My Quit

[markr]

Ok I am 1/2 way to the second floor the first 30 days after the HOF just sucked. They were filled with intense craves a desire to go get a can and get the old habit back 'bang head' I was thinking great I made it 100 day now I am going to get to start over. I have seen some vets showing up in some of the groups and that made me even more determined I was not going to be one of them.

Today is day 150 what a few weeks can do I have not had a crave for a few weeks and feel great. I have an addition to Tobacco always will. I know I can not take 1 dip because it will lead to many more and I do not want to go back there again.

This is to let you know that just because we have hit the hall and are a "vet" we still struggle with the nic bitch also. We have learned to use the tools here to keep our quit we own our quit you will also. So hang in there quit for the day and enjoy life.
Remember CAVING IS NOT AN OPTION.

[markr]

I have been at the fair the last couple of days all my old buddies in the barns with the big wedge and the smell of the barns that could be the trigger. Who knows your right caving is not an option I got a guy at work quitting and tring to get him to join the site but we are keeping tabs on each other so I will be ok. I posted this to let people know that just because you hit that 100 day mark it aint over. I had not really had any problems for several weeks then wham they show up.
Stay quit
Caving Is not an option!!

[livin]

Remember your motto "caving is not a option" you will power through I have no doubt. Sorry to hear that the nic bitch still knows your name. She's hateful eh? I to share your addiction. I actually had a pretty good week and had'nt even thought much about dip. Then last night I was going through my plans in my head that I want to accomplish this weekend and wham nic bitch shows up. Shook it off last night with a few beers and woke up this morning craving the crap! WTF. I am day 65 and have been doing fairly decent. I will make it I am not worried just pisses me off that I still want the shit. I just try to fill my head with how good my belly and throat feel and read and re-read stories about fellows that have had big C issues or scares. Sorry for the ramble, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone Bro. Hang tough this weekend, just remember that nic bitch is not bigger than KTC and together we will overcome. Congrats again on the HOF!

Livin

[markr]

I am done at the golden arches for awhile. We went there last night on the way to the fair. same crap as lunch.I can't belive this almost 2 months with no craves and 2 in a row the one last night was worst than the one at lunch. The only thing I can come up with is this past week at work has sucked jus no a good week period. Taking a dip would not make anything better. It would only add insult to injury at this point. I have felt much better without dipping so caving is not an option but it still sucks a bad week then craves on top of that. I feel Like I should post day 5 instead of 109. Something else that hit Wednesday this week the freakin rage stage came back. I am having to watch myself I started to blow up at the store the other day. As I sit here writing this I am craving a dip. I am going to the woods for a walk.
Stay quit whatever it takes!!!

[markr]

This is to let you know the HOF is not the end of the line. Today is day 108 I have not had a crave for some time now until lunch today. I had a burger for lunch and afterwards I had a crave for dip. I mean a kick yourself hard I want it bad crave. It lasted about 15 minutes I needed gas in the truck but decided not to go to the gas station and get that close to the dip counter. It has been a couple hours now and the crave has passed but just because you hit the hall on fame doesn't mean the game is over.
The crave I had today was just as intense today as it was the first few weeks I quit.

Keep your gaurd up.

[markr]

Day 59 I have felt great since day 50. I have gone fishin about every day shot a few round of trap life is getting back to normal just without the worry of that Skoal can in my pocket. You know I have a bunch of new shirts that I can wear now I finally figured out I don't need a pocket anymore.

