Me Briefly

[EXBEARHAG]

As this pandemic spreads and we get busier and busier and the stress and hours build, I can hear the bitch SCREAMING.  These are the times when I used to really lean on the nic crutch.  I'm good but please keep your eyes and ears on for me in the next several weeks.  This will be my biggest challenge thus far. 

Holding the line.

~HAG

[BrianG]

In an attempt to not only write when I'm in the suck, I thought I'd relate how the weekend went for me.  My wife left Thursday for 5 days away from home.  She travels several times a year.  In the past, this was the perfect time for me to cave on my quit.  It has happened multiple times over the years.  I stop for several days or weeks...wife away from home= good excuse for me to cave due to the stress of managing life plus 4 kiddos on my own.  This happened enough that, for the last several years, my wife would avoid traveling (to the best of her ability) if I had an active quit/stop going.  She'd actually tell me that she would not go b/c she did not want me to cave.  I'd reassure her and cave anyway.  WHAT A DOUCHE!!

To add to the fun, I spent ~8hrs in the car Saturday alone, driving the kids to various hockey and lacrosse commitments all over the east coast.  I had cravings...it crossed my mind...It sucked at times...I had to lean on my daily text buddies but I made it through.  There is no doubt in my mind that I would have caved without KTC. 

Anyone can not do something for a day.  I've not used nicotine, a substance to which I am EXTREMELY addicted, one day at a time, for 233 days in a row.  Not a chance I could have done this without all of you in my corner. 

LURKERS- If you want to quit.  If you are tired of the guilt, the embarrassment, the fear of a devastating diagnosis.  STOP!!  Post roll.  If I can do this, you can.  Pull the trigger...NOW.

Celebrate those wins!!  You did what every guy who has caved didnt...reached out to your contacts and pushed through.  Here is to better days ahead!!
 

[EXBEARHAG]

In an attempt to not only write when I'm in the suck, I thought I'd relate how the weekend went for me.  My wife left Thursday for 5 days away from home.  She travels several times a year.  In the past, this was the perfect time for me to cave on my quit.  It has happened multiple times over the years.  I stop for several days or weeks...wife away from home= good excuse for me to cave due to the stress of managing life plus 4 kiddos on my own.  This happened enough that, for the last several years, my wife would avoid traveling (to the best of her ability) if I had an active quit/stop going.  She'd actually tell me that she would not go b/c she did not want me to cave.  I'd reassure her and cave anyway.  WHAT A DOUCHE!!

To add to the fun, I spent ~8hrs in the car Saturday alone, driving the kids to various hockey and lacrosse commitments all over the east coast.  I had cravings...it crossed my mind...It sucked at times...I had to lean on my daily text buddies but I made it through.  There is no doubt in my mind that I would have caved without KTC. 

Anyone can not do something for a day.  I've not used nicotine, a substance to which I am EXTREMELY addicted, one day at a time, for 233 days in a row.  Not a chance I could have done this without all of you in my corner. 

LURKERS- If you want to quit.  If you are tired of the guilt, the embarrassment, the fear of a devastating diagnosis.  STOP!!  Post roll.  If I can do this, you can.  Pull the trigger...NOW.

[olcpo]

DAY 225

Sometimes I think I just can't do my life anymore without my crutch.  I take it off the table every morning.  I've made the decision not to use today, as I have for the previous 224 days, but it's always right there.  Whispering.  Urging.  It's not as persistent or painful as it was in the beginning, but it's still there.  It amazes me how tenacious this addiction is.  Multiple times a day the nic bitch tells me that whatever it is that I'm doing, it would be better/more fun/more manageable/less stressful/etc with a dip.  I can't seem to stop these micro-second reminders of my past life.   It's taxing and weighs on me greatly.  My greatest fear is that it begins to affect my family more than it already has. 

I know I can't go back.  I've decided that the next time I put a dip in my mouth, I better be ready for the consequences.  I'm not ready to die.  I've tried not to look over my shoulder.  I know there is nothing for me back there.  Considering what I just wrote, it should not be so hard to swat those urges away and tell the bitch to F off.  At this point, most times I can.  But there are times when it lingers.  I obsess over it and it owns me for a period of time.  These times make me question my motivations = door cracked for the bitch.

I'd like to end this rant with some positive words of encouragement, as I usually do, but I'm not feeling it today.  I made my promise this morning so I'm not concerned about a cave.  I intend to rush to the site first thing tomorrow to make my promise so I don't have an option for tomorrow as well.  I'm quit and intend to stay that way.  I "enjoyed" this addiction for years (fucked up use of words considering I "enjoyed" something that was killing me) and it's time to pay the piper.  I will serve my penance and push through.  Thank God I have you folks to lead me and help me down the path.  Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my sisters and brothers.

