DAY 95 I'm starting to understand
I read some shit in MAYbe another group today and it really impacted me and opened my eyes. It was an 'aha' moment. My first response was to defend but after I thought about it I realized I needed to better understand.
So here's my open note to the "badass keyboard internet super duper typer tough guys" and their lackeys.
I need to adjust my thinking and realize this is part of the healing process for some.
Maybe some of the posts/actions of others that I don’t agree with is their coping mechanism for beating this addiction. When quitting a drug people cope in different ways. My aunt who is an alcoholic coped by starting both a caffeine and a nicotine addiction. She abused her body with alcohol for so long that it was ‘better’ for her to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee all day than it was to drink booze because the immediate effects of more alcohol were far more severe and life threatening than the effects of starting a nicotine addiction.
There's more than one reason not to drink alcohol in the first 50-100 days when quitting nicotine – it’s not only because it’s a trigger or some or because it lowers our inhibitions- drinking alcohol can replace your nicotine addiction. Our brains are starving for that dopamine fix and abusing booze can sate that need.
Some people turn to exercise, some people turn to booze, some people stuff their face with food and some people have to fulfill a deeper desire of attention (badasses) and acceptance (lackeys). Some probably do a bit of all and more. ItÂ’s our bodies seeking to replace the dopamine nicotine once gave us. It seems I've tried about everything above.
If you’ve read through any group you’ll eventually see someone say: “Take what you need and leave the rest.” That is the nice way of saying don’t listen to the attention grabbing whores who vomit mostly self-gratifying nonsense to get a rise because that’s how they cope. I need to recognize and understand that some get their fix from the attention (good or bad) and acceptance their posts generate. Maybe that is how they are filling that dopamine void. Where others can fill that void outside of the KTC web-site, others may NEED this web-site to get their dopamine fix. Although we don’t agree with what they say, maybe it’s time we recognize it, understand what it is, give them their attention fix and then move on because by doing so we are helping them and that is what we are here to do.
How to spot these internet tough guys: These tough guys call a lot of people names and have been called a few choice names themselves. ItÂ’s all part of getting their fix- thatÂ’s why you will see them at times go to great lengths for some sort of response, recognition or approval. And they wonÂ’t stop until the get it. Their desire for attention blinds them from a desire to help others quit nicotine. It's all really self-absorbed but hey, focus on your quit first right, then you can focus on others.
Much like some of us became expert ninja dippers, these internet badasses have become expert shit show, dumpster fire creating posters. You see them talk about themselves in the 3rd person or post questions like: “Can I jump in on this?” or “Do you want me to take this one?” or “Do you really want to go there?” You can watch them run back to their own quit group during the mayhem they either created or fueled searching for more of the attention they crave. You can also see (if you read through enough of their posts) that once their level of recognition and attention has been met they usually calm their post down and actually write something that is well-reasoned with intent to help. They are able to do this because their brain is no longer searching for that fix.
It use to piss me off to see guys in their own groups egging these individuals on by writing shit like, “Wait until so and so reads this” or “I can’t wait for so and so to get on here” or “So and so is going to have a field day with this” but now I understand that these guys are helping their brothers in quit stay quit by feeding their coping mechanism. Keep in mind these guys aren't lackeys- they are just guys that have recognized the need to feed this coping mechanism. Look at their posts, you can tell the difference between someone helping the internet badass get his fix and someone looking for acceptance from said internet badass.
That got me thinking about the lackeys. Even the lackeys that follow these ‘internet badasses’ around serve their purpose- they provide just enough attention while receiving acceptance in return. They feed off each other. You can see it plain as day. I believe someone described it as sharks in the water- they smell blood and they all come a runnin'. The internet tough guy will post an attention grabbing statement and one of his lackeys will come along and pile onto it, which in turns reinforces the 'badass' to continue because it got the desired effect of attention. It's a cycle of attention, acceptance, attention, acceptance etc. That's why you see it snow ball out of control.
Maybe the internet tough guys can get what they need and still help those that need help. There is a distinction between constructive criticism and plain ol' criticism. The distinction lies within the results they create. ItÂ’s easy to merely criticize, which is more times than not, demotivating. ItÂ’s much more difficult to make a point it in a constructive manner creating a positive result (ie. helping someone quit or stay quit).
That doesnÂ’t mean you canÂ’t be negative, it just means the negativity has to be presented in a manner that results in a positive result. A difficult thing to do. ItÂ’s not from a lack of intelligence that some folks on here donÂ’t usually attempt to be constructive. ItÂ’s because they are looking for their fix. We are all selfish, because we are all addicts. We use to selfishly rush off, or slink off, to stuff our faces with poison. These internet badasses quickly and selfishly spew a bunch of verbal diarrhea because it gets a reaction and it gets them their fix. If it doesn't immediately get a reaction just sit back and watch because they are going to ratchet up the intensity of their posts. It's them reaching out for help- that's what I need to understand. Recognize it early, tell them what a badass they are and then move on.
Some of these badass internet posters have posted some very good stuff after they've received their adequate amount of attention. Maybe it would be too much to ask for a constructive criticism approach first because itÂ’s too easy to spew the shock jock material and openly criticize. ItÂ’s much more difficult to constructively criticize because that means the focus is on someone or something other than themselves. The challenge is to be able to use both positive and negative comments in a manner that shows you are fighting on the same team. It may mean you do not get the attention you desire right away because you have to think about how to say something in a way that motivates someone to do something better and for the benefit of the whole. This is more difficult to do but the 'fix' from doing this is longer lasting.
Giving is getting.
Then again Mheybe I'm all wrong, and some of these guys are just bad human beings and enjoy hurting small animals.
So I might not piss on some of these guys if they were on fire but I'd still quit with them and help them stay quit if they were on fire. After all I am here to help quitters quit and stay quit.
Damn, this intro post helped me get my dopamine fix!
Selfishly yours in quit!
Quit on.
Is being a whiny victim or complaining about mean guys an alternative coping mechanism?
Edit- Sorry, I couldn't get through the whole page of nonsense dogshit, but I think I got the gist.
Damn that didn't take long.
Had second thoughts about being an asshole while complaining about assholes eh? Good edit.
Trying to walk the right path
Observation and a whole lot of opinion. Not complaining.
Yeah, I read some of it.
Stevo, I really appreciate the time and effort you put into this. Pretty insightful I think since I took the time to read it even though we disagree on some Quit terminology and that everyone's an addict, I know that I can learn from anyone and you're a Bad Ass Quitter who has my back whether we agree or disagree, the differences are just noise. We're both here to Quit, and help others Quit.
