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Author Topic: Please tell me what you think;  (Read 3358 times)

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Offline wastepanel

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Re: Please tell me what you think;
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2011, 01:43:00 PM »
Quote from: babyk77
Hello Everyone,

It would be great if you could give me some advice on this subject. I myself have never had any addictions. Now my fiance has been chewing since he was a teen. He has quit a few different times I guess. He called me up one day last Nov and told me he was going to try to quit, well I was very happy because I never liked it but I wanted it to be his decision.

I asked him than why he was doing it, first he said for himself, than he said that was bull it was for me, because he loved me and wanted to be better for me and for us and he wanted to be around for me. Well I had always told him if your going to do it at least tell me don't lie. Through out the months I did question him from time to time because I thought I may have seen remanients. But he adamently swore no he wasn't doing it so I took him at his word. Well this past Saturday, I seen it and had for a few days so I asked and he said he took a dip from his brothers can, than from someone at work to.

Well I was very hurt because here he had been doing it for almost a month and just was going to let me believe and go on being proud of him. I feel decieved. He tells me he doesn't want to be a chewer and he's not addicted because he hasn't went out and purchased his own can. I myself think it's BS!! I'm having a very hard time with this. He said he feels terrible for hurting me. I just don't know what to think about the whole deal, any thoughts or insight would be great.

Thanks in advance.
babyk
I think that your fiancée is an addict and if he doesn't want to stop, he's not going to.

You can not force him to. Quitting for you will not be successful either. He has to do it for himself.

If he would like help in actually quitting, he can toss his stuff and come to this website himself. But we can't make him. We can only help.
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Offline MikeA

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Re: Please tell me what you think;
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2011, 01:41:00 PM »
Proof that quitting for someone else never work.

Do not feel deceived, it's not him doing the deceiving, it's the nic bitch. She will make you lie cheat and steal to remain in your life. She will do it again and again.

You should read this about spousal support.
http://www.killthecan.org/community/spouse.asp

Introduce him to this site and we can help him with his decision.
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Offline ninereasons

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Re: Please tell me what you think;
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2011, 01:41:00 PM »
Well there you have it. This is why quitting for others doesn't work. It made a liar out of him - not because he doesn't love you, but because he does. He didn't want to hurt you and he liked it that you were proud of him, so he hid it from you. He's probably even struggled with being angry with you that you found out. You got it right. It makes no sense, but it's all perfectly predictable.

He wouldn't have done that if he was quitting for himself. Then he might have asked you for help, if he thought you could give it. He might have let you know that he was struggling. But he got it wrong.

Besides, he needs to stop leeching off of others to feed his addiction. Sneaky cheapskate.
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Offline babyk77

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Please tell me what you think;
« on: August 04, 2011, 01:31:00 PM »
Hello Everyone,

It would be great if you could give me some advice on this subject. I myself have never had any addictions. Now my fiance has been chewing since he was a teen. He has quit a few different times I guess. He called me up one day last Nov and told me he was going to try to quit, well I was very happy because I never liked it but I wanted it to be his decision.

I asked him than why he was doing it, first he said for himself, than he said that was bull it was for me, because he loved me and wanted to be better for me and for us and he wanted to be around for me. Well I had always told him if your going to do it at least tell me don't lie. Through out the months I did question him from time to time because I thought I may have seen remanients. But he adamently swore no he wasn't doing it so I took him at his word. Well this past Saturday, I seen it and had for a few days so I asked and he said he took a dip from his brothers can, than from someone at work to.

Well I was very hurt because here he had been doing it for almost a month and just was going to let me believe and go on being proud of him. I feel decieved. He tells me he doesn't want to be a chewer and he's not addicted because he hasn't went out and purchased his own can. I myself think it's BS!! I'm having a very hard time with this. He said he feels terrible for hurting me. I just don't know what to think about the whole deal, any thoughts or insight would be great.

Thanks in advance.
babyk
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