We Quit Like Fuck

[Mthomas3824]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00

I don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stamp

:wub:

I had it tattooed on my penis. When I am not aroused, it say's "QLF'h!" When I'm turned on. It says, "Quit Like Fuck Every Damn Day You Bad Ass Son of a Bitch!" 'archer'

Ohemgee! That is some funny shit!

its amazing what they can do with micro dot technology 'crackup'

Guilty! When my wife saw my junk for the first time, she said, "Now who is that going to please?" I said, "Me!" She doesn't do me out of mercy she does it because she like to laugh. Talk about a happy ending for both of us. 'winker'

(Sorry for Hijacking you page Coach, I have a small penis is my only excuse. Time to go get a sports car.)

[cbird65]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00

I don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stamp

:wub:

I had it tattooed on my penis. When I am not aroused, it say's "QLF'h!" When I'm turned on. It says, "Quit Like Fuck Every Damn Day You Bad Ass Son of a Bitch!" 'archer'

Ohemgee! That is some funny shit!

its amazing what they can do with micro dot technology 'crackup'

[LionHeartedGirl]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00

I don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stamp

:wub:

I had it tattooed on my penis. When I am not aroused, it say's "QLF'h!" When I'm turned on. It says, "Quit Like Fuck Every Damn Day You Bad Ass Son of a Bitch!" 'archer'

Ohemgee! That is some funny shit!

[Mthomas3824]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00

I don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stamp

:wub:

I had it tattooed on my penis. When I am not aroused, it say's "QLF'h!" When I'm turned on. It says, "Quit Like Fuck Every Damn Day You Bad Ass Son of a Bitch!" 'archer'

[cbird65]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00

I don't have QLF tattooed yet - how would that look as a tramp stamp

:wub:

[kkljinc]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

I am a huge fan of the Quit Like Fuck statement, I went in for $100.00

[Bruce]

Part Two

(Just as Ready is beginning to explain to CS how the 5 finalists to represent KTC at the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on August 6-8 will find him, Nolaq re-enters the room)
NOLAMFQ: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but I have an urgent message {leaning down to whisper into Loot's ear}
Loot: {rolling his eyes} Ferfucksake......
Ready: Mr. Coach, it appears we have another matter that needs our attention {motioning to Mjollnir} Please show Mr. Coach the way home
Mjollnir: With pleasure
CS: What.....you're sending me home with him?
Ready: Fine.....Scowick, please accompany them
Scowick: Will do...{gesturing} this way Coach
(Mjollnir and Scowick fly CS back to the 2013 National Spit Summit fundraising thermometer. The helicopter arrives just as the sun is dipping below the horizon....CS steps out of the helicopter )
Scowick: Remember the talent competition is only a few days away, you've got some work to do
Mjollnir: Yeah Coach...get to work!
CS: Hey Mjollnir
Mjollnir: Yeah.....?
CS: That's what your mom said last night
Mjollnir: Why you little!
(Scowick lifts the helicopter into the air and leaves CS standing in a swirling cloud of dust)
CS: {talking to himself} Great.....now its dark and I've got to walk my ass back to the Glass House
(CS looks down the main road and then peers down the dirt access road used by MODS)
CS: {to himself} I know they tell us not to use these roads.....but what the hell
(CS starts out down the dirt access road. The road is only wide enough for one vehicle as overgrown weeds and trees line the shoulders. The road winds back and forth and the stark moonlight is the only thing enabling CS to see which direction the road is turning. Just then, CS hears a rustling in the bushes)
CS: {freezing} Who goes there?
(Rustling stops....)
CS: {swallowing the lump in his throat} Show yourself....this is your last warning!
(Someone stumbles out of the bushes with his hands halfway in the air. CS can't make out his face in the pale moonlight)
Mystery Quitter: Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no need to get all crazy there cowboy!
CS: You sound familiar...do I know you?
Mystery Quitter: Maybe.....I haven't been around here in awhile
CS: Wait.....Gator....is that you?
Instigator: The one and only....how have been Coach?
CS: Oh not bad......what in the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
Instigator: Trying to lay low....I just got back into town a few days ago
CS: Where have you been?
Instigator: Oh here and there really....nothing exciting to speak of
CS: If I recall correctly, you pissed some people off before leaving town
Instigator: Yeah I did.....I was a loose cannon back then. So Coach...why in the hell are YOU out here in the middle of the night?
CS: I'm on a mission
Instigator: {sarcastically waiving his hands in the air} Ooooohh....super special Coach. What's your mission?
CS: To spread the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit and the 2 representatives KTC will be sending this year
Instigator: Sounds like a worthy cause, so what's the gig?
CS: Well apparently I'm supposed to interview the finalists
Instigator: Who are the finalists?
CS: I don't know yet....
(Just then, the quitters see the headlights of a MOD Squad Crown Vic rounding a curve up ahead, they duck into the thick brushÂ….)