Here is the Dream
Well last night was the first night I had a dip dream if that is what you want to call it. I went to the gas station to fill up and there was a guy out in front with a 4X4 and a Triton bass boat. It was adorned with the Skoal logo on both the truck and boat. I thought they are probably doing something to promote that crap. I didn't want any but I did want to check out the boat so I went to take a closer look. The guy called me by name he said your straying from the brotherhood. I commented back but I am in a brotherhood now and they treat me great. He said all you got to do is buy a roll and this is all yours. I said would you put that in writing he said sure. So I get that contract read it over and sure enough if I buy a roll of Skoal I get the boat and truck. So I went in bought a roll of Skoal wow this shit is high $7.00 a can any how I part with $75 go out hand the guy the roll of Skoal and say I am her to claim my prize. He looked at me signed every thing over and said one more thing you must take a dip for a photo. I started to open a can I was pumped up here I am I'm getting a boat and a truck wow. Then out of the blue I get a text it is from Glenn it says WTF are you doing!!! Then another text comes in from KK Don't do it you'll be sorry. Then from Waynebo and Rooster the same thing. I am thinking how in the world do these guys know whats going on. I tell the guy hey I will be right back I got to go to the bathroom. he said I will be here waiting but you must dip. I go inside I Felt like it was day 1 again the crave was real bad then the light bulb went off the fake stuff. I got a can of fake stuff dumped the skoal washed the can out refilled it with the fake stuff I though I will try this. I go back out take a big dip of the fake stuff the guy said welcome back to the brotherhood here is you prize. I can't believe this I just was handed a prize that I would love but it is not right it has the can on the side of both. I look in the boat there is a case of dip I take it to the dumpster and start to toss it in that is when a kid came up and asked if I fished for Skoal I said no but I won this boat he said I want to win a boat by chewing also give me some and I will start now. I put the stuff back in the truck My buddy was there so we head out. I start feeling really sick about what that kid had said. I started when I was real young and it hit home. On the way home I stopped at a local place that sells thing on ebay. I pulled in stopped and told the guy get rid of this for me.
My buddy could not believe What I just did he said if you want to get rid of it give it to me.I looked right at him and said that rig is the devil and must go. We had not got home when my phone rang. The store said it had sold to someone with cash and I could come get my money.
When I got there there was $75 and a note that said stay true to the brotherhood. and it had the name of everyone and our supporters from roll call.

This just goes to show how much influence this place has had on me.
Thanks guys

[markr]

Well day 50 is here 1/2 way to the hall!!!! I have been through quite a bit on my journey I have met a few good people here and have been so sick that I don't remember the day. I have had cravings so intense that the only comparison was being held underwater and wanting to breath but couldn't. The two week fog that was like the zombie zone nothing was real clear. Then the fog lifted and the get mad at everything stage kicked in. Wow that was the worst the others targeted me the mad phase caused me to do and say things that I would not normally do or say. I upset some of the closest people to me and for that I am truly sorry they have been supporting me and I feel that I let them down for getting mad at things they said or did. It will all work out in the end for the best.
The past week I have actually felt good I am sleeping most nights and in general just feel better. I am glad that I made the decision to quit and I am glad that there are very supportive people on this site that want to help me with my goal.

The fact that you have stated you made it through the "rage stage" gives me hope for the future.

I blew up at the kids last night because they kept asking me if they could slide down their slide while I was affixing the last bolt. I unleashed to the point that my four year old daughter was in tears and my two year old son was apologizing to me. Talk about making someone feel like a big pile of shit! My two year old apologized to me......my little princess was in tears because daddy yelled at her. Real great parenting!

I hope these fits of rage go away before I really blow a gasket.....it was a simple question from them. I was just pissed because the stupid bolt had rusted and wouldn't go back in the hole!

Keep moving forward.....thanks for sharing your trials and tribulations!

Stretch buddy it is not you it is the nic bitch coming out. Tell them you are quitting something that could hurt you and that you did not mean to get mad at them. I feel for you my 12 yr old daughter loves to hunt fish and shoot with me but I have upset her so much the past few weeks she just avoids me. Things are on the mend now but it still makes you feel like dirt. Your kids are younger and they really don't understand whats going on. Hang tough it will get better.

