I have been quit for 567 days. Is there strength in that number? Perhaps? Perhaps not though. The only day that matter is still today.
I hear a lot of talk about not needing to post roll anymore. After all I really don't crave much anymore, roll is a hassle, don't really need the site, my quit is really strong, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. I hear this talk not only around here but also in my own head.
I recognize these words, (and thoughts) for what they are. That is, the whispers of the nic bitch. She doesn't care about your day count. If I were to ever step away from the site I would do so with the full knowledge that I am choosing to remove my armor. I sure don't see that happening anytime soon.
Even just yesterday for a about 2 seconds the thought of dipping crossed my mind. I thought the following,
"I am off work for the next 4 days, ahhhhh, I could get some dip, and really blaze through all this yardwork that I have to do. I could just use this weekend and pitch it again on Monday".
WTF, where do these thoughts come from at 567 days quit? If this occurred and I had not posted roll, I may be in trouble. If this occurred and I not been on the site in weeks or months, I may be in trouble. If this occurred and I had somehow forgotten I was at addict, I may in trouble. Damn, I am glad I have this site and these friends who I commit to each day. This is why I am here. No more nicotine. No fucking way. It was way to much work to get here and I have too much at stake. This armor is staying on.
By the way 25 lawn bags full of yard waste. NO DIP. Just a bag of seeds. 'na na' Fuck you nicotine, I win.
Ryan