Me Briefly

[Athan]

HOLD THE LINE

hold the line is right! Every day is a victory, a victory for you is a victory for me. Every time someone throws in the towel it has a negative impact on the man next to him struggling. Glad you're here man! I'm clean with you today.

[Keith0617]

DAY 459

Haven't checked in for awhile.  Largely status quo as far as the quit goes.  Not too much new to talk about.  The rest of my life has been somewhat tumultuous.  Seems like covid was the catalyst that began a challenging chain of events and things have piled up over the last several months.  I know this does not make me unique.  Many people are struggling with our new normal.  What made me want to write in is a thought that went through my mind this evening.  I was feeling somewhat defeated and down and the thought that a wedge in my lip would make me feel better crossed my mind.   I quickly told myself that I needed one.  "Nicotine would solve all my problems". 

Then I remembered my former life...the old normal I guess.  I'd lay awake at night stressing about what I missed, what I screwed up, which kid needed what, how I could be a better father, a better husband, etc.  THEN, I'd tuck the wedge down with my tongue and remember a more immediate problem.  The fact that I was helplessly addicted to Kodiak.  My heart would sink as I thought about trying to quit again and how impossible that seemed.  I would run my tongue along my sore gums and cringe at the thought of having to tell my wife and kids that I've been diagnosed...yes, I knew it was a possibility (probability in fact) and I continued to do it anyway.  Nothing I could say would make it go away.  I made my bed...time to settle in. 

I've run into some tough luck lately but I'm still in a better spot than I would be if I was still sucking on that worm shit.  1 problem + Nicotine= 2 Problems!!!  I thank those of you who have supported me over the last 459 days.  No way I'd be here without you.  I can make it through the rest of my tour.  WUPP and repeat tomorrow...which will most likely be a brighter day. 

HOLD THE LINE

We are with you Hag. Keep doing what you are doing and posting were you feel you need to. I can bet the newbies are looking and going DANG as I know I did when any vet story came along. You got this bud, stay strong.

The light keeps getting brighter. Keep quitting ODAAT and let those days add up my friend.

[Thefranks5]

DAY 459

Haven't checked in for awhile.  Largely status quo as far as the quit goes.  Not too much new to talk about.  The rest of my life has been somewhat tumultuous.  Seems like covid was the catalyst that began a challenging chain of events and things have piled up over the last several months.  I know this does not make me unique.  Many people are struggling with our new normal.  What made me want to write in is a thought that went through my mind this evening.  I was feeling somewhat defeated and down and the thought that a wedge in my lip would make me feel better crossed my mind.   I quickly told myself that I needed one.  "Nicotine would solve all my problems". 

Then I remembered my former life...the old normal I guess.  I'd lay awake at night stressing about what I missed, what I screwed up, which kid needed what, how I could be a better father, a better husband, etc.  THEN, I'd tuck the wedge down with my tongue and remember a more immediate problem.  The fact that I was helplessly addicted to Kodiak.  My heart would sink as I thought about trying to quit again and how impossible that seemed.  I would run my tongue along my sore gums and cringe at the thought of having to tell my wife and kids that I've been diagnosed...yes, I knew it was a possibility (probability in fact) and I continued to do it anyway.  Nothing I could say would make it go away.  I made my bed...time to settle in. 

I've run into some tough luck lately but I'm still in a better spot than I would be if I was still sucking on that worm shit.  1 problem + Nicotine= 2 Problems!!!  I thank those of you who have supported me over the last 459 days.  No way I'd be here without you.  I can make it through the rest of my tour.  WUPP and repeat tomorrow...which will most likely be a brighter day. 

HOLD THE LINE

We are with you Hag. Keep doing what you are doing and posting were you feel you need to. I can bet the newbies are looking and going DANG as I know I did when any vet story came along. You got this bud, stay strong.

[CTF]

DAY 459

Haven't checked in for awhile.  Largely status quo as far as the quit goes.  Not too much new to talk about.  The rest of my life has been somewhat tumultuous.  Seems like covid was the catalyst that began a challenging chain of events and things have piled up over the last several months.  I know this does not make me unique.  Many people are struggling with our new normal.  What made me want to write in is a thought that went through my mind this evening.  I was feeling somewhat defeated and down and the thought that a wedge in my lip would make me feel better crossed my mind.   I quickly told myself that I needed one.  "Nicotine would solve all my problems". 

