Keep your hands up!

[Boelker62]

Haven't seen you in a while, my man. Hoping you get this.

[Wt57]

Early on in my quit I remember the feeling of accomplishment and euphoria as I realized that I would never use nicotine again. This was followed by anger and hatred for what I had done to my family and myself. Last night as I tucked my two girls into bed i was just glad.

Thank you...

Waketech 457

That's beautiful, my man.

Yes. I subscribe to this thread...

'clap' 'clap'

[Boelker62]

Early on in my quit I remember the feeling of accomplishment and euphoria as I realized that I would never use nicotine again. This was followed by anger and hatred for what I had done to my family and myself. Last night as I tucked my two girls into bed i was just glad.

Thank you...

Waketech 457

That's beautiful, my man.

Yes. I subscribe to this thread...

[waketech]

Early on in my quit I remember the feeling of accomplishment and euphoria as I realized that I would never use nicotine again. This was followed by anger and hatred for what I had done to my family and myself. Last night as I tucked my two girls into bed i was just glad.

Thank you...

Waketech 457

[Wt57]

That year is good. I still look forward to meeting up with you someday when I'm driving through. I quit with you today.

[Its_Got2Happen]

Well done Wake, keep up the great work.

[Boelker62]

I love this original post and reference it all the time. Serious.

Great work, Wake. Proud to be quit with you!

[Mike from AB]

Congrats on hitting the 1 year mark!!

[Jlud007]

Congratulations on hitting a year today!

To celebrate, you should only hand out warning tickets to speeders this week. Just sayin.

Thanks for leading the way for me and others in this site. Your guidance and support are what this site is all about. Enjoy another huge milestone today!

Grats on the one year mark Waketech!

You may not know me but I wanted to post here to illustrate one of the great things about KTC.

I am 57 Days quit today and one of my main supports early on was worktowin, who you supported early in his quit. I just think that's cool how we pass it on.

Proud to be quit with you today!

[worktowin]

Congratulations on hitting a year today!

To celebrate, you should only hand out warning tickets to speeders this week. Just sayin.

Thanks for leading the way for me and others in this site. Your guidance and support are what this site is all about. Enjoy another huge milestone today!

[worktowin]

Waketech, day 300! September 11 2012 you took your life back. Today you are marking another significant milestone.

This week I will hit 200. You sent me the first pm I received on this site. You challenged me and told me that you would be there, but not if I was weak. Without your support and firm guidance in those early days - I am not sure I would have made it to day 20. Much less day 200.

So, today I am raising a glass of a very worthy scotch in your honor. Because if you, and others like you, hadn't quit before me - I wouldn't be where I am either. Ill never catch up to you, but I'll be about 104 days behind on your heels trying to catch up!

Thank you and congratulations!

[waketech]

Thanks for caring about poor little me. I am not going to cave and didn't mean to act like a little bitch. I am QUIT and Nicotine is not an option anymore. I just hate these thoughts that enter my head every now and then. I also would never want to scare or impact someones quit negatively. Here is the only way I can explain it:

I was a prisoner once being held in a old dirty prison. Sometimes people in this prison were butt raped or killed. I decided I didn't want to be in this prison anymore. I didn't know how to escape as it was surrounded by water. I meet other prisoners that were also ready to get out as well. We had all heard stories of others, before us, that had escaped and had paved the way out. I was scared, the water was cold and I knew it was going to be tough. I took to the water to make it to the land of perfect freedom trusting what others had told me.

At first the going was tough and didn't know if I was going to make it. Things became easier, I just survived day by day and didn't think about how far I still had to go. I reached the point of no return somewhere in my journey. Being on the water is better than my best day in prison. There are good days and cold windy days. Sometimes I find myself just floating with the current, not swimming and forgetting where I am going, or where I have come from....this is when I need some help.

Am I ever going to go back? Hell no the water is great!
Is there perfect freedom? No I am an escapee and an addict.
Have I reach my destination? No-I will worry about that tomorrow.

