The Whole Story

[wo1miles]

Day 15- It's cold. With the blizzard outside I fear that if I leave my shelter I may die a horrible ghonnorea death. Food rations are depleted, and I am drawing faint and listless. Not sure if it's the malnutrition or the Clay Aiken CD I've been listening to since yesterday. My situation has gotten so dire even the fuckin penguins are drawing straws to determine who gets to eat my rotting carcass. It's at times like this when I wonder why Laura from Family Matters was such a snooty bitch to Urkel all those years. I fear the search party has turned away because of the horrible conditions. I just hope I can....oh, the Zoo is closing. Gotta Go.

[Gump]

Day 14- After the crash I was able to get my bearings and make it to the fuselage. There were bodies strewn about but I was able to find a few bag of peanuts and club soda. My worst fear was realized when I noticed that my shoes were untied. This was going to make getting to the coast to signal for help very difficult. After the peanuts and club soda were consumed, I started resorting to eating human buttocks. To my chagrin, he woke up and beat the living shit out of me when he realized what I was doing to him. My quit has me reminding myself that Tony Danza was not a believable housekeeper. We have made a pact to eat dead flesh and cans of congealed SPAM. I fear rescue crews will not be able to spot the wreckage and we will have to repopulate through asexual reproduction. I'm off to boil my pee and charge my ipod.

Thanks a lot, now I have that Elton John song stuck in my head...

..."Hold me closer, Tony Danza"...

Holy shit gump...I sing those same lyrics every time I hear that song.

My other hits:

"You're insane...You probably think the monkeys surround you don't you...you're insane...you probably think the monkeys surround you don't you don't you".

"I think I'm eating too much cheese I think I'm eating too much cheese I really think so..."

I left my harp to Sam Frank's disco.

"Purty little luuuuv song...10 feet long"

And of course, the classic

"There's a bathroom on the right"

[Scowick65]

Day 14- After the crash I was able to get my bearings and make it to the fuselage. There were bodies strewn about but I was able to find a few bag of peanuts and club soda. My worst fear was realized when I noticed that my shoes were untied. This was going to make getting to the coast to signal for help very difficult. After the peanuts and club soda were consumed, I started resorting to eating human buttocks. To my chagrin, he woke up and beat the living shit out of me when he realized what I was doing to him. My quit has me reminding myself that Tony Danza was not a believable housekeeper. We have made a pact to eat dead flesh and cans of congealed SPAM. I fear rescue crews will not be able to spot the wreckage and we will have to repopulate through asexual reproduction. I'm off to boil my pee and charge my ipod.

Thanks a lot, now I have that Elton John song stuck in my head...

..."Hold me closer, Tony Danza"...

Holy shit gump...I sing those same lyrics every time I hear that song.

My other hits:

"You're insane...You probably think the monkeys surround you don't you...you're insane...you probably think the monkeys surround you don't you don't you".

"I think I'm eating too much cheese I think I'm eating too much cheese I really think so..."

I left my harp to Sam Frank's disco.

[Souliman]

Day 14- After the crash I was able to get my bearings and make it to the fuselage. There were bodies strewn about but I was able to find a few bag of peanuts and club soda. My worst fear was realized when I noticed that my shoes were untied. This was going to make getting to the coast to signal for help very difficult. After the peanuts and club soda were consumed, I started resorting to eating human buttocks. To my chagrin, he woke up and beat the living shit out of me when he realized what I was doing to him. My quit has me reminding myself that Tony Danza was not a believable housekeeper. We have made a pact to eat dead flesh and cans of congealed SPAM. I fear rescue crews will not be able to spot the wreckage and we will have to repopulate through asexual reproduction. I'm off to boil my pee and charge my ipod.

Thanks a lot, now I have that Elton John song stuck in my head...

..."Hold me closer, Tony Danza"...

Holy shit gump...I sing those same lyrics every time I hear that song.

My other hits:

"You're insane...You probably think the monkeys surround you don't you...you're insane...you probably think the monkeys surround you don't you don't you".

"I think I'm eating too much cheese I think I'm eating too much cheese I really think so..."


PS. I don't know how many times I pleasured myself to Mona's cans in a tight sweater.

[Gump]

Day 14- After the crash I was able to get my bearings and make it to the fuselage. There were bodies strewn about but I was able to find a few bag of peanuts and club soda. My worst fear was realized when I noticed that my shoes were untied. This was going to make getting to the coast to signal for help very difficult. After the peanuts and club soda were consumed, I started resorting to eating human buttocks. To my chagrin, he woke up and beat the living shit out of me when he realized what I was doing to him. My quit has me reminding myself that Tony Danza was not a believable housekeeper. We have made a pact to eat dead flesh and cans of congealed SPAM. I fear rescue crews will not be able to spot the wreckage and we will have to repopulate through asexual reproduction. I'm off to boil my pee and charge my ipod.

Thanks a lot, now I have that Elton John song stuck in my head...

..."Hold me closer, Tony Danza"...

[wo1miles]

Day 14- After the crash I was able to get my bearings and make it to the fuselage. There were bodies strewn about but I was able to find a few bag of peanuts and club soda. My worst fear was realized when I noticed that my shoes were untied. This was going to make getting to the coast to signal for help very difficult. After the peanuts and club soda were consumed, I started resorting to eating human buttocks. To my chagrin, he woke up and beat the living shit out of me when he realized what I was doing to him. My quit has me reminding myself that Tony Danza was not a believable housekeeper. We have made a pact to eat dead flesh and cans of congealed SPAM. I fear rescue crews will not be able to spot the wreckage and we will have to repopulate through asexual reproduction. I'm off to boil my pee and charge my ipod.