PTBQWYT my friends.

@EXBEARHAG
Hang in there brother. The waves come and go but our routines see us through the hard times. The light at the end of the tunnel will be getting so much brighter soon. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and before long these feelings will be a memory. Use your tools and most importantly don't be afraid to reach out to fellow quitters and talk. It is amazing how conversations with fellow quitters recharge the quit tank. Check your messages.

You took the words right out of my mouth HAG.  This is what I am feeling and experiencing too.  I can't keep the thoughts out of my head and I wonder if I can keep going.
You motivate a lot of us.  Thanks for being honest and sharing how you are feeling.

Thanks Red.  Writing my feelings out has been amazingly therapeutic for me.  After writing yesterday, i had a great conversation with my wife and spent a couple hours reading the early pages of @walterwhite "s Intro.  It recharged me.  I'm realizing I'm right where I should be...Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.  I have to be patient.  I have to actively try to see the good/fun in things instead of dwelling on something I NEED to move on from.  Maybe I need to change my life a bit.  Easier said than done...

The truth is, at this point I guess I'm having more good days than bad.  The good days are not reflected in this intro section but they are there.  I'm going to try to change some things up.  Today is a new day.  I can quit for today.  I'm proud to be quit.  Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Hag...

Thanks for putting your experience out there for all of us... it helps more than you know to see someone fighting the same fight.  I really like your response to your negative self.  I also find myself getting down, fighting daily to be positive.  Then some days I will step back and realize how far I’ve come.  One thing that is hard to wrap my head around is how much this addiction has conditioned our bodies, and brains.  Quitting is not for the weak that’s for sure.

Change your mindset…change your life.  What do you think will be easier?  Having to do something or WANTING and EXCITED about doing something.  Quitting is freaking hard.  It is the biggest mind game I have ever done.  Just when you think you got this…it comes crashing down.  If you are excited about quitting.  If you HATE nicotine with a passion.  Quitting is so much easier. 

Keep writing your thoughts out.  I really enjoyed reading and understood your thought process.  You are not alone.  One day you will forget all about your struggles.  You will be able to reread your introductions so that you will never forget!

It does get better…so much better.  Just keep quitting ODAAT and anything is possible.

Proud to quit with you today.  Let me know if you ever need anything.

Great advice @walterwhite .  I know what you say is truth but seeing it through has been challenging for me at times.  I'm content, though...for the moment anyway.  I'm doing enough!  I need to make some changes to my life; need to find pleasure in other things and be more grateful for the blessed life I lead.  But I'm convinced this too will happen in time.  Until then, WUPP EEDD (Early Every Damn Day), strengthen my quit by supporting others, and learn as much as I can about our enemy.  That's my plan....until the next time I get swallowed by the funk and we have to do this all over again.

When I was in a funk I would always go for a run.  During that run I would keep my thoughts positive.  I would tell myself that today might not be a great but tomorrow WILL be.  You can either live your life wallowing in self-pity or you can start believing in yourself and make things happen.  Successful people make things happen.  Use how you quit nicotine to help you with other things in your life you want to improve.  ODAAT works for everything.  Today is a great day.

Wow! This what makes KTC Work! The nuts and bolts of the Quit. I sincerely appreciate you all sharing this. Kinda like a handful of gravel under a slipping tire, traction to make it up the hill, that little extra confimation that we are not alone and it CAN BE DONE. "ODAAT Works For Everything" Love It. Thanks! PTQWYT

[walterwhite]

DAY 225

Sometimes I think I just can't do my life anymore without my crutch.  I take it off the table every morning.  I've made the decision not to use today, as I have for the previous 224 days, but it's always right there.  Whispering.  Urging.  It's not as persistent or painful as it was in the beginning, but it's still there.  It amazes me how tenacious this addiction is.  Multiple times a day the nic bitch tells me that whatever it is that I'm doing, it would be better/more fun/more manageable/less stressful/etc with a dip.  I can't seem to stop these micro-second reminders of my past life.   It's taxing and weighs on me greatly.  My greatest fear is that it begins to affect my family more than it already has. 

I know I can't go back.  I've decided that the next time I put a dip in my mouth, I better be ready for the consequences.  I'm not ready to die.  I've tried not to look over my shoulder.  I know there is nothing for me back there.  Considering what I just wrote, it should not be so hard to swat those urges away and tell the bitch to F off.  At this point, most times I can.  But there are times when it lingers.  I obsess over it and it owns me for a period of time.  These times make me question my motivations = door cracked for the bitch.

