My strongest quit, my final quit

[worktowin]

Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.

Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.

I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.

This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.

If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:

What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.

What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.

Several comments...

First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.

Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.

Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.

In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.

[Minny]

Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.

Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.

I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.

This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.

If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:

What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.

What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.

[Thumblewort]

True,

You have my number from that one text chain we have going. Text or call if you need to these next 2 days in particular, let us help you!

[lighty7]

Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.

Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.

I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.

This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.

Just sent you a text. On the parents visiting thing - you just reminded me that I actually stumbled onto the KTC website a while back. I was thinking about quitting and read the stuff about the first 3 days sucking and being stressed, etc. My inlaws were coming into town so I told my wife this really isn't a good time to quit cause I'll be stressed her folks are in town. You know what? That was 3 years ago! In a blink of an eye I dipped like a mad man for another 3 years. I always had this website saved in my favorites at work but I NEVER clicked on it till 19 days ago.

You got this - a cave now will just add years of dipping. We are starting to get our freedom back. Just hammer the seeds and fake stuff.

Lighty

[TrueToMyself]

Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.

Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.

I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.

This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.

[Minny]

"I completely understand and can attest that just one hit is not ok."

Nicotine addiction is a one trick pony in that it only cares about one single thing: the next fix. The Addict starts to atrophy the moment its most recent fix is finished. Nicotine has an elimination half-life of about two hours, so once the two hours is up The Addict springs into action. Fidgeting, anxiety, irritability, restlessness, constant thoughts: I can have a dip on my way to the next meeting; I can have a dip if I mow the lawn; I can have a dip if I run out to Home Depot because we "need" to fix that loose handle. The longer The Addict is denied nicotine the weaker he becomes... but he becomes as strong as EVER the very moment he gets Just One.

Unfortunately, The Addict is also You. You share a brain which makes it challenging for the unprepared to recognize the bullshit justification of why Just One is okay. You might tell yourself that now is too stressful a time, that quitting when the wife is away would be easier, that you'll quit on the 1st of next month, next year... You might tell yourself that you've earned Just One, or maybe that you finally got it under control and that now you know that you can have Just One because you've proven that you can quit. You might even tell yourself that you're better, stronger, smarter, etc. than all those internet weirdos on KTC. THESE are the warning signs you need to be wary of! When you hear those thoughts rattling around in your head, smack yourself in the face and get in touch with a Quitter. Recognize the lies, reject them, and keep putting The Addict in the sleeper hold of a lifetime. You will have these battles every day. At first they will be frequent and fierce, then they will be occasional and manageable. One day they will even make you laugh and marvel at the fact that you STILL have those thoughts even after hundreds of days, but you'll squash them in an unfair fight like Mike Tyson in his prime vs Justin Bieber.

Quitting nicotine is about winning the Just One battle. Just One is not only not okay, it's your biggest enemy.

[brettlees]

Shit, I was hoping it would get easier after day 100. Cleanfuel don't mess with me. Nate - in dreading a work road trip this coming week. Probably my biggest trigger and I haven't faced it yet. Share your experiences, please. Stay strong. I'll send you my number if you want to talk while you're on the road.

Seen this ^^^^ post and wanted to comment. You got a great quit going. Keep doing what your doing. Things will improve with time my friend, that's why cleanfuel made the statement. You have to read between the lines to really get what cleanfuel is saying. I haven't had a crave in I don't know how long and cleanfuel hasn't either I bet. We have learned not to believe it's ok to have just one, so are quits are secure. The failure occurs when you begin to believe that 1 is ok. One is to many and 1000 is never enough. We are addicts for life.

You will eventually come to a place where your quit will become to easy my friend. Believe it.

Now for the car ride. Go to your vehicle and pop your hood. Look for the cap that says place poison here. You will not find it. Your car/you was not built to run on the poison. As a matter of fact if you put the poison in your car/you it does not run properly. Your car/you will eventually break down with the poison. You will do fine on the car ride. Hopefully your family is going with you and you can enjoy their company without sharing the time with the poison for a change. It's time to enjoy life without the poison my friend. The way things are suppose to be.