Waketech

[Diesel2112]

I was close to this guy and was shocked when he caved.  Read his entire thread if you can.  Here is a post of the torture he went through with gum grafts, then his farewell post.

I texted him the next day after his cave and asked "was it worth it,  I'm thinking of trying it again". (Even thouh i really wasnt)  He BEGGED me not to.  Said he had nightmares,  the shakes,  could not sleep, etc...and felt like shit.  But he was battling som other problems and quitting nic was just too much for him.  You cant save everyone...but this is what happens when you glorify that "just one"

I've had 5 gum grafts (maybe more? I have honestly lost count).. they are painful as hell... they never put me to sleep when I get them.. they lay your ass back in a dentists chair under a bright ass light.. you have to keep your mouth wide open for an eternity.. after a while your jaws cramp so damn bad you have to take breaks.. they will give you a lot of numbing agent at first in the roof of your mouth and in your gums on both sides (inside  outside of your gums) because the stitches go all the way through your gums.. the first few shots are really the only ones that actually hurt, because after that it is numb.. There are several bad parts of this procedure.. my least favorite is when they cut the hunk of skin out of the roof of your mouth.. they pretty much have you blind folded and your numb as hell.. still you can tell because the dr says "open wide".. the scalpel goes into the roof of your mouth and you immediately taste blood.. because it runs into the back of your throat.. (this is one good thing about being a dipper.. we have an auto shut off back there and we can block from swallowing!) after the dr. makes the first few slices there.. eventually they have to saw the hunk of skin off  THIS IS THE PART I HATE.. your head moves with the sawing action! by this time they have already completely pulled  scraped what is left of your gums in the bottom away from your teeth as to put the newly cut piece from the roof of your mouth.. this next part irks the shit out of me.. my dr always lays the hunk of skin from the roof of my mouth on my shoulder until she is ready to put it into place.. then.. finally when she is ready.. the hunk of meat from the roof of my mouth.. it is tightly packed between my old gum (whats left of it)  my teeth.. then it is stitched into place.. with a rather large needle that goes all the way through your teeth and gums and back around to neatly sew the new hunk of gum into place.. the entire time this is happening the assistant is sucking blood from your mouth and throat with a large tube.. under the blindfold you can see massive amounts of blood going through the tube.. once were done.. a piece of plastic called a stint is placed in the roof of your mouth, to keep you from bleeding.. for the next week or so it is very soft food and eating on one side of your mouth.. very slowly and carefully not to rip anything away from the gum or hit the roof of your mouth.. you are incredibly swollen and sore for a few days..often during the 1st few nights you bleed from the roof of your mouth while sleeping and gag on bloodÂ… now just imagine being so addicted that within hours of leaving this surgeryÂ… you want to dip so badly that you put a dip into your top lip just to get your nic fix.. you have to do it just right.. any sucking action and you will unclot the roof of your mouth and bleed out like a stuck hog.. Never has a gum graft surgery ever stopped me from dipping.. only when I got tired of all the shit did I stop.. when I got tired of being a fucking slave and paying big money to be the slave. Today even though its only been 12 days.. I still want to dip a few times a day.. but you know what.. I donÂ’t have to! Gone are the days when I have a surgery and I cannot even make it through the rest of the day and I have to pack that shit into my top lip to get the fix.. tell me I am not an addict! I am totally an addict.. if you are here.. guess what?? You probably are too. Today I am so thankful.. I do not have to dip! The nic bitch has lost her fucking power today boys.. I respect the shit out of her because I know what she can do to me.. but today I say no thanks.. actually I say Fuck You and all the pain that comes with you.. I am free today! Thanks fellas! Gooch