[Stretch]

Well day 50 is here 1/2 way to the hall!!!! I have been through quite a bit on my journey I have met a few good people here and have been so sick that I don't remember the day. I have had cravings so intense that the only comparison was being held underwater and wanting to breath but couldn't. The two week fog that was like the zombie zone nothing was real clear. Then the fog lifted and the get mad at everything stage kicked in. Wow that was the worst the others targeted me the mad phase caused me to do and say things that I would not normally do or say. I upset some of the closest people to me and for that I am truly sorry they have been supporting me and I feel that I let them down for getting mad at things they said or did. It will all work out in the end for the best.
The past week I have actually felt good I am sleeping most nights and in general just feel better. I am glad that I made the decision to quit and I am glad that there are very supportive people on this site that want to help me with my goal.

The fact that you have stated you made it through the "rage stage" gives me hope for the future.

I blew up at the kids last night because they kept asking me if they could slide down their slide while I was affixing the last bolt. I unleashed to the point that my four year old daughter was in tears and my two year old son was apologizing to me. Talk about making someone feel like a big pile of shit! My two year old apologized to me......my little princess was in tears because daddy yelled at her. Real great parenting!

I hope these fits of rage go away before I really blow a gasket.....it was a simple question from them. I was just pissed because the stupid bolt had rusted and wouldn't go back in the hole!

Keep moving forward.....thanks for sharing your trials and tribulations!

[markr]

Well day 50 is here 1/2 way to the hall!!!! I have been through quite a bit on my journey I have met a few good people here and have been so sick that I don't remember the day. I have had cravings so intense that the only comparison was being held underwater and wanting to breath but couldn't. The two week fog that was like the zombie zone nothing was real clear. Then the fog lifted and the get mad at everything stage kicked in. Wow that was the worst the others targeted me the mad phase caused me to do and say things that I would not normally do or say. I upset some of the closest people to me and for that I am truly sorry they have been supporting me and I feel that I let them down for getting mad at things they said or did. It will all work out in the end for the best.
The past week I have actually felt good I am sleeping most nights and in general just feel better. I am glad that I made the decision to quit and I am glad that there are very supportive people on this site that want to help me with my goal.

[Donedippin3]

Me too..I blew up at my wife last night over dinner. Why I let that bother me is just crazy. Its like a full body mad rush of anger. I dont like it and feel like an asshole after I calm down.

[cubs204]

Today is day 42 I have gotten past the fog and really don't crave dip anymore. The biggest thing for me the past couple weeks is I get mad fast. I posted this a week or so ago and got a PM from someone that told me it would pass and to think will I still be mad about this next Tuesday? Well I have tried to apply that the past week it seem to work pretty well. however the kids are pushing the launch button daily now sometimes multiple pushes. Last night was one of those nights They made a huge mess in one room and I walked off then found onther mess in another room and found homework was not done then the chores where not done you get the picture. I came unglued they look at me like they had done nothing wrong I dole out a punishment then Mom over rode My punishment guess what I unloaded on her. I really hope this phase gets done I have tried very hard not to get mad at my family during this quit but lately that has not worked. Stress at work busy schedule and no time for myself has me on edge I have usally got to go fishing but the weather has sucked and that has not happened yet the freakin grass is growing like crazy so I get home and two days a week I ride the tractor for a few hours. I will get through this without chew it would not make it any better and I have realized that. I do feel better and am not eating like a horse anymore. Still have the dry mouth a couple days a week when I wake up. If I can get over this being pissed stage I will have it made.

Brother, I feel your pain. I just unloaded on the ol lady because she went shopping for food to feed herself with for the week (I am out of town working) and she didnt buy things for us to eat on the weekend. :unsure: Why I was mad about this I do not know...

[markr]

Today is day 42 I have gotten past the fog and really don't crave dip anymore. The biggest thing for me the past couple weeks is I get mad fast. I posted this a week or so ago and got a PM from someone that told me it would pass and to think will I still be mad about this next Tuesday? Well I have tried to apply that the past week it seem to work pretty well. however the kids are pushing the launch button daily now sometimes multiple pushes. Last night was one of those nights They made a huge mess in one room and I walked off then found onther mess in another room and found homework was not done then the chores where not done you get the picture. I came unglued they look at me like they had done nothing wrong I dole out a punishment then Mom over rode My punishment guess what I unloaded on her. I really hope this phase gets done I have tried very hard not to get mad at my family during this quit but lately that has not worked. Stress at work busy schedule and no time for myself has me on edge I have usally got to go fishing but the weather has sucked and that has not happened yet the freakin grass is growing like crazy so I get home and two days a week I ride the tractor for a few hours. I will get through this without chew it would not make it any better and I have realized that. I do feel better and am not eating like a horse anymore. Still have the dry mouth a couple days a week when I wake up. If I can get over this being pissed stage I will have it made.

