(Coach Steve approaches his own intro thread, also known as the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent. He cringes as he sees that the once colorful awnings of the tent have faded and warped from exposure to the elements. The structure supports, although still standing, are beginning to buckle under the weight of the large canvas tent. As he pulls back the front flaps and enters the tent he sees the oak bleachers where dozens of quitters once witnessed the unveilings of the CS narratives. The performing area is littered with old props and relics of days gone by, a swing set from the old Adopt a Noob playground and Crockett's sheep fucker costume, among other things. As CS sits on the old bleachers he winces from the pain of large oak splinters in his ass....)
CS: {picking the splinters out of his ass} Ugh....why in the hell did I sit down?
(As he pricks the last splinter from his arse, CS notices a glint of light coming from behind the bleachers. As he approaches the object, he realizes what it is.....the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Hah! I forgot this was here....must have had it here for safe keeping
(CS dusts off the Glass Soapbox and drags it out into the performing area...)
CS: {grunting} Damn....I forgot how heavy this thing is
(Once the Glass Soapbox is in the middle of the performing area, CS climbs on top and surveys the circus tent....he imagines that the bleachers are once again filled with four or five quitters anxious to get the first glimpse of the latest narrative. There is gmann in the front row, wastepanel is leaning on the side of the bleachers with his arms crossed, ERDVM (Vadge) is reading a book on gerbils and Colonel No Cope is on the top row wearing his trademark assless linemen chaps)
CS: Fellow quitters...lend me your ears!
Imaginary gmann: That's not all I'll lend you.....
Imaginary CNC: Shut up gmale! I'm trying to listen to CS!
Imaginary gmann: Its gmann, not "gmale"
Imaginary WP: Or is it "gmail"?
Imaginary Vadge: {glancing up from his gerbil book} Good one...I see what you did there....
Imaginary WP: Thanks Vadge....I'm very proud of you!
Imaginary Vadge: You know WP, I think you tell you're proud of me more than my own father does
Imaginary WP: I'm very proud of you for noticing!
Imaginary CNC: Are you sailors serious with this crap? On with the show!
CS: As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by the figments of my own imagination....fellow quitters, lend me your ears! We Quit Like Fuck!
(standing ovation from CNC)
Imaginary CNC: {clapping vigorously} Bravo! Bravo!
CS: Thank you, thank you, but I have more to say!
(CS imagines the lights dimming and a lone spotlight being shone upon the Glass Soapbox)
CS: Today is day 456. Not so different from day 455 yet a stark contrast to Day 5. Life moves at a million miles an hour these days, but one thing remains the same....posting roll, every morning in April 12. As the quit days mount up, I've grown a greater understanding of the years of tobacco poisoning to which I subjected myself. Standing before you on Day 456, I can only hope that those 16 years didn't do permanent damage....or, even worse, I can only hope that those 16 years don't put me at a greater risk of cancer. All I can do now is move forward and quit like fuck every damned day. I find comfort in my life as a quitter on the Like Fuck varsity squad. Yet.....my sense of quit-comfort eludes several of you out there, yes....I'm talking to YOU. What about this horrible addictive and poisonous substance do you not understand? Perhaps you do understand and you choose to ignore it......
(As CS is delivering his monologue the We Quit Like Fuck circus tent begins to spring back to life....the splintery bleachers suddenly look brand new and the structural supports regain their rigidity...)
Imaginary CNC: Whoa! I haven't seen a pole straighten out like that since I was in Kuwait!
Imaginary Vadge: So did you guys know that gerbils have two rectums?
Imaginary WP: Quite the boggle. Although I am very proud of gerbils for having two rectums!
CS: ....for those of you that ignore the consequences of your addiction, the poison will surely win in the end. Your days will be spent digging your brown stained fingers into a can, eagerly awaiting your next fix, or sorting through old spitters trying to find the one that doesn't reek of vileness, or spending less time with your family just so you can hide your addiction. Not me. I will never forget the poisonous lies of the Nic Bitch and never, ever, forget that We Quit Like Fuck!
(As CS finishes, the circus tent has been rejuvenated....Cbird is vigorcising on the treadmill, pavetheway is posting SFW gifs, texasjack is trying to get people to smell his fingers and Z is waiving at everyone...then giving them the middle finger. jpine and Morgan1 are playing on the swing set while jost2brown and Razd are in the announcers booth agreeing with each other. A cloud of smoke appears and Peepers gazes out upon the other quitters in his trademark black cape)
Imaginary CNC: {standing up} Is it ok to clap now?
Imaginary gmann: I think its ok now
Imaginary CNC: {applauding} Bravo sailor! I haven't been inspired like that since basic training!
(CS looks out at the rejuvenated circus tent and smiles....as he steps off the Glass Soapbox the sounds begin to die out and the quitters fade back into the imaginary world from whence they came. The awnings are once again weathered by the elements and the structural supports buckled)
CS: {dragging the Glass Soapbox back to its hiding place behind the bleachers and covering it up with an old blanket} Sigh.....goodbye for now old friend....
(Before exiting the tent, CS turns for one more look)
CS: Well....it just goes to show you that once you're Quit Like Fuck, it only takes a little magic to get this big top bumping again!
