Happy Anniversary Eve!
Hope she is feeling better soon.
For reflection and to help the new guys out... Would you take a minute to describe the pride you feel today given what tomorrow is on your calendar? When a new addict joins this great site it is hard to believe that it will get better. To believe that brighter days really are ahead. What does freedom feel / look like?
Funny thing is today is technically my 1 year. I intentionally omitted my first day for Veteran's Day. I needed perspective and realizing that there are so many people out there doing or did harder things kept me focused.
I was ninja dipper, but my wife knew I was chewing and she didn't like it one bit. So like most addicts, I would sneak. I had a whole fucking game that i played in my mind. Where I was getting away with something. Deep down I knew it was BS. My wife can smell a mouse fart from 1,000 yards and dumb ass me opening up a can at 10pm down stairs wasn't fooling her. Nor was opening the same can at 5am the next morning.
Today I am a different person. I've gone through the suck and other transition milestones (not Caitlyn Jennings type transition, but being a quitter). I think the hardest adjustment was giving up my "buddy". That fucking little round bastard was there with me for a lot of years. Looking back on it, that "buddy" caused more grief than it was worth.
Once you truly decide to quit and let it be it; you gain so much freedom. I no longer try to find ways to be alone or push off being with my family. I'm honest and seem to hold myself and others accountable now (I think I didn't before because I knew I was being a hypocrite). It wasn't easy, but nothing really worth it ever is. I believe that anyone can do it if they stick to it. Posting roll and building a web of accountability helps greatly.
Thank you to all who have supported me. My family also thanks you.