Razd: {hanging his head out of the passenger window holding an old fashioned spot light} Naw man, Kate Upton is waaaaay hotter than Catrinel Menghia
Jost2brown: {bringing the car to a stop} Dude I donÂ’t even know who Catrinel Men-chia isÂ…
Razd: Men-ghiaÂ…itÂ’s the girl from the Fiat commercials
J2B: WhateverÂ….hey you sense that?
Razd: YesÂ…my MOD sense is going crazy!
(Back over in the bushes)
Instigator: ShitÂ…..I think theyÂ’re onto me
CS: What do you mean ‘onto you’?
Instigator: Never mind thatÂ….hey I gotta split, donÂ’t worry they wonÂ’t mess with youÂ….{patting CS on the chest}Â….just be sure not to tell them you talked to me
CS: WaitÂ…what are you talking aboutÂ…Â…?
(Instigator slips into the shadows of the tall brushÂ…
J2b: {shining his flashlight in CSÂ’s face} Hey you there..! What are you doing here?
CS: {putting his hands in the air} FU J2B
J2B: FUCS
Razd: Whatcha got Brown?
J2b: Got us a stragglerÂ….
Razd: {seeing CS} Well, well, wellÂ….F.U.C.S
CS: Howdy RazdÂ….
Razd: Whatcha doing out here Coach?
CS: On my way home, just got lost I guessÂ….
J2B: Lost huhÂ…? Out here?
CS: YeahÂ…..IÂ’m trying to find some people
Razd: Who people?
CS: I was told the finalists to attend the 2013 National Spit Summit in Montana will be finding me
J2B: {surprised look} Hot damn Razd! ItÂ’s him!
CS: {looking at Razd and pointing at J2B} WhatÂ’s he talking about?
Razd: WeÂ’re two of the finalistsÂ….
CS: OhhhhhhhÂ…..I see. So you guys wanna represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
J2B: You bet Coach! Me and razd would make a great team!
CS: Oh so youÂ’re a sister act?
Razd: FUCS
CS: Seriously thoughÂ…can a brother get a ride back to town?
Razd: Hop inÂ….
(Riding in the MOD Squad Crown Vic on the way back to the 2012 Quit Groups)
CS: So....who were you guys looking for back there?
J2B: Oooh this is fun....I feel like we're in one of those reality cop shows!
Razd: Pipe down chatter nut....
J2B: Chatter nut?
CS: Seriously....what is it a matter of national security or something?
Razd: Not really, we were looking for the quitter that calls himself Instigator
CS: Oh.....
Razd: He's returned to KTC following a long absence and we've been told to keep an eye out for him
J2B: Yeah he's a former chat mod too so he knows all of the back roads
Razd: So Coach....you didn't see anything odd out there did you?
CS: Um......can't say that I did. So....what are you guys planning on doing as your talent?
J2B: Well like we said it's going to be a team act, maybe some juggling, a few magic tricks and some sketch comedy
CS: Sounds invigoratingÂ…
Razd: Very funny CoachÂ….either way it doesnÂ’t matter what we do for our talent. ItÂ’s much more important that KTC have representation at the 2013 National Spit Summit. ThatÂ’s what weÂ’re all here forÂ…the quit, and the more people we can reach the better
J2B: Right you are Razd!
CS: Well said sir
(As the MOD Squad Crown Vic bounds over the HOF train railroad tracks they notice CleanFuel walking on the sidewalk)
CS: Hey guys can you pull over so I can holler at Cleanfuel?
J2B: I dunno CoachÂ….we really need to getÂ…
Razd: {Interrupting J2B} What J2B meant to say is we really donÂ’t mindÂ…
J2B: Right you are Razd!
(Razd hits the siren once and pulls up next to CleanFuel)
CS: {hanging out of the window} What are you doing out on the streets this late?
CleanFuel: {startled} Damn Coach, you scared the shit out of meÂ….what in the hell are you doing in a MOD Squad car?
CS: ItÂ’s kind of a long storyÂ…letÂ’s just say IÂ’m spreading the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on Aug. 6-8
CleanFuel: What about it?
J2B: {rolling down the window} TheyÂ’re sending two representatives from KTC
CleanFuel: Sounds awesome, whoÂ’s going?
CS: DonÂ’t know yet, itÂ’ll all be decided by a talent show competition. Razd and J2B here are a few of the finalists
CleanFuel: CoolÂ….a talent show seems like an odd way to designate representatives but whatever. IÂ’ll support KTC in any way I can
CS: Thanks for supporting the cause
CleanFuel: Hey no problem Coach, I owe this place big time!
CS: You and me bothÂ….well you have yourself a good night sir
CleanFuel: You too Coach! Quit Like Fuck!
(Razd winds the MOD Squad Crown Vic down Quit Groups Boulevard and turns into the 2012 Quit Groups subdivision. They pass the August 2012 house where Ziesmer has trimmed the front hedges into a large middle finger)
CS: Oh that ZÂ…what a character
Razd: {pulling into the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012} Right you are Coach! So weÂ’re hereÂ….
CS: Thanks for the rideÂ….I guess IÂ’ll be seeing you guys at the talent show competition?
J2B: Sounds good Coach
(CS steps out of the Crown Vic and ascends the stairs to the Glass House as Razd backs out of the driveway and speeds off towards Quit Groups Boulevard)
CS: {to himself} What an odd dayÂ….
(CS unlocks the front door and steps into the foyer of the Glass House. As he closes the door, he hears a familiar voice)
Cbird: Late night?
CS: Long storyÂ….how was the game?
Cbird: We out vigored them….beat ‘em 24-22. Vadge drove in the winning runs with an extra special vigor kick
CS: Sorry I missed itÂ…
Cbird: No worriesÂ…so Keddy stopped by earlier. He was looking for you but wouldnÂ’t tell me whyÂ….is there something I should know about?
CS: Like I said, long story
Cbird: Well maybe you can tell the Watcher one day. Anyways, Keddy said heÂ’d drop back by tomorrow
CS: GoodÂ…I need to rest my narrative muscles