I'd like to end this rant with some positive words of encouragement, as I usually do, but I'm not feeling it today.  I made my promise this morning so I'm not concerned about a cave.  I intend to rush to the site first thing tomorrow to make my promise so I don't have an option for tomorrow as well.  I'm quit and intend to stay that way.  I "enjoyed" this addiction for years (fucked up use of words considering I "enjoyed" something that was killing me) and it's time to pay the piper.  I will serve my penance and push through.  Thank God I have you folks to lead me and help me down the path.  Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my sisters and brothers.

PTBQWYT my friends.

@EXBEARHAG
Hang in there brother. The waves come and go but our routines see us through the hard times. The light at the end of the tunnel will be getting so much brighter soon. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and before long these feelings will be a memory. Use your tools and most importantly don't be afraid to reach out to fellow quitters and talk. It is amazing how conversations with fellow quitters recharge the quit tank. Check your messages.

You took the words right out of my mouth HAG.  This is what I am feeling and experiencing too.  I can't keep the thoughts out of my head and I wonder if I can keep going.
You motivate a lot of us.  Thanks for being honest and sharing how you are feeling.

Thanks Red.  Writing my feelings out has been amazingly therapeutic for me.  After writing yesterday, i had a great conversation with my wife and spent a couple hours reading the early pages of @walterwhite "s Intro.  It recharged me.  I'm realizing I'm right where I should be...Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.  I have to be patient.  I have to actively try to see the good/fun in things instead of dwelling on something I NEED to move on from.  Maybe I need to change my life a bit.  Easier said than done...

The truth is, at this point I guess I'm having more good days than bad.  The good days are not reflected in this intro section but they are there.  I'm going to try to change some things up.  Today is a new day.  I can quit for today.  I'm proud to be quit.  Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Hag...

Thanks for putting your experience out there for all of us... it helps more than you know to see someone fighting the same fight.  I really like your response to your negative self.  I also find myself getting down, fighting daily to be positive.  Then some days I will step back and realize how far I’ve come.  One thing that is hard to wrap my head around is how much this addiction has conditioned our bodies, and brains.  Quitting is not for the weak that’s for sure.

Change your mindset…change your life.  What do you think will be easier?  Having to do something or WANTING and EXCITED about doing something.  Quitting is freaking hard.  It is the biggest mind game I have ever done.  Just when you think you got this…it comes crashing down.  If you are excited about quitting.  If you HATE nicotine with a passion.  Quitting is so much easier. 

Keep writing your thoughts out.  I really enjoyed reading and understood your thought process.  You are not alone.  One day you will forget all about your struggles.  You will be able to reread your introductions so that you will never forget!

It does get better…so much better.  Just keep quitting ODAAT and anything is possible.

Proud to quit with you today.  Let me know if you ever need anything.

Great advice @walterwhite .  I know what you say is truth but seeing it through has been challenging for me at times.  I'm content, though...for the moment anyway.  I'm doing enough!  I need to make some changes to my life; need to find pleasure in other things and be more grateful for the blessed life I lead.  But I'm convinced this too will happen in time.  Until then, WUPP EEDD (Early Every Damn Day), strengthen my quit by supporting others, and learn as much as I can about our enemy.  That's my plan....until the next time I get swallowed by the funk and we have to do this all over again.

When I was in a funk I would always go for a run.  During that run I would keep my thoughts positive.  I would tell myself that today might not be a great but tomorrow WILL be.  You can either live your life wallowing in self-pity or you can start believing in yourself and make things happen.  Successful people make things happen.  Use how you quit nicotine to help you with other things in your life you want to improve.  ODAAT works for everything.  Today is a great day.

[EXBEARHAG]

DAY 225

Sometimes I think I just can't do my life anymore without my crutch.  I take it off the table every morning.  I've made the decision not to use today, as I have for the previous 224 days, but it's always right there.  Whispering.  Urging.  It's not as persistent or painful as it was in the beginning, but it's still there.  It amazes me how tenacious this addiction is.  Multiple times a day the nic bitch tells me that whatever it is that I'm doing, it would be better/more fun/more manageable/less stressful/etc with a dip.  I can't seem to stop these micro-second reminders of my past life.   It's taxing and weighs on me greatly.  My greatest fear is that it begins to affect my family more than it already has. 

I know I can't go back.  I've decided that the next time I put a dip in my mouth, I better be ready for the consequences.  I'm not ready to die.  I've tried not to look over my shoulder.  I know there is nothing for me back there.  Considering what I just wrote, it should not be so hard to swat those urges away and tell the bitch to F off.  At this point, most times I can.  But there are times when it lingers.  I obsess over it and it owns me for a period of time.  These times make me question my motivations = door cracked for the bitch.

