March 25, 2013 — 9:04 PM.
I was watching “The Voice” with my family. My phone rang and the caller ID showed that it was my brother. I was getting ready to put my boys to bed and decided that I would call him back.
Immediately after the phone stopped ringing, it rang again. This time, it was my sister. My heart dropped. I knew, at that moment, that something was not right. I answered the phone as cheerfully as I could, and heard my sisterÂ’s words through crying.
“Have you heard about dad?” she asked.
“No,” I said. My heart began beating a million times a minute.
She told me an ambulance was at my parentÂ’s house. I told her I would be on my way. We hung up, and a short time later, my brother called me again.
“They are working on him, but I don’t know Robbie…”
At that moment, I think I knew he was gone. I began aimlessly packing a suitcase. My wife tried helping me find some semblance of organization, by asking me what I would need. My three-year-old son Brayden was in the bath, so he obviously didnÂ’t have any idea what was going on, or how much his daddyÂ’s life had just changed.
At 9:37 PM, the text from my other sister read, “He’s with Jesus.”
One of my best childhood friends came to pick me up. It would take us about an hour and fifteen minutes to get there. I threw my suitcase in the back, hugged my wife, and climbed into the cab.
From there, I donÂ’t remember much. The drive was long. Not much was said. I was crying, not knowing what to do or what to think.
Shortly after 11 PM, I arrived at my mom and dadÂ’s. My sisters, brother and mom came out to hug me.
My dad, Robert “Dan” Wiley, is the best man I know. Now, I know a lot of men say that about their dads and it is true – but I just can’t imagine any man measuring up to my dad.
He was not perfect, but to me, he was. He made me feel safe. He made me feel comfortable. He made me always feel like I was one decision away from greatness. The best part is, he saw me make that decision. You see, I lived at home until I was 26. I had a hard time growing up. I didn’t see the importance of taking life seriously. I remember my mom saying that she was worried about me, that I might not find my way. I would be 40-years-old, living with my parents, and unhappy. She had a point and her concern was valid, because at 26, my direction didn’t really point anywhere. I think my dad worried too, but he always told me: “Son, all you have to do is make a decision to have a life for yourself, and you’ll have it.”
I began dating a beautiful, sweet girl named Jamie on March 17, 2006, when I was 24. I immediately loved her and told her so on our very first date. I got lucky because that should have scared her away, and it almost did. I proposed to her on January 1, 2007 and we were married on September 15, 2007. I remember mentioning to my dad that it would be an honor to have him stand with me and my brother as my “co” Best Man, but he politely declined because he wanted to sit next to his “honey” (my mom) on our special day.
Success. My parents had witnessed me not only getting married, but living away from them (and supporting myself) for the first time ever. It was a great time for me. Then, in July of 2009, we found out that we were pregnant. Our beautiful son Brayden was born on March 2, 2010. My dad immediately loved him.
July 9, 2012 – our second son, Jacob, was born. My dad and he had a very special bond. He knew my dad’s voice. My dad loved singing gospel music to him and Jacob loved it.
That is a great comfort to me – I knew that I quit being a weight on my dad’s shoulders nearly six years ago. He never made me feel like one, but I was and I knew it. When I got married, became a father (twice!) and bought a house, he could relax.
My dad was a Godly man. He was not a man that expressed his faith outwardly, but he did talk about it. Not only that, he lived it. He treated others with compassion and respect. He was an honest and forthcoming business man. He loved his family above all else and lived by the “Golden Rule.”
“Robbie, there’s one thing to live by – treat others just as you wish to be treated yourself.”
Those were not empty words. He lived them every single day.
People often tell me, “You’re such a good guy.” I’ve heard it a lot. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, because I do – but I am only a good guy because I have an amazing dad. Sons watch their fathers and how they live their lives, and we seek to emulate their lives and make them proud.
I know I make him proud.
He knew how much I loved him because I told him all of the time. This wasnÂ’t always the case, but on October 5, 2009, I wrote him a letter. It was a love letter from a son to his dad. It wasnÂ’t overly mushy, but it did reveal my heart to him. I told him how much I loved and treasured him. I told him that I knew he wasnÂ’t perfect, but he was to me. I told him that I wanted to spend more time with him as the years went on, and do things that he enjoyed doing. I told him that if my kids (I didnÂ’t have any at the time) looked at me with half the love that I look at him, my life will have been a success. I told him that my greatest hope for him was that his love for Jesus would grow.
A week ago, I knew I wrote that letter. I was thinking of what I wanted to say during his Celebration of Life service, because my two sisters, brother and I decided that we were all going to talk. I know I can write well, and I knew I would honor him, but I was nervous. I had talked about this letter with family. One night, my mom emerged from my dadÂ’s bedroom and she had the letter in her hand. She handed it to me and I read it.
There was my speech. This would be how I would honor him.
