Climber. Like I said, I had a similar story. One of the things you're going to have to do is come clean with your wife and family. Most of us believe that our spouse is one of our strongest supporters. Of course, you know her, and we don't, so make your own decision. If it helps, here's a post from the day I fessed up with my wife after being, as Quark puts it, a lying ass-wipe with no integrity.
"One of my own prerequisites to quitting was that I take the advice of my KTC brothers and come clean with my wife. And not only with her but also with both my children (both in their teens). Couple of things I learned during my first (and hopefully last) heart to heart with people you've hurt:
1. The people you care about will be your greatest and most ardent supporters, but don't expect any forgiveness or support until you initially prove you're serious about quitting.
2. When you've been lying to someone for a long time, and then all of a sudden say "I'm sorry, that was my last lie", you can't expect that you'll have any credibility whatsoever until you earn it back.
3. Talking honestly and openly about drugs, addiction and your own weaknesses and lack of will power is not only cathartic but instructive. You are teaching your kids to live by example with both humility and determination.
4. You're heart-to-heart is much more meaningful if they see you doing something about it. Watching me embrace KTC and my new life without nicotine, makes them happy.
5. You might think these types of discussions are about YOU coming clean, and this GREAT thing you're doing by finally quitting. Wrong. This is about you taking the punishment you so rightfully deserve (but avoided for years because you were lying) by letting your victims vent. As much as you need to heal by apologizing, they need to heal their wounds by letting you know how you have hurt them and how angry they are with you, and how you better change or else. If you don't have a 2-way discussion where the people you hurt can hurt you back (verbally of course), then it wasn't a successful discussion. And it's your responsibility to keep the discussion cool headed and suck it up by not letting it escalate. YOU caused this. No one else. So take your medicine, earn their trust back and get busy getting quit.
6. Lastly, I promise you, that in a few days (it took 1.5 days for me and my family), after the dust has settled and the cold-shoulders and cooling-off periods have run their course, the people who care about you will be your strongest supporters. And to top it all off, you will have the stress-free feeling that comes with honesty.
Bottom line, my KTC brothers couldn't have given better advice. Re-establishing my integrity with my family is one of my biggest drivers to Quitting success."
Try that on. If it fits you, then give it a go when you're ready. PM or text me if you want to talk about any of this. It's pretty damn fresh in my mind.
Lastly, roll call EDD, keep your promise and repeat every day. Coming clean with your family means NOTHING if you cave.
