I had not used nicotine for almost 20 years and then.. about 4 years ago I bought a few cigars in Ensenada while on a short cruise. Instantly my daily habit had returned. I was careful to shower and wash my clothes every time I smoked. Nobody, except for my posting here on KilltheCan, knows that I use nicotine. I wanted to wean myself off of smoking. I tried snorting and swallowing tobacco in an attempt to wean myself off of smoking, but I was still hooked. I did have a few anxiety filled breaks. I think the longest was about a month. The last time I stopped was in September. I think it was about a week. I read posts on KilltheCan and considered joining a role call...but after a week of lurking I jumped back into using. I have been wanting to stop. Somehow this afternoon I went into some kind of automatic mode, dumping the stash in the disposal, destroying paraphernalia and dumping it in the trash with the used kitty litter. But I know from previous attempt that the obsession to return to tobacco will return. This time, though, I am posting an introduction and have added my name to the roll call. I found time to use. I can find time to check in daily.
I have 25 years of sobriety—not using alcohol or other drugs—except nicotine. Accountability can help keep me clean.
