I’ve seen quite a few posts talking about depression and “the funk” that can hit off and on. Thought I would tell what I’ve gone through the first 37 days because I do not think my quit is unique.
First, some background. I am not a very emotional person. I do not have a lot of anxiety outside of what Nicotine induced in my pre-quit life. I have a life full of stresses like everyone else but normally do not seem to dwell on them. I am an engineer so I donÂ’t think the artsy side of my brain works very well.
The first week of my quit was rage. Pure and simple anger hate. Had to focus it on the dip and KTC so I wouldn’t kill anyone. Around day 10 I got a huge freedom high. It felt weird to be so artificially happy, but I sure liked it. I came back down to “normal me” then days ~16-23 I was extra peppy again. I was thinking this quitting shit is just awesome.
During the last 2 weeks I have had 3 or 4 weird days of depression. It comes when something triggers a huge crave that I cannot satisfy. I am depressed because I have eliminated dip as an option in my life but my brain is telling me I need a dip. I start slipping into that self-pity mode of “This is not fair. Why do I have to suffer, craving a dip. Why won’t it just go away.” Then rational, engineer me steps in, “It’s because you put that crap in your mouth for 38 years, Dumbass!”
When the depression hits, I go for a short run, lift weights, anything to stay busy. I go to the KTC site and read what everyone else is going through, especially the day 1-7 guys gals. Then I realize that the current depression is nothing compared to what it was like just a few weeks ago. This makes me feel better because I know that it will continue to get better. I spent my entire life thinking about dip virtually every few minutes, but now I can spend several hours without a thought of dip!
I do not have to “man up” to get through the depression. I just have to hang on and try to distract myself. I just have to believe that it will get better. The KTC site is a great way to reaffirm that. When I worry that I might not be strong enough, I remember that I posted roll and I know I can be strong enough at least until tomorrow morning.
If you are depressed, you are not alone, but it will get better. Tons better.