I hate the poison. Screw the poison at work, at home, in a care, on a bike, on a train or anything else you can think of. It doesn't deserve our want and desire. I hate it!!!! JOIN ME IN HATING THE POISON!!!!!

Hell, the car ride might be a good time to tell the wife. ;)

Bump.

Listen, it's good timing for this conversation so thank you for checking. I'll be on a high stress work road trip alone with an overnight in a hotel. This used to be a "great time" to really dig into a tin.

I'm confident in my quit right now but I'm going to have to be on full alert on Thursday and Friday this week. Nice move on the car analogy - you're right. It's over for me. I'm not going back.

Right before I found KTC, I had finally realized that one single hit was not ok during a quit. With your explanation, I see where cleanfuel was going. I completely understand and can attest that just one hit is not ok.

When I first saw people on KTC saying things like "I hate the nic bitch" .... and things like "screw the poison"... I thought it was a little silly to be honest. I didn't get it. Now, I'm learning to love to hate one thing and one thing only. When I get a craving, I'm associating that hatred and focusing the anger on that one single thing. This is day 13. 14 days ago, Grizzly was a skyscraper in my world, commanding me. Today, it's a garage whispering in my ear. Tomorrow it will be a shed. And someday soon, it will shudder beneath me.... and I'll be happy to see such a loathsome figure suffer.

Thanks for looking out.

Wow you're making a vortex here.

Check this out to add to your knowledge of the addiction and your hatred of the dammed weed: Nicotine Addiction 101

Keep it going True- you're doing good, stay alert and strong!

[TrueToMyself]

Shit, I was hoping it would get easier after day 100. Cleanfuel don't mess with me. Nate - in dreading a work road trip this coming week. Probably my biggest trigger and I haven't faced it yet. Share your experiences, please. Stay strong. I'll send you my number if you want to talk while you're on the road.

Seen this ^^^^ post and wanted to comment. You got a great quit going. Keep doing what your doing. Things will improve with time my friend, that's why cleanfuel made the statement. You have to read between the lines to really get what cleanfuel is saying. I haven't had a crave in I don't know how long and cleanfuel hasn't either I bet. We have learned not to believe it's ok to have just one, so are quits are secure. The failure occurs when you begin to believe that 1 is ok. One is to many and 1000 is never enough. We are addicts for life.

You will eventually come to a place where your quit will become to easy my friend. Believe it.

Now for the car ride. Go to your vehicle and pop your hood. Look for the cap that says place poison here. You will not find it. Your car/you was not built to run on the poison. As a matter of fact if you put the poison in your car/you it does not run properly. Your car/you will eventually break down with the poison. You will do fine on the car ride. Hopefully your family is going with you and you can enjoy their company without sharing the time with the poison for a change. It's time to enjoy life without the poison my friend. The way things are suppose to be.

I hate the poison. Screw the poison at work, at home, in a care, on a bike, on a train or anything else you can think of. It doesn't deserve our want and desire. I hate it!!!! JOIN ME IN HATING THE POISON!!!!!

Hell, the car ride might be a good time to tell the wife. ;)

Bump.

Listen, it's good timing for this conversation so thank you for checking. I'll be on a high stress work road trip alone with an overnight in a hotel. This used to be a "great time" to really dig into a tin.

I'm confident in my quit right now but I'm going to have to be on full alert on Thursday and Friday this week. Nice move on the car analogy - you're right. It's over for me. I'm not going back.

Right before I found KTC, I had finally realized that one single hit was not ok during a quit. With your explanation, I see where cleanfuel was going. I completely understand and can attest that just one hit is not ok.

When I first saw people on KTC saying things like "I hate the nic bitch" .... and things like "screw the poison"... I thought it was a little silly to be honest. I didn't get it. Now, I'm learning to love to hate one thing and one thing only. When I get a craving, I'm associating that hatred and focusing the anger on that one single thing. This is day 13. 14 days ago, Grizzly was a skyscraper in my world, commanding me. Today, it's a garage whispering in my ear. Tomorrow it will be a shed. And someday soon, it will shudder beneath me.... and I'll be happy to see such a loathsome figure suffer.

