Day 11. Or the morning of. Last night I did not sleep much at all. Went to be at 10:30 - 11:00 tossed and turned, woke up at 3 AM. Wide ass awake with no ability to fall back asleep. Now at work it is 11 AM and I cant focus or stay awake. I am beginning to worry about keeping my job.
I hear ya. I had to leave work during my first couple of days because the symptoms were so severe. You got this, bud. Fake it until you make it. You probably think you are performing worse than you actually are. That is the nic whore trying to trick you. Don't fall for that siren's song.
^^^^ YES ^^^^ You ARE doing better than you think. Take stock of your SUCCESS!!! Give yourself credit for what you are doing. This is heroic, bad-ass stuff going on here. We aren't fucking around and this isn't supposed to be fun.
As for sleeplessness...probably the worst part of quitting for me. Of course, I had two small kids at the time. So we weren't doing a lot of sleeping through the night anyway. But I would go out and sit in my truck and scream, "Freedom" like in Braveheart...as hard and loud as I could. I could have sworn the neighbors would hear me. Yes, it was a little overly-dramatic. But he was just acting. I was actually saving a life...my own. And I had nobody to celebrate/commiserate with...nobody to compare experiences with. So that was what I did. I'm no crybaby, but there were tears...sometimes. (little embarrassed to admit that).
I stumbled around solo for 9 days before I found this site. It was about 3 or 4 in the morning when I did. I posted my promise to be quit and, to my astonishment, someone almost immediately replied with an "atta boy" or something. And the clouds began to clear...just as I prayed they would.
What makes the suck worse is not realizing that things will get better. They will. I promise. I don't know how long it will take. But it will get better. The suck will suck until it doesn't. So, take note of your success. Congratulate yourself. You're doing some heroic shit right now and you don't even realize it. Just make it one more day. Just one more day.
CONGRATS, BROTHER!!! YOU GOT THIS!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
You are all my brothers and I thank you. It does suck but I have to say it doesn't suck as bad as actually paying good cash money for some shit that is killing you and me with every pinch. Thanks for the encouragement and support. Rock on and EVERYBODY stay QUIT!
Cope my friend, you are doing great! Stay one step ahead of this nic bitch because she is waiting on you to stumble! You have a lot of brothers and sisters on here that will come running to help you, so remember that and ask for it! Damn proud to be quit with you today my friend!
Day 14 today..... That is two fucking weeks without a substance I used for over 35 years every day. I can not thank KTC and all its members, my quit brothers enough for the support it has provided to date. I feel so much better.
;Ironman:
2 weeks is bad ass Mr. Cope! Keep doing what you are doing!
What this guy ^^^^ said! Nice work man!
Glad to be quit together. Being a girl it is easier to admit crying and praying for God to take the crave away. He didn't have too, I had to get clean on my own and face the devil myself. With ktc we aren't facing the devil alone and we can be free with hard fucking work and embracing the suck, even though is sucks. Enlightening words, huh.
Great shit in this thread. More story time....
I failed in my prior attempts because I didn't believe in myself. I really didn't think I could do it. I used to look up the statistics and hope I'd be the one who lives a "normal" life. WTF?!!! Hope?!!! I knew I was an idiot. But the addict in me convinced myself that I was just one of those "folks who can't quit"...like I was a sub-set of humanity who "couldn't not put that shit in my mouth." Again, WTF?!! (rationalizing one more was my specialty, btw).
Everything changed when I decided that I would "give it a try" one more time. I managed to make it 9 days solo before I found this site. I STILL didn't believe in myself. But I started reading...and reading...and reading. I read all night. I wasn't sleeping anyway, right? I just kept reading.
Then, I decided to post an intro. I still hadn't fully bought in. I didn't really believe that a stupid website could help me. But I posted anyway. And the support started pouring in.
The support was from people who understood exactly where I was...the self-deception, the insecurity, self-doubt, anxiety...etc. They knew me. And I was them. THEY took time out of their lives to help me...and without charging one thin dime. I couldn't believe there wasn't a catch?!!
I learned about Posting Roll, not trying to quit forever, just ONE DAY AT A TIME. I learned about addiction, the power of self-deception, the fog, the suck...and I began to believe in myself. I began to believe I could quit. Triggers and craves were still going to show up at times...still do, in fact...but more as reminders of the idiot I was than an actual temptation. Who knows...I might cave some time in the future? But not today. I gave my word that I quit today and I can guaran-fucking-tee you I will keep my word today.
Take that into the weekend with you. Today is all that matters. Stay strong and stay quit. You really can do this...even if you don't think so yet. You can.
All of my prior attempts were just me...solo. I made every mistake imaginable...trying to "cut-down"...Nicorette gum...setting quit dates...you name it. I tried and failed every which way.