Then I remembered my former life...the old normal I guess.  I'd lay awake at night stressing about what I missed, what I screwed up, which kid needed what, how I could be a better father, a better husband, etc.  THEN, I'd tuck the wedge down with my tongue and remember a more immediate problem.  The fact that I was helplessly addicted to Kodiak.  My heart would sink as I thought about trying to quit again and how impossible that seemed.  I would run my tongue along my sore gums and cringe at the thought of having to tell my wife and kids that I've been diagnosed...yes, I knew it was a possibility (probability in fact) and I continued to do it anyway.  Nothing I could say would make it go away.  I made my bed...time to settle in. 

I've run into some tough luck lately but I'm still in a better spot than I would be if I was still sucking on that worm shit.  1 problem + Nicotine= 2 Problems!!!  I thank those of you who have supported me over the last 459 days.  No way I'd be here without you.  I can make it through the rest of my tour.  WUPP and repeat tomorrow...which will most likely be a brighter day. 

HOLD THE LINE

You have always been an inspiration to me buddy. Hang in there and Stay Strong. We can all be better at whatever (Spouse, Family Member, Parent, etc) but nicotine doesn't help with any of that. Nicotine is an abusive taker of things not a giving thing. I appreciate quitting daily just after I brush my teeth. No more sore gums and I will be damned whiter teeth too! Why did it take so long to quit?  Anyway it's getting late. Be good, do great things with the family and hang in there. Cheers Mate!

[EXBEARHAG]

DAY 459

Haven't checked in for awhile.  Largely status quo as far as the quit goes.  Not too much new to talk about.  The rest of my life has been somewhat tumultuous.  Seems like covid was the catalyst that began a challenging chain of events and things have piled up over the last several months.  I know this does not make me unique.  Many people are struggling with our new normal.  What made me want to write in is a thought that went through my mind this evening.  I was feeling somewhat defeated and down and the thought that a wedge in my lip would make me feel better crossed my mind.   I quickly told myself that I needed one.  "Nicotine would solve all my problems". 

Then I remembered my former life...the old normal I guess.  I'd lay awake at night stressing about what I missed, what I screwed up, which kid needed what, how I could be a better father, a better husband, etc.  THEN, I'd tuck the wedge down with my tongue and remember a more immediate problem.  The fact that I was helplessly addicted to Kodiak.  My heart would sink as I thought about trying to quit again and how impossible that seemed.  I would run my tongue along my sore gums and cringe at the thought of having to tell my wife and kids that I've been diagnosed...yes, I knew it was a possibility (probability in fact) and I continued to do it anyway.  Nothing I could say would make it go away.  I made my bed...time to settle in. 

I've run into some tough luck lately but I'm still in a better spot than I would be if I was still sucking on that worm shit.  1 problem + Nicotine= 2 Problems!!!  I thank those of you who have supported me over the last 459 days.  No way I'd be here without you.  I can make it through the rest of my tour.  WUPP and repeat tomorrow...which will most likely be a brighter day. 

HOLD THE LINE

[Athan]

Loving the fo hundy Hag! you wear it well!

[EXBEARHAG]

Congrats on one year nicotine free brother. Keep kicking ass one day at a time every damn day!

Thank you Franx...could never have done it without you folks.

PTBQWYT

Congrats man. A great accomplishment @EXBEARHAG

Thanks for all that you do hag, all of your support, of your time, for making this place work. Thanks man.

Just following your lead Athan!!  Thank you for the shout out.

[Athan]

Congrats on one year nicotine free brother. Keep kicking ass one day at a time every damn day!

Thank you Franx...could never have done it without you folks.

PTBQWYT

Congrats man. A great accomplishment @EXBEARHAG

Thanks for all that you do hag, all of your support, of your time, for making this place work. Thanks man.

[CTF]

Congrats on one year nicotine free brother. Keep kicking ass one day at a time every damn day!

Thank you Franx...could never have done it without you folks.

PTBQWYT

Congrats man. A great accomplishment @EXBEARHAG

[EXBEARHAG]

Congrats on one year nicotine free brother. Keep kicking ass one day at a time every damn day!

Thank you Franx...could never have done it without you folks.

