Wow

[Scowick65]

I'm on day 22 and it's sucking. I'm starting to forget the sore gums and throat I was experiencing before my quit. I'm forgetting the feeling of waking up to a sore jaw and being scared shitless that the cancer had gotten me. I'm forgetting how I would lay in bed and cry at the thought that the cancer had me and that I was going to die and leave my two boys fatherless and my wife a widow. The thought of I can handle just one dip keeps circling my brain non-stop. I have to fight the urge to pull into the convenience store and get that one can for that one dip. It's almost as if the first few days and the late teens of my quit were easy compared to this. I physically hurt during that time. I could feel the effects of my quit. I could feel my body hurting as a result of a lack of nicotine, but for the past few days I've felt normal. For the first time in my quit I don't have any hurt to remind me what the nicotine or the lack of nicotine was doing to my body. I feel normal, and all I can think is that I need one more dip. I can handle just one every now and again, but deep down I know that is BS. I'm weak and I can't handle one every now and then. I'm an addict and as hard as it may be, I have to fight. Now more than ever I can't forget. I'm starting to struggle with the idea of forever again too. I have to force myself to remember quit for today. One day at a time. That is probably the best advice anyone on this site has given me.

I still haven't had the balls to look at the cancer pics on the main page. I've made myself a promise though that before I put anymore Copenhagen in my mouth I'm going to look at those pics, so I hope they are scary as hell. I've got the numbers of some great guys I've met here and I'll call them if the time comes. I just needed to vent a bit and document my feelings so I have something to help me remember the next time I go through a suck. As shitty as it may feel, I got this. IÂ’m not giving up these 22 days.

You have come a long way. Obviously, you know it is now all mental. This is what we call the grind. Things that will help:

Keep writing on your thread. This is good.

Start helping quitters out in December. It will make you feel great and it will help them. You will be reminded of the pain you describe. This can be invaluable at times for your own quit.

Read. Read. Read.

Shoot me a PM if you need to chat. You got this. 3 weeks is a great foundation!

[gladitsnotheroine]

I'm on day 22 and it's sucking. I'm starting to forget the sore gums and throat I was experiencing before my quit. I'm forgetting the feeling of waking up to a sore jaw and being scared shitless that the cancer had gotten me. I'm forgetting how I would lay in bed and cry at the thought that the cancer had me and that I was going to die and leave my two boys fatherless and my wife a widow. The thought of I can handle just one dip keeps circling my brain non-stop. I have to fight the urge to pull into the convenience store and get that one can for that one dip. It's almost as if the first few days and the late teens of my quit were easy compared to this. I physically hurt during that time. I could feel the effects of my quit. I could feel my body hurting as a result of a lack of nicotine, but for the past few days I've felt normal. For the first time in my quit I don't have any hurt to remind me what the nicotine or the lack of nicotine was doing to my body. I feel normal, and all I can think is that I need one more dip. I can handle just one every now and again, but deep down I know that is BS. I'm weak and I can't handle one every now and then. I'm an addict and as hard as it may be, I have to fight. Now more than ever I can't forget. I'm starting to struggle with the idea of forever again too. I have to force myself to remember quit for today. One day at a time. That is probably the best advice anyone on this site has given me.

I still haven't had the balls to look at the cancer pics on the main page. I've made myself a promise though that before I put anymore Copenhagen in my mouth I'm going to look at those pics, so I hope they are scary as hell. I've got the numbers of some great guys I've met here and I'll call them if the time comes. I just needed to vent a bit and document my feelings so I have something to help me remember the next time I go through a suck. As shitty as it may feel, I got this. IÂ’m not giving up these 22 days.

[Radman]

.... I really look forward to the day that I can say I am a quitter....

This statement and your fire service involvement prompted me to share a little story. I'm TO and FF for my local volly department. We ran a wildland support call late last Friday night to a rural part of our county. The guys from my station know I've been quit since last September, but others may not. My captain and I were dispatched as tanker support several minutes behind the first-due. We had several crews on mutual aid. One of the first-due FFs had left his can at the station. He knew I used to dip and when he found out we were inbound, commented that he could bum one from me. Another FF told him I quit over 300 days ago. He couldnt' believe it. When things settled down, he still came over and asked me. I told him it was actually 332 days. "You count the days?". "Yep, it's that important." That, my friend, was an awesome feeling. I hope that I get the opportunity to mentor his quit in the coming days.