It was no longer just a letter – it was an answered prayer. I am a dad now, and I believe my little boys look at me with great love. I feel like I am on my way of having kids that love and adore me, like I did him. I did spend more time doing things with him that he enjoyed. I went to the rodeo with him, went target shooting, talked guns with him, and even went to Wyoming in September of 2011 on an antelope hunt with him. I went on that trip because I wanted to spend time with him and my brother. It was important to me. I didn’t think I would enjoy the hunting part of it, but I did. We went to Mount Rushmore and saw Little Big Horn in Montana. It is a trip, and time with my dad that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
His faith and love in Jesus did grow in the last years of his life. Him and my mom began going to church every Sunday and heard Pastor Jody Bowser (whom my dad loved) preach sermons that spoke to my dadÂ’s heart. Just two weeks ago, I prayed with my mom and dad when I was visiting them. Turns out, every night before my dad went to bed, he would stop at my momÂ’s chair on the way to his room, get on his knees, grab my momÂ’s hand, and pray. It was an amazing experience.
And an answered prayer.
The freedom in knowing that you made it clear to a loved one how much you love them is great. I never have to wonder whether or not my dad knew I loved him. I showed him through my thoughts, words, and actions. He had a heart attack in 2012 and we almost lost him then. I was in Spokane with him the entire time, not wanting to leave until I was taking him home. God spared him then, but it was so close. We had another 13 months with him.
We learned, after an autopsy was conducted, that my dad’s body was simply done. If he would have not died on the night he did, the road ahead of him would have been absolutely devastating and heart breaking. I do not wish to go in to details here, but might at a later time – I will just say that I believe he went quickly and without pain. The way he died was so extremely rare, that my aunt in Tennessee who is a nurse talked with a doctor at the hospital she works at and he had never even heard of a death such as his occurring. He was simply called home by a loving God that he will spend eternity with.
That is a comfort to me because I know, without a doubt, that God answered my dadÂ’s prayer. Do I believe my dad was wanting to die? Absolutely not. What I do believe is that he prayed for quickness when his time came. Not because he didnÂ’t want to bare the pain, but because he couldnÂ’t bear the thought of his family going through that. After having talks with him in the past, I am confident believing that he said that prayer at least once.
People might ask, “Why did he not suffer, but others do?” I do not know. I simply don’t. I am not even sure that he didn’t suffer, but just feel that he didn’t. I do not know why God does the things that He does. I will never pretend to know or understand the mind of God. I just know that there is a reason in everything, even if we never understand that reason during our time on earth. Faith can move mountains and it can help you in your most difficult times. That, I do know. I also know that Pastor Jody was praying with my dad on the day that he had his heart attack in 2012 and again on the day that my dad died a mere nine days ago. These were two men that did not see each all of the time, either. I just know during those days, my dad was with a true man of God who was praying for him and on his behalf.
I want to live the rest of my life looking at life as he did. He did not worry about earthly things and treasures. He did not hold grudges, but rather forgave freely and loved endlessly. His wife is his greatest treasure and his kids were his pride and joy. His eight grandchildren were a huge part of his life and he loved his time with them. People loved my dad, because he didnÂ’t expect anything out of them. He just saw the value in who they are and looked at the world with such a positive attitude.
My mom told me that I am just like him. I, too, do not find it necessary to hold grudges. I do find it 100 percent necessary to forgive others. I try not to worry about my life. I love others and treat them with dignity and respect. That is how I will live the rest of my life. I am who I am because I am my dadÂ’s son. He gave me his heart, which is the greatest gift he could have ever given me. When I was a boy, all I wanted was to become a professional baseball player. I dreamed about it day and night. If you offered that to me now, but told me I couldnÂ’t have my dadÂ’s heart, I would decline your offer before you could even get the words out. No, thanks.
I could talk about the memories, but I would be sitting here all night and part of the next day. I will write about them, because they are worth sharing. I will also write about my mom and dadÂ’s love story and how truly amazing it is.
On March 26, 2013, approximately three hours after my dad went to be with the Lord, I said goodbye (for now) to him.
I cried. I rubbed his hair. I kissed his face. I told him that for the rest of my time here on earth, I would honor him with how I live my life. I will love my wife and kids like he did with us. I will love others and be the best man I can possibly be. I told him I couldnÂ’t wait to see him again.
This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I have been sad, I have cried, I have been angry, I have been gratefulÂ… I know thatÂ’s a part of the grieving process. I know.
Today, April 3, I almost made it through the entire day and night without crying. I was up in Brayden’s room putting him to bed. He asked me to lie down on the floor next to his bed. “Daddy, lay down a minute,” he said. It wasn’t a question, and like every time he asks, I did it. I lied there for a few minutes, rubbing his hair as he looked at me. We prayed together and he thanked Jesus for “Grammy and Papa, and for mommy, and baby Jacob, and Caleb (his cousin in Tennessee).” After a few minutes, I said, “Alright, Brayden, I am going to go now buddy – I love you, goodnight.”
“Nooooooooo!” he said. “Daddy, don’t leave me!”
I lost it. I know, Brayden. I won’t leave you – now or ever. It’s the same promise I hold deep in my heart.
I stayed for about another 30 minutes, until he nearly fell asleep.
This is the legacy I am charged with keeping. A son that loves his daddy and only wants him around.
And I will.