QUOTE (mikegooch @ Aug 23, 2012, 6:29 pm) OK fellas here goes.. I really appreciate all the texts  calls.. seriously I have been as far south KY as I can go without being in TN with little phone service.. the reason I did not post this morning was I intended to use Nic in some form today and I did.. I respect you all and the site too much so I will spare you the details.. but it started with nic gum and that only worked for a while today.. I will say this I have not gone full honey badger, but still I have truly caved today...I promise I do not have anything in my mouth as I write this, I do respect you guys more than that. I lost the desire to quit days ago.. and struggled to post everyday for the past week... I knew once I posted I would not use..thats why i didnt post today.. I am sorry guys.. I don't and will not go into grave detail.. I have had a lot of addiction in my life.. Tobacco is the last one.. In the last few days I have honestly struggled with the thoughts of doing other things as well.. and I have posted several times.. if i thought really thought I was going to drink again I would use nic..I truthfully caved days ago in my mind, it just took until today to catch up.. I know the hell that is about to follow this when it hits the thread! Go ahead guys let me have it.. no matter what some of you will think or say.. I am not a failure or a sack of shit or any of the other things that I know is about to follow..and no matter what you guys say I will not believe I am a failure.. I have accomplished much in my life and over came a hell of a lot of addiction! Since quitting dip over 2 month ago.. I am pre-diabetic (all the sugar and candy I have eaten I guess?). I'm 10lbs over weight, even while working out! I have dipped more coffee than I can even say.. my gall bladder is in knots.. I still can't sleep.. and still struggle to focus.. It's no excuse but I have so much work to do and a lot of people are depending on me to get things done.. I have to be me again? I know I will want to quit again.. maybe 2 days.. maybe 2 weeks? maybe 2 months? Will I come back here? Don't know after the terrific beating you guys are about to give me.. In the recovery circles I come from we truly don't kick somebody when they are down.. And if I am truly honest I am not down, so kick away. I actually feel normal again.. The one thing i will do and be is honest.. I respect you guys more than you know..  I really thought I was tough! that's a joke! you guys that keep doing this.. you are tough.. hats off to you all.. Diesel.. Tinman.. Wastepanel..Raider.. Pave.. swede..hell Gordy even wrote my PM today..  WT you are without a doubt one bag ass quitter... Thanks boys... sorry if you feel that I let you all down.. I really hope you all can do it better than me! Signing Off - Gooch

I'm gonna add a selfish pricks thoughts on this post Diesel has bumped up here from Gooch! Sure we have got to quit for ourselves but, I can tell you I had invested a lot of care into Gooch and his quit, I cared. I talked to him several times the day he caved, I never gave him permission to cave and neither did anyone else. There was a shit storm brought down on him but he wasn't here to read it. He was too embarrassed to face us. If I remember right he was about 60 days quit and had been very active. Now for the selfish part; his cave hurt me and I think many others too because it made us realize we are all addicts. Some sages vets came out at the time and boldly said it could never happen to them. I called bullshit on them, that we are all in danger no matter how long we've been quit. Well they were right, (I love the taste of crow) as long as you post roll and keep your word you won't cave! The day Gooch caved he wouldn't post roll no matter how hard I tried to convince him to do it. He had already decided to cave.

Great insight WT. I bring all this up for Waketch. I didn't believe he would cave but just want to blow the idea of just one out of his brain.

[Wt57]

I was close to this guy and was shocked when he caved. Read his entire thread if you can. Here is a post of the torture he went through with gum grafts, then his farewell post.

I texted him the next day after his cave and asked "was it worth it, I'm thinking of trying it again". (Even thouh i really wasnt) He BEGGED me not to. Said he had nightmares, the shakes, could not sleep, etc...and felt like shit. But he was battling som other problems and quitting nic was just too much for him. You cant save everyone...but this is what happens when you glorify that "just one"