I don't tell this story to brag. I tell this story to encourage you, because the feeling you seek is real, and it will be here sooner than you think. Time flies. I also know how rampant nicotine use is in your line of work. I was a user for over 19 years. Quitting gets easier. Hang in there, and PM me if I can help you.

[chunkles]

Hi Michael,

We all know exactly how you feel. "How am I going to enjoy _____ without my dip/chew/snuff?"

It was always the first thing I thought of too when I woke up. Now that I've been quit for 47 days, I think about my wife and my almost-4 yr old daughter first. I don't worry anymore about hiding things from either of them, or my friends and co-workers. I don't worry about whether or not I hid or threw away my spit cup when I left for work. There's a whole lotta shit I don't worry about anymore. That's the freedom that everyone on here is always talking about.

And about mentoring ... since you're already a quitter, start now. Nothing helps your quit like helping others. Scowick taught me that. There's always new folks that haven't even been quit as long as you have. All you gotta do is reach out and give someone else a little support.

Proud of you, keep it up.

[sas32032]

You got my number. I'm on my days off. Get that cinnamon gum and some seeds. You well get the burn from the gum. Day 132 and I use a pack a day. Love it. Cravings suck and we work through it. But always better than the alternative. Right?

[Parputt]

One day at at time. You can do this.

[gladitsnotheroine]

I commented to someone yesterday afternoon that I wasn't having any major cravimgs. Well, I must have jinxed myself because the cravings snuck up on me last night. I can feel the inside of my mouth healing, but my brain wants to feel that burn. Im not going to cave but she is testing the hell out of me.

[au2456]

I'm at day 82. After 35 years of chewing, I had many of the same fears that you've expressed. It is not only one day at a time, it is one minute at a time! Be assured that it will get better and the you will be at a point where the thought of starting over by giving in to a crave will really piss you off and therefore you can embrace the crave and move through it.
This is an amazing site, use it! Glad you are here!

[Scowick65]

Glad you are here. 1 day at a time.

[Ready]

Welcome. I understand what you are going through. I felt the same way one thousand two hundred and eighty two days ago. Scared shitless I would never be able to quit. It would surely be like cutting off my own arm.

If your word of Honor means anything, you can do this.

Check your (Inbox 1) upper right corner of your screen.

It is worth it.

[ninereasons]

I really look forward to the day that I can say I am a quitter

You're a quitter today, 8/5/2011. All you need to focus on is that. Then focus on being a quitter tomorrow.

-See you at roll call.

Highwayman, the quitter, is right.

There are no supermen here. If there's a difference, it's only this: we don't wish, we don't hope, we don't believe in luck. We act, one day at a time.

So can you.

[Highwayman1890]

I really look forward to the day that I can say I am a quitter

You're a quitter today, 8/5/2011. All you need to focus on is that. Then focus on being a quitter tomorrow.

-See you at roll call.

[gladitsnotheroine]

I haven't had a dip of Copenhagen since noon today. I've got to quit. I've got two little boys that are my life. I've already had one major health scare in my short 31 years of life. I had open heart surgery three years ago to correct a disease known as Hypertrophic Cardio Myopathy. Most people with that disease don't know it untill the Dr. performing the autopsy tells their family. Pretty lucky huh. It hit me the other day that I probablly couldn't get that lucky twice and it hit me pretty hard that I've got to quit the snuff. Let me tell you, I love Copenhagen. Its the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. I crave it and I've got to have it. I've got to be honest, if the way I feel right now dosen't ease up, I truly wonder if I'm going to be able to do this. I go from feeling high one minute to wanting to cry the next. I started taking the Chantex last Sunday, if its helping, I have no desire to find out what its like trying to quit without it. I'm already wondering what I'm going to do come hunting season when I'm sitting in the deer stand. I would stay in a tree all day as long as I had my Copenhagen. What am I going to do at the fire station. All the other guys dip, how am I going to handle that? I want to dip, I enjoy dipping. No, I love dipping. How am I going to do the other things I enjoy doing without snuff?

I know that wasn't much of an intro, but I had to get it out. I'm Michael. I'm a born and raised Alabamian, RTR, and am a fire inspector and paramedic for the Federal Gov't. My boys I spoke of are almost 4 and almost 2. They are awesome and I really don't know what I did to deserve to be blessed with them. I call them my Heathens.

Glad its not heroine. That's what I tell everyone about dipping. I would hate to know that I was hooked on something like Heroine, because Copenhagen is going to be hell to quit.

Look forward to getting to know all of you, and I really look forward to the day that I can say I am a quitter and am able to mentor to a new want to be quitter such as myself.