To be continuedÂ…Â…

stop poking me dude! 'crackup'

Hey mj, that's what your mom said last night 'crackup'

Classic

[cbird65]

Part Two

(Just as Ready is beginning to explain to CS how the 5 finalists to represent KTC at the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on August 6-8 will find him, Nolaq re-enters the room)
NOLAMFQ: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but I have an urgent message {leaning down to whisper into Loot's ear}
Loot: {rolling his eyes} Ferfucksake......
Ready: Mr. Coach, it appears we have another matter that needs our attention {motioning to Mjollnir} Please show Mr. Coach the way home
Mjollnir: With pleasure
CS: What.....you're sending me home with him?
Ready: Fine.....Scowick, please accompany them
Scowick: Will do...{gesturing} this way Coach
(Mjollnir and Scowick fly CS back to the 2013 National Spit Summit fundraising thermometer. The helicopter arrives just as the sun is dipping below the horizon....CS steps out of the helicopter )
Scowick: Remember the talent competition is only a few days away, you've got some work to do
Mjollnir: Yeah Coach...get to work!
CS: Hey Mjollnir
Mjollnir: Yeah.....?
CS: That's what your mom said last night
Mjollnir: Why you little!
(Scowick lifts the helicopter into the air and leaves CS standing in a swirling cloud of dust)
CS: {talking to himself} Great.....now its dark and I've got to walk my ass back to the Glass House
(CS looks down the main road and then peers down the dirt access road used by MODS)
CS: {to himself} I know they tell us not to use these roads.....but what the hell
(CS starts out down the dirt access road. The road is only wide enough for one vehicle as overgrown weeds and trees line the shoulders. The road winds back and forth and the stark moonlight is the only thing enabling CS to see which direction the road is turning. Just then, CS hears a rustling in the bushes)
CS: {freezing} Who goes there?
(Rustling stops....)
CS: {swallowing the lump in his throat} Show yourself....this is your last warning!
(Someone stumbles out of the bushes with his hands halfway in the air. CS can't make out his face in the pale moonlight)
Mystery Quitter: Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no need to get all crazy there cowboy!
CS: You sound familiar...do I know you?
Mystery Quitter: Maybe.....I haven't been around here in awhile
CS: Wait.....Gator....is that you?
Instigator: The one and only....how have been Coach?
CS: Oh not bad......what in the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
Instigator: Trying to lay low....I just got back into town a few days ago
CS: Where have you been?
Instigator: Oh here and there really....nothing exciting to speak of
CS: If I recall correctly, you pissed some people off before leaving town
Instigator: Yeah I did.....I was a loose cannon back then. So Coach...why in the hell are YOU out here in the middle of the night?
CS: I'm on a mission
Instigator: {sarcastically waiving his hands in the air} Ooooohh....super special Coach. What's your mission?
CS: To spread the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit and the 2 representatives KTC will be sending this year
Instigator: Sounds like a worthy cause, so what's the gig?
CS: Well apparently I'm supposed to interview the finalists
Instigator: Who are the finalists?
CS: I don't know yet....
(Just then, the quitters see the headlights of a MOD Squad Crown Vic rounding a curve up ahead, they duck into the thick brushÂ….)
Razd: {hanging his head out of the passenger window holding an old fashioned spot light} Naw man, Kate Upton is waaaaay hotter than Catrinel Menghia
Jost2brown: {bringing the car to a stop} Dude I donÂ’t even know who Catrinel Men-chia isÂ…
Razd: Men-ghiaÂ…itÂ’s the girl from the Fiat commercials
J2B: WhateverÂ….hey you sense that?
Razd: YesÂ…my MOD sense is going crazy!
(Back over in the bushes)
Instigator: ShitÂ…..I think theyÂ’re onto me
CS: What do you mean ‘onto you’?
Instigator: Never mind thatÂ….hey I gotta split, donÂ’t worry they wonÂ’t mess with youÂ….{patting CS on the chest}Â….just be sure not to tell them you talked to me
CS: WaitÂ…what are you talking aboutÂ…Â…?
(Instigator slips into the shadows of the tall brushÂ…
J2b: {shining his flashlight in CSÂ’s face} Hey you there..! What are you doing here?
CS: {putting his hands in the air} FU J2B
J2B: FUCS
Razd: Whatcha got Brown?
J2b: Got us a stragglerÂ….
Razd: {seeing CS} Well, well, wellÂ….F.U.C.S
CS: Howdy RazdÂ….
Razd: Whatcha doing out here Coach?
CS: On my way home, just got lost I guessÂ….
J2B: Lost huhÂ…? Out here?
CS: YeahÂ…..IÂ’m trying to find some people
Razd: Who people?
CS: I was told the finalists to attend the 2013 National Spit Summit in Montana will be finding me
J2B: {surprised look} Hot damn Razd! ItÂ’s him!
CS: {looking at Razd and pointing at J2B} WhatÂ’s he talking about?
Razd: WeÂ’re two of the finalistsÂ….
CS: OhhhhhhhÂ…..I see. So you guys wanna represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
J2B: You bet Coach! Me and razd would make a great team!
CS: Oh so youÂ’re a sister act?
Razd: FUCS
CS: Seriously thoughÂ…can a brother get a ride back to town?
Razd: Hop inÂ….
(Riding in the MOD Squad Crown Vic on the way back to the 2012 Quit Groups)
CS: So....who were you guys looking for back there?
J2B: Oooh this is fun....I feel like we're in one of those reality cop shows!
Razd: Pipe down chatter nut....
J2B: Chatter nut?
CS: Seriously....what is it a matter of national security or something?
Razd: Not really, we were looking for the quitter that calls himself Instigator
CS: Oh.....
Razd: He's returned to KTC following a long absence and we've been told to keep an eye out for him
J2B: Yeah he's a former chat mod too so he knows all of the back roads
Razd: So Coach....you didn't see anything odd out there did you?
CS: Um......can't say that I did. So....what are you guys planning on doing as your talent?
J2B: Well like we said it's going to be a team act, maybe some juggling, a few magic tricks and some sketch comedy
CS: Sounds invigoratingÂ…
Razd: Very funny CoachÂ….either way it doesnÂ’t matter what we do for our talent. ItÂ’s much more important that KTC have representation at the 2013 National Spit Summit. ThatÂ’s what weÂ’re all here forÂ…the quit, and the more people we can reach the better
J2B: Right you are Razd!
CS: Well said sir
(As the MOD Squad Crown Vic bounds over the HOF train railroad tracks they notice CleanFuel walking on the sidewalk)
CS: Hey guys can you pull over so I can holler at Cleanfuel?
J2B: I dunno CoachÂ….we really need to getÂ…
Razd: {Interrupting J2B} What J2B meant to say is we really donÂ’t mindÂ…
J2B: Right you are Razd!
(Razd hits the siren once and pulls up next to CleanFuel)
CS: {hanging out of the window} What are you doing out on the streets this late?
CleanFuel: {startled} Damn Coach, you scared the shit out of meÂ….what in the hell are you doing in a MOD Squad car?
CS: ItÂ’s kind of a long storyÂ…letÂ’s just say IÂ’m spreading the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on Aug. 6-8
CleanFuel: What about it?
J2B: {rolling down the window} TheyÂ’re sending two representatives from KTC
CleanFuel: Sounds awesome, whoÂ’s going?
CS: DonÂ’t know yet, itÂ’ll all be decided by a talent show competition. Razd and J2B here are a few of the finalists
CleanFuel: CoolÂ….a talent show seems like an odd way to designate representatives but whatever. IÂ’ll support KTC in any way I can
CS: Thanks for supporting the cause
CleanFuel: Hey no problem Coach, I owe this place big time!
CS: You and me bothÂ….well you have yourself a good night sir
CleanFuel: You too Coach! Quit Like Fuck!
(Razd winds the MOD Squad Crown Vic down Quit Groups Boulevard and turns into the 2012 Quit Groups subdivision. They pass the August 2012 house where Ziesmer has trimmed the front hedges into a large middle finger)
CS: Oh that ZÂ…what a character
Razd: {pulling into the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012} Right you are Coach! So weÂ’re hereÂ….
CS: Thanks for the rideÂ….I guess IÂ’ll be seeing you guys at the talent show competition?
J2B: Sounds good Coach
(CS steps out of the Crown Vic and ascends the stairs to the Glass House as Razd backs out of the driveway and speeds off towards Quit Groups Boulevard)
CS: {to himself} What an odd dayÂ….
(CS unlocks the front door and steps into the foyer of the Glass House. As he closes the door, he hears a familiar voice)
Cbird: Late night?
CS: Long storyÂ….how was the game?
Cbird: We out vigored them….beat ‘em 24-22. Vadge drove in the winning runs with an extra special vigor kick
CS: Sorry I missed itÂ…
Cbird: No worriesÂ…so Keddy stopped by earlier. He was looking for you but wouldnÂ’t tell me whyÂ….is there something I should know about?
CS: Like I said, long story
Cbird: Well maybe you can tell the Watcher one day. Anyways, Keddy said heÂ’d drop back by tomorrow
CS: GoodÂ…I need to rest my narrative muscles

To be continuedÂ…Â…

stop poking me dude! 'crackup'

[Coach Steve]