Thanks for looking out.

[srans]

Shit, I was hoping it would get easier after day 100. Cleanfuel don't mess with me. Nate - in dreading a work road trip this coming week. Probably my biggest trigger and I haven't faced it yet. Share your experiences, please. Stay strong. I'll send you my number if you want to talk while you're on the road.

Seen this ^^^^ post and wanted to comment. You got a great quit going. Keep doing what your doing. Things will improve with time my friend, that's why cleanfuel made the statement. You have to read between the lines to really get what cleanfuel is saying. I haven't had a crave in I don't know how long and cleanfuel hasn't either I bet. We have learned not to believe it's ok to have just one, so are quits are secure. The failure occurs when you begin to believe that 1 is ok. One is to many and 1000 is never enough. We are addicts for life.

You will eventually come to a place where your quit will become to easy my friend. Believe it.

Now for the car ride. Go to your vehicle and pop your hood. Look for the cap that says place poison here. You will not find it. Your car/you was not built to run on the poison. As a matter of fact if you put the poison in your car/you it does not run properly. Your car/you will eventually break down with the poison. You will do fine on the car ride. Hopefully your family is going with you and you can enjoy their company without sharing the time with the poison for a change. It's time to enjoy life without the poison my friend. The way things are suppose to be.

I hate the poison. Screw the poison at work, at home, in a care, on a bike, on a train or anything else you can think of. It doesn't deserve our want and desire. I hate it!!!! JOIN ME IN HATING THE POISON!!!!!

Hell, the car ride might be a good time to tell the wife. ;)

Bump.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny

Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.

In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?

You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.

Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."

Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/. While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.

Just a thought....

Have you ever considered telling your wife?

I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.

Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.

I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".

You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?

Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.

It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.

I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.

She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.

I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..

Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.

Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.

"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."

I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.

You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.

Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.

Quit on...

Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.

50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!

True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.

You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.

Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.

I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.

I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.

This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.

I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.

You're your own man, capable of making your own decisions. You certainly aren't letting me down. Do what you think is best. I was simply sharing my own experience and how great it turned out for me.

Quit on...

I sent you a book of a pm this morning. Strengthening your quit, solidifying it, is really all that matters. It took me 300 days to be honest with my wife... So don't feel like I'm let down. I'm not that big of a hypocrite! Lol. As you keep adding days of wins up, it sucks to have this little devil of guilt on your shoulder. And it is there... I can read it in your words.

When you are ready, if you are ready, tell her. We are here to support you and help you whether you tell her or not. Quitting is a team effort, and (I'll speak for the group here) we are glad to be on your team.

I'm glad to be on the team with you guys. Two times in the last two days I almost came out and told her - I was very close last night. I'll tell her sooner or later... and let you know how it goes.

Thank you.

When you do tell her, make sure it is a time and place that allows space for a long discussion.

my 2 cents..I personally would want to know if my wife was a nicotine addict...whether she quit 1 day ago or 40 years ago. To me, our addictions, our triumphs, our failures, our past make/made us who we are. Today I am a Nictotine addict. Tomorrow I will be an addict. You too are an addict. Bring it out into the light where there is freedom. Freedom leads to power. Power leads to triumph over nicotine Today. Just Today. It's all in our heads. Why not welcome another person as a pillar.
i.e. If I am talking to someone about my quit and my wife is within earshot, she'll say "I love a quitter!" My chest pops out another 4 inches, makes me proud to have her support.
As slaves we lied, stole, destroyed.
As quitters, we live, we share and build.

