Rant/Nuke Sharing Time. Day 32.
Yep. I 100% need to start looking for a new job. I’ve done the swapping between nights and days for almost a year and a half now, and it’s continuously getting harder.
I’m not even craving a chew right now, I’m just miserable. I can’t spend all of my waking hours on my days off in front of a screen, alone. Nicotine gave me the fake dopamine rush to make me think I was fine on these nights off, but since quitting, I’ve realized just how much I hate it. This is exactly why I caved on my own a few months ago. Every cave I’ve had in the past has been due to issues coping with lack of social life. (I’m a rare breed of extroverted engineer) I’ve got a new mindset now and know that the chew was a crutch that masked the problem while it festered, so no need to worry about a cave now. But now that the problem is unmasked, I need to find a way to deal with it.
I know what I need, but I definitely feel stuck. All of the bars are shut down, so I can’t go out and socialize, my 24 hour gym cut their hours to 7am-9pm for Covid, so I can’t lift, my friend and his girlfriend whom I’m renting from have their room directly beneath mine, so I have to tiptoe to even move around. I feel like a damn princess locked in a tower. I’d go for a night time drive to unwind, but finances are too tight to waste gas and it’s a major trigger for me since I used to take breaks during my homework all-nighters and drive around with a dip in.
I am so fucking ready to have a place to call home. This is the 4th place I’ve lived in the last 3 years. I feel like a nomad. The girlfriend and I are planning on getting engaged next month, so that will be nice. She lives and works 2 hours away, so we have been trying to figure out that situation. There are no jobs for me in her area and none for her in mine. Ultimately we are looking for something for both of us out in Knoxville, TN area. 10 hours from my home town, so it’ll be a shift, but the area is gorgeous and is a compromise for us.(I’m from Missouri btw) She’s a St. Louis city girl and I’m small town country, so she wants to live in a city, and I want land. Knoxville is medium sized and you can get a decent amount of land fairly close to town for a reasonable price.
In the mean time, we’re debating an apartment roughly half way between us so we can see each other more than twice a month and so we can feel settled a bit. My current situation definitely lends itself to me feeling like a guest in someone else’s home.
I know I’m pretty much the young buck around here and many of you have had to work shift work and some might have been the poor unsettled guy renting out his buddies place in his 20s at one point.
I know my rant isn’t exactly nicotine related, but do any of my fellow quit brothers have any words of wisdom for me?