Part Two

(Just as Ready is beginning to explain to CS how the 5 finalists to represent KTC at the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on August 6-8 will find him, Nolaq re-enters the room)
NOLAMFQ: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but I have an urgent message {leaning down to whisper into Loot's ear}
Loot: {rolling his eyes} Ferfucksake......
Ready: Mr. Coach, it appears we have another matter that needs our attention {motioning to Mjollnir} Please show Mr. Coach the way home
Mjollnir: With pleasure
CS: What.....you're sending me home with him?
Ready: Fine.....Scowick, please accompany them
Scowick: Will do...{gesturing} this way Coach
(Mjollnir and Scowick fly CS back to the 2013 National Spit Summit fundraising thermometer. The helicopter arrives just as the sun is dipping below the horizon....CS steps out of the helicopter )
Scowick: Remember the talent competition is only a few days away, you've got some work to do
Mjollnir: Yeah Coach...get to work!
CS: Hey Mjollnir
Mjollnir: Yeah.....?
CS: That's what your mom said last night
Mjollnir: Why you little!
(Scowick lifts the helicopter into the air and leaves CS standing in a swirling cloud of dust)
CS: {talking to himself} Great.....now its dark and I've got to walk my ass back to the Glass House
(CS looks down the main road and then peers down the dirt access road used by MODS)
CS: {to himself} I know they tell us not to use these roads.....but what the hell
(CS starts out down the dirt access road. The road is only wide enough for one vehicle as overgrown weeds and trees line the shoulders. The road winds back and forth and the stark moonlight is the only thing enabling CS to see which direction the road is turning. Just then, CS hears a rustling in the bushes)
CS: {freezing} Who goes there?
(Rustling stops....)
CS: {swallowing the lump in his throat} Show yourself....this is your last warning!
(Someone stumbles out of the bushes with his hands halfway in the air. CS can't make out his face in the pale moonlight)
Mystery Quitter: Whoa, whoa, whoa.....no need to get all crazy there cowboy!
CS: You sound familiar...do I know you?
Mystery Quitter: Maybe.....I haven't been around here in awhile
CS: Wait.....Gator....is that you?
Instigator: The one and only....how have been Coach?
CS: Oh not bad......what in the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?
Instigator: Trying to lay low....I just got back into town a few days ago
CS: Where have you been?
Instigator: Oh here and there really....nothing exciting to speak of
CS: If I recall correctly, you pissed some people off before leaving town
Instigator: Yeah I did.....I was a loose cannon back then. So Coach...why in the hell are YOU out here in the middle of the night?
CS: I'm on a mission
Instigator: {sarcastically waiving his hands in the air} Ooooohh....super special Coach. What's your mission?
CS: To spread the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit and the 2 representatives KTC will be sending this year
Instigator: Sounds like a worthy cause, so what's the gig?
CS: Well apparently I'm supposed to interview the finalists
Instigator: Who are the finalists?
CS: I don't know yet....
(Just then, the quitters see the headlights of a MOD Squad Crown Vic rounding a curve up ahead, they duck into the thick brushÂ….)
Razd: {hanging his head out of the passenger window holding an old fashioned spot light} Naw man, Kate Upton is waaaaay hotter than Catrinel Menghia
Jost2brown: {bringing the car to a stop} Dude I donÂ’t even know who Catrinel Men-chia isÂ…
Razd: Men-ghiaÂ…itÂ’s the girl from the Fiat commercials
J2B: WhateverÂ….hey you sense that?
Razd: YesÂ…my MOD sense is going crazy!
(Back over in the bushes)
Instigator: ShitÂ…..I think theyÂ’re onto me
CS: What do you mean ‘onto you’?
Instigator: Never mind thatÂ….hey I gotta split, donÂ’t worry they wonÂ’t mess with youÂ….{patting CS on the chest}Â….just be sure not to tell them you talked to me
CS: WaitÂ…what are you talking aboutÂ…Â…?
(Instigator slips into the shadows of the tall brushÂ…
J2b: {shining his flashlight in CSÂ’s face} Hey you there..! What are you doing here?
CS: {putting his hands in the air} FU J2B
J2B: FUCS
Razd: Whatcha got Brown?
J2b: Got us a stragglerÂ….
Razd: {seeing CS} Well, well, wellÂ….F.U.C.S
CS: Howdy RazdÂ….
Razd: Whatcha doing out here Coach?
CS: On my way home, just got lost I guessÂ….
J2B: Lost huhÂ…? Out here?
CS: YeahÂ…..IÂ’m trying to find some people
Razd: Who people?
CS: I was told the finalists to attend the 2013 National Spit Summit in Montana will be finding me
J2B: {surprised look} Hot damn Razd! ItÂ’s him!
CS: {looking at Razd and pointing at J2B} WhatÂ’s he talking about?
Razd: WeÂ’re two of the finalistsÂ….
CS: OhhhhhhhÂ…..I see. So you guys wanna represent KTC at the Spit Summit?
J2B: You bet Coach! Me and razd would make a great team!
CS: Oh so youÂ’re a sister act?
Razd: FUCS
CS: Seriously thoughÂ…can a brother get a ride back to town?
Razd: Hop inÂ….
(Riding in the MOD Squad Crown Vic on the way back to the 2012 Quit Groups)
CS: So....who were you guys looking for back there?
J2B: Oooh this is fun....I feel like we're in one of those reality cop shows!
Razd: Pipe down chatter nut....
J2B: Chatter nut?
CS: Seriously....what is it a matter of national security or something?
Razd: Not really, we were looking for the quitter that calls himself Instigator
CS: Oh.....
Razd: He's returned to KTC following a long absence and we've been told to keep an eye out for him
J2B: Yeah he's a former chat mod too so he knows all of the back roads
Razd: So Coach....you didn't see anything odd out there did you?
CS: Um......can't say that I did. So....what are you guys planning on doing as your talent?
J2B: Well like we said it's going to be a team act, maybe some juggling, a few magic tricks and some sketch comedy
CS: Sounds invigoratingÂ…
Razd: Very funny CoachÂ….either way it doesnÂ’t matter what we do for our talent. ItÂ’s much more important that KTC have representation at the 2013 National Spit Summit. ThatÂ’s what weÂ’re all here forÂ…the quit, and the more people we can reach the better
J2B: Right you are Razd!
CS: Well said sir
(As the MOD Squad Crown Vic bounds over the HOF train railroad tracks they notice CleanFuel walking on the sidewalk)
CS: Hey guys can you pull over so I can holler at Cleanfuel?
J2B: I dunno CoachÂ….we really need to getÂ…
Razd: {Interrupting J2B} What J2B meant to say is we really donÂ’t mindÂ…
J2B: Right you are Razd!
(Razd hits the siren once and pulls up next to CleanFuel)
CS: {hanging out of the window} What are you doing out on the streets this late?
CleanFuel: {startled} Damn Coach, you scared the shit out of meÂ….what in the hell are you doing in a MOD Squad car?
CS: ItÂ’s kind of a long storyÂ…letÂ’s just say IÂ’m spreading the word about the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana on Aug. 6-8
CleanFuel: What about it?
J2B: {rolling down the window} TheyÂ’re sending two representatives from KTC
CleanFuel: Sounds awesome, whoÂ’s going?
CS: DonÂ’t know yet, itÂ’ll all be decided by a talent show competition. Razd and J2B here are a few of the finalists
CleanFuel: CoolÂ….a talent show seems like an odd way to designate representatives but whatever. IÂ’ll support KTC in any way I can
CS: Thanks for supporting the cause
CleanFuel: Hey no problem Coach, I owe this place big time!
CS: You and me bothÂ….well you have yourself a good night sir
CleanFuel: You too Coach! Quit Like Fuck!
(Razd winds the MOD Squad Crown Vic down Quit Groups Boulevard and turns into the 2012 Quit Groups subdivision. They pass the August 2012 house where Ziesmer has trimmed the front hedges into a large middle finger)
CS: Oh that ZÂ…what a character
Razd: {pulling into the driveway of the Glass House of April 2012} Right you are Coach! So weÂ’re hereÂ….
CS: Thanks for the rideÂ….I guess IÂ’ll be seeing you guys at the talent show competition?
J2B: Sounds good Coach
(CS steps out of the Crown Vic and ascends the stairs to the Glass House as Razd backs out of the driveway and speeds off towards Quit Groups Boulevard)
CS: {to himself} What an odd dayÂ….
(CS unlocks the front door and steps into the foyer of the Glass House. As he closes the door, he hears a familiar voice)
Cbird: Late night?
CS: Long storyÂ….how was the game?
Cbird: We out vigored them….beat ‘em 24-22. Vadge drove in the winning runs with an extra special vigor kick
CS: Sorry I missed itÂ…
Cbird: No worriesÂ…so Keddy stopped by earlier. He was looking for you but wouldnÂ’t tell me whyÂ….is there something I should know about?
CS: Like I said, long story
Cbird: Well maybe you can tell the Watcher one day. Anyways, Keddy said heÂ’d drop back by tomorrow
CS: GoodÂ…I need to rest my narrative muscles

