I'm on day 8 of my quit. I posted roll for the first time on day 3. I am a nicotine addict. I've been chewing non stop for 18 years.I thought it got me through a lot. But in all reality it didn't get me through shit. That was the nicotine talking. I'm a fighting son of a bitch but I'm glad I signed on with ktc. I've been through this before without this program lost the fight...but I got back up and will not lose my life to this addiction. I'm ready to get my freedom back. For me my family!/(jan. 10th-day 10)...Its day 10 of my quit I'm fucking pist!!! It seems like everything triggers a crave. My basement is soaked from a water line breaking..my daughters mom is making threats about our custody situation.( I'm a great dad... am proud of my little girl). I just feel like beating the living shit out of somebody! I've got a lot of fight in me with nothing to take it out on!!!! Jan.15th 2014....day 15. Well it's been 5 days since I did a brief update. I'm irritable can not deal with conflict without feeling like I'm going to fucking lose it. I'm just trying to take this one day at a time. I miss my daughter feel guilty for how ive been acting towards my fiance when I have a crave episode. I'm exhausted tired. Haven't had good sleep since I quit. I am ready for some emotional relief I'm sick fucking tired of my mood swings that come out of nowhere.I don't wish this on anybody...anyways..just wanted to vent.- Francis out(Jan.22nd"14"-day 22- I had a rough weekend..a lot of anger that turned to rage. I said horrible things to my fiance. I shattered my phone against the wall. I went to the doctor on Monday. I told him what was going on with tears in my eyes. He gave me some good advice along with a couple prescriptions. I decided im going to try to get through this without the medicine. I don't want to rely on medication to function be happy in life. I will fight.(Feb.3rd...day 34)- I haven't updated here lately. I guess i feel like I'm in survival mode. One day at a time. I have been to yoga classes twice am going tonight. I started an inspirational journal this morning. I write down my goals stresses in life figure out a positive doable way to handle them. I think my brain is doing some major rewiring. The last time I came to my intro to update was on day 22. One of the medications I was prescribed back than was clonazepam. My mood swings rage got so bad that I decided to take it only as needed. ( my doctor fiance talked me into it.) I have only taken it twice since I got prescribed it it gave me the help I needed. I have been able to exercise, run, yoga, church, journal, have the love motivation that only a 7 year old little girl can give you (my daughter) the love of my beautiful Andrea to keep me from taking them daily. I don't want to get addicted to them..or have to rely on them every day...but have only taken them to help me at this stage of my quit. I have been mildly depressed here lately. Some days worse than others. My research tells me this is normal. Its where im supposed to be at don't fight it..be patient.; it's a process. Well..I suppose I'll sign off for now. I look forward for some more relief in the future. -francis out(June 3rd-day 154)- I am free. I was brain washed into thinking I needed chew/ nicotine. I now understand how it worked...I am not deprived of it. There is nothing to miss. I am me again;)