I'd like to end this rant with some positive words of encouragement, as I usually do, but I'm not feeling it today.  I made my promise this morning so I'm not concerned about a cave.  I intend to rush to the site first thing tomorrow to make my promise so I don't have an option for tomorrow as well.  I'm quit and intend to stay that way.  I "enjoyed" this addiction for years (fucked up use of words considering I "enjoyed" something that was killing me) and it's time to pay the piper.  I will serve my penance and push through.  Thank God I have you folks to lead me and help me down the path.  Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my sisters and brothers.

PTBQWYT my friends.

@EXBEARHAG
Hang in there brother. The waves come and go but our routines see us through the hard times. The light at the end of the tunnel will be getting so much brighter soon. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and before long these feelings will be a memory. Use your tools and most importantly don't be afraid to reach out to fellow quitters and talk. It is amazing how conversations with fellow quitters recharge the quit tank. Check your messages.

You took the words right out of my mouth HAG.  This is what I am feeling and experiencing too.  I can't keep the thoughts out of my head and I wonder if I can keep going.
You motivate a lot of us.  Thanks for being honest and sharing how you are feeling.

Thanks Red.  Writing my feelings out has been amazingly therapeutic for me.  After writing yesterday, i had a great conversation with my wife and spent a couple hours reading the early pages of @walterwhite "s Intro.  It recharged me.  I'm realizing I'm right where I should be...Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.  I have to be patient.  I have to actively try to see the good/fun in things instead of dwelling on something I NEED to move on from.  Maybe I need to change my life a bit.  Easier said than done...

The truth is, at this point I guess I'm having more good days than bad.  The good days are not reflected in this intro section but they are there.  I'm going to try to change some things up.  Today is a new day.  I can quit for today.  I'm proud to be quit.  Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Hag...

Thanks for putting your experience out there for all of us... it helps more than you know to see someone fighting the same fight.  I really like your response to your negative self.  I also find myself getting down, fighting daily to be positive.  Then some days I will step back and realize how far I’ve come.  One thing that is hard to wrap my head around is how much this addiction has conditioned our bodies, and brains.  Quitting is not for the weak that’s for sure.

Change your mindset…change your life.  What do you think will be easier?  Having to do something or WANTING and EXCITED about doing something.  Quitting is freaking hard.  It is the biggest mind game I have ever done.  Just when you think you got this…it comes crashing down.  If you are excited about quitting.  If you HATE nicotine with a passion.  Quitting is so much easier. 

Keep writing your thoughts out.  I really enjoyed reading and understood your thought process.  You are not alone.  One day you will forget all about your struggles.  You will be able to reread your introductions so that you will never forget!

It does get better…so much better.  Just keep quitting ODAAT and anything is possible.

Proud to quit with you today.  Let me know if you ever need anything.

Great advice @walterwhite .  I know what you say is truth but seeing it through has been challenging for me at times.  I'm content, though...for the moment anyway.  I'm doing enough!  I need to make some changes to my life; need to find pleasure in other things and be more grateful for the blessed life I lead.  But I'm convinced this too will happen in time.  Until then, WUPP EEDD (Early Every Damn Day), strengthen my quit by supporting others, and learn as much as I can about our enemy.  That's my plan....until the next time I get swallowed by the funk and we have to do this all over again. 

[walterwhite]

DAY 225

Sometimes I think I just can't do my life anymore without my crutch.  I take it off the table every morning.  I've made the decision not to use today, as I have for the previous 224 days, but it's always right there.  Whispering.  Urging.  It's not as persistent or painful as it was in the beginning, but it's still there.  It amazes me how tenacious this addiction is.  Multiple times a day the nic bitch tells me that whatever it is that I'm doing, it would be better/more fun/more manageable/less stressful/etc with a dip.  I can't seem to stop these micro-second reminders of my past life.   It's taxing and weighs on me greatly.  My greatest fear is that it begins to affect my family more than it already has. 

I know I can't go back.  I've decided that the next time I put a dip in my mouth, I better be ready for the consequences.  I'm not ready to die.  I've tried not to look over my shoulder.  I know there is nothing for me back there.  Considering what I just wrote, it should not be so hard to swat those urges away and tell the bitch to F off.  At this point, most times I can.  But there are times when it lingers.  I obsess over it and it owns me for a period of time.  These times make me question my motivations = door cracked for the bitch.

I'd like to end this rant with some positive words of encouragement, as I usually do, but I'm not feeling it today.  I made my promise this morning so I'm not concerned about a cave.  I intend to rush to the site first thing tomorrow to make my promise so I don't have an option for tomorrow as well.  I'm quit and intend to stay that way.  I "enjoyed" this addiction for years (fucked up use of words considering I "enjoyed" something that was killing me) and it's time to pay the piper.  I will serve my penance and push through.  Thank God I have you folks to lead me and help me down the path.  Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my sisters and brothers.

