newbie to site

[raiderx]

Day 51
One would think a person would be thrilled but not really. I would have to say I am getting into one of those funks. Just feeling kind of blue. Not getting a whole lot of support right now on the home front. That might be part of it. BDay coming up, that maybe part of it. Think I might give my therapist a call.

Day 50
Driving home from a volunteer thing ( 3 hour drive) I had huge cravings. First time in a while. Put away a whole bag of seeds. Nothing to this thing.

[raiderx]

"Bless me father for I have sinned
It has been 2 days since my last confession"

"What is it my son"

"Father, yesterday I was in the change room at work and some guy had left his dip on the bench. Well Father I looked at it Skoal Long Cut Cherry and thought just one would be ok"

" What are you fucking stupid, you know you are an addict and quitting why would you do that"

"Holy Shit Padre calm down, I did not due it. Craving hit, I dealt with it and then it was gone. I was going to say this was the first really intense craving I have had in a while and it scared me. What kind of priest are you"

"Sorry, just raging today my son, good for you. Is that it"

"Well I am still hooked on bowel cleansing and chocolate bunnies but other than that yep that is it"

" You are one sick bastard, there is no saving you, get out of the booth"

Priests are so touchy.

[raiderx]

Day 45 is alot like day 44 which was like day 43.
days are starting to blend together which in a weird way is a good thing. It my fucked up mind it means I am winning.

i still have to be vigilante. But I have to be honest with all of you. I am getting sick of quitting. I am moving into a new stage. I did a few posts today. First time in a while but you know it just did not really get me going. Every intro I read sounds the same, all the posts sound the same, every thing sounds the same (i am quit, fuck the nic bitch blah, blah, blah) I am not going to cave or anything. Still super strong there. Just really want to be quit and not quitting. I know this is normal so I am not sweating this. Just kind of throwing it out there.

That is why I asked the 100 day question. Why 100 days? Is there research around this? Is this kind of the average that modern science has found to be the magic number where chance of relapse is at its lowest point. I know it is different for everyone but I am curious Why 100 days?

Anyways, No worries here, just pouring out this crap for myself and the masses.

Keep it real suckas
Red Sox rule
Peace out

[DennyX]

So 43 days

Things have been going really good. The thing that really keeps me going outside of my wife and health is the posting. I will be the first to say that I am surprised but posting to a bunch of nameless faceless cyberspacoids whould really mean that much but it does.

Also, everything the "what to expect" page said, I went through. I helps to know hey this shit I am going through is normal.

So I just want to say thanks to whoever started this site.

Peace out

Nice post and well done on your quit. you hit on a few things:

1) same thought here, that I'm shocked that posting my promise to a bunch of strangers holds so much clout in my every day. You'll find that as time goes on, those strangers become less stranger and more friend. Ive found friendship here that I'm sure will outlast many other friendships I have here "locally".
2) knowing what to expect was 100% key to me, and as you say, it all came true. In addition I turned into a sniveling emotional bitch. That wasn't mentioned anywhere, maybe it should.
3) I read your last post, the drama post. That's awesome man, I can relate and I think every single married man can relate. Women are just plain nuts. Then you throw in new quit and it's game on. Somewhere inthe midst of all that is beauty though. Don't forget that. What if all the pieces of a puzzle were exactly the same? Then not a single one would fit, and you'd never make the picture complete. We have to be exactly opposite, but similar, just like a puzzle. We can make that picture, but it's HARD work. And it might land us in Jamaica. Sucker! And there's nothing you can do bout it except decide to quit again.

Congrats on your Day 43, that's HUGE.

[Scowick65]

So 43 days

Things have been going really good. The thing that really keeps me going outside of my wife and health is the posting. I will be the first to say that I am surprised but posting to a bunch of nameless faceless cyberspacoids whould really mean that much but it does.

Also, everything the "what to expect" page said, I went through. I helps to know hey this shit I am going through is normal.

So I just want to say thanks to whoever started this site.

Peace out

Great job

[raiderx]

So 43 days

Things have been going really good. The thing that really keeps me going outside of my wife and health is the posting. I will be the first to say that I am surprised but posting to a bunch of nameless faceless cyberspacoids whould really mean that much but it does.

Also, everything the "what to expect" page said, I went through. I helps to know hey this shit I am going through is normal.

So I just want to say thanks to whoever started this site.

Peace out

[Grizzly25]

I meant to put my day 31 post here but I hit the wrong button. My bad.

