Mark4

[mark4]

How can it just be lunch on Sunday? This weekend just won't end. Talk about a war by the hour.
But every 4 hours or so, I get a slight motivational boost realizing the ole nic skank is taking a smack down.

Weekend plan is holding up. Gave the wife my keys and wallet. Friday night I went to my kid's football game, a VERY long tradition of ninjaing a dip at. My legs bounced and body twitched all 4 hours but we won and are now 7-0! Friday night was terrible. Waking up to a knotted stomach and my body was aching for a pinch. I texted several KTC'rs from the game.

Saturday morning I played Call Of Duty for 4 freakin hours while drinking cranberry and pounding seeds. COD it turns out is a great time killer for this because it occupies your head. My kill to death ratio dropped because my hand-eye coordination is crap now and its hard to focus on the screen visually. Felt a little better, sort of. At lunch I was in mortal fear as we had to go to a AM football game watching party at a friends house. Queso, chicken wings, beer... all the makings for dip. But I saw some chicken wings labeled, "ATOMIC". So when no one was looking, I would dip my finger in the sauce and rub it on my lips. Oh that burned so bad. Was sweating, and face turned beet red. So hot I almost threw up. Viola, a nic inhibitor. Had about 5 doses of Atomic. Sadly, AM got spanked, but so did nic. Most of last night is a blur of suck.

This morning I sort of starting feeling human again, but after lunch, the symptoms came back with a vengeance. So thought I better come post something. I just want to thank nicotine for this utterly wonderful weekend. Just another "joy" of selling out my life to it. I've had to take myself back to 9PM the other night about once an hour, when I Quit - The Noun. I'd fail if I were still trying to quit - the verb. I hope everyone is holding their Quit this weekend, 9 hours left. Call me if you are tempted or just want to yell at something/someone. I may yell back though, just sayin.

[Raider]

Make sure your wife has access to the spouses section. Will help her help you.

[Tuco]

Cbird, i read you question and will try to apply. Right now, I just want to punch you, the ncomputer, this entire website, and Al freakin Gore for inventing the internet. Man this is jacking me up. Know what worse than day 3? Its 2 of them. How do I prtect my quit, theres the first way, As bad as this is, I just keep tjinking of my line I drew t 9PM 3 days ago and staying focussed on being quit and not go through this again.

Beyond that, I'm beggin for numbers, and staying around here every moment i can. I've got 8 numbers so far, some from the January Group and some from chat. I also gave my wife my keys and wallet. This weekend will be terrible and in the back of my mind I started to think how long it would take to run to 7-11 on foot. I'm quit and still have those thoughts - what an addict.

Thats what I got for now, this is blurry and im now pissed again,

Embrace the rage. Embrace the fact that your addiction is doing everything in its power to get you to do something that you just won't do.

You've got my digits now, too.

This is what QLF is all about.

[mark4]

Cbird, i read you question and will try to apply. Right now, I just want to punch you, the ncomputer, this entire website, and Al freakin Gore for inventing the internet. Man this is jacking me up. Know what worse than day 3? Its 2 of them. How do I prtect my quit, theres the first way, As bad as this is, I just keep tjinking of my line I drew t 9PM 3 days ago and staying focussed on being quit and not go through this again.

Beyond that, I'm beggin for numbers, and staying around here every moment i can. I've got 8 numbers so far, some from the January Group and some from chat. I also gave my wife my keys and wallet. This weekend will be terrible and in the back of my mind I started to think how long it would take to run to 7-11 on foot. I'm quit and still have those thoughts - what an addict.

Thats what I got for now, this is blurry and im now pissed again,

[cbird65]

So the line has been drawn...... How are you going to protect the quit?

[quitspit]

Quitting was a verb to me, something you are doing and working on really hard and it has its good days and bad. I was quitting hard as I could, which means the quit is subject to how things are. But it's really a noun - that specific point where it ends - without exception.

Could be the most reflective dig deep intro I've read. Well done.

The three sentences I quoted from your intro are so very true. I hadn't thought of it in this way before. That's what I like about this place. We're here to quit. Part of that is the actual quit, getting through the suck, fog, craves. The hardest part but happens relatively quickly.

The part that takes real long term work is building the toolbox and filling it with quit knowledge in order to sustain the quit. You helped me with that today. Thanks.

Amen. Definitive. Quit.
And then we walked on down the halls.

[Done4Me]

Quitting was a verb to me, something you are doing and working on really hard and it has its good days and bad. I was quitting hard as I could, which means the quit is subject to how things are. But it's really a noun - that specific point where it ends - without exception.

Could be the most reflective dig deep intro I've read. Well done.