PTBQWYT

[69franx]

Congrats on one year nicotine free brother. Keep kicking ass one day at a time every damn day!

[ankape]

Day 299

I haven't posted here for awhile mostly because things have been largely status quo...with a couple exceptions:

The cold sweats and anxiety that were quite frequent early in my quit have mostly gone away; with the exception of once a week...most weeks.  I work two 24hr shifts a week plus overtime (which has mostly gone away since the pandemic).  This schedule means I have 5 days off in a row, every week.  On the morning of my first day of work, I'm still waking up at 4am (2 hrs before my alarm goes off)...cold sweats and a racing heart.  This obviously has to do with the stress I'm about to walk into but I do not feel particularly more stressed on these days.  I'm not a new employee; I've been doing this for ~16 years and am quite confident and comfortable in my role.  Yet, since my first day quit in July until now, I wake up in this condition.

The good news is that, at the beginning, this was a common occurrence most mornings and, as my quit matured, it settled down to only on the days I had to go into the station.  Somewhere in the last several weeks, it's limited itself to just on the morning of my first day.  Hoping that if I hold the line for long enough, this too will pass. 

Cravings are STILL a major battle.  I wonder if I'm unique in the fact that, at nearly 300 days quit, I still have multiple triggers and cravings an hour, throughout the day.  Like most here, I used nicotine for EVERY situation.  When my brain changes gear and I'm on to a different project or train of thought, my first thought is still to stuff my lip.  These many cravings used to crush me in the early days.  I'd often have to stop what I was doing and, teeth clenched and white knuckled, fight through the crave.  Although some of these cravings are tough to work through, at this point most are easily cursed and pushed aside. But they are still there and are a constant reminder of, according to my brain and dopamine receptors, a "better" time.  Anyone else with similar days having a similar experience?  Vets- did you go through this?

Overall, the more space and time I put between my last pinch and the present, the better I feel and the easier this gets.  However, I'm keenly aware that without this place, without the accountability and the connections I've made with fellow quitters, I'd be back to a can a day and feeling like a fraud and a terrible role model for my kids.  For this, I owe KTC and the larger KTC community a huge debt of gratitude.  That being said, I"M AN ADDICT.  I'm one spur of the moment bad decision away from a new day 1 or worse.  I think I'll stick around and post roll for awhile longer.  Thanks to everyone who has supported me and my crew over the last ~300 days. 

Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my honorable brothers and sisters in quit!!

~HAG

@EXBEARHAG
Keep doing what you are doing ODAAT. The light at the end of the tunnel will keep getting brighter and brighter. I can tell you things at 583 days are much better than 300. Just keep plowing ahead and enjoy the freedom. Reach out if I can help.

Thanks for sharing, HAG. The fight continues, it helps to know what is ahead. We are all stronger for your battle. Proud to Quit You!
~Olcpo

Proud to be quit with you Hag, and our group is lucky to have you. I honestly got pretty burned out after the whole conducting thing and haven’t been as involved the last hundred days. I needed to read this and your “F it” post below. Fighting those same craves every day with you brother.

Thank you for posting some great material such as this. Definitely hits home and reminds me that we're not in this alone. You are absolutely doing it the right way, so continue to lead the way. Proud to be quit with you my friend.

@EXBEARHAG
I'm proud to stand shoulder to shoulder with you holding that line brother!

Reading through your thread once again John. Thank you for taking the time to strengthen so many of us! Proudly holding that line with you brother!
~ankape

[stillbrewing]

Day 299

I haven't posted here for awhile mostly because things have been largely status quo...with a couple exceptions:

The cold sweats and anxiety that were quite frequent early in my quit have mostly gone away; with the exception of once a week...most weeks.  I work two 24hr shifts a week plus overtime (which has mostly gone away since the pandemic).  This schedule means I have 5 days off in a row, every week.  On the morning of my first day of work, I'm still waking up at 4am (2 hrs before my alarm goes off)...cold sweats and a racing heart.  This obviously has to do with the stress I'm about to walk into but I do not feel particularly more stressed on these days.  I'm not a new employee; I've been doing this for ~16 years and am quite confident and comfortable in my role.  Yet, since my first day quit in July until now, I wake up in this condition.