[Radman]

Day 13- I've been at sea for almost two weeks. Still no sign of land. The seagulls have begun eating my eyebrows and my supply of Funyuns is running dangerously low. The sharks that were circling my duckie float decided I wasn't good enough to fuck with and instead decided to devour buckshooter52. If I don't hit land soon, I will most certainly develop a very uncomfortable sunburn on my nose. Yes, it is that serious, my SPF 1,000 is empty. I find myself alone wondering why Screech from Saved By The Bell turned into a complete douchebag. No one will ever find me out here. This is the end. Excuse me while I play angry birds on my Iphone...

I absolutely love foggy new quitters. This is some twisted, but damn entertaining, shit right here.

Carry on, you crazy sumbitch. You remind us why we must never suffer another day one.

[wo1miles]

Day 13- I've been at sea for almost two weeks. Still no sign of land. The seagulls have begun eating my eyebrows and my supply of Funyuns is running dangerously low. The sharks that were circling my duckie float decided I wasn't good enough to fuck with and instead decided to devour buckshooter52. If I don't hit land soon, I will most certainly develop a very uncomfortable sunburn on my nose. Yes, it is that serious, my SPF 1,000 is empty. I find myself alone wondering why Screech from Saved By The Bell turned into a complete douchebag. No one will ever find me out here. This is the end. Excuse me while I play angry birds on my Iphone...

[Scowick65]

Day 12- I do believe my fog is half-lifing itself. I woke up today without the urge to ram a giant stake into my cornea. I ran across a stray desert dog with a hopeless case of rabies yesterday, and before I could say anything to him he stopped me and said "Not today, asshole. I'm tired of your foggy ass fucking with me."
I ordered a sample pack of Hooch from the Hoochie website and didn't realize until the transaction was complete that it was substitute for snuff, not a sampling of promiscuous tramps like I thought. My quit serum for the day will consist of a shredded #2 Pencil without the eraser, 3 thin slices of pickle pimiento loaf and a bottle of Lysol Disenfectant. It only works if you're watching a season 2 episode of "Step By Step".

Remember Always 9-11-2001. THAT is why we are there!

Remember all of your misery. Next time you want a dip replay the misery in your head. 1 day at a time.

[wo1miles]

Day 12- I do believe my fog is half-lifing itself. I woke up today without the urge to ram a giant stake into my cornea. I ran across a stray desert dog with a hopeless case of rabies yesterday, and before I could say anything to him he stopped me and said "Not today, asshole. I'm tired of your foggy ass fucking with me."
I ordered a sample pack of Hooch from the Hoochie website and didn't realize until the transaction was complete that it was substitute for snuff, not a sampling of promiscuous tramps like I thought. My quit serum for the day will consist of a shredded #2 Pencil without the eraser, 3 thin slices of pickle pimiento loaf and a bottle of Lysol Disenfectant. It only works if you're watching a season 2 episode of "Step By Step".

Remember Always 9-11-2001. THAT is why we are there!

[Scowick65]

Day 11- Feeling a little squirrley. The grogginess is getting much better. I've found that sleeping with transvestite hookers helps to alleviate the fog (pre-op only). I've also been drinking dark colored urine to cleanse out the system of all toxic remnants. Tomorrow I'm going to try my mom's homemade remedy. It involves fecal matter, a stuffed buffalo, and the pilot episode of Perfect Strangers. I hope it works, I can't take any more enemas or my colon might slip out and I'll need a team of professionals to wedge it back into the chute.

Um...Damn!

I like your style.

Cream of Weasel Soup is good also. Keep the fight.

[Souliman]

Day 11- Feeling a little squirrley. The grogginess is getting much better. I've found that sleeping with transvestite hookers helps to alleviate the fog (pre-op only). I've also been drinking dark colored urine to cleanse out the system of all toxic remnants. Tomorrow I'm going to try my mom's homemade remedy. It involves fecal matter, a stuffed buffalo, and the pilot episode of Perfect Strangers. I hope it works, I can't take any more enemas or my colon might slip out and I'll need a team of professionals to wedge it back into the chute.

Um...Damn!

I like your style.

[Gump]

Day 11- Feeling a little squirrley. The grogginess is getting much better. I've found that sleeping with transvestite hookers helps to alleviate the fog (pre-op only). I've also been drinking dark colored urine to cleanse out the system of all toxic remnants. Tomorrow I'm going to try my mom's homemade remedy. It involves fecal matter, a stuffed buffalo, and the pilot episode of Perfect Strangers. I hope it works, I can't take any more enemas or my colon might slip out and I'll need a team of professionals to wedge it back into the chute.

Um...Damn!

[wo1miles]

Day 11- Feeling a little squirrley. The grogginess is getting much better. I've found that sleeping with transvestite hookers helps to alleviate the fog (pre-op only). I've also been drinking dark colored urine to cleanse out the system of all toxic remnants. Tomorrow I'm going to try my mom's homemade remedy. It involves fecal matter, a stuffed buffalo, and the pilot episode of Perfect Strangers. I hope it works, I can't take any more enemas or my colon might slip out and I'll need a team of professionals to wedge it back into the chute.

[wo1miles]

Day 10. Realizing how much of a dick I've been through the years. Stealing peoples beverage containers, fishing someone else's bottles out of the trash. Using half full, week old dip bottles that reek to shit.

I also see how persuasive others can be when they are married to the NIC Bitch. Luckily, I quit today...all day!

So far I've learned this lesson about the quit: I look at others who dip or smoke and feel bad for them, because they are not even on Day 1 of their quit. And they will be one day, either of their own doing, or because they can't physically hold a dip/inhale a cigarette anymore.