Anyway Day 31
I am addict
Mother in law a bitch
Things going ok last week.

Just got off the phone with my wife. Coming back from the dr. drama as per usual. Prescription was not called in. Now have to go back. ( it is an hour both ways to this doctor). Askes what we are doing this weekend. I say that I may have to do some stuff for the golf course. Silence ............. I said that dinner would work great on Friday or Sat. I will work around it. Silence.............. . I ask what is wrong and she says that her she is number 3 again.................. are you fucking kidding me. I am killing myself over these medical issues, I have drama at work, drama at home because of her family, drama at my VOLUNTEER board position ( putting more hours in than I really want to), dealing with all the fucking turmoil that comes with quiting and now I have to deal with her fucking fragile ego bullshit. Everything I do I put her first. I can not say a whole bunch of what I am going through at work because she does not like it. Tell my family the whole story.. no fucking way.... What fucking outlet do I have. All I do is worry about her and deal with her fucking issues. All I do is put her first. That is not fair. But can I bring it up ............... no fucking way because that will cause more drama. WHAT I WOULD NOT GIVE FOR ONE FUCKING WEEK WITH OUT FUCKING DRAMA. Is that too much to ask. I am dealing with all of this shit and dealing with the fucking cravings and quit. Looks like my support got fucking tossed out the window. FUCK... I know somewhere it is mentioned that part of the quit process is to think about someone besides yourself but is there not a limit... For 4 years all I have been dealing with are HER issues.... family, health,ego you fucking name it. Therapy--- been there,done that. You name it I have tried it. So here I am this year and I quit chew. Here I think this is a good time. Drama at a minimum... What was I thinking.... brother in law decides to get married ... in fucking jamacia this december.........cost to us $6000. I would tell him to fuck off but no we have to go because wifes cousin who is a royal fucking twat is going and every family gathering for the next 1000 yrs would start with "Why did you not go to ... wedding". Then fucking wife health issue. And on And on And on

Dude.....

I can so totally relate and I can say this your not alone here.....

I will tell you this make this quit for you and the support from here will always be here we will not get all bitchy and fucked up!

This is the place for that kind of rant and rage!
She didnt make you start and she shouldnt be responsible for your quit.
You got this bro!

[chitownsnus]

I meant to put my day 31 post here but I hit the wrong button. My bad.

Anyway Day 31
I am addict
Mother in law a bitch
Things going ok last week.

Just got off the phone with my wife. Coming back from the dr. drama as per usual. Prescription was not called in. Now have to go back. ( it is an hour both ways to this doctor). Askes what we are doing this weekend. I say that I may have to do some stuff for the golf course. Silence ............. I said that dinner would work great on Friday or Sat. I will work around it. Silence.............. . I ask what is wrong and she says that her she is number 3 again.................. are you fucking kidding me. I am killing myself over these medical issues, I have drama at work, drama at home because of her family, drama at my VOLUNTEER board position ( putting more hours in than I really want to), dealing with all the fucking turmoil that comes with quiting and now I have to deal with her fucking fragile ego bullshit. Everything I do I put her first. I can not say a whole bunch of what I am going through at work because she does not like it. Tell my family the whole story.. no fucking way.... What fucking outlet do I have. All I do is worry about her and deal with her fucking issues. All I do is put her first. That is not fair. But can I bring it up ............... no fucking way because that will cause more drama. WHAT I WOULD NOT GIVE FOR ONE FUCKING WEEK WITH OUT FUCKING DRAMA. Is that too much to ask. I am dealing with all of this shit and dealing with the fucking cravings and quit. Looks like my support got fucking tossed out the window. FUCK... I know somewhere it is mentioned that part of the quit process is to think about someone besides yourself but is there not a limit... For 4 years all I have been dealing with are HER issues.... family, health,ego you fucking name it. Therapy--- been there,done that. You name it I have tried it. So here I am this year and I quit chew. Here I think this is a good time. Drama at a minimum... What was I thinking.... brother in law decides to get married ... in fucking jamacia this december.........cost to us $6000. I would tell him to fuck off but no we have to go because wifes cousin who is a royal fucking twat is going and every family gathering for the next 1000 yrs would start with "Why did you not go to ... wedding". Then fucking wife health issue. And on And on And on

Hang in there brother! I don't have the stress, but I am having some super cravings today. Haven't caved because I am not going to, but I was close. Life is a funny thing sometimes.

