Sitting on one full revolution around the sun...reflecting on a quit from hell
The first two weeks were just a blur, nothing but fog. Plus it took 2.5 weeks for a real "normal" vowel movement too. So yes I was absolutely full of shit then. The rest if that month was hell, but like many other weeks from hell they too were worth it. The rest of the 100 days were filled with my being a raging overly defensive asshole. No one was safe, I was ready to fight for any reason whatsoever. However, I still managed to be a dad a good citizen and a hard working guy. I helped build a new company during this time.
The next hundred were filled with many tests as well; followed by even more tests the next 100 days. My diagnosed with breast cancer, fighting with spouse, betrayal, deceit, work problems, fighting over my lat father's possessions, sickness, travel (and loads of it)...I never once felt my quit was in danger. I was an asshole dipper, the in your face kind of packing my whol lower lip full of shit, spit in your store, leave spit cups/cans everywhere. My kids just thought that was daddy...what an asshole. I would have rather been a ninja now that I look back on it. My wife is a saint there is no way around it, why she ever let me kiss her, fell in love with me or married me is a mystery to me (yeah we even have wedding photos of me dipping...asshole).
Yet here I sit, a quitter, I have no doubt that I will not dip again; though I am and always will be an addict I have tools and brothers in quit that have helped me for one year. I could just pack my bags and leave here and probably could remain quit; but I kind of like it here. I would miss the crazy uncle, the brothers, the lovely sisters and all of the others that are always willing to help a brother out when in need. A simple text, call, post it PM can really mean the difference between a cave and success. I see the path, and like the wonderful life it leads too, I will remain here until I am cured of my addiction. I now desire and honest and clean life, so I can enjoy being a father and husband that offers more good examples than bad; plus I want to have a tongue so later in life if I am blessed I can tell my grand kids stories about the silly shut their parents did.
KTC retirees, admins, mods, members and newbies thank you from the bottom of my heart. I may not be here writing this message if not for all of you,
Corey