Hi there, My name is Spike. I am 37 years old. I've been chewing since I was 15. I played baseball the older kids did it and the coach let us. What a dickface coach.
I guess my official quit day was Sunday Nov 17th. but I went Saturday afternoon and night w/o any pinches. (this was after saturday morning was spent collecting empty cans, and getting every last bit left out of all my empty's to give me a couple last dips)
I have been happily married for 12 years, have 2 kids and 1 on the way. My first 2 kids are ages 12 10. They have lived with the stench, the spit cans and the look before you drink approach all their life. I told them it was called "yucky stuff" when they were babies, and they still refer to it as Dad's Yucky Stuff.
Since Sunday when I decided to join the community, I have had some very troubling times. All mental nothing crazy, but holy shit I feel like I'm on crack and everything is super intense. I do shit without realizing. (It was trash day today, I go to take out the trash and I had already done it) Anger, Depression, Nausea, all in 10 minutes then another intense cycle. I barely remember shit, and been going through life feeling like I'm drunk or hungover. When I talk to people their voice seems louder and kind of surreal.
But a BIG THANK YOU to the members of this community who have already reached out and extended help and time and well wishes. After lurking for a few days, and telling myself "after this can" I tried to join the community and could not figure anything out on Sunday. I posted and tweeted my anger and frustration. When I got online in a rage, trying for 30 minutes dip free just to post, and when I finally posted I told the community "how fucking stupid this system and site was" Calling the forums "Junk".
Then I recieved messages from a few people and they were very encouraging and positive. I got very emotional that this community cared for me, and told me the shit I needed to hear. I was forced to come back to the forums to read the post sent to me. Which led me to reading more post, and some HOF letters. I was in tears reading your stories. This was a place I need to be right now. Someone who understands.
My wife quit smoking like it was no big deal. She told me not to go cold turkey, cause Im driving her crazy. She keeps saying shit like mind over matter, calm down. Shes right, but she says it in this tone, like I'm weak. This quit IS KICKING MY ASS, Does it have more power over me then a nice Fine Cut Cope/Long Cut Grizzly cocktail? Right now it does. $3 and a stroll down to the gas station, and everything is back to normal right? Not this time. I want normal to be me not thinking about a chew, not needing one. Chew was my patch. If I was awake for 16 hours in a day, I had a dip in 12 of those hours. Constant nicotine......I won't be nics bitch anymore, I'll be this quits bitch. Honestly I try and get off on all these feelings and emotions. Like I'm experimenting with some new drug. It's crazy.
That's enough, I had patience to write this much, I feel good. Please keep the Good Vibes streaming my way, and I hope I can do the same one day.