Day 409...
I've been meaning to update my intro for awhile and the other day I got the nudge I needed. Two days ago I returned to work after two weeks of a wasted vacation that turned into a quarantine after my son tested positive for Covid. Long story short, I was reassigned to the unit with gastric tubes and tracheostomies where there is a new doctor who acts like the unit is an ER instead of a LTC facility. The day turned into one of those non-stop, no break days from the time I hit the door. Four hours into the hectic shift, I stepped outside for a minute to make a quick call to the wife. The very first unconscious thought that entered my mind as the cold air hit my face was, "Let me take a quick dip while I make this call." That brief thought was like a slap in the face. How could my brain even momentarily totally forget the past 400+ days of quit?
The answer is quite simple. The nic demon never sleeps. The simplest thing such as the stress of a hectic day at work and he's there in my brain knocking at the door. He doesn't recognize a day count or how many days you've stacked. He may lie dormant for period of time but he will always be there because I am a nicotine addict.
We can never become complacent...we can never let our guard down.
You got that right brother. I've had too many of those moments to think I don't need a daily promise. Almost left the site two weeks ago but that one nagging little bitch in the back of my mind made me think better of it. I don't ever wanna be in her pocket again.
Amen brother!! This still happens to me several times a week. Not as acute as it once was. Certainly more fleeting but a slap in the face none the less. My guess is that this never totally goes away. Not sure about you but my brain will always connect good times, good friends, hard work, outdoors, etc, etc, etc... with having a wedge of Kodiak in my lip. It's a scam but that's what my brain does. The fact that I now this and carry on is a win in itself.
Shoulder to shoulder brother
~HAG