[Wayne Bo]

We can finish this thing out together; you, me and FTK, as well as the others in July. We can finish strong and keep each other headed in the right direction. We all have each others contact info and we can keep busting each others balls until were quit for good. This is why we came here .... for the support and accountablility.

I feel your frustration!  I felt like I had to wrestle pretty hard yesterday.  I did go home, logged onto the chat room and talked it out a little.  Took some advice; went and laid in the bed watching TV until I fell asleep.  Had a little nap and woke up in alot better mood.

I really don't review the roll call post before I post so I never caught that "KK" had posted DAY 1.  I guess that I'll have to review the post before posting myself just to make sure that I don't state that all the "CAN SMASHERS" are accounted for and look like an idiot for not knowing that one of my can smashers isn't any longer.  I don't know why he didn't reach out to one of us.  Kinda makes me feel like an ass for not knowing ...... just dealing with my own struggle.

Wayne bo you posted right though KK was accounted for he just had caved. I talked with him on the phone yesterday at lunch he was pretty down but I think he will be fine. It sucks that he caved but I will give he the chance to redeem himself in the August group and will still support him there.

I am pretty upbeat today I have had a real short fuse lately unfortunately my family has taken a few hits from me they understand but it is still hard for all of us.

The reason I checked in with you yesterday was because of KK caving I just wanted to make sure you were OK.

I also changed me signature yesterday and added (Caving is not an option) so every post make that statement from me. I am done with the tobacco for good no turning back now. KK caving made me stronger and I hope that you pull strength from it also.

[markr]

I feel your frustration! I felt like I had to wrestle pretty hard yesterday. I did go home, logged onto the chat room and talked it out a little. Took some advice; went and laid in the bed watching TV until I fell asleep. Had a little nap and woke up in alot better mood.

I really don't review the roll call post before I post so I never caught that "KK" had posted DAY 1. I guess that I'll have to review the post before posting myself just to make sure that I don't state that all the "CAN SMASHERS" are accounted for and look like an idiot for not knowing that one of my can smashers isn't any longer. I don't know why he didn't reach out to one of us. Kinda makes me feel like an ass for not knowing ...... just dealing with my own struggle.

Wayne bo you posted right though KK was accounted for he just had caved. I talked with him on the phone yesterday at lunch he was pretty down but I think he will be fine. It sucks that he caved but I will give he the chance to redeem himself in the August group and will still support him there.

I am pretty upbeat today I have had a real short fuse lately unfortunately my family has taken a few hits from me they understand but it is still hard for all of us.

The reason I checked in with you yesterday was because of KK caving I just wanted to make sure you were OK.

I also changed me signature yesterday and added (Caving is not an option) so every post make that statement from me. I am done with the tobacco for good no turning back now. KK caving made me stronger and I hope that you pull strength from it also.

[Wayne Bo]

I feel your frustration! I felt like I had to wrestle pretty hard yesterday. I did go home, logged onto the chat room and talked it out a little. Took some advice; went and laid in the bed watching TV until I fell asleep. Had a little nap and woke up in alot better mood.

I really don't review the roll call post before I post so I never caught that "KK" had posted DAY 1. I guess that I'll have to review the post before posting myself just to make sure that I don't state that all the "CAN SMASHERS" are accounted for and look like an idiot for not knowing that one of my can smashers isn't any longer. I don't know why he didn't reach out to one of us. Kinda makes me feel like an ass for not knowing ...... just dealing with my own struggle.