To be continuedÂ…Â…

[CleanFuel]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

NOLAMFQ 'crackup'
#letthegheyestmodwin
:wub:

Coach....I am all in.....how much do you need bro?

Whatever you can do would be appreciated.

index.php?showtopic=5883

okay coach....just threw down $200....let me know if you need more to get us over the top...

quit like fuck

fuel

[Coach Steve]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

NOLAMFQ 'crackup'
#letthegheyestmodwin
:wub:

Coach....I am all in.....how much do you need bro?

Whatever you can do would be appreciated.

index.php?showtopic=5883

[CleanFuel]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

NOLAMFQ 'crackup'
#letthegheyestmodwin
:wub:

Coach....I am all in.....how much do you need bro?

[ERDVM]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

NOLAMFQ 'crackup'
#letthegheyestmodwin
:wub:

[Coach Steve]

(Coach Steve is standing at the entrance to the Announcements thread gazing up at a large wooden fundraising thermometer that is only 70% filled. The sign next to the fundraising thermometer says Help Send Two of Our "Staff" to the 2013 National Spit Summit in Missoula, Montana! "Looks like they're running out of time to raise the money," CS mutters to himself. Just then, a MOD Squad Crown Vic comes hurling up the dirt access road between the Announcements and Intro threads and comes to a screeching halt right in front of CS. The windows are tinted black and CS can't see who is in the vehicle. A voice comes over the loud speaker.....)

Loud Speaker: Identify yourself quitter!
CS: {awkwardly putting his hands in the air} Um....I'm Coach Steve
Loud Speaker: I know who you are!
CS: Well then why'd you ask me to identify myself....
Loud Speaker: Silence!
CS: Ok...so I really don't know what's going on here...
Loud Speaker: FUCS
CS: {furrowing his brow and lowering his hands} Wait a second.....
Loud Speaker: Do you think this is a game Coach?
CS: I honestly don't know what to think.....
(Just then, a black helicopter approaches and kicks up dust as it sets down next to the fundraising thermometer. The door opens and out steps Remshot followed closely by Mjollnir and Scowick)
Remshot: {approaching CS} Are you the one they call...Coach Steve?
CS: Yeah that's me....or CS for short
Remshot: We have a situation....you need to come with me immediately
CS: But I'm supposed to meet ERDVM, CBird, Bigwhitebeast and Pavetheway for a kick ball match at Words of Wisdom Memorial Park in about 15 minutes. We're playing the Pink G-Strings for the championship.....
Scowick: {chortle} The Pink G-Strings....what is that Gmann's team?
CS: Actually.....yes
Scowick: Oh......well then good luck I guess
Remshot: No! {motioning to Scowick and Mjollnir with his eyes} You're coming with us....NOW!
CS: {looking at Mjollnir} Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?
Mjollnir: Can't say that we've ever met...
CS: Are you sure....cause you look really familiar. Were you ever a Chat Mod?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: Oh that's right....you fucking muted me!
Loud Speaker: You muted Coach....? Damn that's cold
Mjollnir: He made a your mom joke
Loud Speaker: Well in that case it's warranted...
CS: {turning to the Loud Speaker} Who are you?
Loud Speaker: That's none of your damn business Coach and I'd thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
CS: {walking towards the Crown Vic} I'll find out who you are....
Remshot: Seize him!
(Mjollnir and Scowick grab CS by the arms and start leading him to the helicopter)
CS: {to Remshot} Seize him...? What are we in medieval times?
Remshot: Your toilet humor makes me giggle Coach {motioning to the MODS} Bag him!
CS: Wait....bag me...?
(Just then, Mjollnir and Scowick put a black bag over CS's face, zip tie his hands and throw him into the chopper. As the chopper lifts into the air CS can hear the Loud Speaker voice yelling "FUCS....have a nice trip!")
CS: So...um....don't you guys think the blind-folding and hand-cuffing is overkill?
Scowick: We can't let you find out the way to the ADMIN's Secret Lair
CS: So why did you zip tie my hands?
Scowick: Remshot said he didn't want you writing about the trip to the ADMIN's Secret Lair in your silly little narratives
CS: Oh....then I should probably stop writing this narrative, huh?
Mjollnir: How are you doing that?
Remshot: Never mind that.....we're almost there and you know how Loot gets when we keep him waiting
(The helicopter lands and the MODS lead CS across the landing platform. They descend a narrow spiral staircase before leading CS down a long hallway. Just then, the MODS remove the zip tie and rip off the black bag covering CS's face as he is temporarily blinded. As his eyes adjust, CS sees that he is in some sort of rock structure that is either underground or in a hollowed out mountain)
Remshot: Wait here..... {disappearing behind a doorway}
Mjollnir: {prodding CS with his staff} Yeah....wait here
CS: Do you enjoy poking me with your staff?
Mjollnir: I don't know what you're talking about....
CS: That's not what your mom said last night...
Mjollnir: {lunging at CS} Why you little......
Scowick: {holding Mjollnir back} Restrain yourself....the ADMIN want him unharmed
Mjollnir: {shaking his fist} One of these days Coach!
CS: One of these day these boots are gonna walk all over you?
(Just then, 30yraddict emerges from the doorway)
30: Bring him...the ADMIN will see him now
(CS is led into a large room adorned with framed paintings of all the Retired ADMIN, LDiddy, WhoDey, SOS, chewless jim, Aquaman43 and 11X4. On a platform beneath the paintings sit 7 wooden chairs, each the same size as the next. The date November 20, 2006 is carved into the rock wall. In the middle of the room sits a lone chair)
30: {gesturing} Please.....have a seat
CS: {sitting down slowly} Ok.....what is this all about?
30: You'll find out soon enough....
(30 exits the room and closes the door with a loud thud. Just then, another door opens and Nolaq steps into the room.)
Nolaq: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. I Like to Write Narratives...
CS: Awesome nickname...you come up with that yourself?
Nolaq: Look little man, do you know who I am...? I'm No One Likes a Mother Fucking Quitter!
CS: Wouldn't that be NOLAMFQ?
Nolaq: Shut up....you know what I meant
CS: So are you the one who is going to tell me what in the hell is going on here?
Nolaq: That is for the Council of the ADMIN to explain
CS: The Council of the ADMIN?
Nolaq: Yes.....also known as The 7
CS: So when is that going to happen cause I'm missing a kickball game to be here....
Nolaq: Ah yes...the Pink G-Strings vs. The Glass House Gang
CS: You knew about this?
Nolaq: Let's just say a certain person arranged for you to be here during the game...we'll call him Pmann
CS: Dammit! FU Pmann!
Nolaq: Now, now Coach, don't get too worked up....Loot doesn't like it when you get all worked up
CS: Worked up....?
Nolaq: Yes Coach....you know I make you all hot and bothered....
CS: Um...I.....uh...
Nolaq: Nevermind that, the ADMIN Council will see you now
(Just then, mule enters the room followed by FranPro, Rutroh, Remshot, Ready, loot and chewie. They are all wearing bath robes and sneakers)
Ready: Mr. Coach, thank you for coming on such short notice
CS: It's not as if you guys gave me a choice
Ready: Yes....we do apologize for that Mr. Coach, but we've found in the past that it's not always easy to get quitters to do things voluntarily
CS: Apology accepted Mr. Ready, now can someone tell me what I'm doing here?
Chewie: I'll speak to that. Mr. Coach you've undoubtedly heard about our campaign to send 2 members of our staff to Montana for the National Spit Summit?
CS: Yes, I've heard of it....hell I already donated $100
Chewie: Indeed you have, and it was very much appreciated. However, you might have also noticed that we are still short nearly $1200. That brings us here today....we'd like to engage your services to help us bridge the gap
CS: And how exactly do you expect me to do that?
Loot: Let loot take it from here....you see Mr. CS...loot knows all about these little narratives you post everywhere on the site
CS: Yeah I didn't figure it was a secret...
Loot: {loot pulls up his chair and gets real comfortable} Well CS, loot wants you to do a narrative for the selection of the 2 staff members that we're going to send to Montana
Chewie: Think of it as a journalistic endeavor
CS: So you want me to report on your selection of the 2 that are going to Montana?
Ready: Basically yes...but we want you to report it in narrative form
CS: I guess I can do that...can you tell me how the 2 will be selected?
Ready: We started with 10 MODS and we've since reduced it down to 5. The ADMIN Council will vote on the 2 nominees following a talent show competition
CS: A talent show?
Rutroh: I wanted to do the Hunger Games, but it was pointed out that we may lose some good MODS in the process
Ready: Yes....loot wanted to have a spelling bee and mule's idea was to have a donkey race
CS: A donkey race?
Mule: {sitting up in his chair} You got a problem with donkey races?
CS: Um...not really Mr. Mule....just never heard of one
Mule: Oh...well now you have
Ready: Anyways, as I was saying...it's critical that we select the right people to represent KTC at the National Spit Summit
CS: That brings me to my next question, what exactly is the National Spit Summit?
Chewie: I've already written a blog about it here. klark and I attended last year. We were pretty much the only quitters in attendance!
CS: That doesn't surprise me, I don't think anything short of quit group accountability and posting roll could've helped me quit
Loot: That brings loot to his next point, we need to educate the people who are trying to help others quit. These are the people that are saying "quit this way," yet they have no actual quitting experience. Would you have listened to those people on Day 2 Mr. CS?
CS: I'd have told them to go fuck themselves on Day 2
Chewie: That's precisely what we're talking about....spreading the gospel of real world quitting experience the KTC way
CS: Well anything I can do to help the cause...
Ready: Good to hear Mr. Coach...now the talent show competition will be held in a few days. In the meantime, we'd like you to meet all of the finalists and get to know them
CS: No problem, I just need to know who the finalists are
Ready: Don't worry....they'll find you