ODAAT you got this. NAFAR

I wouldn't be surprised if your wife knew you dipped. For the longest time, I thought my wife didn't know, but I had a trail of screw-ups that basically solidified her knowledge of my dipping. Anyhow, maybe all that's irrelevant...I just wanted to share with you that I was someone who waited for the right time to tell my wife. Since she knew of my addiction, I needed to wait until I had something tangible to show her, not just empty words. So, on day 14 I took her into my office and showed her how I post roll every day. I told her I was on day 14; this was this past Christmas. In your case, even if you're wife is oblivious to your addiction...you have all of this to show her. Show her this thread and the funnel of responses. Not only are you quitting every day, fostering that quit, but there is hard evidence of how much this means to you. The quit is tangible and your freedom is now real.

Tell her everything. She is your soul mate.

[srans]

Shit, I was hoping it would get easier after day 100. Cleanfuel don't mess with me. Nate - in dreading a work road trip this coming week. Probably my biggest trigger and I haven't faced it yet. Share your experiences, please. Stay strong. I'll send you my number if you want to talk while you're on the road.

Seen this ^^^^ post and wanted to comment. You got a great quit going. Keep doing what your doing. Things will improve with time my friend, that's why cleanfuel made the statement. You have to read between the lines to really get what cleanfuel is saying. I haven't had a crave in I don't know how long and cleanfuel hasn't either I bet. We have learned not to believe it's ok to have just one, so are quits are secure. The failure occurs when you begin to believe that 1 is ok. One is to many and 1000 is never enough. We are addicts for life.

You will eventually come to a place where your quit will become to easy my friend. Believe it.

Now for the car ride. Go to your vehicle and pop your hood. Look for the cap that says place poison here. You will not find it. Your car/you was not built to run on the poison. As a matter of fact if you put the poison in your car/you it does not run properly. Your car/you will eventually break down with the poison. You will do fine on the car ride. Hopefully your family is going with you and you can enjoy their company without sharing the time with the poison for a change. It's time to enjoy life without the poison my friend. The way things are suppose to be.

I hate the poison. Screw the poison at work, at home, in a care, on a bike, on a train or anything else you can think of. It doesn't deserve our want and desire. I hate it!!!! JOIN ME IN HATING THE POISON!!!!!

Hell, the car ride might be a good time to tell the wife. ;)

[Steakbomb18]

I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny

Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.

In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?

You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.

Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."

Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/. While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.

Just a thought....

Have you ever considered telling your wife?

I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.

Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.

I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".

You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?

Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.

It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.

I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.

She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.

I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..

Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.

Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.

"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."

I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.

You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.

Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.

Quit on...

Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.

50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!

True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.

You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.

Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.

I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.

I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.

This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.

I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.

You're your own man, capable of making your own decisions. You certainly aren't letting me down. Do what you think is best. I was simply sharing my own experience and how great it turned out for me.

Quit on...

I sent you a book of a pm this morning. Strengthening your quit, solidifying it, is really all that matters. It took me 300 days to be honest with my wife... So don't feel like I'm let down. I'm not that big of a hypocrite! Lol. As you keep adding days of wins up, it sucks to have this little devil of guilt on your shoulder. And it is there... I can read it in your words.

When you are ready, if you are ready, tell her. We are here to support you and help you whether you tell her or not. Quitting is a team effort, and (I'll speak for the group here) we are glad to be on your team.

I'm glad to be on the team with you guys. Two times in the last two days I almost came out and told her - I was very close last night. I'll tell her sooner or later... and let you know how it goes.

Thank you.

When you do tell her, make sure it is a time and place that allows space for a long discussion.

my 2 cents..I personally would want to know if my wife was a nicotine addict...whether she quit 1 day ago or 40 years ago. To me, our addictions, our triumphs, our failures, our past make/made us who we are. Today I am a Nictotine addict. Tomorrow I will be an addict. You too are an addict. Bring it out into the light where there is freedom. Freedom leads to power. Power leads to triumph over nicotine Today. Just Today. It's all in our heads. Why not welcome another person as a pillar.
i.e. If I am talking to someone about my quit and my wife is within earshot, she'll say "I love a quitter!" My chest pops out another 4 inches, makes me proud to have her support.
As slaves we lied, stole, destroyed.
As quitters, we live, we share and build.