The three sentences I quoted from your intro are so very true. I hadn't thought of it in this way before. That's what I like about this place. We're here to quit. Part of that is the actual quit, getting through the suck, fog, craves. The hardest part but happens relatively quickly.

The part that takes real long term work is building the toolbox and filling it with quit knowledge in order to sustain the quit. You helped me with that today. Thanks.

[Bombero]

Is it cool to go post this in the January group? I don't want to make any assumptions. But yeah, I need a group fast.

Thank you for the direction. I feel terrible, not just withdrawing, but for letting you down and for sitting at the starting line again.

Raider, I'll call a freakin ambulance before I'll cave. Hollow words from me, but I'm done being jerked around by life and a can. I can't control what comes tomorrow, but I can chose what goes in my body. Another stupidly simple revelation. And I'm eager to build that network and get involved. I just thought it appropriate to come and ask first.

Definitely post in January. Maybe type it all up in Word then copy and paste into the group. Like I said in my text, Looks like you may finally be ready.

If you're in and dedicated to the quit then january awaits...but don't come in unless you're burning every bridge back to nic. No excuses

I hope to see you on roll

[Raider]

Is it cool to go post this in the January group? I don't want to make any assumptions. But yeah, I need a group fast.

Thank you for the direction. I feel terrible, not just withdrawing, but for letting you down and for sitting at the starting line again.

Raider, I'll call a freakin ambulance before I'll cave. Hollow words from me, but I'm done being jerked around by life and a can. I can't control what comes tomorrow, but I can chose what goes in my body. Another stupidly simple revelation. And I'm eager to build that network and get involved. I just thought it appropriate to come and ask first.

Definitely post in January. Maybe type it all up in Word then copy and paste into the group. Like I said in my text, Looks like you may finally be ready.

[mark4]

Is it cool to go post this in the January group? I don't want to make any assumptions. But yeah, I need a group fast.

Thank you for the direction. I feel terrible, not just withdrawing, but for letting you down and for sitting at the starting line again.

Raider, I'll call a freakin ambulance before I'll cave. Hollow words from me, but I'm done being jerked around by life and a can. I can't control what comes tomorrow, but I can chose what goes in my body. Another stupidly simple revelation. And I'm eager to build that network and get involved. I just thought it appropriate to come and ask first.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Not What's different but What are you going to do differently? You need to have a plan, what happens when the wife snaps at ya? What happens when work has issues? What happens when the dog craps on the carpet? How about a spilled pop? How are you gonna react? You need to have it figured out what your plan of attack will be. You also need to know how to get there. Let me give you some pointers: 1). get phone numbers 2). Use Chat 3). Talk to new quitters 4). Text buddies to see how THEY are doing 5). Call someone when you are feeling crappy 6). Thinking about caving? Call someone and ask for permission. The list goes on. Get it???? You gotta be involved here or you are setting yourself up for another cave.

^^^This is the "how". Raider nailed it. Solidify your quit. Get some quit brothers. I've got some and they are the reason I'm free.

[Raider]

Your 1st post here was great and we want you to succeed. You just gotta be sure you have ALL the tools you need.

[Raider]

Not What's different but What are you going to do differently? You need to have a plan, what happens when the wife snaps at ya? What happens when work has issues? What happens when the dog craps on the carpet? How about a spilled pop? How are you gonna react? You need to have it figured out what your plan of attack will be. You also need to know how to get there. Let me give you some pointers: 1). get phone numbers 2). Use Chat 3). Talk to new quitters 4). Text buddies to see how THEY are doing 5). Call someone when you are feeling crappy 6). Thinking about caving? Call someone and ask for permission. The list goes on. Get it???? You gotta be involved here or you are setting yourself up for another cave.

[Landdon]

Whats different is, and this sounds weak, but is really a huge thing to me, is the decision i referenced so much, it ends here. I know I'm slow, but thats a big shift and a huge change. Practically, I've got help at work to get through the crap, formally. The other pieces of this depend on if I'm in a group - the most important part.

I know I'll catch hell and deserve it. I'm not defending my actions, just hope this provides some answers and explains whats different. Being Quit is ten times what it was before and due to my skid mark, will probably ten times harder as I made good people like you, doubt.

Yeah, you'll catch crap. So, what! Except it, and then you'll be accepted. It's ok. If you want to do it, and are willing to follow the program I'm sure there's a place for you here.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Good self reflection. Impressive. Just go all in here and you'll do fine. You obviously have the "want", let KTC be the "how". Do it the KTC way.

One thing to remember: Tobacco saps time. Tobacco users avg life expectancy is 20 years less than non tobacco users. You can always get more money, but you can never get more time. 20 years is worth more than Fort Knox.