It's 330 in the morning, but I need to post this.
I'm happy. I'm ridiculously happy.
Two years ago, I was living in California and working as a nanny. I was dipping, and I was miserable person. I had a friend though, that told me about a quit dip website... I made a note of it, but didn't think much of it.
About a year and a half ago I had moved back home, found that link I had saved to the site, joined my quit group, and quit dipping. I had found a second family, and to each of them I owe my life.
Yesterday morning I was really sick and had to make an emergency trip to see a doctor, but I wasn't scared. I knew it was just plain ol being sick. I wasn't worried that it was cancer like I had been so many times before when I had a scratchy throat.
A year ago I went back to school... Since then I've busted my ass, and as a result I was accepted into a really awesome pre-nursing program. I found that out yesterday. When I told my parents my dad told me he was proud of me. That's the third time in my life he's said those words to me.
Last night I celebrated not only getting into the university, but also my boyfriend being off dip for a week. After talking to a great man on this site (ODT) over some pretty good Mexican food last week, he flushed his can and is going strong in his quit.
Last night when the boyfriend dropped me off at home, he hugged me so tight and started praying, just right there, standing in front of my house. By the time he was finished I was in tears... because I realized that this is the first relationship I've had that has felt right, and because he's not quitting because he loves me.. he's quitting because he has enough love for himself to do so. I stood there and told him why I was crying, and he smiled as he wiped my tears away... and I realized...
I'm happy.
This site, and these people have played such a huge part in my life. They were there for me when I first quit, and I was a raging lunatic who baked for 2 weeks straight just so I wouldnt think about the dip. They were there for me everytime i needed someone to talk to, because life was stressful and I thought I needed a dip to make it better. They told me how much better I was without it. These people have supported me going back to school, never missing an opportunity to tell me they were proud of me, or that I was doing a great job. The members of this site have truly become my family. We stick by eachother, we keep eachother in line. When one of us hurts, we all hurt with them. When one of us has joy in our lives, we all take the time to celebrate.
Quitting was the best decision I ever made. I'm a happy person again. I don't have to hide behind a can.
If you're reading this, and you haven't quit yet... I really urge you to give this place a chance. It just might be the best decision you'll ever make.
And if you're one of my quit brothers (or sisters!) I love ya'll so much, and I wanted to say thank you for helping me get to a place in life where I feel good about myself again. Thank you for helping me to make good decisions for myself, so that when I look in the mirror I don't see a dipper... or even an ex dipper... I just see me... and that's the best feeling ever.
Ya... I'm happy.
