Well, I am on day 10 of my quit and everything is going way better then expected. Although I really wanted this (to quit) I did have some slight doubts due to failing so many times in the past. Just thinking about getting through day 1 was enough to cause a headache but I did it and now I am pushing on to day 11.
(This is longer then I wanted it to be but you might be able to relate)
Let me first give you a little background of me and my chewing history. My name is Jay. I am 35 years old, married to my beautiful wife and have 2 great kids. I served in the Marine Corps for four years and worked along side some of the Marines for 6 more years as a Police Officer. From what I can remember, I began chewing right around the age of 15. My friends and I played all kinds of sports but the sport that introduced me to chewing tobacco was baseball. I remember one of the guys had brought some Red Man and Levi Garret to practice one day and we all decided to give it a try, literally about 10 of us tried it for the first time together, no big deal right? WRONG!! We all ended up with a little "buzz" and thought this was pretty cool, besides, guys like Lenny Dykstra were chewing so why not? After a few weeks myself and four friends went to an Arizona State Baseball camp and my friend had brought just about every kind of leaf tobacco you could imagine, shit that I had never even heard of such as Apple Jacks and Cannon Ball plug. Well looking at his bag, it was like looking at a big box of candy. As stupid as it sounds, I thought this was pretty cool. I mean not everyone is "man" enough to chew tobacco right. This trip is where I officially tried dip for the first time. The ASU baseball players all said they usually dip instead of chew leaf. (In fareness to them, they did discourage the use but realized they couldn't condemn it since they use it). The only thing I remember is that the dip I tried (can't remember what kind but I think it was Skoal) literally knocked me on my ass. Man did I get sick. I started sweating and getting hot as hell. It is funny when I think back because I specifically remember thinking that I would never do that shit again. WRONG!
Although it is all kind of blurry now, long story shortened....I became addicted. I don't know how I really switched to dip but I am pretty damn sure that it was basically my friends using it so I used it also, plus it was easier to hide during games and from the coach.
Fast forward, my friends and I all went to college and we all dipped. We all tried quitting together and we lasted about 30 days and then we were sitting there and it hit us all at the same time, lets go raid my other roomates room and grab his can. From that point on dip just became a part of me. I used it as a stress reliever. I used it while drinking, sleeping, shitting, showering etc etc etc....
When I joined the Marine Corps, I went through 12 weeks of boot camp and did not have a choice to quit or not, I did by force. I don't remember having any cravings or anything else, but that is pretty easy when you are completely stressed beyond belief and have literally 0 minutes to think about it. I graduate boot camp and leave MCRD San Diego and where is the first place I go on the way to our hotel....I go to a store and buy a 6 pack of Sam Adams and a can of Copenhagen Snuff. The look on my wifes face was a mixture of shock and disappointment. I didn't really care though. I had just went through twelve weeks of hell and I was now a United States Marine. I was a big boy and noone could tell me what I already didn't know. It was bad for me. It could cause cancer. It stains your teeth blah blah blah.....I already know that.
Now here is a real kicker. My mother died of colon cancer that had spread to other parts of her body. She died at home with my dad, my brother, my sister and I were all next to her when she took her last breath. Now as sad and disgusted as this is (and it really just dawned on me while writing this) as soon as we said a prayer for her all together, I walked outside to call my wife, but just before I grabbed my phone, yep you guessed it, I put in a fucking chew. How fucking selfish I was. In all my years, I was 28 at the time, I had NEVER seen my Dad shed a tear and there he was teary eyed and lost because my Mom died of cancer, yet there is me, a selfish prick putting in a dip in front of my Dad. PATHETIC!!!! Now the excuse I used was that my Mother never smoked, never drank (I saw here with a glass of wine 1 time in my life) never did a single drug in her life, yet she got cancer. I figured that cancer is something that someone is gonna get by pure fate. If God chooses you, you get it. It really doesn't matter if you smoke, drink, dip or anything else. It is all fate. I mean hell, we are told that everything has cancer causing agents in it, even water.
I don't know exactlly what led me to this site 10 days ago. I don't know why, just before I saw this site for the first time, I decided to quit. Was it fate that brought me here? Possibly. It doesn't really matter if it was or not, what matters is that I am here and I AM QUIT.
Since I quit 10 days ago, I have to say that everything has gone great. I bought a bunch of gum. I bought some SM and Hooch herbal snuff and for the first time in my life, I actually believe that I can achieve my goal of quitting. I believe this because this is the first time that I have truly attempted a quit FOR ME-NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE. I wasn't quitting as a bet. I wasn't quitting with a group of people. I wasn't quitting for my wife or my kids or anyone else! I SIMPLY QUIT FOR ME(keep in mind that although this was for me, my wife and kids had a whole lot to do with it, without there knowledge).
Here is a simple breakdown of MY QUIT:
1. I chose to quit FOR ME!
2. I found KTC and read a whole lot.
3. I chose to join KTC and become involved.
4. I bought some gum and herbal snuff to keep my cravings to a minimum.
5. I post daily for accountability
6. I stay involved daily with KTC because it literally helps me to know that you all understand me and what I am feeling.
7. I focus daily on what I want and what I need to do to get there.
8. Although strangers, I truly do not want to fail my brothers here on KTC.
That is basically it. If I continue to do these things daily, I have no doubt that I will succeed in my quit. I am sorry for the long winded story but I thought this could help some people understand where I am coming from.
I want to leave by stating this:
I TRULY, TRULY BELIEVE THAT IF WE (KTC) LEAN ON EACH OTHER, CHECK ON EACH OTHER AND MOTIVATE EACH OTHER, EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US WILL SUCCEED. I want to do anything I can do to help each and everyone here. I know it sounds weird but I care about you guys. Hell, Bruce and WT check on me almost daily. I send out text messages almost daily as well. This is what is going to get us through this hell. Stay strong my brothers and sister, WE GOT THIS SHIT!