ODAAT you got this. NAFAR

I wouldn't be surprised if your wife knew you dipped. For the longest time, I thought my wife didn't know, but I had a trail of screw-ups that basically solidified her knowledge of my dipping. Anyhow, maybe all that's irrelevant...I just wanted to share with you that I was someone who waited for the right time to tell my wife. Since she knew of my addiction, I needed to wait until I had something tangible to show her, not just empty words. So, on day 14 I took her into my office and showed her how I post roll every day. I told her I was on day 14; this was this past Christmas. In your case, even if you're wife is oblivious to your addiction...you have all of this to show her. Show her this thread and the funnel of responses. Not only are you quitting every day, fostering that quit, but there is hard evidence of how much this means to you. The quit is tangible and your freedom is now real.

[30isEnuff]

I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny

Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.

In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?

You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.

Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."

Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/. While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.

Just a thought....

Have you ever considered telling your wife?

I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.

Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.

I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".

You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?

Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.

It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.

I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.

She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.

I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..

Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.

Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.

"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."

I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.

You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.

Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.

Quit on...

Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.

50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!

True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.

You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.

Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.

I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.

I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.

This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.

I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.

You're your own man, capable of making your own decisions. You certainly aren't letting me down. Do what you think is best. I was simply sharing my own experience and how great it turned out for me.

Quit on...

I sent you a book of a pm this morning. Strengthening your quit, solidifying it, is really all that matters. It took me 300 days to be honest with my wife... So don't feel like I'm let down. I'm not that big of a hypocrite! Lol. As you keep adding days of wins up, it sucks to have this little devil of guilt on your shoulder. And it is there... I can read it in your words.

When you are ready, if you are ready, tell her. We are here to support you and help you whether you tell her or not. Quitting is a team effort, and (I'll speak for the group here) we are glad to be on your team.

I'm glad to be on the team with you guys. Two times in the last two days I almost came out and told her - I was very close last night. I'll tell her sooner or later... and let you know how it goes.

Thank you.

When you do tell her, make sure it is a time and place that allows space for a long discussion.

my 2 cents..I personally would want to know if my wife was a nicotine addict...whether she quit 1 day ago or 40 years ago. To me, our addictions, our triumphs, our failures, our past make/made us who we are. Today I am a Nictotine addict. Tomorrow I will be an addict. You too are an addict. Bring it out into the light where there is freedom. Freedom leads to power. Power leads to triumph over nicotine Today. Just Today. It's all in our heads. Why not welcome another person as a pillar.
i.e. If I am talking to someone about my quit and my wife is within earshot, she'll say "I love a quitter!" My chest pops out another 4 inches, makes me proud to have her support.
As slaves we lied, stole, destroyed.
As quitters, we live, we share and build.

ODAAT you got this. NAFAR

[TrueToMyself]

This graduation speech really pumped me up about quitting. I'm not a military veteran but many of his words relate to what we're going through. Watch the video or read the text when you have time.

http://www.utexas.edu/news/2014/05/16/a ... nt-speech/

P.S. I really like his explanation about the beds. Always wondered about that. Our equivalent is posting roll every day, kind of.

[TrueToMyself]

I read a post in Minny's intro that really hit close to home:
"How pathetic is it to spend 15 minutes on a PUBLIC toilet all to "enjoy" a dip? It's so fucking disgusting I can't get my head around it... except that I can, because I've been there. In fact, I've done worse. Digging around in the trash, for starters... skipping out on a Saturday w/ my family to run a phantom chore, bailing on professional gatherings, driving alone when it made no sense, sitting on the john at home for too long... all to serve an addiction that I knew could very likely kill me." - Minny

Every damn word rings true in my former life and it's fucking pathetic. Just thinking about it makes me grow three times larger and turn into a green beast who wants to smash everything. I never want to feel that regret and shame again, especially the way it impacted my wife and daughter... my wife who has no idea I was ninja dipping during our entire seven years of marriage.

