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Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #51 on: October 13, 2025, 12:08:02 PM »
174..ODAAT

Tomorrow is my first ever in person therapy....absolutely shitting bricks today about it and as it gets closer my brain is screaming to not go

But theres only one way to heal, and thats to move forward....
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Offline MN_Engineer

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #50 on: October 13, 2025, 09:12:09 AM »
Quote from: BigRedDog on October 12, 2025, 11:27:23 AM
173

Anxiety is high, I gotta get this under control
Be patient with yourself. 173 days is badass but your brain and body still need time to adjust and heal.

Proud to be quit with you today!
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Nic Quit: 04.25.16 | HOF: 08.02.16 | 2nd FL: 11.10.16 | 3rd FL: 02.18.17 | 4th FL: 05.29.17 | 5th FL: 09.06.17 | 6th FL: 12.15.17 | 7th FL: 03.25.18 |
8th FL: 07.03.18 | 9th FL: 10.11.18 | Comma: 01.19.19 | 11th FL: 04.29.19 | 12th FL: 08.07.19 | 13th FL: 11.15.19 | 14th FL: 02.23.20 |
15th FL: 06.02.20 | 16th FL: 09.10.20 | 17th FL: 12.19.20 | 18th FL: 03.29.21 | 19th FL: 07.07.21 | Comma 2x: 10.15.21 | 21st FL: 01.23.22 |
22nd FL: 05.03.22 | 23rd FL: 08.11.22 | 24th FL: 11.19.22 | 25th FL: 02.27.23 | 26th FL: 06.07.23 | 27th FL: 09.15.23 | 28th FL: 12.24.23 |
29th FL: 04.02.24 | Comma 3x: 07.11.24 | 31st FL: 10.19.24 | 32nd FL: 01.27.25 | 33rd FL: 03.07.25 | 34th FL: 08.15.25 | 35th FL: 11.23.25 |
36th FL: 03.03.26 |
"From Skoal to Skol!" My HOF Speech HERE!
"There is no victory without a battle."
"Cave = losing an argument to a dead plant in a plastic can. You are smarter than a dead plant." - Candoit
"The truth is the truth even if no one believes it, and a lie is a lie, even if everyone believes it." - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
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Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #49 on: October 12, 2025, 11:27:23 AM »
173

Anxiety is high, I gotta get this under control
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Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #48 on: October 11, 2025, 10:02:30 PM »
172, nieces came to visit for a day... alwaya had to hide a pinch with them around

Not anymore, damn proud to be quit today
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Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #47 on: October 10, 2025, 08:37:50 PM »
Side note. This year Peyton gets to watch her daughter be a cheerleader in highschool..  got to see her daughter have her first bf

There was a time 13 years ago I was giving everything just so shed see her little toddler the next morning...I sacrificed alot for her to stay alive

Its just further proof it was worth every bit of what ive been through
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Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #46 on: October 10, 2025, 06:55:16 PM »
171

Today I made the switch from online therapy to in person...another sign of improvement

Things are improving one day at a time. ODAAT

The key to everything
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Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #45 on: October 07, 2025, 11:12:19 PM »
168

Ive been finding it hard to journal about things nowadays, at least on here. I still have weekly therapy and open discussions a out staying quit but idk...my mind is processing things differently

Peyton had a spot on her kidneys that we got news about today and I didnt panic. I didnt stress out or need/want a dip. I didnt have any oral fixation craves. I just absorbed itz processed it, accepted it and moved on.

Now sure I was concerned and supportive of her, but it didnt scare me. I didnt have dread and anxiety and end up spiraling. I was confident and stable. I knew she needed me to support her and give her some strength to face the appointment. But I was able to withoit feeling anxious or scared or panicked.

Now she got good news which was amazing to celebrate as its not cancer! But, I just realized that I approached this so differently...I didnt need a crutch or to hide.

After 168 days of being quit, therapy, and meds...my brain is finally rewiring. Yea I needed tools to do it, but it was all me. My determination and my fight for my life that changed my life.

The war rages, but thats a major victory in the war.
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Offline Candoit

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #44 on: October 01, 2025, 09:03:42 AM »
Quote from: BigRedDog on September 30, 2025, 09:00:47 PM
161 and the Conducting of September is done.

What a month.... between work, the conducting, the new meds, and money being short...I am absolutely mentally wore the hell out. I havent been posting in here but I have been so busy with the new months and work and just...its so easy to forget to stop and think on things.

I have learned more about being quit post 100 than I ever knew pre 100. Its also made me realize just how hard it had ahold of me. These newer quitters coming in with a belief that they arent really addicts, they just used it as a habit. It will be easy once you get through the withdrawal symptoms. Man, I didnt even think I would stay past 100 when I started...it all seemed a bit strange, a bit over dramatic....

Now I am here at 161 white knuckling the most basic stress in every day life because I spent the majority of it avoiding that happening. Now I have to teach my brain to actually function and be a grown ass man.

I will never go back. I cant afford to. For me this is about life, i aint even worried about the cancer aspect. This is just me trying to save whats left of ym mental health and find that life I once wanted. It will take time.

One day at a time.

I am worth it
Every day quit is a day further from who you were and a day closer to who you are becoming. QWYT
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There are no circumstances in which using nicotine will improve the outcome.

My journey. The best part it is not over yet.

Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #43 on: September 30, 2025, 09:00:47 PM »
161 and the Conducting of September is done.