[Diesel2112]

(After a week of hard work, Coach Steve mentally checks out early at work and sets out for his new Intro bungalow tucked away in a silent corner of Introville, KTC. As he pulls down the long and winding driveway the bungalow comes into view. A small one story weekend home for CS and one guest. CS parks in front of the sidewalk leading to the covered front porch. The sun is just dipping below the horizon and the front porch is pitch dark. CS pauses on his way up the driveway and cocks his head to the side indicating that something is amiss. Stepping onto the front porch he fumbles with the keys while trying to unlock the door....)

CS: {to himself}Dammit all I thought this light was on a sensor.....
(CS drops the keys and as he bends down to pick them up he hears muffled grunting sounds coming from the bushes)
CS: Is someone there?
(Silence......)
CS: Cause you know if you are a trespasser pretty much everyone on KTC has like 10 guns each so your chances of getting shot are damn good
(Silence.....)
CS: Maybe if I......{drops keys and bends over to pick them up}
(Just then, CS hears a muffled "Oh Yeah Baby!" coming from the bushes. He jumps down off the porch and pulls back to bushes to reveal.....Gmann)
CS: Shoulda known it was you
Gmann: You know why I'm here.....
CS: I'm busy
Gmann: Don't be a pussy
CS: FUGM
Gmann: FUCS
CS: Were you excited when you learned you could finally join the boy scouts?
Gmann: Was I what? Oh....I see what you did there. FUCS
(Just then, they hear something rummaging around in the bushes on the other side of the porch)
CS: Dammit who is it this time?
Luby: Whoa, whoa....its just me....Peepers
CS: {jokingly} Silly Peepers, what are you doing over there?
Luby: Oh you know.....waiting for the same thing Gmann is waiting for
CS: Which is......?
Gmann: Seriously don't be a bitch.....narrative please sir
CS: {shrugging his shoulders} Eh, I dunno....not really feeling it lately
Luby: What do you mean you're not feeling it?
CS: I'm just....I dunno, been busy lately with work and spending time with the family
Gmann: Pussy.....
CS: Alright fine, damn...what do you want me to write about then?
Gmann: Scottmacek? Romandog?
CS: Didn't they sort all that out...started the Leper Colony or something?
Luby: Well the Scottmacek Intro thread died down, but I still want that dude gone!
CS: I understand PeepsÂ…but I canÂ’t just conjure up a narrative about something that happened in the past. Is as if the creative moment is goneÂ…I dunno, hard to explain
Luby: Oh come on Coach?!
CS: I just canÂ’tÂ…I mean its not as if I can travel back through timeÂ….
Gmann: WellÂ…..thatÂ’s not completely accurate
CS: {pausing dramatically and turning to look at Gmann} What do you mean thatÂ’s not completely accurate?
Gmann: WellÂ….there may be a wayÂ…
(Just then, Wastepanel pulls up to the bungalow driving a big body convertible Pink Cadillac with Cbird in the front seat and Pavetheway, Texasjack and ERDVM in the back seat. Bigwhitebeast pulls in behind him and Dethan, Tstahr, BBM, Rated, Auburn and IRISH are in the bed of the truck)
CS: Hol-ee shit guysÂ…Â…
Texasjack: {hopping out of the Caddy and putting his arm around CS} CÂ’mon now broÂ….you didnÂ’t think weÂ’d let you spend your 500th alone did ya?
CS: {wiping a tear from his eye} You guysÂ…..
(Just then, Auburn stands up and knocks Rated and IRISH out of the truck with the Pork Sword)
Auburn: WhoaÂ….sorry bout that. I guess the sword master is a little rusty from not being in a narrative in so long
Tstahr: He said long! Coach! Can I get a hell yeah for 500?
CS: Hells yeah Terry!
IRISH: {dusting off his tiny green leprechaun hat} Jesus mary mother of mercy AuburnÂ…..that ting is dangerous
Wastepanel: {to Gmann} Did you tell him yet?
Gmann: KindaÂ…..
CS: Tell me what?
Gmann: Well like I was sayin CoachÂ…..there may be a way to take you back a few daysÂ….back into the scottmacek thread
CS: What do you mean there “may be a way”
Wastepanel: We havenÂ’t perfected it yet. The best way I can explain it is that you jumpÂ…..into someone else
CS: LikeÂ….you become them?
Gmann: Sort ofÂ…..youÂ’re still you, but you look like them
Rated: Like McGyver?
Pavetheway: {slapping Rated in the back of the head} You mean Quantum Leap?
Rated: {rubbing his head} Oh yeahÂ….
Wastepanel: It isÂ…..except for one small difference
CS: Which isÂ…..?
Gmann: We donÂ’t know who youÂ’re going to jump IN to
Wastepanel: But other than that itÂ’s perfectly safe
CS: Are you fucking serious?
Gmann: CoachÂ….its the only way. What are your other options? I mean, you canÂ’t NOT write a narrative on your 500th
Wastepanel: HeÂ’s right CoachÂ…..
CS: Alright fineÂ…whatever
Gmann: We knew youÂ’d come around. Ok, remember, you wonÂ’t know who you are when you jump so the first thing you need to do is verify your identity. The guy from Quantum Leap just looked in a mirror so we figured that is probably the best thing to do
CS: But what if IÂ’m not around a mirror?
Wastepanel: Then youÂ’re screwed
CS: Oh well isnÂ’t that just fan-fucking-tastic?
Gmann: DonÂ’t worry, youÂ’ll be fine. OkÂ…..you ready?
CS: Ready as IÂ’ll ever be
Gmann: {motioning to WP} OkÂ…fire it up
(Wastepanel pushes a few buttons on an 80Â’s looking tech device and a cyber hole opens in the Ethernet. CS begins to step into the cyber hole and turns at the last second when Gmann yells to him)
Gmann: One last thing CoachÂ….please donÂ’t tell Chewie weÂ’re doing this cause this is just a prototype
CS: {getting sucked into the Ethernet} You son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
