I remember taking my first pinch of dip with my college roommates. We were on an alcohol and tobacco free campus and had always smuggled whiskey and beer into our room... and decided that we needed some dip to go with it. The next day I decided to buy a can of my own. I remember I started out of 1-2 cans of skoal a week. After a few weeks of that I decided I'd try a can of Grizzly Wintergreen. I was sitting in a Taco Bell parking lot, alone, listening to some country music and packed a lip of Grizzly. It was that moment that I knew I was hooked. The Grizzly was so much stronger than what I was dipping... I felt like a heroine addict. It was like I could feel the nicotine traveling through my blood vessels. Because neither of my friends ended up dipping, I became what I guess is considered a ninja dipper. Throughout the next 3 years of college I managed to hide a can a day addiction from them and my family. At that time, I viewed dipping as an escape. It was a "treat" that I looked forward to between classes and as a study break.
A couple years later and I am still chewing a can a day of the same Grizzly Wintergreen. So why have I decided to quit? The reason is that dipping is no longer an escape for me but rather a burden. The burden of addiction. The burden of hiding my addiction from my family. The burden of finding an excuse to run to the gas station. Being a few minutes late for work because I needed a fresh can. The slow and noticeable toll dipping had taken on my teeth and gums. My dentist didn't ask my if I dipped, but he sure didn't hesitate to tell me that my teeth and gums are shit. The risk of cancer. Worrying about what others will think if they see my buy a can. I knew before I even started dipping that it is something that I cannot hide forever. I have always known that I would have to quit eventually and that day has come. I cannot continue to hide it from my parents, my dentist, my co-workers, potential employers, and so on. But why would I want to hide it? It's an addiction with no benefit. It's a health risk, a money sink, and ultimately lowers productivity.
I know this will not come easy for me. I chew a can of the most potent dip every day... not once but three times. Yes I have resorted to "redipping" my dip. When it comes to making a schedule and sticking too it... I am the worst. I always watched my classmates stick to a study schedule. That wasn't my style. Didn't matter if it was Biochemistry, Organic Chemistry, or Calculus I waited until the night before and still came out on top. I say this to highlight one of my weaknesses. I have never stuck to a schedule. I have always procrastinated. These are not habits that are broken overnight. I believe that this personality trait of mine has in a way contributed to my addiction. Maybe quitting dip will help me follow through on a plan, and stick with something for once. Maybe it will be the first step to becoming a more productive person. I have quit dip once before. It lasted for 11 days. After 11 days, the withdrawal had significantly subsided. I told myself that I had "beat" the addiction and I believe that I proved to myself that I could quit at any time. This was clearly the addiction speaking too me. This is not a mistake that I will make again.
I may revise/add to this post later. Maybe my thought aren't entirely clear at this stage but I hope that you learned a little bit about me and I look forward to quitting with you.