What a month.... between work, the conducting, the new meds, and money being short...I am absolutely mentally wore the hell out. I havent been posting in here but I have been so busy with the new months and work and just...its so easy to forget to stop and think on things.

I have learned more about being quit post 100 than I ever knew pre 100. Its also made me realize just how hard it had ahold of me. These newer quitters coming in with a belief that they arent really addicts, they just used it as a habit. It will be easy once you get through the withdrawal symptoms. Man, I didnt even think I would stay past 100 when I started...it all seemed a bit strange, a bit over dramatic....

Now I am here at 161 white knuckling the most basic stress in every day life because I spent the majority of it avoiding that happening. Now I have to teach my brain to actually function and be a grown ass man.

I will never go back. I cant afford to. For me this is about life, i aint even worried about the cancer aspect. This is just me trying to save whats left of ym mental health and find that life I once wanted. It will take time.

One day at a time.

I am worth it
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Offline MN_Engineer

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #42 on: September 20, 2025, 11:02:46 AM »
Quote from: BigRedDog on September 19, 2025, 04:01:07 PM
150

Not much to say today except... 150

Never could of imagined
congrats on the half floor! proud to be quit with you today!
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Nic Quit: 04.25.16 | HOF: 08.02.16 | 2nd FL: 11.10.16 | 3rd FL: 02.18.17 | 4th FL: 05.29.17 | 5th FL: 09.06.17 | 6th FL: 12.15.17 | 7th FL: 03.25.18 |
8th FL: 07.03.18 | 9th FL: 10.11.18 | Comma: 01.19.19 | 11th FL: 04.29.19 | 12th FL: 08.07.19 | 13th FL: 11.15.19 | 14th FL: 02.23.20 |
15th FL: 06.02.20 | 16th FL: 09.10.20 | 17th FL: 12.19.20 | 18th FL: 03.29.21 | 19th FL: 07.07.21 | Comma 2x: 10.15.21 | 21st FL: 01.23.22 |
22nd FL: 05.03.22 | 23rd FL: 08.11.22 | 24th FL: 11.19.22 | 25th FL: 02.27.23 | 26th FL: 06.07.23 | 27th FL: 09.15.23 | 28th FL: 12.24.23 |
29th FL: 04.02.24 | Comma 3x: 07.11.24 | 31st FL: 10.19.24 | 32nd FL: 01.27.25 | 33rd FL: 03.07.25 | 34th FL: 08.15.25 | 35th FL: 11.23.25 |
36th FL: 03.03.26 |
"From Skoal to Skol!" My HOF Speech HERE!
"There is no victory without a battle."
"Cave = losing an argument to a dead plant in a plastic can. You are smarter than a dead plant." - Candoit
"The truth is the truth even if no one believes it, and a lie is a lie, even if everyone believes it." - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
Feel like throwing in the towel? Sign the "Contract to Give Up" HERE
Phat Pauly - Part 1 || Phat Pauly - Part 2 || DeanTheCoot - Pencil Poop
Alcohol Quit: 12.07.24 | 1st FL: 03.16.25 | 2nd FL: 06.24.25 | 3rd FL: 10.02.25 | 4th FL: 01.10.26 |

Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #41 on: September 19, 2025, 04:01:07 PM »
150

Not much to say today except... 150

Never could of imagined
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Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #40 on: September 13, 2025, 06:26:03 AM »
144

The meds finally have leveled off a bit it seems...thank god... they are doing wonders for me but the anxiety and being on edge like that 24/7 is exhausting
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Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #39 on: September 09, 2025, 10:02:00 PM »
140

Fuck... it feels like a week 2 all over again..these new meds Wellbutrin are absolutely playing havoc with my mind right now. The smallest shit is too much pressure for my brain right now. I have to step away from work and everything else and just be in peace for a week.

I will get better again I know I will but it just sucks to finally...finally feel good and go right back down again.

Fucking fuck the fucking fuck fucking fuck.

Thats all I got. Be back tomorrow to bitch again.
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Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #38 on: September 07, 2025, 06:34:32 AM »
138

These new meds might just be the blessing I have needed for a long long time. They have made cravings come back but that is the side effect of them making the anxiety worse these first couple weeks. Hopefully they level off and I can stay on these.

Funny how my "low" point on these meds is what I used to consider my high point. We will see how it goes
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Offline BigRedDog

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Re: 16 years later, I quit
« Reply #37 on: September 04, 2025, 02:17:32 PM »
135

Its like I told Candoit the other day. That went from being a number of days to meaning a lot more than it used to. It has become a challenge these past couple weeks. The hardest days of my quit so far have been now, and yet it motivates me to stay quit and keep moving. Every bit of bad news that comes and I take in and don't reach for a can or dive into a bottle its a win.

Now thats not saying I didn't want one so badly the other day. I would of given anything to just get hammered and throw in a pinch and just stop feeling things, become numb and have that buzz and I would feel better.

I broke down to the point where I texted my dear friend and asked her if she thought I could just get blasted, just completely forget the world exists. Thankfully I had her, because she told me then "No, you know that will not help" and she was right... it is no different than Nicotine is....its just a vise to hide behind but man...I needed it.

But I did not need it. I faced whats coming, talked it out and dealt with it and here I am. I am stronger than I was. I am getting better. I have a ways to go, and Wellbutrin has become the life saver I needed to give me a helping hand so I can dig myself out of this hole I got myself in.

But its no longer a number, its my reminder to be better, stronger, and more thankful for everyday than I was the day before. A reminder that I will never go back to where I was before this point. My life depends on it.
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