(CS feels himself being twirled into a trippy looking low tech special effect thatÂ’s supposed to look as if heÂ’s flying through space. He continues twirling towards a small light that grows larger, and larger, and largerÂ….then a brilliant flash of light and CS finds himself in the back of an angry crowd of quitters. Looking around he can see Romandog and Dchogs shaking their fists in rage. Diesel is repeatedly telling a NOOB to fuck off and Polish Workhouse is playing the guitar over to the side. CS sees wmcatty over to the side and walks over to him)
CS: Hey CattyÂ…..whatÂ’s going on here?
Wmcatty: WellÂ….letÂ’s see if I can summarize this cluster fuck of ego tripsÂ….Skoal Monster would prefer that Scott go elsewhere, Morgan1 agrees with Skoal Monster, Seth will leave KTC if Administration allows Scott to stay on KTC, Jhaenel23 was very cognizant of the seriousness of the infractions, Jost2brown feels that support is actually enabling, Gmann would not roll out the red carpet and questioned if Wastepanel was sucking off Scott, Wastepanel said KTC forgives past mistakes and questioned if Gmann was still on his knee pads, Diesel was so upset he even told a new August Quitter to blow it out his ass, Kana is supportive of anyone who quits the nicotine, Romandog recommended that Scott go elsewhere to quitÂ….He is also ready to leave KTC, Scott is taking his lumps and posted Day 3 today, apparently telling his adversaries to fuck off.
And My Favorite Of All---jayd41. He is a 2 week quitter in August and already has 87 posts. He has some big cods, stands his ground, believes in his convictions and says that he has met men in jail that are more respectful than some of the members on this site. He does not know Scott but told him that he fucked upÂ…and he would support Scott in his quit. Then he was evidently offended by something that Diesel said and told Diesel that he sounded like a bitter old woman and he could blow it out his assÂ…and then told him to fuck off! Pretty ballsy for a guy with just 14 days under his belt
CS: Quite the summaryÂ…
Wmcatty: So where do you stand on this issue?
CS: WhoÂ….me?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ…..you!
CS: WellÂ…..IÂ….uh
(Just then, CS sees his reflection in wmcattyÂ’s mirror sunglassesÂ…..heÂ’s Luby)
CS: {blurting out loud} Holy crap IÂ’m Peepers!
Wmcatty: {confused look} PeepersÂ….what are you talking about?
CS as Peepers: OhÂ….{clearing throat} I said jeepers, they should ban him!
Wmcatty: OhÂ…hahaÂ….for a second there I thought you said Peepers
CS as Peepers: {playing it off} PfftÂ….what is a Peepers anyways?
Wmcatty: YeahÂ….hahaÂ….so you really think he should be banned?
CS as Peepers: Its in the board guidelines and what he did is unforgivable
Wmcatty: You donÂ’t think that has a negative impact on the whole site?
CS as Peepers: DonÂ’t careÂ…..roll call is sacredÂ….he pooped on it, he pooped on everythingÂ…..
(Just then, nebraskadad and Sleestak start arguing)
Nebraskadad: I DON'T want some of you self important pricks have. If your QUIT is based on fear and anger then your lives have to be pretty fucking hollow
Sleestak: How people can fail to see the seriousness of what he has done is beyond me. Maybe some of you are still foggy? Scott does not weaken my quit, he made a mockery of this site and a fool of himself in doing so. I am not angry, not afraid, and also not willing to accept his word
Diesel: Couldn't agree more sleestak. A lot of nerve to tell us "anoited divas and man nannies"why we are quitting
Cdaniels: {walking into the middle of the crowd and raising his arms} All this bull shit needs to stop one way or another..... I can see no possible good out come here, for no one. This shit is going to keep up until it no longer is what it was. So everyone please just STOP
Jake frawley: Thank you! We all need to get off this thread. We are allies, here for the same reason
Jayd41: i'm over the pissing match diesel...you don't have to support anyone in any way if you don't want to...i was told when i first started this site to stay involved, well i'm involved. Maybe i am too forgiving, maybe i shouldn't take this guy in my corner but i did, again you don't have to like it, but i would stick up for him just like i am going to stick up for russell, jake and the rest of august. And i'm accusing some of being assholes
Kana: If it wasn't for diesel I wouldn't be where I am today. He's definitely on the list of brothers that helped save my life, so I will back him up to the grave
(Just then, scottmacek stands up on a chair to address the angry mob)
Scottmacek: Things are different now because my life is more organized and scheduled, I accept that I'm a piece of shit addict that is no different than the bum on the corner begging for change to by some crack cocaine when it comes to chew, and I'm trying to atone for my transgressions. Also, I bought the fake chew for the first time and make sure that I have gum on me all of the time. I am not going to drink alcohol for the first 50 days in attempt to keep my mind as strong as possible
Romandog: Yeah, right.. Whatever...
Dchogs: Not to keep pissing on the electric fence, but scotty-boy, i'd like you to answer this post i made in your group. you said that i was mischaracterizing the situation, implying that i was lying about shit just to get on your case. funny, i don't like being called a liar. tell me where i'm lying or twisting things
Spartonron: To overtly lie about your day count cheapens what the rest of us do on a daily basis
(Polish Workhorse begins playing kumbuya on his guitar)
Polish Workhorse: Can we get a hug circle up in this mug...?
Jayd41: I like Johnny Cash
