I have been a member for 8 days now. I feel a bit like a lurker having not introduced myself. I am QUIT and intend to stay thus for today. I will re-up my promise daily to my fellow December quitters on roll call. I am amazed by the support from the members of the site. I have read and read and continue to read more. Its a hard journey made much easier by those who have gone before.
I "quit" last year for 40 days - I just gave it up for Lent. I thought, wow that was easy but on the 41st day - went right back to it. It was an empty, hollow quit. Not so this time.
I dipped for over 12 years. I saw a friend of mine, who I admired; who I thought had it all together, take a dip. I thought I would give it a try. The NicBitch had her claws in me and refused to let go. 12 years later, my wife, my kids (3 boys -Â 10, 7 and 5) mean more to me than the NicBitch. I watched my mother die of breast cancer from a life time of smoking and thought I was heading down the same path. The cancer spread to her brain, ears, throat. It was the most horrifing thing I have ever seen. I took her to chemo treatments, sat with her at night, stroked her hair to comfort her, was at her bed side when she passed. I recall taking a dip in the car leaving hospice after she passed. Could I have been more stupid??
I work from my home office for the past 4 years which makes it far too easy to dip - not that I cared that much when I worked in an office setting. Countless times, I would spit in a covered Starbucks coffee cup making it look like I was drinking coffee - or so I thought I was fooling people. I was really only fooling myself.
I had been searching for information on the Internets over the past week or so on how to quit. Before I found KTC, one site suggested writing down your triggers when and where you would take a dip. I came up with at least 20 different triggers. Triggers dont go away but I found that when I wrote them down and was aware of these, thes crave from the trigger was less impactful.
I now live in the fear of thinking that I started my QUIT too late. It only take on tiny little cell to mutate and spread like wild fire. I could be the one in hospice. I live with the guilt of how stupid and selfish I have been. I pray that its not too late for me.
I appreciate the support offered on the site, and am happy to help any others in need.
Whip
Wow, that sentiment of fear resonated with me...that has been THE pressing thought gnawing in the back of my head for the last few days.
I guess there is nothing to do but stay quit, stay strong, and hope that we did it in time. How crazy is it to do this kind of potential harm to ourselves, expose ourselves to these kind of risks, for nothing in return.
I too appreciate the help and support, and the additional motivation from posts like yours.
Thanks whip and proud to be quit with you.