The good news is that, at the beginning, this was a common occurrence most mornings and, as my quit matured, it settled down to only on the days I had to go into the station.  Somewhere in the last several weeks, it's limited itself to just on the morning of my first day.  Hoping that if I hold the line for long enough, this too will pass. 

Cravings are STILL a major battle.  I wonder if I'm unique in the fact that, at nearly 300 days quit, I still have multiple triggers and cravings an hour, throughout the day.  Like most here, I used nicotine for EVERY situation.  When my brain changes gear and I'm on to a different project or train of thought, my first thought is still to stuff my lip.  These many cravings used to crush me in the early days.  I'd often have to stop what I was doing and, teeth clenched and white knuckled, fight through the crave.  Although some of these cravings are tough to work through, at this point most are easily cursed and pushed aside. But they are still there and are a constant reminder of, according to my brain and dopamine receptors, a "better" time.  Anyone else with similar days having a similar experience?  Vets- did you go through this?

Overall, the more space and time I put between my last pinch and the present, the better I feel and the easier this gets.  However, I'm keenly aware that without this place, without the accountability and the connections I've made with fellow quitters, I'd be back to a can a day and feeling like a fraud and a terrible role model for my kids.  For this, I owe KTC and the larger KTC community a huge debt of gratitude.  That being said, I"M AN ADDICT.  I'm one spur of the moment bad decision away from a new day 1 or worse.  I think I'll stick around and post roll for awhile longer.  Thanks to everyone who has supported me and my crew over the last ~300 days. 

Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my honorable brothers and sisters in quit!!

~HAG

@EXBEARHAG
Keep doing what you are doing ODAAT. The light at the end of the tunnel will keep getting brighter and brighter. I can tell you things at 583 days are much better than 300. Just keep plowing ahead and enjoy the freedom. Reach out if I can help.

Thanks for sharing, HAG. The fight continues, it helps to know what is ahead. We are all stronger for your battle. Proud to Quit You!
~Olcpo

Proud to be quit with you Hag, and our group is lucky to have you. I honestly got pretty burned out after the whole conducting thing and haven’t been as involved the last hundred days. I needed to read this and your “F it” post below. Fighting those same craves every day with you brother.

Thank you for posting some great material such as this. Definitely hits home and reminds me that we're not in this alone. You are absolutely doing it the right way, so continue to lead the way. Proud to be quit with you my friend.

@EXBEARHAG
I'm proud to stand shoulder to shoulder with you holding that line brother!

[Bug Guy]

Day 299

I haven't posted here for awhile mostly because things have been largely status quo...with a couple exceptions:

The cold sweats and anxiety that were quite frequent early in my quit have mostly gone away; with the exception of once a week...most weeks.  I work two 24hr shifts a week plus overtime (which has mostly gone away since the pandemic).  This schedule means I have 5 days off in a row, every week.  On the morning of my first day of work, I'm still waking up at 4am (2 hrs before my alarm goes off)...cold sweats and a racing heart.  This obviously has to do with the stress I'm about to walk into but I do not feel particularly more stressed on these days.  I'm not a new employee; I've been doing this for ~16 years and am quite confident and comfortable in my role.  Yet, since my first day quit in July until now, I wake up in this condition.

The good news is that, at the beginning, this was a common occurrence most mornings and, as my quit matured, it settled down to only on the days I had to go into the station.  Somewhere in the last several weeks, it's limited itself to just on the morning of my first day.  Hoping that if I hold the line for long enough, this too will pass. 

Cravings are STILL a major battle.  I wonder if I'm unique in the fact that, at nearly 300 days quit, I still have multiple triggers and cravings an hour, throughout the day.  Like most here, I used nicotine for EVERY situation.  When my brain changes gear and I'm on to a different project or train of thought, my first thought is still to stuff my lip.  These many cravings used to crush me in the early days.  I'd often have to stop what I was doing and, teeth clenched and white knuckled, fight through the crave.  Although some of these cravings are tough to work through, at this point most are easily cursed and pushed aside. But they are still there and are a constant reminder of, according to my brain and dopamine receptors, a "better" time.  Anyone else with similar days having a similar experience?  Vets- did you go through this?