Wastepanel: In the 80Â’s, I spent most of my day listening to dead Kennedys and social distortion at work, but I'm all over the place on my music tastes. Fucking loved metal and was just telling my sister how I met korn years ago at lallapalooza and got punched in the nose (while on MTV news). Met guys from slipknot and anthrax last summer when we snuck backstage at a concert. Traveled 6 hours to see thrice in Chicago last year as well and ended up hanging out with singer at a bar
CS as Peepers: When did we start talking about 80Â’s music?
Wastepanel: {winking at CS} ArenÂ’t you supposed to be someone else?
CS as Peepers: {realizing that WP knows who he is} OhÂ….yeah
Jake frawley: By the way, whatÂ’s the law of diminishing returnsÂ…nevermindÂ…lol
Romandog: There is a point to all of this, actually... I'd rather be the asshole now than read his obituary later, thank you
Gmann: Nice post
Wmcatty: This has turned into one of the most volatile forums on the entire KTC site
CS as Peepers: I think it is time to hear from admin..... Lots of you know me, I am not a drama guy, and I want everyone quit. But Scott should not be a member here. HE POSTED ROLL WHILE USING. It is that simple. I said it before and I will say it again, I am at 676 this is still a fight for me I get dip dreams and I wake up terrified not because I failed (that sucks but failure is a part of life) I wake up with a pit in my stomach because the part that makes these dreams a nightmare is letting down my brothers of KTC, this is life and death to me, my brothers here help save my life everyday and I will do the same for them. If I can't trust their promise this site is cheapened
Its_Got2Happen: 'Popcorn'
Mcarmo: Scott really screwed up, but this site is not a democracy. I've seen 2 others banned here in my time and believe it kills the Admins to do it, because it cuts off a life line to someone who needs help, which is the whole purpose of this site. Drama on this site has many purposes, sometimes when you are new you need a distraction, you need someone to hate so your anger doesn't spill into your normal life, sometimes its is to show everyone else "Hey you better never do this," and yes I will bet sometimes "Vet's" need drama too. It is also a way to teach. This site is based on accountability, part of that comes from not being able to lie to one another because we all know all the tricks, we've all told all the lies. The two things that are asked 1) Don't post roll while using, 2) Don't use multiple screen names Scott broke both of those, he needs to prove himself again and time will be the biggest test
Its_Got2Happen: Damn well stated mcarmo
(Just then, DeanTheCoot walks up in his boxers, flops his balls over the waistband and proceeds to take a piss)
DeanTheCoot: Oh, and here's the answer to everything: Focus on yourself and your quit, and on the people at KTC who are doing the same. That WILL NOT fail you. The people who join this community and don't "get" it were never going to help you - or themselves - anyway. So it doesn't matter if they miss roll, cave or lie. Yes, on the surface, it spoils the sanctity of KTC. But the guy who posts roll while dipping never regarded KTC as sacred in the first place. Which means he doesn't exist. Which means this entire thread doesn't exist. Which means I took far too much LSD in the early 1990s
CS as Peepers: Speaking of LSD, does anyone else feel dizzy?
(CS sneaks away from the crowd to get some air and Zam pops out of thin air)
Zam: Hey Coach, nice 500!
CS as Peepers: Holy shit you scared me! And how do you know who I am?
Zam: {punching keys on a 80Â’s low tech device} IÂ’m Zam, I know everything
CS as Peepers: ZamÂ…..oh I get it. Let me guessÂ….youÂ’re here to take me home?
Zam: You betÂ…..ready to go?
CS as Peepers: Hell yeahÂ…IÂ’m fucking exhausted
(Zam punches some keys on his low tech device and the cyber hole opens up in the Ethernet)
CS as Peepers: Hold onÂ….IÂ’ve got something IÂ’ve always wanted to do..
(CS pulls up Peepers’ trademark black cape and says, “Behold, the Great Peepers” as he steps into the cyber hole. After another trip through the psychedelic worm hole CS lands safely back as his Intro bungalow where the quitters are frolicking, cooking out and drinking beer)
Gmann: {handing CS a cold beer} Well done sir!
Wastepanel: IndeedÂ…..now if youÂ’ll excuse me I think I just wet myself reading this
(CS exchanges hive fives and handshakes with the other quitters gathered for his 500th and he sees Cbird slowly walking up to himÂ…)
Cbird: CoachÂ….my friend, thereÂ’s been something IÂ’ve wanted to do for a long timeÂ….
CS: Oh yeah, what is it?
(Just then, Cbird gives CS a big bear hug)
Rated: Group hug time!
CS: {as all the quitters swarm in for a group hug} Nooooooooo!
Gmann: {putting on his pink sunglasses} Bunch of homos
CS: Hey G?
Gmann: Yeah Coach?
CS: FUGM
Gmann: {smiling as he starts up his pink Volkswagon Beetle and shifts it into gear} FUCS
(As Gmann pulls a 180 and peels down the driveway you can see CS waiving in the dust
CS: {turning back towards the group and raising his beer} Quit Like Fuck!
Group: {raising their beers in unison} Quit Like Fuck!
(Just then, Bruce drives up)
Bruce: Sorry IÂ’m lateÂ….is it too late for full homo time?
CS: NeverÂ…..

(The EndÂ….bitches)

Let's Do The Time Warp Again

Speaking of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Tim Curry had a stroke yesterday,

http://starcrush.com/tim-curry-stroke/

I love that coach Steve was inside me! Wait.... What?
Great shit as always, and great half comma. Proud as fuck to quit like fuck with you.

you captured my essence- well done.

nice narrative. very nice 500.

Wow. I made it into a CS story, I'm honored. Congrats on 500!!!

Any noob out there got a problem with this site or disagree with me...blow it out your ass and fuck off.