My Quit

[miles]

Day 177 and let me tell you, I've had a rough couple of days. Felt like I was in a funk. I'm the type of guy who is all calm and collected on the outside but internally I am all fucked up sometimes. Seems like every time a funk comes, I get emotionally fucked up for a few days but it doesn't stay long. Is everyone else kinda half-fucked up or is it just me? I probably need to see a damn therapist.

This bears repeating though: I love dip rage! I was in traffic yesterday and rolled my window down to tell someone to get fucked. I don't recommend you do this unless you are prepared for fistucuffs or exchanging gunfire. Definitely stay in your car. I am already an asshole when it comes to dealing with traffic and dip rage will max my asshole meter out to an 11. I will choke slam your grandma if she is fucking up traffic in my vicinty and I will feel bad afterward. After the release of my hatred for someone else's dumbassery and stupidity, I feel awesome for at least a day though. It's that release..maybe I do need to see a therapist.

I believe I'm developing a bit of a crush on you, Miles.

I saw this coming from a Miles away.

Haha..I used to get asked how many Miles I can run...good times.

I'm taken Per...sorry :wub:

[miles]

Thanks Dean. I feel deep down like I still want a dip. As much as I hate nicotine now, I still have this nagging sensation to go buy a can and say fuck it. This is where I win. I've already said "I ain't caving today!" so it's pointless now for me to dwell on it. It's those days in the funk that make me really hate myself for dipping in the first place. There are no take backs, only takeaways. The nic bitch took a lot of my money, time and attention. She'll try and take your life if you let her. Fuck her.

On a side note, I told a random stranger that he was gonna die a horrible fucking death if he keeps dipping that shit. This guy was packing a can, climbing in his truck at the store a couple of weeks ago. He just looked at me like I was a pinko commie fag and drove off. I used to be that guy. Fuck me.

[DeanTheCoot]

Miles: Let me share the following with you. It's something I wrote in my group on my day 163 - close enough to your 177 to merit a connection, methinks.

The point of the following is twofold:

1. To show solidarity and familiarity...to show that I, too, was trounced with funk

2. To show that a funk doesn't matter at all. It can be beaten. I am on day 891 now. The funks STILL come. I beat them. You will, too, so long as you have balls.


"WHY does quitting need to be so fucking hard? Honest to God.

You bet your ass...waaaaaaaaaah. I am whining. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

But I do not care. I don't care which of my quit brothers are THA MAN who have this shit beaten...snapped up by the scruff of the neck and slaughtered.

I want to have a dip right now. I want to be possessed and owned by tobacco. I want to spit Skoal juice all over my dick and balls, add some kerosene, and set my jock on fire. All to distract myself from the fact that I have been quit for 163 days and still want to gut spit for a half hour and then puke into my keyboard.

Fuck it/you/your mom/everything. I will whine whine whine. And if you judge me or make fun of me or say I am weak, your ancestors will burn in eternal hellfire.

Whining is better than caving. So lick my penis head.

I also kinda want to shit in my pants right now, just for the fuck of it."

[Souliman]

Day 177 and let me tell you, I've had a rough couple of days. Felt like I was in a funk. I'm the type of guy who is all calm and collected on the outside but internally I am all fucked up sometimes. Seems like every time a funk comes, I get emotionally fucked up for a few days but it doesn't stay long. Is everyone else kinda half-fucked up or is it just me? I probably need to see a damn therapist.

This bears repeating though: I love dip rage! I was in traffic yesterday and rolled my window down to tell someone to get fucked. I don't recommend you do this unless you are prepared for fistucuffs or exchanging gunfire. Definitely stay in your car. I am already an asshole when it comes to dealing with traffic and dip rage will max my asshole meter out to an 11. I will choke slam your grandma if she is fucking up traffic in my vicinty and I will feel bad afterward. After the release of my hatred for someone else's dumbassery and stupidity, I feel awesome for at least a day though. It's that release..maybe I do need to see a therapist.

I believe I'm developing a bit of a crush on you, Miles.

I saw this coming from a Miles away.

[per034]

Day 177 and let me tell you, I've had a rough couple of days. Felt like I was in a funk. I'm the type of guy who is all calm and collected on the outside but internally I am all fucked up sometimes. Seems like every time a funk comes, I get emotionally fucked up for a few days but it doesn't stay long. Is everyone else kinda half-fucked up or is it just me? I probably need to see a damn therapist.

