using toothpicks and gum when I'm driving. The toothpicks seem to work just fine. While your driving for long periods the craves come, but beating them down is what we are getting use to. Eventually I hope the nic bitch just gives up. Glad to be quit with you brother.

[cr4]

Day 48. I haven't been quit this long since some time in high school. I had been doing pretty well lately, no major craves to speak of, even when I was driving. However, Monday and today I was in the car for several hours each day and was craving big time. On Monday I used Smokey Mountain but was out today and just had to work through it. I hadn't had that issue before I started using the fake. I think I am going to have to quit the fake too as I find myself relying on it too much.

Overall, most days are pretty easy now. It is just overcoming the occassional whisper that makes my quit even stronger.

A continued thanks to everyone here on the KTC for helping me along the way. Reading your posts and the brother and sisterhood here keeps me going.

[cr4]

Cr4, great job on your quit. I'm on day 24 and had a few serious craves the past day or two. So far i have been eating seeds all day long and it gets me through the craves. What are your thoughts on the fake stuff at this point in your quit?

Congrats to you. This is the first time I used it in my quit. I don't think it is something I am going to want to or need to use regularly. I really want to get away from turning to a can of anything, real or not. It is nice to know that I have it available though if necessary.

[EFNKodiak]

Cr4, great job on your quit. I'm on day 24 and had a few serious craves the past day or two. So far i have been eating seeds all day long and it gets me through the craves. What are your thoughts on the fake stuff at this point in your quit?

[srans]

Day 22. Quit is rolling along fairly well. I've had some stressful situations come and go but no major craves since day 9. I ordered some Hooch to avoid the situation I had that day when I was unable to find a no-nic alternative anywhere. I tried some to see how it tasted. Unfortunately, I think more ended up on the floor than in my mouth. That is some messy stuff and hardly worth the cleanup involved. But at least I'll have it on hand, along with a broom, if I feel the need for it.

Perhaps it was because I used long cut and the Hooch is pretty fine cut. Hard to dump too much into your lip. So I might try to get some Smokey Mountain instead as I remember that being a less messy product.

A continued thanks to all my fellow quitters here. My quit gets stronger every day by reading how others are staying strong each day. Let's keep it up.

Good Job C4. I'm on 35 and I've been using hooch when the going gets real tough. I like it which is probably not a good thing. I quit with you today and look forward to quiting with you tomorrow.

[cr4]

Day 22. Quit is rolling along fairly well. I've had some stressful situations come and go but no major craves since day 9. I ordered some Hooch to avoid the situation I had that day when I was unable to find a no-nic alternative anywhere. I tried some to see how it tasted. Unfortunately, I think more ended up on the floor than in my mouth. That is some messy stuff and hardly worth the cleanup involved. But at least I'll have it on hand, along with a broom, if I feel the need for it.

Perhaps it was because I used long cut and the Hooch is pretty fine cut. Hard to dump too much into your lip. So I might try to get some Smokey Mountain instead as I remember that being a less messy product.

A continued thanks to all my fellow quitters here. My quit gets stronger every day by reading how others are staying strong each day. Let's keep it up.

[jaynellie]

Day 9. Wife is gone today and tonight. In the past, I would dip the entire time she was gone. Today, I went to the gym instead. Afterwards, I thought it might be good to have some Smokey Mountain available in case I had an urge. Went to Wal-Mart and was met with blank stares when I asked for it. Then went to the c-store next door and asked if they had it or any no-nicotine alternative. The young girl behind the clerk said no, but they did have Grizzly Wintergreen (my old brand).  No shit. It was tough enough just looking at the can display but to have this girl actually offer me a tin of my old stuff when I clearly did not want it, was almost humorous. "Um, no thanks" I said as I walked out the door.

I quit with you all today.

Hell to the ?%"@ yes brother (inside May group joke). That truly is awesome being able to look the nic bitch in the face and say $!: OFF! Also being able to recognize the fact that a potential trigger might happen and be armed for battle with Smokey. Proud to be quit with you today.

[cr4]

Day 9. Wife is gone today and tonight. In the past, I would dip the entire time she was gone. Today, I went to the gym instead. Afterwards, I thought it might be good to have some Smokey Mountain available in case I had an urge. Went to Wal-Mart and was met with blank stares when I asked for it. Then went to the c-store next door and asked if they had it or any no-nicotine alternative. The young girl behind the clerk said no, but they did have Grizzly Wintergreen (my old brand). No shit. It was tough enough just looking at the can display but to have this girl actually offer me a tin of my old stuff when I clearly did not want it, was almost humorous. "Um, no thanks" I said as I walked out the door.

I quit with you all today.

[cr4]

I know a site like this won’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done.  As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday.  I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine.  Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver.  But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group.  I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return. 

Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing.  I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine.  Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday.  I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked.  Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me.  I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me.  If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week.  I do not want that.

Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all.  I expect more of what has been posted below.  If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me.  But it won’t.  I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.

CR -

this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.

Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.

So:

1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said

2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have

3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.

Be strong and yell if you need anything.

I will be watching

I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.

CR4....Epic Fail....

do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions

Then do this...

Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....

you get me?

I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:

1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.

2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.

3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.

Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.

Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'

It's easy to talk the talk.

Walk the walk man.

You've made my radar.

On wastepanel's radar.....out-fucking-standing!

