Here I sit, broken hearted, tried to shi.... wait a second. Oops, other speech. So there I was, on the corner, at truck stops, joe's bar & grille....I was doing unspeakable things to get my fix. To hide it from my family and coworkers I wouldn't just put in a top lipper, no! I was doing it between my toes, the underside of my eyelids, even in my ass. Wait a second, that's not it either....
So as you can see, I'm a bit of strange individual to say the least. Putting up a defense mechanism of humor has always been my specialty. In order to cope with life and all the bullshit it can throw your way, humor allows me to deflect and make sense of it all. But there was always something else there lurking in the shadows helping me through my day, that easily attainable, ever so illustrious dead plant in a can. I really did LOVE dipping. It was so easy to get as a 13 year old, and even easier to hide from my parents all those years. Hell, I just told my parents almost 100 days ago, exactly when I first started dipping. It broke my mom's heart. Twas not my intention, I pride myself on being a man of honesty. Too much so at times. But this has been something I've been lying to my family about for 23 years. Yes, they have known that I've been dipping for quite some time now, that hasn't been a secret. But, they didn't know I had started that early. It's not that they are bad parents or anything like that, hell no! I was crafty, and knew how to sneak that ol' can of kodiak out of the house in my sock or in my wasteline to go ride my quad through the woods with a fat lipper in. Damn, I miss those days, honestly. I loved the feeling of having a big ol' chew in my mouth and hauling ass through the woods on my quad. But, such things are not meant to last. As for my wife and kids, I never hid it around them. They knew I dipped and I didn't care. At least until my 6 year old daughter wanted to see inside my can of chew and asked what it was. That was it, lightbulb moment.
For if I continued on the path of stuffing my face with a disgusting cancerous plant, there's a great chance that my fate would be the same as those we read about right here on this site (and still could be). So many others have walked the same path, some have quit this addiction, some have not. Out of those two categories, some have lived a very fruitful life, and some have not. Whether you quit or not, there is no guarantee that you will escape the number of side effects known from dipping. But why risk it? Why keep jumping out of that C-130 hoping your parachute opens up every time if you don't have to? The tools are right here to help you get through this, damnit, use them! But, if you haven't done yourself the favor of checking out the ETERNAL QUITTERS forum, please do so. The forum is the sad reminder/tragedy of what happens when you become an addict to cancer in a can/pouch. The guys on there are the main reason for my quit. For if the thought of dying from this shit doesn't scare you enough, I don't know what will.
As I mentioned earlier, I'm a strange individual. But, more than that, I AM AN ADDICT. And thankfully by the grace of God, I stumbled across this site and found other Addicts, like me. I'm no longer an individual, I am a part of group, a team, a brotherhood that is known as KTC, The BMFer's of Quit, and so much more. No lie, feels a lot like the military. For so many people of all sorts of different backgrounds to come together for a common goal, and endure in what is known as THE SUCK. Can't remember a whole lot from the first few weeks of my quit, more of a blur for me and that of a raging asshole to my family. So after 20 something days, I looked for a support group, this support group, and found it. I've embraced every aspect of it, some would say to a fault. I've apologized to many individuals on here for my "take no prisoners" attitude, but when it comes to life and death, there is no room for the messy gray area. Just know, I mean no disrespect, and it's not personal, I want to see all of you alive! The world is a much better place with you in it, do what it takes to WUPP EDD, it has helped soooooo many! The proof is here, ON THIS SITE!!!
Without further ado, I am so proud to hit 100 days, nicotine/ tobacco free! It's a wonderful number, one that I have been looking forward to since joining KTC. Now that I'm here, of course I'm looking forward to hitting 200. But as we all know, we do it round' here ODAAT. And I'm so proud and honored to be doing it with ALL of you, that is why I dedicate this 100th day to all of you. Now the first night on here after registering I received PM's from both Hilltop and Enuffsnuff (GO BUCKS) asking me if I was ready to take the red pill and see how far the rabbit hole goes, FUCKIN A RIGHT I DO!!! I've been red pilled ever since, and for them, I am thankful. As mentioned earlier, I am extremely grateful for the Eternal Quitters and the legends that they leave behind, thank you men, RIP. And in no particular order, I am thankful for the love and support of Bonediddly, FishFlorida, Samrs, Batdad, Skidwilly (GO BUCKS), Zeus, Srains, Foodbuzz, Nybowhunter, Athan, Skolvikings, Numb, Chris2Alaska, KodiakDeath, NoMark, Sand44, Epistrophius, Bags, Andrewaxp86, Capsfan, ChrisF, Clary245, Datrill, dipperjoe, dml_grizz, Erik17, ES, Good2go, Hobbierobots, Hoffaman, Hoosierswin523, Jade, Kerbycl9, Longbow66, Mayfly, MikeWK, Rjtracy, TheWolf89, BMFer's, Dawgs, AW, Rick Jr, Delahunt, Stricchr, and all the other Vets and newbies who fuel and strengthen my quit!
I love you all.
Without you, none of this is possible.
Without wax,
BMFer of April 2019
Steve