This bears repeating though: I love dip rage! I was in traffic yesterday and rolled my window down to tell someone to get fucked. I don't recommend you do this unless you are prepared for fistucuffs or exchanging gunfire. Definitely stay in your car. I am already an asshole when it comes to dealing with traffic and dip rage will max my asshole meter out to an 11. I will choke slam your grandma if she is fucking up traffic in my vicinty and I will feel bad afterward. After the release of my hatred for someone else's dumbassery and stupidity, I feel awesome for at least a day though. It's that release..maybe I do need to see a therapist.

I believe I'm developing a bit of a crush on you, Miles.

[Souliman]

Day 177 and let me tell you, I've had a rough couple of days. Felt like I was in a funk. I'm the type of guy who is all calm and collected on the outside but internally I am all fucked up sometimes. Seems like every time a funk comes, I get emotionally fucked up for a few days but it doesn't stay long. Is everyone else kinda half-fucked up or is it just me? I probably need to see a damn therapist.

This bears repeating though: I love dip rage! I was in traffic yesterday and rolled my window down to tell someone to get fucked. I don't recommend you do this unless you are prepared for fistucuffs or exchanging gunfire. Definitely stay in your car. I am already an asshole when it comes to dealing with traffic and dip rage will max my asshole meter out to an 11. I will choke slam your grandma if she is fucking up traffic in my vicinty and I will feel bad afterward. After the release of my hatred for someone else's dumbassery and stupidity, I feel awesome for at least a day though. It's that release..maybe I do need to see a therapist.

Dip rage is for weeding the world of the weak. Do your part - pound a weenie into the pavement.

Good quitting brother. It may be a funk, but how FUNKY is it?

[J2b]

Day 177 and let me tell you, I've had a rough couple of days. Felt like I was in a funk. I'm the type of guy who is all calm and collected on the outside but internally I am all fucked up sometimes. Seems like every time a funk comes, I get emotionally fucked up for a few days but it doesn't stay long. Is everyone else kinda half-fucked up or is it just me? I probably need to see a damn therapist.

This bears repeating though: I love dip rage! I was in traffic yesterday and rolled my window down to tell someone to get fucked. I don't recommend you do this unless you are prepared for fistucuffs or exchanging gunfire. Definitely stay in your car. I am already an asshole when it comes to dealing with traffic and dip rage will max my asshole meter out to an 11. I will choke slam your grandma if she is fucking up traffic in my vicinty and I will feel bad afterward. After the release of my hatred for someone else's dumbassery and stupidity, I feel awesome for at least a day though. It's that release..maybe I do need to see a therapist.

We should go driving sometime. There would be a trail of bodies.

fuck crackerjack license holders.

Be glad you dont have to drive in an area that sees a lot of snow/ice. it brings the full retard out of folks. 'bang head'

[miles]

Day 177 and let me tell you, I've had a rough couple of days. Felt like I was in a funk. I'm the type of guy who is all calm and collected on the outside but internally I am all fucked up sometimes. Seems like every time a funk comes, I get emotionally fucked up for a few days but it doesn't stay long. Is everyone else kinda half-fucked up or is it just me? I probably need to see a damn therapist.

This bears repeating though: I love dip rage! I was in traffic yesterday and rolled my window down to tell someone to get fucked. I don't recommend you do this unless you are prepared for fistucuffs or exchanging gunfire. Definitely stay in your car. I am already an asshole when it comes to dealing with traffic and dip rage will max my asshole meter out to an 11. I will choke slam your grandma if she is fucking up traffic in my vicinty and I will feel bad afterward. After the release of my hatred for someone else's dumbassery and stupidity, I feel awesome for at least a day though. It's that release..maybe I do need to see a therapist.

[Kdip]

Miles, I didn't know you had a wreck on your bike! I had a bitch make a left turn in front of me last fall and my bike was totalled. Fortunately I too was sering a helmet. IT was destroyed but did its job. Lots of road rash because I was wearing a t shirt. I now treat my riding safety like I protect my quit!!! I now wear an armored jacket all the time and wear riding pants most of the time. Like you say you can't let your guard down on your quit or your riding. One screw up and you're toast.

[miles]

Been a while since I posted to my intro thread. My bike is fixed and I'm back on the road with no serious injuries. Thanks to those that inquired. I should have recognized the danger sooner..dumbass me :)

Here I am at day 87 and let me tell you this has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. I had stretches of hell scattered between day 18 and today but this site and my fellow quitters have kept me on the straight and narrow. The late 60's and most of the 70's SUCKED for me.

