Well it's been a while and I thought I would post today. I got some serious thoughts going on.
I was over a Facebook, yeah I know strike 1, and my buddy posts a post about how worthless he is. Now keep in mind this man has a job, has kids he supports, and lives a daily life.
This got me thinking about my self. I am 42 years old, 385 pounds, broken down, bad back beyond repair, no job, cant help (or dont know how) support kids, sit on the PC all day hoping for the best. Worthless........ That is a word I never used with myself as prior to my back injury I always had a well paying job, medical insurance, a good vehicle and life was pointed in the right direction. Now ....... Worthless...... All I am is a burden on my wife and kids. Oh but I did quit dipping so that saved my wife $60 a month and I don't smoke ciggs or cigars.
I have read several posts here about people taking back their lives one day at a time and living life to it's fullest now that they quit dipping. They are truly quit. Am I just stopped? I am not living life to it's fullest. I am like a dry drunk. A drunk that got dry but never sober. Every day is a dry drunk.
Braves360 asked me a question earlier today. HE asked me was I ready to quit saying "I can't". My answer wasn't the one he was looking for and off he went. Why should he worry about me if I'm not worried about me right? I don't blame him a bit for skipping out on me. Here we go again ........ Worthless....... Notice my trend?
When is enough enough? When am I going to be sick and tired of being sick and tired? Only time shall tell.
Until next time folks, take care of your selves ... and each other. (Jerry Springer)
Hmmm! DJ my friend I'd be willing to bet your children love you and your not useless! What you can do to take your life back is quit feeling sorry for yourself.Get up and take your life back. One thing that definitely helps me is always knowing there's plenty people out there that's a helluva lot worse off than I am but they get up everyday and take charge of there life and say I can do this. By the way there's a lot of jobs you can do on PC. My brother not trying to bust your balls but sometimes someone has to kick us in our nuts! Damn proud to be quit with you!
Yeah you are right bud, the best thing I can do for now is get up off the damn pitty pot and get back to it.
I have looked in to several "Jobs" that you can work from home on the PC but I never know what is legit and what is a scam. Most of them all say send us 100$ to get started..... No..... Fuck that. If it is a legit job then they wont do that. I tried telemarketing from home and suffered panic attacks and couldn't do it. it got so bad I took a trip to the hospital. Thought I was having a heart attack.
I just wish I could get my back fixed so I can go back to work doing something, anything to help support the wife and kids. I am feeling a bit better now than when I posted this earlier. Not 100% but solid.
You want some ball bustin? Here goes.
Dude you are a classic addict. 385 lbs is full on food addict. Losing 150 lbs would probably fix a hell of a lot of your back problems and God know what else. A real addict, which you are, goes all in on everything that they do. Right now you are all in on feeling down. Refocus. Get "myfitnesspal" and start logging every calorie that you eat. Every one. Make a goal and stick to it each day on how many calories you will eat. Make an exercise plan - even if it is just walking down the street 2x each day. Log it too.
Shift your addiction to WINNING. life is to short to let it run you down. Get yourself under control and take your life back.
Sitting at home on the computer eating Cheetos isn't winning. You know how to win my friend. The choice is yours. You are such a kick ass quitter - you can do this dude.
Hey -
threw a shout to you over on facebook. Yea I know some will say why not here, but wanted to send it there for what I call "Making it more real" where you can see my face in pics, you can see my wife and family.
Anyway one point I made there is give it time. As you are quitting a day at a time, each day you make a positive impact on that front. You are letting your system heal from the years of poisoning. You are letting your brain re-adjust to the new chemistry. You are taking it slow in this marathon to re-write yourself.
So take that lesson to other parts of your life. Life is not a sprint or quick fix, it is a marathon. So maybe start with the weight loss. Go for a short, leisurely walk each day. Do it by yourself to enjoy the outdoors, the sights, smells. Do it with your wife/family to enjoy it together. But let it be the first step in beating the guy who just sits on the couch each day. Then as it gets better build on that. But like quitting, give it the proper time.
You will do it if you put your mind to it, I have no doubt about that.
yell if you should need.
There's some sound advice here. I know that I have turned a corner by hitting the sack either with or before my wife.
Now that I'm not waiting for everyone to hit the hay so I could dip freely. I would say maybe just start there. Get your internal clock back to a normal work
schedule. Bed early and Up early to get a walk in and plan the day ahead. Keep chin up dude. Quitting is a huge step in the right direction of good health. Both mental and
physical. Proud to quit with you today.
Agree with all this advice. I would especially encourage you to take W2W's advice about walking a couple times a day. Wake up in the morning, grab your cup of coffee, and head out and pound the pavement for a half hour. After dinner, take your wife on a romantic walk and show her some cool stuff you saw on your morning walk.
The bottom line is you have to change something if you want something to change.
That is sound advice for sure. Contrary to popular believe, my doctor had me walking 3 miles per day. I did that for a good while until my back happened. I woke up one morning and could all but not walk. The years of abuse had finally caught up to me. Also, I had fallen off the back end of a combine which didnt help. I had an MRI done and got a 8 page report on how bad my back really was. When my doctor talked with me about it she said ray do you know how bad this is and what all this report means? I was like well no. Im not a doctor. In her exact words were, you are in trouble.
When I fell off the combine I blew 3 discs in my back and my spine shifted a half inch. As the old term goes you are off your rocker, I am literally off my rocker by 1/2 inch. That is where that old term comes from..... Spinal stenosis.