PTBQWYT my friends.

@EXBEARHAG
Hang in there brother. The waves come and go but our routines see us through the hard times. The light at the end of the tunnel will be getting so much brighter soon. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and before long these feelings will be a memory. Use your tools and most importantly don't be afraid to reach out to fellow quitters and talk. It is amazing how conversations with fellow quitters recharge the quit tank. Check your messages.

You took the words right out of my mouth HAG.  This is what I am feeling and experiencing too.  I can't keep the thoughts out of my head and I wonder if I can keep going.
You motivate a lot of us.  Thanks for being honest and sharing how you are feeling.

Thanks Red.  Writing my feelings out has been amazingly therapeutic for me.  After writing yesterday, i had a great conversation with my wife and spent a couple hours reading the early pages of @walterwhite "s Intro.  It recharged me.  I'm realizing I'm right where I should be...Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.  I have to be patient.  I have to actively try to see the good/fun in things instead of dwelling on something I NEED to move on from.  Maybe I need to change my life a bit.  Easier said than done...

The truth is, at this point I guess I'm having more good days than bad.  The good days are not reflected in this intro section but they are there.  I'm going to try to change some things up.  Today is a new day.  I can quit for today.  I'm proud to be quit.  Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Hag...

Thanks for putting your experience out there for all of us... it helps more than you know to see someone fighting the same fight.  I really like your response to your negative self.  I also find myself getting down, fighting daily to be positive.  Then some days I will step back and realize how far I’ve come.  One thing that is hard to wrap my head around is how much this addiction has conditioned our bodies, and brains.  Quitting is not for the weak that’s for sure.

Change your mindset…change your life.  What do you think will be easier?  Having to do something or WANTING and EXCITED about doing something.  Quitting is freaking hard.  It is the biggest mind game I have ever done.  Just when you think you got this…it comes crashing down.  If you are excited about quitting.  If you HATE nicotine with a passion.  Quitting is so much easier. 

Keep writing your thoughts out.  I really enjoyed reading and understood your thought process.  You are not alone.  One day you will forget all about your struggles.  You will be able to reread your introductions so that you will never forget!

It does get better…so much better.  Just keep quitting ODAAT and anything is possible.

Proud to quit with you today.  Let me know if you ever need anything. 

[SmokeyMountainExpress]

DAY 225

Sometimes I think I just can't do my life anymore without my crutch.  I take it off the table every morning.  I've made the decision not to use today, as I have for the previous 224 days, but it's always right there.  Whispering.  Urging.  It's not as persistent or painful as it was in the beginning, but it's still there.  It amazes me how tenacious this addiction is.  Multiple times a day the nic bitch tells me that whatever it is that I'm doing, it would be better/more fun/more manageable/less stressful/etc with a dip.  I can't seem to stop these micro-second reminders of my past life.   It's taxing and weighs on me greatly.  My greatest fear is that it begins to affect my family more than it already has. 

I know I can't go back.  I've decided that the next time I put a dip in my mouth, I better be ready for the consequences.  I'm not ready to die.  I've tried not to look over my shoulder.  I know there is nothing for me back there.  Considering what I just wrote, it should not be so hard to swat those urges away and tell the bitch to F off.  At this point, most times I can.  But there are times when it lingers.  I obsess over it and it owns me for a period of time.  These times make me question my motivations = door cracked for the bitch.

I'd like to end this rant with some positive words of encouragement, as I usually do, but I'm not feeling it today.  I made my promise this morning so I'm not concerned about a cave.  I intend to rush to the site first thing tomorrow to make my promise so I don't have an option for tomorrow as well.  I'm quit and intend to stay that way.  I "enjoyed" this addiction for years (fucked up use of words considering I "enjoyed" something that was killing me) and it's time to pay the piper.  I will serve my penance and push through.  Thank God I have you folks to lead me and help me down the path.  Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my sisters and brothers.

PTBQWYT my friends.

@EXBEARHAG
Hang in there brother. The waves come and go but our routines see us through the hard times. The light at the end of the tunnel will be getting so much brighter soon. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and before long these feelings will be a memory. Use your tools and most importantly don't be afraid to reach out to fellow quitters and talk. It is amazing how conversations with fellow quitters recharge the quit tank. Check your messages.

You took the words right out of my mouth HAG.  This is what I am feeling and experiencing too.  I can't keep the thoughts out of my head and I wonder if I can keep going.
You motivate a lot of us.  Thanks for being honest and sharing how you are feeling.