This quit IS life or death for me. Even after I quit, I will still have to worry about cancer. I didn't realize I was an addict for a long time. I remember thinking 'I can quit this anytime, I just don't want to'. Sure, I can quit this anytime but I AM an addict and always will be. The next step was anger. I was really pissed at myself for essentially throwing away good years of my life. Fuck! How foolish I was to even start dipping.

Here is a recap of my quit so far. This is just my experience and it feels good to write this shit down...reinforces my quit:

The first few days were pure hell - The suck, fog, hated life, hated myself

I went through several weeks of coasting, I won't call it easy but it seemed like the craves were muted and didn't last long.

Around day 40 I had a few days of serious cravings and really spit a lot of seeds and drank mucho water. Stayed on the site a lot to help as well.

Around day 45 - 65 things were back to coasting with muted craves every now and then but nothing serious.

The late 60's and all of the 70's felt like week one to me. I was starting to have my doubts and had to seriously gut-check to get through it. Big thanks to Reb  Husker. They don't know what they did to help a brother but I do.

80's so far have been pretty good and I'm starting to get excited about the prospect of hitting the HOF. I realize that there really is no end game in my quit other than death but I will gladly celebrate milestones as I reach them.

Here are things that have helped me and will probably help others:

1) Get involved in your group, this has really helped me stay motivated and made me more accountable.
2) Take it one day at a time - I read this every day on here and it is soooo true.
3) Evaluate your triggers and create plans to deal with them. Plan for the worst day you could imagine.
4) Collect phone numbers. I'm so proud of all my quit friends for trading numbers with me and raising my accountability bar up another notch
5) Post roll every day and repeat. This is the foundation of accountability that KTC is based on.

I'm proud to be a member of this community and look forward to each day quit.

Sorry for the book...

[miles]

Complacent -

Day 18 and I'm feeling strong in the quit department. Some dumbass whore on a cell phone ran me off the road on my motorcycle last night so I'm a little fucked up but will live - some road rash and I'll need to buy another helmet. ATGATT (All The Gear All The Time). I'm a little down about my bike being fucked up but grateful to be alive. I got complacent with my 'street strategies' and now I'm paying for it. This applies to quitting as well. If you get complacent in your quit, you will pay for it and it could cost you your life.

[ninereasons]

Day 6 and my first weekend is in the rearview. I think the crave monster didn't bother messing with me this weekend because he knows I'm finished.

Someone might ask how I could be so confident about quitting after only 6 days. If you can make it through one day QUIT, you can make through the rest of your days QUIT. I look forward to quitting again tomorrow!

Hang in there my fellow quitters!

You're doing great Miles. Stay quit.

[miles]

Day 6 and my first weekend is in the rearview. I think the crave monster didn't bother messing with me this weekend because he knows I'm finished.

Someone might ask how I could be so confident about quitting after only 6 days. If you can make it through one day QUIT, you can make through the rest of your days QUIT. I look forward to quitting again tomorrow!

Hang in there my fellow quitters!

[jcook]

Thanks for the replies and kind words. Things are going pretty good. I don't have too many craves except around 7:00pm at night, after dinner. Sunflower seeds are working as something to keep my mind off of the nicotine during the day. I have been a little on edge but not too bad. I've been going to bed at 9:00-9:30 and sleeping like a damn rock other than getting up to piss about twice a night because of all the water I've been drinking.

No regrets. No more late night trips to the store to get a can of cocaine. No more spitting brown shit in a coke bottle. No more feeling guilty everytime I look at my kid....

This quit is the best thing for me and I am embracing it one day at a time.

Sounds like you've got it. You are thinking! You know you. You know when your triggers will come. You are doing the smart thing and planning for them. I'm like you, I never had an issue sleeping, I guess I was lucky that way. I was so used to staying up till 1:00am to get that last dip. I'm more healthy now just because I've slept better the past 3 months. Keep it up dude, you are doing great!

[miles]

Thanks for the replies and kind words. Things are going pretty good. I don't have too many craves except around 7:00pm at night, after dinner. Sunflower seeds are working as something to keep my mind off of the nicotine during the day. I have been a little on edge but not too bad. I've been going to bed at 9:00-9:30 and sleeping like a damn rock other than getting up to piss about twice a night because of all the water I've been drinking.

No regrets. No more late night trips to the store to get a can of cocaine. No more spitting brown shit in a coke bottle. No more feeling guilty everytime I look at my kid....

This quit is the best thing for me and I am embracing it one day at a time.