Another little tid bit as well. When I eat, it is out of a 3 chamber plate. I wish I could include a pic. It only allows for so much and that is it and I only eat one plate. Now it was pointed out that I was a food addict..... Nice ....... I like it. That is reaching for straws when you dont know the whole story. Truth be know I eat less than most people. MY issue is I can't get up and move to work it off. plain and simple. I know ...... I used to be there too. Fat person means he or she eats so fucking much their grocery bill must bankrupt them. Most of the time that is true but not always. So PLEASE understand ones story before assuming the worst.
My Neuro surgeon said he will do surgery on my back to get me back up and walking again if I can loose 80 lb. Ok liquid diet and weight loss surgery it is. So went to talk to weight loss specialist and they wont do weight loss surgery until I can get up and walk at least 1 mile. Catch 22. I'm fucking stuck!!!!! Now what? So now I am walking on my tread mill and it fucks up on me. I talk to the manufacturer and their is a 300 lb weight limit. REAL FUCKING GOOD.
I am real close to just saying fuck it and giving up. BUT I won't!!! That is what most people think I am doing or am going to do. I will find a way one way or the other. I quit smoking 3 packs per day and I quit dipping. 2 of the hardest things to do. Now on to the rest of my life which I refuse to give up on.
Ray AKA DjPorkchop day 93 ODAAT EDD WUPP FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!
Ray, sounds like time to get creative... not sure if any of this is practical for you but might spark an idea that will work. Thinking out loud, walking is good because it exercises large muscle groups ... swimming would as well, but problematic in winter. Do they make something like a recumbent exercise bicycle? (Or the exercise resistance unit attached to one). Can you do lots of things like arm curls (it would take a shitload of reps, but it is active)? I'm thinking any sustained activity that lasted half an hour a couple times a day would be helpful.
You have your goals to break the catch 22. Somewhere is a way to reach them.
Wow Chop, that is some major life issues you are dealing with. But what i take from your attitude is you are bad ass, And have the attitude of a warrior. I'm proud of you, quit brother.
Ray a.k.a. Chop,
Want to share something with you man. Maybe this can provide some additional motivation, maybe not. Either way, your mention about your situation took me back to a dark place...
My father started taking a turn for the worse and allowing himself to become stagnant when I was maybe 5 or so. By the time I was playing 12 and under baseball he was too large to get out of his vehicle to watch me play ball. So he parked that fucking Ford Ranger alongside the 3rd base line and watched from inside the cab. In 7-8 years, he had gone from 6'2'' 195lbs to 6'2'' 390lbs.
He pretty much has maintained that shape until about 6 months ago when he finally decided to get his shit under control. From my vantage point, I have hated my father since I was a boy... and it was a hatred based on the fact that despite my young age, I knew his weight was something he could control, and chose not too. All of the shit that I missed out on requiring his participation was particularly painful as I had some friends whose fathers were never in the picture or had passed away prematurely. Mine, on the other hand, other than being grossly obese, what completely healthy.
My dad and I went to the World Series to watch our Rangers play not 5 years ago and he never made it out of the parking lot. I walked into the Ballpark by myself with an $800 premium ticket in my pocket, had some drinks at a bar inside the stadium, and ended up upgrading a guy I met that was sitting in the outfield upper deck. I was never so fucking angry in my entire life. I was angry to the point I gave away an $800 ticket just because I knew I had wasted my money on my father. For really the first time in my life, I was finally in a financial position to do something for him, rather than him for me, and his fat ass couldn't even enjoy it.
Now, I hear what you're saying about how you practice portion control, but it is physically impossible to wind up 350+ if you're following a strict diet. It's anatomically impossible. So, I urge you to re-evaluate that. Not calling you out, but I know a thing or two about what kind of caloric intake is required to maintain a certain weight with no other factors considered. Your Basal Metabolic Rate (look it up), is the bare minimum of calories your body needs to take in just to stay alive... think of it as how many calories you would need if you were strapped to a bed 24/7.
My father finally decided to take his life back, and with the help of a FitBit, MyFitnessPal to track his food, and a bare minimum of physical activity (walking), he has dropped 75 lbs in 5 months. He's at a point now where he no longer has to have a C-pap machine strapped to his face while sleeping because his weight is no-longer suffocating him. That means he's sleeping better, which in turn means he has more energy, which in turn means his metabolism isn't the gutter, which in turn means he's more active, which in turn means he's burning more calories per day.... you get the point.
Now I know your back is fucked up proper and I cannot imagine that pain that is causing you... but that pain is a way of your body screaming at you to give in some help. Your frame was never meant to support that amount of weight. Start small, ANYTHING. Re-evaluate your portions, and more importantly, what is making up those portions. Eating healthy, although generally more expensive than not, does not have to break your bank. I know you feel like you're against the wall and in a place where "fuck it what's the point? it's too late" seems reasonable... but if you do not attack your weight problem with the same vigor you quit the Nic Bitch, none of this will matter. 385, unless you're 6'8" and above, will kill you dead. Just as cancer or any other terminal illness.
Where there is a will... there is a fucking way. Imagine the pride your wife and children will have as they see you kick the shit out of this weight problem and start to take back your life. I guarantee you spinal issues will begin to fade as your internal structure no longer has to bear such a load.
If this came across as harsh, I apologize. Watching my father in this state for the past 25 years of my life has had a big time negative effect on our relationship. A lot of years slipped away because dad couldn't move more than 200 feet without needing a 10 minute break. Don't let that shit happen with your kids.
-JP; and I quit with you today my friend