Thanks Red.  Writing my feelings out has been amazingly therapeutic for me.  After writing yesterday, i had a great conversation with my wife and spent a couple hours reading the early pages of @walterwhite "s Intro.  It recharged me.  I'm realizing I'm right where I should be...Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.  I have to be patient.  I have to actively try to see the good/fun in things instead of dwelling on something I NEED to move on from.  Maybe I need to change my life a bit.  Easier said than done...

The truth is, at this point I guess I'm having more good days than bad.  The good days are not reflected in this intro section but they are there.  I'm going to try to change some things up.  Today is a new day.  I can quit for today.  I'm proud to be quit.  Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Hag...

Thanks for putting your experience out there for all of us... it helps more than you know to see someone fighting the same fight.  I really like your response to your negative self.  I also find myself getting down, fighting daily to be positive.  Then some days I will step back and realize how far I’ve come.  One thing that is hard to wrap my head around is how much this addiction has conditioned our bodies, and brains.  Quitting is not for the weak that’s for sure.

[EXBEARHAG]

DAY 225

Sometimes I think I just can't do my life anymore without my crutch.  I take it off the table every morning.  I've made the decision not to use today, as I have for the previous 224 days, but it's always right there.  Whispering.  Urging.  It's not as persistent or painful as it was in the beginning, but it's still there.  It amazes me how tenacious this addiction is.  Multiple times a day the nic bitch tells me that whatever it is that I'm doing, it would be better/more fun/more manageable/less stressful/etc with a dip.  I can't seem to stop these micro-second reminders of my past life.   It's taxing and weighs on me greatly.  My greatest fear is that it begins to affect my family more than it already has. 

I know I can't go back.  I've decided that the next time I put a dip in my mouth, I better be ready for the consequences.  I'm not ready to die.  I've tried not to look over my shoulder.  I know there is nothing for me back there.  Considering what I just wrote, it should not be so hard to swat those urges away and tell the bitch to F off.  At this point, most times I can.  But there are times when it lingers.  I obsess over it and it owns me for a period of time.  These times make me question my motivations = door cracked for the bitch.

I'd like to end this rant with some positive words of encouragement, as I usually do, but I'm not feeling it today.  I made my promise this morning so I'm not concerned about a cave.  I intend to rush to the site first thing tomorrow to make my promise so I don't have an option for tomorrow as well.  I'm quit and intend to stay that way.  I "enjoyed" this addiction for years (fucked up use of words considering I "enjoyed" something that was killing me) and it's time to pay the piper.  I will serve my penance and push through.  Thank God I have you folks to lead me and help me down the path.  Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my sisters and brothers.

PTBQWYT my friends.

@EXBEARHAG
Hang in there brother. The waves come and go but our routines see us through the hard times. The light at the end of the tunnel will be getting so much brighter soon. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and before long these feelings will be a memory. Use your tools and most importantly don't be afraid to reach out to fellow quitters and talk. It is amazing how conversations with fellow quitters recharge the quit tank. Check your messages.

You took the words right out of my mouth HAG.  This is what I am feeling and experiencing too.  I can't keep the thoughts out of my head and I wonder if I can keep going.
You motivate a lot of us.  Thanks for being honest and sharing how you are feeling.

Thanks Red.  Writing my feelings out has been amazingly therapeutic for me.  After writing yesterday, i had a great conversation with my wife and spent a couple hours reading the early pages of @walterwhite "s Intro.  It recharged me.  I'm realizing I'm right where I should be...Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.  I have to be patient.  I have to actively try to see the good/fun in things instead of dwelling on something I NEED to move on from.  Maybe I need to change my life a bit.  Easier said than done...

The truth is, at this point I guess I'm having more good days than bad.  The good days are not reflected in this intro section but they are there.  I'm going to try to change some things up.  Today is a new day.  I can quit for today.  I'm proud to be quit.  Thanks for coming along for the ride.

[Redwood]

DAY 225

Sometimes I think I just can't do my life anymore without my crutch.  I take it off the table every morning.  I've made the decision not to use today, as I have for the previous 224 days, but it's always right there.  Whispering.  Urging.  It's not as persistent or painful as it was in the beginning, but it's still there.  It amazes me how tenacious this addiction is.  Multiple times a day the nic bitch tells me that whatever it is that I'm doing, it would be better/more fun/more manageable/less stressful/etc with a dip.  I can't seem to stop these micro-second reminders of my past life.   It's taxing and weighs on me greatly.  My greatest fear is that it begins to affect my family more than it already has. 

I know I can't go back.  I've decided that the next time I put a dip in my mouth, I better be ready for the consequences.  I'm not ready to die.  I've tried not to look over my shoulder.  I know there is nothing for me back there.  Considering what I just wrote, it should not be so hard to swat those urges away and tell the bitch to F off.  At this point, most times I can.  But there are times when it lingers.  I obsess over it and it owns me for a period of time.  These times make me question my motivations = door cracked for the bitch.