[raiderx]

I meant to put my day 31 post here but I hit the wrong button. My bad.

Anyway Day 31
I am addict
Mother in law a bitch
Things going ok last week.

Just got off the phone with my wife. Coming back from the dr. drama as per usual. Prescription was not called in. Now have to go back. ( it is an hour both ways to this doctor). Askes what we are doing this weekend. I say that I may have to do some stuff for the golf course. Silence ............. I said that dinner would work great on Friday or Sat. I will work around it. Silence.............. . I ask what is wrong and she says that her she is number 3 again.................. are you fucking kidding me. I am killing myself over these medical issues, I have drama at work, drama at home because of her family, drama at my VOLUNTEER board position ( putting more hours in than I really want to), dealing with all the fucking turmoil that comes with quiting and now I have to deal with her fucking fragile ego bullshit. Everything I do I put her first. I can not say a whole bunch of what I am going through at work because she does not like it. Tell my family the whole story.. no fucking way.... What fucking outlet do I have. All I do is worry about her and deal with her fucking issues. All I do is put her first. That is not fair. But can I bring it up ............... no fucking way because that will cause more drama. WHAT I WOULD NOT GIVE FOR ONE FUCKING WEEK WITH OUT FUCKING DRAMA. Is that too much to ask. I am dealing with all of this shit and dealing with the fucking cravings and quit. Looks like my support got fucking tossed out the window. FUCK... I know somewhere it is mentioned that part of the quit process is to think about someone besides yourself but is there not a limit... For 4 years all I have been dealing with are HER issues.... family, health,ego you fucking name it. Therapy--- been there,done that. You name it I have tried it. So here I am this year and I quit chew. Here I think this is a good time. Drama at a minimum... What was I thinking.... brother in law decides to get married ... in fucking jamacia this december.........cost to us $6000. I would tell him to fuck off but no we have to go because wifes cousin who is a royal fucking twat is going and every family gathering for the next 1000 yrs would start with "Why did you not go to ... wedding". Then fucking wife health issue. And on And on And on

[Bean]

Day 31 is greatness! If your mother in law figures that how to change, send me her number. I need to give it to my mother in law.

[raiderx]

Day 31
Hi my name is raider x and I am an addict.

This past week was a good quit week, no really cravings or angry outburst or anything. Just kind of numb. Wife has her issues, mother in law is being a bitch, golf course is eating up a shit load of time and work is basically there. Given all the crap and shit that I have gone through I am proud to say that I did not use nor did a really even think of using.

Spring is finally trying to come through which is a good thing for the old spirit. Golf season is almost upon us. I may be transfered out of this job soon. Interviewing a replacement next week. And hopefully my mother in law will smarten up and stop being such a fucking c- word all the time. Well at least spring is here.

[raiderx]

Day 23

Red Sox 0-3 Pitching sucks what else is new. Settling in for a long season. This past week as usual stressful but I have worked throught the rage period and now settling into a mellow/despression period. I do find that my filtering mechanism is a little off. Never really knew how much the dip effected my emotional and mental filtering. It will take a while to redevelope those tools. All a work in process and All normal as per the reading. Nothing shocking . If any newbies are following my rants the best advise is read as much as possible on this site. The info is priceless. Remarkably I am not having any hard core cravings or I am an just not really seeing it. And when I ultimate do have the cravings from hell I have my plan set... look at cancer pictures....look at how money I am savings.... Look at my wife ( not necessarily in that order).

Peace Out RSox nation

Raiderx

[T-Cell]

Day 18 Ultrasound on my wife showed a cyst on her liver. This is the second time in 4 years we are going through this. No big deal just got to stay positive. Over the months I will post updates.

Hang in Raider. Stay as positive as you can, and protect your quit at all times. You will get through this. My best to both you and your wife.

[Wt57]

My prayers will include you and your wife. I understand what you mean about it only making your resolve stronger, my wife was diagnosed with ms this last year I look to her for strength daily, all we have to do is look around and we realize how blessed we are. Then I think how I abused my good fortune by puttn that crap in my mouth. I'm a good listener if ya want to exchange # or PM me.

[raiderx]

Thanks Grizz and everyone

You do not have to worry about me not quitting. This only strengthens my resolve. As I was reading some of the causes guess what was number 2 on the hit parade.... (PS my wife is a non user).

Because we have gone through this before we are a little freaked but like I told my wife it is most likely nothing. We will go through the tests and if they have to operate again, then they do. We will deal with that when we get there.