your site is wonderful, and thank you for all your are doing to help so many people.
I am hoping for some guidance. Is there a forum for spouses? I need help. The one page on spousal support has been exhausted. After 8 years of marriage and approximately 5 years of quitting (apparently less of "really this time")... I am running out of motivation to try to help anymore. The lies, the hiding, the worry, the irritability, the expense, the lies, the lies, the worry, seeing the angst, wanting to help, more lies, more worry, more anger, more irritability, depression ... I am moving from how can I help toward how can I get help? It is breaking my heart. Since he wasn't honest about it before we married, I feel like a victim of fraud. I didn't sign up for this. It is one thing if it started after we married, but it was a "pre-existing condition" that I was not told about but get to deal with all the consequences. The health concerns terrify me. His parents (smokers) are both dead from heart disease. This is a ticking time bomb that has to be defused once and for all. I won't write a book here. But I feel like we have tried everything. He will at least now come to me and ask for help instead of waiting for me to find a stash and freak out (from being lied to and being slapped in the face with the worry again), but since nothing I do helps and all my ideas are rejected, I am past wanting to get involved. I found this site years ago, and he values it. He even got to 100 days once, and I made him a "World's Best Quitter" certificate. He has tried so many things. I have literally lost count now (I am an engineer, good with numbers...) He now finally wants my help and I am worn out and don't want to be involved and set up for another cycle of hope and then right back where we started. Please don't hate me or flame me. I don't understand addiction to this degree. I am one of those freaks who used to smoke, put them down, then could randomly smoke socially (drinking) and not be a habit and doesn't miss it. Addiction runs rampant in my family so I don't see how I could have not gotten the gene, but it seems I didn't. So it is hard for me to understand how someone can want to not do something so badly and then go back to it so many times despite so many approaches and support. If it was free and laying around like candy in the breakroom, maybe, but deliberately walking into a store and paying hard earned money for poison and starting the cycle over blows my mind. Especially after we have moved to a state where it costs twice as much and he was excited because he would not be willing to pay $5+ for a can of Grizzly. Anyway... I don't know what to do now. Doing the same thing is not an option. What now... :'-(