I'd like to end this rant with some positive words of encouragement, as I usually do, but I'm not feeling it today.  I made my promise this morning so I'm not concerned about a cave.  I intend to rush to the site first thing tomorrow to make my promise so I don't have an option for tomorrow as well.  I'm quit and intend to stay that way.  I "enjoyed" this addiction for years (fucked up use of words considering I "enjoyed" something that was killing me) and it's time to pay the piper.  I will serve my penance and push through.  Thank God I have you folks to lead me and help me down the path.  Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my sisters and brothers.

PTBQWYT my friends.

@EXBEARHAG
Hang in there brother. The waves come and go but our routines see us through the hard times. The light at the end of the tunnel will be getting so much brighter soon. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and before long these feelings will be a memory. Use your tools and most importantly don't be afraid to reach out to fellow quitters and talk. It is amazing how conversations with fellow quitters recharge the quit tank. Check your messages.

You took the words right out of my mouth HAG.  This is what I am feeling and experiencing too.  I can't keep the thoughts out of my head and I wonder if I can keep going.
You motivate a lot of us.  Thanks for being honest and sharing how you are feeling. 

[Keith0617]

DAY 225

Sometimes I think I just can't do my life anymore without my crutch.  I take it off the table every morning.  I've made the decision not to use today, as I have for the previous 224 days, but it's always right there.  Whispering.  Urging.  It's not as persistent or painful as it was in the beginning, but it's still there.  It amazes me how tenacious this addiction is.  Multiple times a day the nic bitch tells me that whatever it is that I'm doing, it would be better/more fun/more manageable/less stressful/etc with a dip.  I can't seem to stop these micro-second reminders of my past life.   It's taxing and weighs on me greatly.  My greatest fear is that it begins to affect my family more than it already has. 

I know I can't go back.  I've decided that the next time I put a dip in my mouth, I better be ready for the consequences.  I'm not ready to die.  I've tried not to look over my shoulder.  I know there is nothing for me back there.  Considering what I just wrote, it should not be so hard to swat those urges away and tell the bitch to F off.  At this point, most times I can.  But there are times when it lingers.  I obsess over it and it owns me for a period of time.  These times make me question my motivations = door cracked for the bitch.

I'd like to end this rant with some positive words of encouragement, as I usually do, but I'm not feeling it today.  I made my promise this morning so I'm not concerned about a cave.  I intend to rush to the site first thing tomorrow to make my promise so I don't have an option for tomorrow as well.  I'm quit and intend to stay that way.  I "enjoyed" this addiction for years (fucked up use of words considering I "enjoyed" something that was killing me) and it's time to pay the piper.  I will serve my penance and push through.  Thank God I have you folks to lead me and help me down the path.  Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my sisters and brothers.

PTBQWYT my friends.

@EXBEARHAG
Hang in there brother. The waves come and go but our routines see us through the hard times. The light at the end of the tunnel will be getting so much brighter soon. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and before long these feelings will be a memory. Use your tools and most importantly don't be afraid to reach out to fellow quitters and talk. It is amazing how conversations with fellow quitters recharge the quit tank. Check your messages.

[EXBEARHAG]

DAY 225

Sometimes I think I just can't do my life anymore without my crutch.  I take it off the table every morning.  I've made the decision not to use today, as I have for the previous 224 days, but it's always right there.  Whispering.  Urging.  It's not as persistent or painful as it was in the beginning, but it's still there.  It amazes me how tenacious this addiction is.  Multiple times a day the nic bitch tells me that whatever it is that I'm doing, it would be better/more fun/more manageable/less stressful/etc with a dip.  I can't seem to stop these micro-second reminders of my past life.   It's taxing and weighs on me greatly.  My greatest fear is that it begins to affect my family more than it already has. 

I know I can't go back.  I've decided that the next time I put a dip in my mouth, I better be ready for the consequences.  I'm not ready to die.  I've tried not to look over my shoulder.  I know there is nothing for me back there.  Considering what I just wrote, it should not be so hard to swat those urges away and tell the bitch to F off.  At this point, most times I can.  But there are times when it lingers.  I obsess over it and it owns me for a period of time.  These times make me question my motivations = door cracked for the bitch.

I'd like to end this rant with some positive words of encouragement, as I usually do, but I'm not feeling it today.  I made my promise this morning so I'm not concerned about a cave.  I intend to rush to the site first thing tomorrow to make my promise so I don't have an option for tomorrow as well.  I'm quit and intend to stay that way.  I "enjoyed" this addiction for years (fucked up use of words considering I "enjoyed" something that was killing me) and it's time to pay the piper.  I will serve my penance and push through.  Thank God I have you folks to lead me and help me down the path.  Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my sisters and brothers.

