Junkie Intro/Confession

[Nomore1959]

You know what to do, you are off to a great start. Build that network of quitters in your group, one day at a time. You know you can do this now that your mind is made up.

[SuccessThisTime]

Thanks bunyuck. You nailed it. Solo grocery runs. Late work nights. The hiding acrobatics. My wife has been saying for years : "I just want us to spend more time together, even if it's just running to the grocery store."

"But - babe - what you don't understand is that I sneak in a solid 25 minute mongo dip on a grocery store run...."

I was telling the chat group yesterday about my hiding extremes. I'm a spitter, so how do you constantly hide a spitter for years? Challenge accepted. I take a lot of supplements - vitamin C, B12, etc. So, I recruited one of my supplement bottles as a spitter. Opaque. Innocent looking. Nobody else would ever grab it, cause it's just "daddy's vitamins". Hiding in plain site. I shoulda joined the CIA.

I'm an addict and a quitter.

[bunyuck]

Hey KTC -

Be warned.... verbal diarrhea ahead. 32 yrs of bottled up shame coming at you.

former junkie introducing myself. I was about as bad as it gets. Chain chewer. Almost 2 cans a day, but completely in the closet. I had an alcohol problem, a weight problem and a dip problem. I would sneak alcohol, food and dip. My wife never new the extent of ANY of these addictions. We kinda have a "don't ask, don't tell" agreement between us. She doesn't want me to lie, so she doesn't ask.

The thing is.... none of these addictions made sense to me. Other than the addictions, I have my act together. College athlete, honor student, Master's degree, good income, etc, etc. How could I be an addict?

....

I couldn't let her down... so, instead, I damaged our relationship by sneaking out at every chance to have a dip. The majority of our 15 years together, I've been sneaking/hiding. I stopped 2 times and felt so much better. It helped our relationship, but I eventually failed again.

As a fellow closet chewer, welcome. One of the big reasons I've got back onto the quit wagon is because of hiding it from people I love and care about for years. It's crazy how motivated you can be to hide it and the lengths you go to. The tough part is when it starts to hurt the relationship because people can't figure out why you want to be alone for "no reason, you just want to be" or why you always seem to run solo to the grocery store, stay after work, etc.

Stick with it!

[SuccessThisTime]

Hey KTC -

Be warned.... verbal diarrhea ahead. 32 yrs of bottled up shame coming at you.

former junkie introducing myself. I was about as bad as it gets. Chain chewer. Almost 2 cans a day, but completely in the closet. I had an alcohol problem, a weight problem and a dip problem. I would sneak alcohol, food and dip. My wife never new the extent of ANY of these addictions. We kinda have a "don't ask, don't tell" agreement between us. She doesn't want me to lie, so she doesn't ask.

The thing is.... none of these addictions made sense to me. Other than the addictions, I have my act together. College athlete, honor student, Master's degree, good income, etc, etc. How could I be an addict?

My wife and family could obviously see the weight problem, but had no idea about the alcohol or dip. I told my wife about my dip problem years ago, when I managed to stop dipping for a few months. But, I was stupid; thought I could be a casual user. Got sucked back into the addiction and could never admit failure to my loving wife. I couldn't let her down... so, instead, I damaged our relationship by sneaking out at every chance to have a dip. The majority of our 15 years together, I've been sneaking/hiding. I stopped 2 times and felt so much better. It helped our relationship, but I eventually failed again.

For the last several years, I've been getting worse with all my addictions, but dip was by far the worst. I would yo-yo up and down with my weight. I would quit drinking for weeks/months. But, dip was always there. I stopped for months, but when I slipped, I fell hard.

This addiction has owned me. A couple years ago, I had bizarre mouth pain and still kept dipping. It was bad and scary, but I didn't want to get it checked out, because I didn't want to admit that I may have caused my own disease. I was convinced I might have oral cancer and it finally motivated me to stop dipping in Jan 2015. Had a dentist do a thorough check for cancer (with some new-fangled ray gun) and found nothing. So what did I do? I convinced myself (AGAIN) that I could be a casual user a couple months later. Just a dip here and there. Amazing what an addict's mind can justify. So, after being clean for 6 months, I got sucked back in.

Jan 2016 - I decided it was time to fight some of these demons. Cut way back on the alcohol. Stuck with it...

March 2016 - I joined an online support group for losing weight and completely changed how I eat. Lost 70 lbs, kept it off for the last 6 months. I'm in complete control of that issue and never going back. The support group was the key. I logon once a day to remind myself that I had an issue.

Which leads me here.... my biggest and last demon.

I'm an addict. I am finally admitting that publicly. I need help and that's why I'm here. I always tried to do this on my own and failed over and over.

I picked this week to quit for good. Wife is out of town with the baby for a week, so I can dedicate all my time and energy to quitting and not take out any rage on her or the kids. I called the AZ smokers helpline. I found KTC.

I'm quit for 3 days and this is the last time!

Thanks for listening and more importantly, thanks for this site!

Joel