I've had 5 gum grafts (maybe more? I have honestly lost count).. they are painful as hell... they never put me to sleep when I get them.. they lay your ass back in a dentists chair under a bright ass light.. you have to keep your mouth wide open for an eternity.. after a while your jaws cramp so damn bad you have to take breaks.. they will give you a lot of numbing agent at first in the roof of your mouth and in your gums on both sides (inside  outside of your gums) because the stitches go all the way through your gums.. the first few shots are really the only ones that actually hurt, because after that it is numb.. There are several bad parts of this procedure.. my least favorite is when they cut the hunk of skin out of the roof of your mouth.. they pretty much have you blind folded and your numb as hell.. still you can tell because the dr says "open wide".. the scalpel goes into the roof of your mouth and you immediately taste blood.. because it runs into the back of your throat.. (this is one good thing about being a dipper.. we have an auto shut off back there and we can block from swallowing!) after the dr. makes the first few slices there.. eventually they have to saw the hunk of skin off  THIS IS THE PART I HATE.. your head moves with the sawing action! by this time they have already completely pulled  scraped what is left of your gums in the bottom away from your teeth as to put the newly cut piece from the roof of your mouth.. this next part irks the shit out of me.. my dr always lays the hunk of skin from the roof of my mouth on my shoulder until she is ready to put it into place.. then.. finally when she is ready.. the hunk of meat from the roof of my mouth.. it is tightly packed between my old gum (whats left of it)  my teeth.. then it is stitched into place.. with a rather large needle that goes all the way through your teeth and gums and back around to neatly sew the new hunk of gum into place.. the entire time this is happening the assistant is sucking blood from your mouth and throat with a large tube.. under the blindfold you can see massive amounts of blood going through the tube.. once were done.. a piece of plastic called a stint is placed in the roof of your mouth, to keep you from bleeding.. for the next week or so it is very soft food and eating on one side of your mouth.. very slowly and carefully not to rip anything away from the gum or hit the roof of your mouth.. you are incredibly swollen and sore for a few days..often during the 1st few nights you bleed from the roof of your mouth while sleeping and gag on bloodÂ… now just imagine being so addicted that within hours of leaving this surgeryÂ… you want to dip so badly that you put a dip into your top lip just to get your nic fix.. you have to do it just right.. any sucking action and you will unclot the roof of your mouth and bleed out like a stuck hog.. Never has a gum graft surgery ever stopped me from dipping.. only when I got tired of all the shit did I stop.. when I got tired of being a fucking slave and paying big money to be the slave. Today even though its only been 12 days.. I still want to dip a few times a day.. but you know what.. I donÂ’t have to! Gone are the days when I have a surgery and I cannot even make it through the rest of the day and I have to pack that shit into my top lip to get the fix.. tell me I am not an addict! I am totally an addict.. if you are here.. guess what?? You probably are too. Today I am so thankful.. I do not have to dip! The nic bitch has lost her fucking power today boys.. I respect the shit out of her because I know what she can do to me.. but today I say no thanks.. actually I say Fuck You and all the pain that comes with you.. I am free today! Thanks fellas! Gooch



QUOTE (mikegooch @ Aug 23, 2012, 6:29 pm) OK fellas here goes.. I really appreciate all the texts  calls.. seriously I have been as far south KY as I can go without being in TN with little phone service.. the reason I did not post this morning was I intended to use Nic in some form today and I did.. I respect you all and the site too much so I will spare you the details.. but it started with nic gum and that only worked for a while today.. I will say this I have not gone full honey badger, but still I have truly caved today...I promise I do not have anything in my mouth as I write this, I do respect you guys more than that. I lost the desire to quit days ago.. and struggled to post everyday for the past week... I knew once I posted I would not use..thats why i didnt post today.. I am sorry guys.. I don't and will not go into grave detail.. I have had a lot of addiction in my life.. Tobacco is the last one.. In the last few days I have honestly struggled with the thoughts of doing other things as well.. and I have posted several times.. if i thought really thought I was going to drink again I would use nic..I truthfully caved days ago in my mind, it just took until today to catch up.. I know the hell that is about to follow this when it hits the thread! Go ahead guys let me have it.. no matter what some of you will think or say.. I am not a failure or a sack of shit or any of the other things that I know is about to follow..and no matter what you guys say I will not believe I am a failure.. I have accomplished much in my life and over came a hell of a lot of addiction! Since quitting dip over 2 month ago.. I am pre-diabetic (all the sugar and candy I have eaten I guess?). I'm 10lbs over weight, even while working out! I have dipped more coffee than I can even say.. my gall bladder is in knots.. I still can't sleep.. and still struggle to focus.. It's no excuse but I have so much work to do and a lot of people are depending on me to get things done.. I have to be me again? I know I will want to quit again.. maybe 2 days.. maybe 2 weeks? maybe 2 months? Will I come back here? Don't know after the terrific beating you guys are about to give me.. In the recovery circles I come from we truly don't kick somebody when they are down.. And if I am truly honest I am not down, so kick away. I actually feel normal again.. The one thing i will do and be is honest.. I respect you guys more than you know..  I really thought I was tough! that's a joke! you guys that keep doing this.. you are tough.. hats off to you all.. Diesel.. Tinman.. Wastepanel..Raider.. Pave.. swede..hell Gordy even wrote my PM today..  WT you are without a doubt one bag ass quitter... Thanks boys... sorry if you feel that I let you all down.. I really hope you all can do it better than me! Signing Off - Gooch