In fact, over the last nine days, my wife has got to be wondering why I've been spending so much time at home. What happened to his ritual 8pm "errands?" Why has he been acting strange? Why is he in a fog half the time, father/husband of the year half the time and clearly hiding some anxiety/aggression half the time?

You know what? I turned into a mother fucking loser in recent years - the type of person I would look down on. The thing is, I had no idea. I'd blame it on the chew but I chose to use the chew so it's my fault. If I had known someone like me and the shit that "he" did to himself and his family - I would have disdained him, ignored him, avoided him and pitied the people who depended on and trusted him. That's not because I think I'm better than that person but because I don't have time or space for people like that. I can't believe I wasn't able to see myself from the outside perspective... or maybe I did but completely denied it.

Once upon a time, I strived to be a better person every single day in some little way. Somehow, I forgot about that goal many years ago. But now, that person's back and I've been feeling it strongly at some point during every one of the last nine days since I took my life back. And it's wayyyy different than other times I tried to "quit."

Seeing Minny's post really got my brain working on another level today. Still processing it, in fact. Check out more of his post on page 14 in his intro topic/1010219/14/. While you're at it, go back and read the first few pages of his intro - Minny fought hard and suffered a lot to be where he is today. Respect.

Just a thought....

Have you ever considered telling your wife?

I was a master ninja for 15 years. When I quit and came clean to my wife, it was like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders.

Aside from that...this shits HARD. We are great assets to have but we cannot be with you 24/7. There were times when I felt soooo bad that I broke down into my wife's lap and talked and talked, while she simply listened and reassured me things were going to be okay, I was doing the right thing and she was there to support me. I cannot imagine having to hold that in nor doing this without her support.

I also sat my kids down (7 and 9 at the time) and told them what I had been doing, mainly because I was struggling and they could tell I was "different" but didn't know why. I think they were scared to be honest. They didn't know what chewing was but I told them it was like smoking. They sure as he'll knew what that was. They began to cry, and both asked if I was going to die. I assured them I was ok and was quitting so I wouldn't die. I promised them I would never do it again. They were happy and would actually check up on me and ask how I was feeling and if I was still quit. My son, now 11 still asks me from time to time "Dad, are you still not chewing. I don't want you to die".

You say you are going to strive to be a better person every day, how about coming clean on a 7 year lie to the people you love most?

Yeah. Tell your wife. Get your house in order. Come totally clean. It will be good for you and your quit. Tell her everything. Tell her about your past lies. You'll instantly be a better man and you can let go of your guilt. Trust us.

It took me 300 days to tell my wife the whole truth. She thought I was a recreational chewer. She was shocked. And I felt like, and feel like, the weight of the world was lifted off of me. Was it a hard conversation? Yeah. Wish I had done it earlier. Listen to these guys.

I hear what you're saying. I've been thinking about this a lot. Every day, in fact. You all make great points and I trust your judgement. However, I feel like I would be doing it for selfish reasons. This would make me feel better but it would make her feel worse. This is what I'm wrestling with.

She would support me for sure ( shocked and pissed, yes... but definitely supportive) but I feel it's unfair to dump this on her. She owns a new small business and is nearly buried in stress.

I was thinking of reassessing this at a later date. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks for sharing your own personal stories, Diesel and WorkToWin..

Keep in mind that one of the most valuable parts of hanging around a bunch of fellow addicts is that you can count on us to spot bullshit and point it out. You're wrong, True, and I think you're lying to yourself out of either fear, cowardice, or both. The lies and coming clean aren't about her at all. This is allllll about you. It could also be an act of self-preservation on the behalf of your addict self.

Burn the bridge. Torch that motherfucker. Come clean. It will be cathartic, it will strengthen your quit like you wouldn't believe, and it'll be good for your marriage.

"The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are almost always the same thing."

I don't blame you for bring scared, but spare me the, "I'm not going to tell her for HER" line.

You say it would be unfair to dump this on her. However, it might be more unfair to her if you're moody, angry, full of anxiety, etc...and she can't figure out why. No doubt she will worry about you and maybe even start to wonder if something is wrong with you, or if she's the problem.