CR4.....you are in for fun now....lets do this

Through pm's I have talked to cr4.... I have decided he is worth my time on his second chance and I will do what I can to help him in his quit. Not sure why but I am investing in this guy but i am, and if he wants it as bad as i now beleive he does we are gonna have a quitter. I am proud to quit with cr4 today.

CR4 - I quit with you today! I am glad to see you back and going strong.

Thanks guys. I won't let you down. I'm feeling very renewed now. Even went to the gym to run a few miles on the treadmill. I had labrum/rotator cuff surgery on 12/18 and finally got the okay to jog from my ortho. While there, saw a dude dipping while lifting weights and spitting into the garbage can every few minutes. Rather than craving, I felt pity.

I also tried take the support I have been given the last few days here and pay it forward. I wrote a lengthy PM to another former May quitter dannygallegos who it looks like caved the same weekend I did. Hopefully he gets back in here.

Thanks again everyone for the asskicking and the support.

Checking in CR4....how goes the battle?

It's actually going pretty well. I have been exercising more and that has helped out. No drinking this weekend either. Thanks for checking in.

[CleanFuel]

I know a site like this won’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done.  As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday.  I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine.  Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver.  But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group.  I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return. 

Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing.  I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine.  Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday.  I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked.  Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me.  I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me.  If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week.  I do not want that.

Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all.  I expect more of what has been posted below.  If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me.  But it won’t.  I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.

CR -

this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.

Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.

So:

1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said

2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have

3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.

Be strong and yell if you need anything.

I will be watching

I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.

CR4....Epic Fail....

do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions

Then do this...

Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....

you get me?

I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:

1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.

2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.

3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.

Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.

Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'

It's easy to talk the talk.

Walk the walk man.

You've made my radar.

On wastepanel's radar.....out-fucking-standing!

CR4.....you are in for fun now....lets do this

Through pm's I have talked to cr4.... I have decided he is worth my time on his second chance and I will do what I can to help him in his quit. Not sure why but I am investing in this guy but i am, and if he wants it as bad as i now beleive he does we are gonna have a quitter. I am proud to quit with cr4 today.

CR4 - I quit with you today! I am glad to see you back and going strong.

Thanks guys. I won't let you down. I'm feeling very renewed now. Even went to the gym to run a few miles on the treadmill. I had labrum/rotator cuff surgery on 12/18 and finally got the okay to jog from my ortho. While there, saw a dude dipping while lifting weights and spitting into the garbage can every few minutes. Rather than craving, I felt pity.

I also tried take the support I have been given the last few days here and pay it forward. I wrote a lengthy PM to another former May quitter dannygallegos who it looks like caved the same weekend I did. Hopefully he gets back in here.

Thanks again everyone for the asskicking and the support.

Checking in CR4....how goes the battle?

[cr4]

I know a site like this won’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done.  As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday.  I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine.  Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver.  But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group.  I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return. 

Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing.  I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine.  Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday.  I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked.  Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me.  I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me.  If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week.  I do not want that.

Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all.  I expect more of what has been posted below.  If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me.  But it won’t.  I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.

CR -

this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.

Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.

So:

1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said

2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have

3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.

Be strong and yell if you need anything.

I will be watching

I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.

CR4....Epic Fail....

do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions

Then do this...

Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....

you get me?

I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:

1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.

2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.

3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.

Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.

Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'

It's easy to talk the talk.

Walk the walk man.

You've made my radar.

On wastepanel's radar.....out-fucking-standing!

CR4.....you are in for fun now....lets do this

Through pm's I have talked to cr4.... I have decided he is worth my time on his second chance and I will do what I can to help him in his quit. Not sure why but I am investing in this guy but i am, and if he wants it as bad as i now beleive he does we are gonna have a quitter. I am proud to quit with cr4 today.

CR4 - I quit with you today! I am glad to see you back and going strong.

Thanks guys. I won't let you down. I'm feeling very renewed now. Even went to the gym to run a few miles on the treadmill. I had labrum/rotator cuff surgery on 12/18 and finally got the okay to jog from my ortho. While there, saw a dude dipping while lifting weights and spitting into the garbage can every few minutes. Rather than craving, I felt pity.

I also tried take the support I have been given the last few days here and pay it forward. I wrote a lengthy PM to another former May quitter dannygallegos who it looks like caved the same weekend I did. Hopefully he gets back in here.

Thanks again everyone for the asskicking and the support.

[bleeckerdogs]

I know a site like this won’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done.  As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday.  I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine.  Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver.  But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group.  I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return. 

Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing.  I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine.  Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday.  I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked.  Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me.  I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me.  If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week.  I do not want that.

Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all.  I expect more of what has been posted below.  If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me.  But it won’t.  I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.

CR -

this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.

Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.

So:

1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said

2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have

3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.

Be strong and yell if you need anything.

I will be watching

I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.

CR4....Epic Fail....

do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions

Then do this...

Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....

you get me?

I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:

1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.

2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.

3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.

Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.

Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'

It's easy to talk the talk.

Walk the walk man.

You've made my radar.

On wastepanel's radar.....out-fucking-standing!

CR4.....you are in for fun now....lets do this

Through pm's I have talked to cr4.... I have decided he is worth my time on his second chance and I will do what I can to help him in his quit. Not sure why but I am investing in this guy but i am, and if he wants it as bad as i now beleive he does we are gonna have a quitter. I am proud to quit with cr4 today.

CR4 - I quit with you today! I am glad to see you back and going strong.