I'm gonna add a selfish pricks thoughts on this post Diesel has bumped up here from Gooch! Sure we have got to quit for ourselves but, I can tell you I had invested a lot of care into Gooch and his quit, I cared. I talked to him several times the day he caved, I never gave him permission to cave and neither did anyone else. There was a shit storm brought down on him but he wasn't here to read it. He was too embarrassed to face us. If I remember right he was about 60 days quit and had been very active. Now for the selfish part; his cave hurt me and I think many others too because it made us realize we are all addicts. Some sages vets came out at the time and boldly said it could never happen to them. I called bullshit on them, that we are all in danger no matter how long we've been quit. Well they were right, (I love the taste of crow) as long as you post roll and keep your word you won't cave! The day Gooch caved he wouldn't post roll no matter how hard I tried to convince him to do it. He had already decided to cave.

[Boelker62]

I was close to this guy and was shocked when he caved. Read his entire thread if you can. Here is a post of the torture he went through with gum grafts, then his farewell post.

I texted him the next day after his cave and asked "was it worth it, I'm thinking of trying it again". (Even thouh i really wasnt) He BEGGED me not to. Said he had nightmares, the shakes, could not sleep, etc...and felt like shit. But he was battling som other problems and quitting nic was just too much for him. You cant save everyone...but this is what happens when you glorify that "just one"

I've had 5 gum grafts (maybe more? I have honestly lost count).. they are painful as hell... they never put me to sleep when I get them.. they lay your ass back in a dentists chair under a bright ass light.. you have to keep your mouth wide open for an eternity.. after a while your jaws cramp so damn bad you have to take breaks.. they will give you a lot of numbing agent at first in the roof of your mouth and in your gums on both sides (inside  outside of your gums) because the stitches go all the way through your gums.. the first few shots are really the only ones that actually hurt, because after that it is numb.. There are several bad parts of this procedure.. my least favorite is when they cut the hunk of skin out of the roof of your mouth.. they pretty much have you blind folded and your numb as hell.. still you can tell because the dr says "open wide".. the scalpel goes into the roof of your mouth and you immediately taste blood.. because it runs into the back of your throat.. (this is one good thing about being a dipper.. we have an auto shut off back there and we can block from swallowing!) after the dr. makes the first few slices there.. eventually they have to saw the hunk of skin off  THIS IS THE PART I HATE.. your head moves with the sawing action! by this time they have already completely pulled  scraped what is left of your gums in the bottom away from your teeth as to put the newly cut piece from the roof of your mouth.. this next part irks the shit out of me.. my dr always lays the hunk of skin from the roof of my mouth on my shoulder until she is ready to put it into place.. then.. finally when she is ready.. the hunk of meat from the roof of my mouth.. it is tightly packed between my old gum (whats left of it)  my teeth.. then it is stitched into place.. with a rather large needle that goes all the way through your teeth and gums and back around to neatly sew the new hunk of gum into place.. the entire time this is happening the assistant is sucking blood from your mouth and throat with a large tube.. under the blindfold you can see massive amounts of blood going through the tube.. once were done.. a piece of plastic called a stint is placed in the roof of your mouth, to keep you from bleeding.. for the next week or so it is very soft food and eating on one side of your mouth.. very slowly and carefully not to rip anything away from the gum or hit the roof of your mouth.. you are incredibly swollen and sore for a few days..often during the 1st few nights you bleed from the roof of your mouth while sleeping and gag on bloodÂ… now just imagine being so addicted that within hours of leaving this surgeryÂ… you want to dip so badly that you put a dip into your top lip just to get your nic fix.. you have to do it just right.. any sucking action and you will unclot the roof of your mouth and bleed out like a stuck hog.. Never has a gum graft surgery ever stopped me from dipping.. only when I got tired of all the shit did I stop.. when I got tired of being a fucking slave and paying big money to be the slave. Today even though its only been 12 days.. I still want to dip a few times a day.. but you know what.. I donÂ’t have to! Gone are the days when I have a surgery and I cannot even make it through the rest of the day and I have to pack that shit into my top lip to get the fix.. tell me I am not an addict! I am totally an addict.. if you are here.. guess what?? You probably are too. Today I am so thankful.. I do not have to dip! The nic bitch has lost her fucking power today boys.. I respect the shit out of her because I know what she can do to me.. but today I say no thanks.. actually I say Fuck You and all the pain that comes with you.. I am free today! Thanks fellas! Gooch