Obviously, this is your choice and I'd never tell you what to do, but some things to ponder.

Quit on...

Obviously this delimea isn't new, I've supported other ninja quitters in the past in remaining undercover and I've also encouraged others to come clean. I will say that from my experience telling my wife lead to several great things; first it opened a daily dialogue between us about how my quit was going, I think we had sex every day for 50 or 60 days (her way of taking my mind off dip), and the past 2 years have been the best and most open time in our 34 years of marriage. Your the only one that can decide, sometimes the past deception and lies can only make more problems.

50 or 60 days? God damn WT, you're a damn STALLION!!!

True I just want to weigh in because of the strength of the support around this for you right now. Seriously, the support and guidance of any one of the guys weighing in for you can carry a new quitter to success. I've watched it for over half a year now with them. I'd take the advice of any one of them on this because they know what they are talking about, and because I know how much relief undoing all the lies our addictions lead us to can bring. Muster up your courage and trust these men pulling for you and your success in your new life. They are opening the door to another taste of freedom for you. Step into it, fear and all. If you are not ready they will still support you. But they think you are- I'd go for it. Theyve never steered me wrong, and I think you are in for some amazing relief if you follow their lead this one time. Freedom man- it's yours for the taking- you just have to earn it with courage and perseverance.

You have a great quit going- it's very uplifting to see you working the program here so well. Keep that up regardless of your decision.

Sorry for the holdup - I've been extremely buried at work during an especially busy time (partly because I had been spending so much time on KTC - wouldn't change that tho). I have been keeping up with posting roll in three quit groups every damn day, though. Shit, I even posted twice in August today.

I've been thinking about this thing with my wife and considering your advice. Diesel, WorkToWin, Minny, Wt57, grizzlyhasclaws - I respect and highly value all of your opinions and I'm grateful you were straightforward. I've benefited from your experiences multiple times already and I completely trust you're steering me in the right direction again. This will be the biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced as a couple (we've been very fortunate). Playing out various scenarios in my head, I see the pros and cons. I'm largely leaning toward telling her but not yet. Really, I'm not ready for that. There will never a "perfect time" to do it but I'm flat out not ready right now.

I've been lying to her for seven years. I permanently quit 11 days ago. It's too much for me right now, to confront her now. I'm a fairly sentimental guy but I'm not soft at all. I'm very thick skinned and when I make mistakes, I own up to them and take my lumps. Right now, I'm elated to be quit.

This probably isn't what some of you fellas wanted to hear and I feel like I'm letting you down. That's hard because you've given me support and advice, and I'm grateful for it. Your support has made a real difference in mine and my family's life in just a few days (really amazing if you think about it). I feel a bit like a chump but this "no decision" is right for me right now. You may not agree with it but I hope you'll respect it.

I was just thinking this morning how great leaders aren't great because someone gave them a title. We've all had bosses like that, right? Great leaders emerge at the right time in the right place with the right people. Same thing for teachers. The best teachers in my life were not in school. They were in life. You fellas and other real men and women on this site have been phenomenal leaders and teachers for me at a time when I am really in need (sounds weird to say that I'm in need but you know what I mean). I thank you for that.

You're your own man, capable of making your own decisions. You certainly aren't letting me down. Do what you think is best. I was simply sharing my own experience and how great it turned out for me.

Quit on...

I sent you a book of a pm this morning. Strengthening your quit, solidifying it, is really all that matters. It took me 300 days to be honest with my wife... So don't feel like I'm let down. I'm not that big of a hypocrite! Lol. As you keep adding days of wins up, it sucks to have this little devil of guilt on your shoulder. And it is there... I can read it in your words.

When you are ready, if you are ready, tell her. We are here to support you and help you whether you tell her or not. Quitting is a team effort, and (I'll speak for the group here) we are glad to be on your team.

I'm glad to be on the team with you guys. Two times in the last two days I almost came out and told her - I was very close last night. I'll tell her sooner or later... and let you know how it goes.

Thank you.