PTBQWYT my friends.

[ankape]

DAY 217

I felt like I may be turning a bit of a corner.  Over the last 5-7 days, things were getting a bit easier.  I felt as though I was thinking about it less.  Craves were easier to handle.  THEN...things didn't go exactly my way= I was facing some adversity, I was scheduled to work and I had to leave my family when I thought they needed me.  This all built up to me actually thinking things would get better, more like normal, if I could just throw a wedge in.  I was wobbling...looking for a way out.

Lucky for me, I made my promise early this morning.  If I caved, I would let down folks who I couldn't even pick out of a line up (The Vortex et. al., Zues, Keith0617, BrianG, Walter, ankape, etc).  The vets had pulled all the right strings (some being compassionate, some using harsher methods) early to get our group on the same page and willing to sacrifice for each other.  Vets had reached out numerous times and were willing to do anything to keep me from buying that can.  After giving my word, it was a non issue. 

Sitting here at work, the craving and anxiety has passed.  It was a long one, and particularly acute, but it is mostly gone.  My quit is intact!  Not sure if i would have bought that can this afternoon if I didn't make that promise but I am sure that it would have been much easier.  THANK YOU KTC community for doing whatever it takes to keep me clean.  I can quit for today.  I will hold that line, shoulder to shoulder with my brothers and sisters. 

PTBQWYT my friends

First of all, thank you for sharing! It is strengthening to know you’re there, fighting EDD and that all those lies are not valid here. I am proud to stand with you.
Second of all, wow, you just put me in parentheses with some serious studs!  I’m thinking you could pick me out of that line up though. 
Draw the line. Hold the line. PTQWY brother!

[Keith0617]

DAY 217

I felt like I may be turning a bit of a corner.  Over the last 5-7 days, things were getting a bit easier.  I felt as though I was thinking about it less.  Craves were easier to handle.  THEN...things didn't go exactly my way= I was facing some adversity, I was scheduled to work and I had to leave my family when I thought they needed me.  This all built up to me actually thinking things would get better, more like normal, if I could just throw a wedge in.  I was wobbling...looking for a way out.

Lucky for me, I made my promise early this morning.  If I caved, I would let down folks who I couldn't even pick out of a line up (The Vortex et. al., Zues, Keith0617, BrianG, Walter, ankape, etc).  The vets had pulled all the right strings (some being compassionate, some using harsher methods) early to get our group on the same page and willing to sacrifice for each other.  Vets had reached out numerous times and were willing to do anything to keep me from buying that can.  After giving my word, it was a non issue. 

Sitting here at work, the craving and anxiety has passed.  It was a long one, and particularly acute, but it is mostly gone.  My quit is intact!  Not sure if i would have bought that can this afternoon if I didn't make that promise but I am sure that it would have been much easier.  THANK YOU KTC community for doing whatever it takes to keep me clean.  I can quit for today.  I will hold that line, shoulder to shoulder with my brothers and sisters. 

PTBQWYT my friends

Great job brother. I count that as a big time win. Every time you have a win your brain is learning you really can do it without nicotine. Keep doing what you are doing and kicking ass. It gets son much better.

[EXBEARHAG]

DAY 217

I felt like I may be turning a bit of a corner.  Over the last 5-7 days, things were getting a bit easier.  I felt as though I was thinking about it less.  Craves were easier to handle.  THEN...things didn't go exactly my way= I was facing some adversity, I was scheduled to work and I had to leave my family when I thought they needed me.  This all built up to me actually thinking things would get better, more like normal, if I could just throw a wedge in.  I was wobbling...looking for a way out.

Lucky for me, I made my promise early this morning.  If I caved, I would let down folks who I couldn't even pick out of a line up (The Vortex et. al., Zues, Keith0617, BrianG, Walter, ankape, etc).  The vets had pulled all the right strings (some being compassionate, some using harsher methods) early to get our group on the same page and willing to sacrifice for each other.  Vets had reached out numerous times and were willing to do anything to keep me from buying that can.  After giving my word, it was a non issue. 

Sitting here at work, the craving and anxiety has passed.  It was a long one, and particularly acute, but it is mostly gone.  My quit is intact!  Not sure if i would have bought that can this afternoon if I didn't make that promise but I am sure that it would have been much easier.  THANK YOU KTC community for doing whatever it takes to keep me clean.  I can quit for today.  I will hold that line, shoulder to shoulder with my brothers and sisters. 

PTBQWYT my friends