Jonathan, you struck a nerve with me, that's awesome: it takes a relentless disdain for the nic bitch that has been nagging you all this time. That's exactly one of the ingredients. That's why I'm here every single day. Multiple times a day. Right now when I should be in bed because I have to wake up at 4:30am to go to work but instead am writing you. Because I hate that nic bitch more than anything in this world, more than anything in this life. She held me hostage for so many years, ordering me to leave my family so I could go sneak a dip, to take separate cars on trips so I could sneak dips, she told me "it's a 6 hour car ride, you better wrap that dip in toilet paper and make a dip pill and eat it or you won't make it", she held my nose in the corner of the room as I got my fix, hiding like a little bitch because of the lies she told me all day every day. You know what? Turns out I had the power all along. Turns out, cravings are TEMPORARY. Turns out fishing IS better without nicotine. So is mowing the lawn. So is family time. I was giddy at Christmas 2011 because I didn't have to leave to sneak a dip. I basted in the time I got to spend with my family. I hate her for all the time she stole from me. For all the extra gas I had to buy so I could drive around aimlessly trying to suck all the nicotine out of that last dip for the night, or before I got home from work, or as I ran to the grocery store. I hate her for stuffing half a can in my face when my wife would run down the road to the store, gone for 20 minutes, so I had to make the most of it. I'd inevitably get dizzy from half a can at a time, and sick. And wonder what the hell I was doing, only to do it ALL over again the next time. Bitch. I hate her because I dug through the park trashcan to retrieve my last can and people stared at me as my kids cried. She stole days, weeks, years from me that I can't get back. I just can't. I hate that bitch for the rift she (well, I) caused in my marriage because of her. We're rebuilding but it will take time.
I HAVE A RELENTLESS DISDAIN FOR NICOTINE. AHHHHHH!!!
I can hardly take it, I hate it so much. I hate trying to explain to my 5 year old that people that use nicotine aren't bad people....just don't YOU do it. What a hypocrite. I hate her for the power she has over so many of us. I hate her because, by the time you realize the depth of her power, by the time you really understand what "addiction" is, you're an addict. She has you. How do you explain to a blind kid the beauty of a blue sky with brilliant fluffy white clouds floating by, that if you squint, kind of look like horses? How do you explain to someone what it means to be addicted? Or that if you put that in your lip, you will become an addict? You simply don't. You can't. It is something you have to experience and by the time you experience it, you're DONE.
Today, you, me, and hundreds and thousands of people on KTC made our sacred promise to take our lives back. Only today. We decided to kick her in the nuts (yes, she has nuts) and show her that we know her lies. That we can live without her. And that we will do EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER to spread the word: That other addicts can live nicotine free. And it's a beautiful freedom. Like a perfect blue sky with brilliant white fluffy clouds floating by. Damn, I love it. Yote, I'm proud to be quit with you today. I'm proud you decided to be a part of this club.
Denny