QUOTE (mikegooch @ Aug 23, 2012, 6:29 pm) OK fellas here goes.. I really appreciate all the texts  calls.. seriously I have been as far south KY as I can go without being in TN with little phone service.. the reason I did not post this morning was I intended to use Nic in some form today and I did.. I respect you all and the site too much so I will spare you the details.. but it started with nic gum and that only worked for a while today.. I will say this I have not gone full honey badger, but still I have truly caved today...I promise I do not have anything in my mouth as I write this, I do respect you guys more than that. I lost the desire to quit days ago.. and struggled to post everyday for the past week... I knew once I posted I would not use..thats why i didnt post today.. I am sorry guys.. I don't and will not go into grave detail.. I have had a lot of addiction in my life.. Tobacco is the last one.. In the last few days I have honestly struggled with the thoughts of doing other things as well.. and I have posted several times.. if i thought really thought I was going to drink again I would use nic..I truthfully caved days ago in my mind, it just took until today to catch up.. I know the hell that is about to follow this when it hits the thread! Go ahead guys let me have it.. no matter what some of you will think or say.. I am not a failure or a sack of shit or any of the other things that I know is about to follow..and no matter what you guys say I will not believe I am a failure.. I have accomplished much in my life and over came a hell of a lot of addiction! Since quitting dip over 2 month ago.. I am pre-diabetic (all the sugar and candy I have eaten I guess?). I'm 10lbs over weight, even while working out! I have dipped more coffee than I can even say.. my gall bladder is in knots.. I still can't sleep.. and still struggle to focus.. It's no excuse but I have so much work to do and a lot of people are depending on me to get things done.. I have to be me again? I know I will want to quit again.. maybe 2 days.. maybe 2 weeks? maybe 2 months? Will I come back here? Don't know after the terrific beating you guys are about to give me.. In the recovery circles I come from we truly don't kick somebody when they are down.. And if I am truly honest I am not down, so kick away. I actually feel normal again.. The one thing i will do and be is honest.. I respect you guys more than you know..  I really thought I was tough! that's a joke! you guys that keep doing this.. you are tough.. hats off to you all.. Diesel.. Tinman.. Wastepanel..Raider.. Pave.. swede..hell Gordy even wrote my PM today..  WT you are without a doubt one bag ass quitter... Thanks boys... sorry if you feel that I let you all down.. I really hope you all can do it better than me! Signing Off - Gooch

fuuuuuck all that shit. I've had other substance abuse problems. Nicotine is the worst of them all.