Overall, the more space and time I put between my last pinch and the present, the better I feel and the easier this gets.  However, I'm keenly aware that without this place, without the accountability and the connections I've made with fellow quitters, I'd be back to a can a day and feeling like a fraud and a terrible role model for my kids.  For this, I owe KTC and the larger KTC community a huge debt of gratitude.  That being said, I"M AN ADDICT.  I'm one spur of the moment bad decision away from a new day 1 or worse.  I think I'll stick around and post roll for awhile longer.  Thanks to everyone who has supported me and my crew over the last ~300 days. 

Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my honorable brothers and sisters in quit!!

~HAG

@EXBEARHAG
Keep doing what you are doing ODAAT. The light at the end of the tunnel will keep getting brighter and brighter. I can tell you things at 583 days are much better than 300. Just keep plowing ahead and enjoy the freedom. Reach out if I can help.

Thanks for sharing, HAG. The fight continues, it helps to know what is ahead. We are all stronger for your battle. Proud to Quit You!
~Olcpo

Proud to be quit with you Hag, and our group is lucky to have you. I honestly got pretty burned out after the whole conducting thing and haven’t been as involved the last hundred days. I needed to read this and your “F it” post below. Fighting those same craves every day with you brother.

Thank you for posting some great material such as this. Definitely hits home and reminds me that we're not in this alone. You are absolutely doing it the right way, so continue to lead the way. Proud to be quit with you my friend.

[Greenburr]

Day 299

I haven't posted here for awhile mostly because things have been largely status quo...with a couple exceptions:

The cold sweats and anxiety that were quite frequent early in my quit have mostly gone away; with the exception of once a week...most weeks.  I work two 24hr shifts a week plus overtime (which has mostly gone away since the pandemic).  This schedule means I have 5 days off in a row, every week.  On the morning of my first day of work, I'm still waking up at 4am (2 hrs before my alarm goes off)...cold sweats and a racing heart.  This obviously has to do with the stress I'm about to walk into but I do not feel particularly more stressed on these days.  I'm not a new employee; I've been doing this for ~16 years and am quite confident and comfortable in my role.  Yet, since my first day quit in July until now, I wake up in this condition.

The good news is that, at the beginning, this was a common occurrence most mornings and, as my quit matured, it settled down to only on the days I had to go into the station.  Somewhere in the last several weeks, it's limited itself to just on the morning of my first day.  Hoping that if I hold the line for long enough, this too will pass. 

Cravings are STILL a major battle.  I wonder if I'm unique in the fact that, at nearly 300 days quit, I still have multiple triggers and cravings an hour, throughout the day.  Like most here, I used nicotine for EVERY situation.  When my brain changes gear and I'm on to a different project or train of thought, my first thought is still to stuff my lip.  These many cravings used to crush me in the early days.  I'd often have to stop what I was doing and, teeth clenched and white knuckled, fight through the crave.  Although some of these cravings are tough to work through, at this point most are easily cursed and pushed aside. But they are still there and are a constant reminder of, according to my brain and dopamine receptors, a "better" time.  Anyone else with similar days having a similar experience?  Vets- did you go through this?

Overall, the more space and time I put between my last pinch and the present, the better I feel and the easier this gets.  However, I'm keenly aware that without this place, without the accountability and the connections I've made with fellow quitters, I'd be back to a can a day and feeling like a fraud and a terrible role model for my kids.  For this, I owe KTC and the larger KTC community a huge debt of gratitude.  That being said, I"M AN ADDICT.  I'm one spur of the moment bad decision away from a new day 1 or worse.  I think I'll stick around and post roll for awhile longer.  Thanks to everyone who has supported me and my crew over the last ~300 days. 

Holding the line, shoulder to shoulder, with my honorable brothers and sisters in quit!!

~HAG

@EXBEARHAG
Keep doing what you are doing ODAAT. The light at the end of the tunnel will keep getting brighter and brighter. I can tell you things at 583 days are much better than 300. Just keep plowing ahead and enjoy the freedom. Reach out if I can help.

Thanks for sharing, HAG. The fight continues, it helps to know what is ahead. We are all stronger for your battle. Proud to Quit You!
~Olcpo

Proud to be quit with you Hag, and our group is lucky to have you. I honestly got pretty burned out after the whole conducting thing and haven’t been as involved the last hundred days. I needed to read this and your “F it” post below. Fighting those same craves every day with you brother.